Just curious. Does anybody calls FI/H's parents mom or dad?

EverAfer · December 2013

If so, when did it become appropriate or felt natural? I know some people who waited till they were married. I know someone else who did it at the first meeting of the parents-not engaged. And some people never do.

I'm marrying into a family of all boys, so the in-laws are super excited to have a daughter.

Drewsgirl31 · December 2013

I did it when it felt right, however it doesn't happen very often. Everyone (hers kids and their friends) have always called her Woman so that's usually what I call her too

megan8305 · December 2013

I do his mom and extanded family like aunts and uncles grandparents ect not so much his dad might be cause im a daddy's girl

WildMagelet · December 2013

I call his grandma "grandma", because she's one of those grandma's that just naturally seems like everyone's grandma

I guess I call his dad "dad" on occasion, not really sure why or when it started though. I really can't recall if I've done the same and called his mom "mom." Usually I just use her name.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

This was actually a source of stress for me. Fi and I started dating in high school, so I called his parents Mr. and Mrs. out of respect. Well, they NEVER corrected me as I got older. But it started to seem awfully weird, as I got older and we all became closer. Once we got engaged, I just switched to first names, and it's been that way ever since. There was definitely a period where I avoided calling them anything though, out of sheer awkwardness. But anyway, I do it now and it's fine.

I would never call them Mom and Dad, because I have my own parents and it would just seem a little strange. But I call his other relatives by whatever title he would call them. They're Italian and I also just really like saying "Nonno" and "Zia," lol.

smalfrie19 · December 2013

Nope, I don't I am just not close to them, I will refer to his aunts and uncles as "aunt so and so" etc But I feel like they are WAY warmer and welcoming.

Swazzle · December 2013

Nope. I call H's parents by their first names. Always have, always will. I have my own Mom and Dad. Also, I don't call my stepdad anything but his first name so it would be even weirder to call H's parents by anything but.

krizzo17 · December 2013

I'm in camp "hey you over there" - I don't call my inlaws anything, and he doesn't call my parents anything. My inlaws have asked me to call them Mom and Dad M, but I don't feel comfortable doing that, and don't want to insult them by asking for another option. My parents have kept this up with their own inlaws for 27 years; you'd be surprised how often you really need to use someone's name *eyeroll*

It does bother me that my parents won't tell H what to call them, since they've been complaining about the awkward inlaw-naming situation since I was a kid. They think Mr &Mrs is too formal, Mom and Dad is inappropriate, and first names are too informal. They sign everything "krizzo's mom and dad". For the record, my future children-in-law will call my by my first name, because they will be adults and I won't be their mother.

PolarBearFitz · December 2013

I call my FI's parentsmom and dad but all of their daughter in-laws do as it is what they prefer. I started off calling them Mr. and Mrs. but they don't like it. So I call them mom and dad when I am in their home.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Absolutely not. DH doesn't have a relationship with his parents -- as in, he calls them by their first names -- so I will absolutely do that, too. He also calls his grandmother by her first name, and I do, too. (Although that's its own source of contention).

He calls my parents by their first names. That's what feels right for him, and it works for them, so I don't question it.

Interestingly, when my nephew is around, we all call each other by the nicknames he calls us by.

climbingsingle · December 2013

No, not yet. We both call each other's parents by their first names. However, FI and I have only been together 8 months, so I'm sure that will come in time.

He does call my grandmother "Grandma" though. It's cute.

ShallowSeas · December 2013

They call themselves Mom and Dad to me. My birthday card this year said "love Mom & Dad *lastname*" but I don't call them mom and dad and I don't ever see myself calling them mom and dad. FI's mom call's her in-laws Mom and Dad...I just think its uncomfortable and a little weird.

Belthil · December 2013

I was in the camp of avoiding calling them anything until about a week ago when H's mom and I had a conversation about what I should call her/how she should refer to herself. We both agreed that we'd like for me to call her mom. Both of my parents referred to their in-laws as mom and dad so it's what I'm used to.

Prior to the conversation I called them by their first names because that's how they were introduced to me.

ei34 · December 2013

No, I don't, I just call them by their first names. One of my sisters was married in August and she's already calling her in-laws mom and dad though, so I guess it's different for everybody.

