mingling reception??

kaos16 · December 2013

Please tell me this isn't a real thing. I was just informed about a "mingling reception." The way it was described to me was that it's ok to over-invite for your space because not everyone likes to eat or even sit at a wedding. . . some people just want to mingle and dance. The premise, as I understood it, was to have tables for about 2/3 of the guests. . . . it also seemed like there would be limited food at stations around the room. If someone was hungry they could get a plate, sit and eat. There would be no seating assignments or anything, just people coming and going. I almost choked on my dinner! Please tell me this isn't popular now.

The only good suggestion, IMO, was having beer and soft drinks in metal tubs around the room for people who just wanted to grab a drink and not have to wait on the bar line. That could be fun if it goes with the atmosphere of the wedding.

natswild · December 2013

Say what?!? This is wrong in so many ways! I would have choked too!

Inkdancer · December 2013

I would be so mad if I could not sit down. So. Mad.

But the drinks thing is a good idea! I hate having to wait in line at the bar when I just want a Diet Coke.

ETA: Over-inviting for your space is not only wrong for the above reason, but it is a fire hazard. DO NOT DO THIS.

climbingsingle · December 2013

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

I had a "strolling dinner reception" that sounds like this except we had 10-15% MORE tables and chairs. We had no assigned seating so if people left a space between them it was a non-issue and there were enough seats. We also had a bunch of cocktail tables if people wanted to mingle. They did and a lot of our seating went unused - their choice.

We had a cocktail hour of passed apps and then food stations for dinner (like an upscale buffet vs. plated dinner). There was tons of food and way more than we needed for both the cocktail hour and the reception. I would definitely side eye not having enough food - but I side-eye this no matter what the style of reception (assigned seating, plated meal, unhosted cocktail hour, etc.)

Other than the lack of seating and limited food - which is hugely inappropriate - what about this reception style makes you "choke"?

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

KatWAG · December 2013

Yup, I went to one of these. But I dont know if it was on purpose or just poor planning. H and I had nowhere to sit and when we finally made it through the buffet line, literally all the food was gone. H and I basically shared a half a plate of food. We also had to ask other guests if we could take their seats to eat (and the table hadnt been cleared, so we were eating amoung other people's dishes)

The bride emailed me a few weeks later. She had so much fun planning her wedding, now she wants to be a DOC. FAIL.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

KatWAG said:

Yup, I went to one of these. But I dont know if it was on purpose or just poor planning. H and I had nowhere to sit and when we finally made it through the buffet line, literally all the food was gone. H and I basically shared a half a plate of food. We also had to ask other guests if we could take their seats to eat (and the table hadnt been cleared, so we were eating amoung other people's dishes)

The bride emailed me a few weeks later. She had so much fun planning her wedding, now she wants to be a DOC. FAIL.

To which I'd ask

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Because I have absolutely no words to express how horrible I find this idea to be.

EverAfer · December 2013

I like mingling. I like dancing.

But I especially like sitting down while I'm eating or at least have a cocktail table to eat off. I would not like to have to fight to get a place to sit/stand for eating or for food!

I had wanted, if budget permitted, to have a lounge area in the ballroom so people who aren't dancing can sit in the lounge area and mingle, but it would be extra space in addition to full seating. My main issue would be not having enough food and seats.

TheBaysideBride · December 2013

I've been to strolling receptions, and they're fine. I have always found place to sit. Bigger in the south.

I went to an awesome reception last weekend at a very cool nightclub (friends are in the music industry) and they had 5 bands, awesome food and not assigned seating or a seat for every last person -- and it worked perfectly. We sat and ate, danced, had absolutely no problems. And it left more room for dancing and mingling, which is what the couple wanted.

There are ways to make it work, and when done right it can be really fun.

kaos16 · December 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I had a "strolling dinner reception" that sounds like this except we had 10-15% MORE tables and chairs. We had no assigned seating so if people left a space between them it was a non-issue and there were enough seats. We also had a bunch of cocktail tables if people wanted to mingle. They did and a lot of our seating went unused - their choice.

We had a cocktail hour of passed apps and then food stations for dinner (like an upscale buffet vs. plated dinner). There was tons of food and way more than we needed for both the cocktail hour and the reception. I would definitely side eye not having enough food - but I side-eye this no matter what the style of reception (assigned seating, plated meal, unhosted cocktail hour, etc.)

Other than the lack of seating and limited food - which is hugely inappropriate - what about this reception style makes you "choke"?

Other than those two huge issues. . . nothing

clarke10 · December 2013

I always thought a cocktail style reception should have MORE chairs than people.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

kaos16 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I had a "strolling dinner reception" that sounds like this except we had 10-15% MORE tables and chairs. We had no assigned seating so if people left a space between them it was a non-issue and there were enough seats. We also had a bunch of cocktail tables if people wanted to mingle. They did and a lot of our seating went unused - their choice.

