Ideas for dealing with mystery guests/no name on RSVP

nextrightthing · December 2013

We received an RSVP card with no names on it and no return address. I realize now we could have prevented this with an invisible pen, but too late for that now.

I was hoping we would figure it out when we followed up with the guests who did not RSVP. Unfortunately, that didn't work because some of the non-RSVPers didn't respond when I reached out to them by email.

Any ideas on dealing with this? We are having assigned seating and escort cards. I have a feeling it is probably someone from my work, but I am not sure. I have left a couple seats open at a couple different tables so there will be somewhere for them to sit....the problem is how will they know?

Thanks in advance!

melbelleup · December 2013

We received an RSVP card with no names on it and no return address. I realize now we could have prevented this with an invisible pen, but too late for that now.
I was hoping we would figure it out when we followed up with the guests who did not RSVP. Unfortunately, that didn't work because some of the non-RSVPers didn't respond when I reached out to them by email.
Any ideas on dealing with this? We are having assigned seating and escort cards. I have a feeling it is probably someone from my work, but I am not sure. I have left a couple seats open at a couple different tables so there will be somewhere for them to sit....the problem is how will they know?

Thanks in advance!

Stuck in box... Pick up the phone and call every guest you haven't heard from. The missing one will surely be one of them. Then they can say "we turned in our RSVP.. didn't you get it?" and you can say "I'm so glad you can make it, what food choices would you like?" and then if they push the issue of not getting it say it must of been a mix up at post office or you can tell the truth too that they forgot to put their name.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

Pick up the phone and call everyone who didn't RSVP with a name. You need to know so you don't pay for someone who isn't coming.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

Can you CALL them?

nextrightthing · December 2013

Honestly? I don't have the telephone numbers for each person who didn't RSVP. We had 36 people not RSVP, many of whom are far-flung relatives.

nextrightthing · December 2013

In any case I will try to contact the ones whose numbers I can get ahold of. Ahh how I missed the quintessential pointless knot snarkiness.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

Figure out a way to get in touch with these people - if you were able to obtain their addresses, work to get their email or phone number. In the digital age, we have it way easier than prior generations - I believe in you!

Call these people up and narrow it down. If time runs out/people don't respond and you still don't know who these mystery guests are, leave two open spaces at a table at your reception, order two meals (I'd do vegetarian to be on the safe side), and have your venue coordinator stand by the escort card table to help people find their cards. Obviously there will be two people who don't have escort cards. Brief her on what to say to them and have her escort them to their seats.

aurorajanette · December 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Figure out a way to get in touch with these people - if you were able to obtain their addresses, work to get their email or phone number. In the digital age, we have it way easier than prior generations - I believe in you!

Call these people up and narrow it down. If time runs out/people don't respond and you still don't know who these mystery guests are, leave two open spaces at a table at your reception, order two meals (I'd do vegetarian to be on the safe side), and have your venue coordinator stand by the escort card table to help people find their cards. Obviously there will be two people who don't have escort cards. Brief her on what to say to them and have her escort them to their seats.

100% this.

When I am in need of a distant family member's address or number I call my grandma. I would suggest doing the same, if you have a grandparent, mother, aunt/uncle, great aunt, etc. who may know.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

Honestly? I don't have the telephone numbers for each person who didn't RSVP. We had 36 people not RSVP, many of whom are far-flung relatives.

I'm guessing there were people insisting your invite these relatives. Call them and get these relatives numbers. If necessary, use a phone book or whitepages.com (like oh em gee! lol)

PS. It's not snarky. It's straight forward.

Ven&Radio · December 2013

Use the post mark to narrow down who it could be?

smalfrie19 · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

In any case I will try to contact the ones whose numbers I can get ahold of. Ahh how I missed the quintessential pointless knot snarkiness.

I cant tell if you are trying be "ironic" (read: hypocritical) with your pointless snarkiness..or you genuinely get a kick out of it....

nextrightthing · December 2013

The postmark narrowed it down a bit, but not enough, unfortunately. Still working on it.

Yeah, no, not trying to be "ironic" or snarky....sarcastic? A bit.

Here is advice with a point:

Call these people up and narrow it down. If time runs out/people don't respond and you still don't know who these mystery guests are, leave two open spaces at a table at your reception, order two meals (I'd do vegetarian to be on the safe side), and have your venue coordinator stand by the escort card table to help people find their cards. Obviously there will be two people who don't have escort cards. Brief her on what to say to them and have her escort them to their seats."

Here is pointless snarkiness:

"Can you CALL them?"