I do call my hubby's aunts and uncles tia and tio (his family is Spanish speaking), I guess I feel like there's no such thing as too many aunts and uncles

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

I just call them by their names. My parents called their in-laws mom and dad, but I don't know if I will. DH calls my parents by their first names also. I don't know that either of us want to drop the mom and dad thing for in-laws yet. Because I think once you do, it's more awkward to go back if you change your mind.

melbelleup · December 2013

I call his aunt's aunts same with uncles. His parents get their first names, or I avoid saying it at all (though, that's because my FI and his dad have the same name, so it gets confusing) I'm also marrying into a family with all boys, FMIL is uber excited to finally have a girl.

ETA: My FI does consider my family to be his. I don't consider his to be mine as in we're not married yet. He gets a little bum hurt about it, but it's true.

NavyBlue143 · December 2013

I call MIL mom have ever since we got engaged. His dad I don't like though, so he is Bill. They are divorced, so no hurt feelings. He calls my parents by their first names.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

krizzo17 said:

I'm in camp "hey you over there" - I don't call my inlaws anything, and he doesn't call my parents anything. My inlaws have asked me to call them Mom and Dad M, but I don't feel comfortable doing that, and don't want to insult them by asking for another option. My parents have kept this up with their own inlaws for 27 years; you'd be surprised how often you really need to use someone's name *eyeroll*
It does bother me that my parents won't tell H what to call them, since they've been complaining about the awkward inlaw-naming situation since I was a kid. They think Mr &Mrs is too formal, Mom and Dad is inappropriate, and first names are too informal. They sign everything "krizzo's mom and dad". For the record, my future children-in-law will call my by my first name, because they will be adults and I won't be their mother.

This. I think parents can make the whole thing so much more comfortable by just saying, "Call me Firstname." Fi thinks they just didn't notice or didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable by having the conversation, but I would have been so happy if just once when I said, "Mrs. C," she said, "Call me Firstname."

This is also complicated because FMIL has her real name which is on her birth certificate and Facebook profile, but everyone calls her an Americanized version of the name. Then there's an Italian nickname (derived from the first name) some people call her, plus she has an Italian nickname that has nothing to do with her actual name. O_o I now call her the Americanized full first name.

emmyg65 · December 2013

This is not something I'd ever be comfortable with. Fortunately, it's not an issue because my husband and his brothers all call his parents by their first names! I think that's kinda weird, but different strokes for different folks.

I did, however, call my ex's nana Nana. Everyone called her that, and I didn't have a nana, so it felt natural. But I do have a mom and dad and I don't need new ones.

cruffino · December 2013

Thus is a bit of an issue for FMIL and I. She wants to be called mom. I have a mom and am not comfortable calling anyone else by that name. I will continue to call FMIL by her first name. Hopefully she'll get over it.

afox007 · December 2013

We both call each other's parents by their first names. FI has called my grandma by grandma since the day he met her, but so does everyone at this point I don't know if she'd respond to her real name.

FMIL also has a weird tendency of signing all bday and xmas cards to me Love, Mary (FI's mom) as if I need to be reminded who she is.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

JCBride2014 said:

This was actually a source of stress for me. Fi and I started dating in high school, so I called his parents Mr. and Mrs. out of respect. Well, they NEVER corrected me as I got older. But it started to seem awfully weird, as I got older and we all became closer. Once we got engaged, I just switched to first names, and it's been that way ever since. There was definitely a period where I avoided calling them anything though, out of sheer awkwardness. But anyway, I do it now and it's fine.

I would never call them Mom and Dad, because I have my own parents and it would just seem a little strange. But I call his other relatives by whatever title he would call them. They're Italian and I also just really like saying "Nonno" and "Zia," lol.

I'm in the boat with you. I do first names. H's sister got married two years before us and her husband calls them mom and dad. It is so weird to me, he knew them less than two years and met them probably less than 15 times before that (I've known them my whole life). I started a thread a long time ago about this topic since I was stressed they would expect the same from me, but yeah, not happening.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

cruffino said:

Thus is a bit of an issue for FMIL and I. She wants to be called mom. I have a mom and am not comfortable calling anyone else by that name. I will continue to call FMIL by her first name. Hopefully she'll get over it.