We had a cocktail hour of passed apps and then food stations for dinner (like an upscale buffet vs. plated dinner). There was tons of food and way more than we needed for both the cocktail hour and the reception. I would definitely side eye not having enough food - but I side-eye this no matter what the style of reception (assigned seating, plated meal, unhosted cocktail hour, etc.)

Other than the lack of seating and limited food - which is hugely inappropriate - what about this reception style makes you "choke"?

Other than those two huge issues. . . nothing

Um, ok..... Lack of food and seating is issue at ANY type of reception. Period. I've been to sit down plated meal weddings where they screwed up the seating chart (left people off or didn't have enough chairs), and the plated meal had minimal food on it and people left to go out to dinner. It doesn't mean the reception style was rude - it DID mean the hosts did a shitty job of hosting.

It has nothing to do with this style of reception and everything to do with this style of reception being done poorly and extremely rudely. A strolling/mingling reception is totally fine, normal and yes, a real thing. It sounds like this person just royally fucked it up.

delujm0 · December 2013

I have gone to two of these...the grooms for both are brothers, and they work with my FI.

I hated them both.

The theory is that "oh not everyone will want to eat or sit at the same time, so you don't need tables and chairs for everyone." FALSE. At both of these events, FI and I had to eat standing up. Of COURSE everyone wants to eat at the same time. The ceremony is from 4-5pm with a 6:00 cocktail hour and dinner stations openeing at 7. EVERYONE IS STARVING BY 7.

At both of these events, there was nowhere near enough food to make a complete meal, and it wound up running out. This particular family is very "healthy" and their definition of "healthy" is "hardly eats anything" so I guess they were ok with that. Literally, we have been to dinner with them dozens of times, and on only ONE such occassion did a woman other than myself order a complete meal (that one time, the woman who ordered a meal was pregnant). Their move is for the man to order a real meal, the woman to order a side salad, and then for the woman to eat 1/3 of the man's meal while the man eats 1/3 of the salad. It's literally insane. THE ENTIRE FAMILY DOES THIS.

Back on subject, at one of these weddings, it was raining outside, and all of the indoor tables were taken, so FI and i stood at a cocktail table IN THE RAIN to eat our measley "dinner." We left the second after the "dessert" was "served" (in quotations because at one of the weddings, the only dessert was a stand of mini-cupcakes...barely enough for each guest to have one. Which is not really sufficient).

There should be AT LEAST one chair for each guest, and everyone should have a place to eat at the same time. PERIOD. Anything less is the stupidest way to save money on a wedding that i can think of. I refuse to believe that this is a "southern" thing, because I have lived in NC for the past 10 years and been to tons of southern weddings, and yet these are the only two where this happened. I think it's more of a "bad idea" thing. Or a "pretty rude" thing.

thisismynickname2 · December 2013

Hm, I think when done right it works fine. I went to a "cocktail reception". It was a Friday night. The ceremony was at 7 and the reception started somewhere around 8. There wasn't enough seating for everyone, most people didn't bother to sit anyway, and there were gourmet food buffets and a dessert buffet and an open bar. The music was great and everyone danced. Honestly, this was the most fun wedding I've ever been to. Given that it started late, everyone had already eaten dinner. I was stuffed silly by sampling all the goodies available.

I think if people know in advance it'll be that type of reception, so that they are not expecting a dinner, it can turn out well. As a PP said one ceremony was 4-5pm, and I do not think that's ok at all. I'd expect a real dinner after an early ceremony like that!

Jen4948 · December 2013

No seats? I'm out of there.

jessicabessica · December 2013

In my experience, when there are not enough seats for everyone, the people who get them stay in them. They don't get up once they finish eating to make room for people with plates of food, and they don't mingle.

ei34 · December 2013

I've never heard of this before, but I don't like the sound of it. I like having a guaranteed place to sit down.

hoffse · December 2013

I've been to dozens of these, but typically not for weddings. They're usually for professional events. Usually it's heavy apps and people eat off a small plate and chat at the same time. They might have standing cocktail tables you can use to set your plate down and a scattering of chairs in case you're really wiped out. But the idea is it encourages rather aggressive networking when your butt isn't parked in a chair. My law firm's christmas party is always structured this way. NBD.

That said, if you're serving a full on dinner, it's nice for people to have chairs and a normal table to eat off of. Most of the strolling receptions I've been to only last a couple hours tops, and they usually clear out before then.