"Call them and get these relatives numbers. If necessary, use a phone book or whitepages.com (like oh em gee! lol)

PS. It's not snarky. It's straight forward"

Like, oh em gee, what is the point of your implication that I'm stupid for emailing instead of calling?

If you have been on TK for years playing this game where you roam around waiting for people to post stuff you can criticize or put down, it is time to get a J-O-B. If you did, you'd likely realize that email is actually considered a valid form of communication these days.

Viczaesar · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

The postmark narrowed it down a bit, but not enough, unfortunately. Still working on it.

Yeah, no, not trying to be "ironic" or snarky....sarcastic? A bit.

Here is advice with a point:

Call these people up and narrow it down. If time runs out/people don't respond and you still don't know who these mystery guests are, leave two open spaces at a table at your reception, order two meals (I'd do vegetarian to be on the safe side), and have your venue coordinator stand by the escort card table to help people find their cards. Obviously there will be two people who don't have escort cards. Brief her on what to say to them and have her escort them to their seats."
Here is pointless snarkiness:

"Can you CALL them?"
"Call them and get these relatives numbers. If necessary, use a phone book or whitepages.com (like oh em gee! lol)

PS. It's not snarky. It's straight forward"

Like, oh em gee, what is the point of your implication that I'm stupid for emailing instead of calling?
If you have been on TK for years playing this game where you roam around waiting for people to post stuff you can criticize or put down, it is time to get a J-O-B. If you did, you'd likely realize that email is actually considered a valid form of communication these days.

Email is often not a valid form of communication for critical information, actually. It's certainly not a good idea to rely on email in order to get the RSVP information you need.

Viczaesar · December 2013

Hold up - the person asking us for advice is complaining that we're here to give advice?

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Viczaesar said:

Hold up - the person asking us for advice is complaining that we're here to give advice?

Yes. The irony gods are dying with laughter.

huskypuppy14 · December 2013

OP, you''ll have to call or email everyone who didn't RSVP anyway, because what if someone's got lost in the mail? Did you have an entree selection? When is your wedding, and is your RSVP deadline past yet?

SP29 · December 2013

I agree you will (or should) need to get contact info for everyone who did not respond. If their RSVP got lost in the mail you need to know in case they show up looking for somewhere to sit!

Jen4948 · December 2013

Yeah, you'll have to get the contact information for everyone who hasn't responded, and then call or email them to narrow it down.

It's annoying.

Even though this has already happened in your case, for anyone else who hasn't read this, it can be avoided by discreetly numbering your RSVPs so that an RSVP like this can be matched with the person/s you sent the invitation to.

nextrightthing · December 2013

There are no food choices, since we are having a buffet. The RSVP date is long gone, and our wedding is a week from this Saturday. I'm pretty sure FI figured out that it was someone from his work who had orally RSVPed to FI.

Also, not complaining that I got advice. Remarking on the stupidity of pointless snarkiness.

I get being slightly snarky toward someone who is trying to ague that being rude is okay. But being snarky over this? It isn't like I said I'm not inviting SOs unless they are engaged or married.

JeeGooDowster · December 2013

Does the Oh Em Gee thing refer to OP having to go to the phone book? I'm thinking this is just a modern day problem joke...not an attack on the OP...I could be wrong

Viczaesar · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

There are no food choices, since we are having a buffet. The RSVP date is long gone, and our wedding is a week from this Saturday. I'm pretty sure FI figured out that it was someone from his work who had orally RSVPed to FI.
Also, not complaining that I got advice. Remarking on the stupidity of pointless snarkiness.
I get being slightly snarky toward someone who is trying to ague that being rude is okay. But being snarky over this? It isn't like I said I'm not inviting SOs unless they are engaged or married.

So in other words you still haven't called all those people whom you emailed and never heard back from?

s-aries8990 · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

The postmark narrowed it down a bit, but not enough, unfortunately. Still working on it.

Yeah, no, not trying to be "ironic" or snarky....sarcastic? A bit.

Here is advice with a point:

Call these people up and narrow it down. If time runs out/people don't respond and you still don't know who these mystery guests are, leave two open spaces at a table at your reception, order two meals (I'd do vegetarian to be on the safe side), and have your venue coordinator stand by the escort card table to help people find their cards. Obviously there will be two people who don't have escort cards. Brief her on what to say to them and have her escort them to their seats."
Here is pointless snarkiness:

"Can you CALL them?"
"Call them and get these relatives numbers. If necessary, use a phone book or whitepages.com (like oh em gee! lol)

PS. It's not snarky. It's straight forward"

Like, oh em gee, what is the point of your implication that I'm stupid for emailing instead of calling?
If you have been on TK for years playing this game where you roam around waiting for people to post stuff you can criticize or put down, it is time to get a J-O-B. If you did, you'd likely realize that email is actually considered a valid form of communication these days.