Good luck! Also, ^^^ this is the problem DH's grandmother and I have. Her real name is, let's say, "Melanie" and some people (but not everyone, and not always, and not even DH) call her "Melly." She hasn't ever told me what she wanted me to call her directly, but she did tell DH -- and then bitch to her Sunday School group that I am disrespectful for not -- that she wanted me to call her "Melly."

I'm not comfortable with that, because it implies a degree of familiarity, fondness, and familial connection I don't feel for her. Also, because she hasn't told me directly, I'm choosing to ignore it. If you can't bring it up with me directly, it's clearly not an issue.

EverAfer · December 2013

cruffino said:

Thus is a bit of an issue for FMIL and I. She wants to be called mom. I have a mom and am not comfortable calling anyone else by that name. I will continue to call FMIL by her first name. Hopefully she'll get over it.

I had that pressure start a few months after we were engaged. I don't object to it, but I would rather wait till there is a level of closeness. I wanted it to feel sincere and not co-coerce.

jdluvr06 · December 2013

I call them by their first names. I couldn't imagine calling them mom and dad, it would be weird to me.

cruffino · December 2013

EverAfer said:

cruffino said:

Thus is a bit of an issue for FMIL and I. She wants to be called mom. I have a mom and am not comfortable calling anyone else by that name. I will continue to call FMIL by her first name. Hopefully she'll get over it.

I had that pressure start a few months after we were engaged. I don't object to it, but I would rather wait till there is a level of closeness. I wanted it to feel sincere and not co-coerce.

The night before my bridal luncheon she sent me an awkward text basically saying, now that the wedding is approaching, the time has come to figure out what names I would call them. I asked my FI what she was talking about and he said, she wants you to call them mom and dad.

I never replied to the text. I appreciate that calling in laws mom and dad is her tradition, but I'm not comfortable with it. So, not gonna do it. I like her and hope she can respect my decision.

I agree with you, it should be natural. Right now, it's natural for me to call them by their first names. I'm open to it changing over time, but for now, it is what it is.

Senecaf · December 2013

We also began dating in HS so the respect thing led to Mr and Ms.

Now that we are engaged adultts I avoid addressing FFIL. He would probably rather I Call him by his first name but he has a nickname so I dont use any.

FMIL I call Ms.lastname. I'd like to think I should be able to graduate to first name status but she still leaves me VMs saying "hey it's Ms. Lastname" so I assume we'll stick with that for a while.

cruffino · December 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

cruffino said:

Thus is a bit of an issue for FMIL and I. She wants to be called mom. I have a mom and am not comfortable calling anyone else by that name. I will continue to call FMIL by her first name. Hopefully she'll get over it.

Good luck! Also, ^^^ this is the problem DH's grandmother and I have. Her real name is, let's say, "Melanie" and some people (but not everyone, and not always, and not even DH) call her "Melly." She hasn't ever told me what she wanted me to call her directly, but she did tell DH -- and then bitch to her Sunday School group that I am disrespectful for not -- that she wanted me to call her "Melly."

I'm not comfortable with that, because it implies a degree of familiarity, fondness, and familial connection I don't feel for her. Also, because she hasn't told me directly, I'm choosing to ignore it. If you can't bring it up with me directly, it's clearly not an issue.

Your DH's grandma is such a piece of work. You're earning your place in heaven!

I actually like my FMIL, but she's not my mom. And it doesn't feel right to me to call her that. She's very traditional and I'm not, so I hope she will get to know me better before making assumptions about my choices since they're different from hers. We'll see.

NYCBruin · December 2013

First names. Anything else would be weird. FI and I refer to our respective parents in conversation as "MyLastName Mom/Dad" and "HisLastName Mom/Dad"

CLI242009 · December 2013

At first I did not. When I would speak with them I just basically made sure they knew I was addressing them.

It was a year after moving to NY that I finally asked my FI, what is your mom comfortable with me calling her? He asked her privately and she came up to me, hugged me and said "Call me Momma" So I do. I just recently started calling his father, Dad. Which i think shocked him haha

I'm very close to his family, compared to my own family. It also feels completely natural now to call them Momma and Dad. =D

AddieCake · December 2013

I call my MIL "mom." I haven't met his dad yet, so I don't call him anything.

Just curious. Does anybody calls FI/H's parents mom or dad?

Re: Just curious. Does anybody calls FI/H's parents mom or dad?

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