Amyzen83 · December 2013

This mingling idea sucks if the bit about not enough food or chairs for everyone is true! If I were a guest and the bride and groom purposely did not have a chair for every butt and by the time I got up for food, there were only crumbs left because they purposefully planned it that way, I'd be pissed! Depending on my relationship with those people I'd take my FI with whatever gift/gift card we got them and take it with us while we went and got some real food. Have a nice life asshats!

kgd7357 · December 2013

I think they can work at non-meal times, but I really prefer having my "home base" at weddings. I totally hoard a chair, stick my purse on it, and put my drink down there so I can dance. And I am a big mingler and dancer. If I knew there weren't enough spots for everyone, I would totally get in there quick to get my spot and never give it up. I would also probably hoard about 3 chairs around me, so I can sit with my friends and FI. I'm pretty aggressive about it, so someone else would totally be out of luck.

Amyzen83 · December 2013

kgd7357 said:

I think they can work at non-meal times, but I really prefer having my "home base" at weddings. I totally hoard a chair, stick my purse on it, and put my drink down there so I can dance. And I am a big mingler and dancer. If I knew there weren't enough spots for everyone, I would totally get in there quick to get my spot and never give it up. I would also probably hoard about 3 chairs around me, so I can sit with my friends and FI. I'm pretty aggressive about it, so someone else would totally be out of luck.

Yes!!! I'd at least like to be able to put my sweater/coat/purse down somewhere safe, and I'd like to be able to sit with friends or at least people I know at the wedding rather than make a mad dash for whatever places are still available. A wedding is not like a bar where you just stand around and hope for something to free up, it's a hosted event where the bride and groom need to plan for the attendance so their guests are comfortable and happy. Even if it's a non-meal reception, I still don't like potentially spilling messy food on my lap, or sitting at a per-occupied table with all of their left over stuff on it, yuck!

kmmssg · December 2013

Yeah, if I found myself at one of these, I would not stay long at all. It isn't rude of me to leave when you couldn't get me a chair for the night - not going to feel bad about that. I'll mingle through cocktail hour but you are one crazy bride if you think DH and I are going to stand all night. We also aren't going to stake out chairs to make someone else miserable. Horrid idea.

missnc77 · December 2013

This is one of the top wedding planners in New Orleans, so if she says it all works out, then I believe her.

http://sapphireeventsnola.com/blog/2013/07/tuesday-tips-seated-dinner-vs-new-orleans-style-reception-sapphire-events-new-orleans-wedding-planner/

arrippa · December 2013

missnc77 said:

This is one of the top wedding planners in New Orleans, so if she says it all works out, then I believe her.

http://sapphireeventsnola.com/blog/2013/07/tuesday-tips-seated-dinner-vs-new-orleans-style-reception-sapphire-events-new-orleans-wedding-planner/

Just because it's popular doesn't make it right.

missnc77 · December 2013

Just because it's a concept that is very alien to you doesn't make it wrong. They're a lot of fun.

Edit: Edit to say, if done right. The person who started this thread mentioned not enough food. But at a New Orleans Style Reception, there is plenty of food. The stations are open for the duration of the reception, so there's really no beginning/end point. Honestly, it is different than what other places may do, but that's Louisiana for you.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

missnc77 said:

Just because it's a concept that is very alien to you doesn't make it wrong. They're a lot of fun.

Edit: Edit to say, if done right. The person who started this thread mentioned not enough food. But at a New Orleans Style Reception, there is plenty of food. The stations are open for the duration of the reception, so there's really no beginning/end point. Honestly, it is different than what other places may do, but that's Louisiana for you.

And there aren't enough tables or chairs! Not enough chairs, tables, and not enough food, those are the issues and the things I think are getting a WTF reaction from people.

A cocktail style or mingling or whatever you want to call it reception isn't an issue, if done correctly.

arrippa · December 2013

missnc77 said:

Just because it's a concept that is very alien to you doesn't make it wrong. They're a lot of fun.

Edit: Edit to say, if done right. The person who started this thread mentioned not enough food. But at a New Orleans Style Reception, there is plenty of food. The stations are open for the duration of the reception, so there's really no beginning/end point. Honestly, it is different than what other places may do, but that's Louisiana for you.

There is nothing unusual or alien to me about a cocktail reception. In fact, my mother had at her second wedding in 1996. Unlike the OP, she had plenty of food and more than enough seats. It's the lack of food and seating that gets me.

missnc77 · December 2013

That's what I'm saying though - this sort of reception doesn't have a chair for every guest. I know, it's a little mind blowing. Just read the article/blog I linked to with the pros and cons. They are very strategic about the flow of the reception - venues in New Orleans have been doing it for ages. Some people eat, some mingle and grab a few drinks, some hang out by the tall boys listening to the band. I know it sounds crazy, but it does work when done right. It still may not be your cup of tea, but it's pretty standard for wedding in New Orleans, and people love it. It's one big party. There's always a seat open, it works itself out.

KeptInStitches · December 2013

If I can't put my butt in a chair, I'm leaving. Not enough chairs for the number of butts invited really increases the probability of that occurring.

mingling reception??

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