Well, a lot of people think that emailing and calling are the same level of communication, and at my job, I know that it is certainly not the same. Is it valid? SURE thing. But, if I get an email, I'll put it on my list. If I get a call, the priority is certainly bumped up. It's hard to ignore a call, but it's easy to say an email got lost.

It's Bullshit to say you can't get these numbers. If you really wanted them, it's not that hard.

And actually because I have a J-O-B I don't have a lot of time to play around.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

carynNchan said:

Does the Oh Em Gee thing refer to OP having to go to the phone book? I'm thinking this is just a modern day problem joke...not an attack on the OP...I could be wrong

I have babysat children who have never seen a phonebook. It is a "First-world problem" joke. Along the lines of "oh no! Use the land line??" or "Look something up in a book??"

nextrightthing · December 2013

If the Oh Em Gee thing was a joke and not a bitchy jab, I apologize for being presumptuous. Perhaps because I have been around these boards for years, I assume people are being bitchy because nine times out of ten they are. You'd have to be delusional not to admit that a LOT of posters act bitchy and superior whenever they get the opportunity. And I think it's stupid.

In any case, I talked to the people who I emailed in person to follow up. It wasn't any of them. FI thinks it is a guy he works with, so FI talked to him in person....he has to check with his wife to see whether she sent in an RSVP. The good news is we had already counted them as coming.

Of course I could theoretically hunt down each and every phone number and call them. I was hoping for some more efficient suggestions.

s-aries8990 · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

If the Oh Em Gee thing was a joke and not a bitchy jab, I apologize for being presumptuous. Perhaps because I have been around these boards for years, I assume people are being bitchy because nine times out of ten they are. You'd have to be delusional not to admit that a LOT of posters act bitchy and superior whenever they get the opportunity. And I think it's stupid.
In any case, I talked to the people who I emailed in person to follow up. It wasn't any of them. FI thinks it is a guy he works with, so FI talked to him in person....he has to check with his wife to see whether she sent in an RSVP. The good news is we had already counted them as coming.
Of course I could theoretically hunt down each and every phone number and call them. I was hoping for some more efficient suggestions.

See though, the thing is, I get more bitchy when people are like "Oh! you're so bitchy and snarky!! You think your so superior!" when, in reality, "acknowledging" that I'm acting "superior" is, I feel, a bit of analysis on the poster and they think they're being attacked, when in reality, it's just the same thing being iterated by many people. I play nice when I'm played nice with!

Yeah, unfortunately I don't think there is a way to get around doing it the old fashion way of picking up the phone. Email is an efficient first step (love BCC!) but, when that fails, sometimes you just gotta do some old-fashioned trudging.

kitty8403 · December 2013

Just adding to the now pointless discussion--I, and most people I know, have unlisted numbers. You won't find us in a book. I work at home, so no coworker help for you. It's likely that if you have an outdated address for me, you may also have an e-mail that I either no longer use or check about twice a year. So you likely have no choice other than to call around to whoever knows me and try to get more current data.

SomethingBeautiful08 · December 2013

OP I have a J-O-B as most folks on this board do. In fact one of the things I've learned while working in that job is that not everyone responds the same to different forms of communication and if I need info from another person, it is my responsiblity and in my best interest to figure out what form of communication (i.e email, IM, phone etc) works best for them and use it. While I personally love email and will respond quickly I've got a friend who for whatever reason doesn't respond to email. I know that if I need her to respond within a few days, I send her a facebook message or a text. OP obviously you don't know these people so you don't know what method of contact they prefer which brings me to my next point.

While email is great, some folks only have it because they do one or two things online and don't check it frequently, so they might not have seen it. I have friends like this. Others might have accidentally junked your email or it got automatically filtered out. This happens regularly. This is also the reason we generally recommend calling as voice mails are harder to mistake or ignore.

nextrightthing · December 2013

@Sydaries

I get your point. I still think you were pointlessly snarky. I'm not offended. Like I said, I've been around these boards for years, so I know how it goes and I don't take it personally. Sure, you're making the same point as other posters, just in a sh!tty way. IRL, it isn't socially acceptable to act like that, and you know it.

All I'm saying is it seems to me if one has forgotten it isn't socially acceptable to be rude, maybe one either needs more of a real life or less of an internet life.

lovesclimbing · December 2013

s-aries8990 said:
Well, a lot of people think that emailing and calling are the same level of communication, and at my job, I know that it is certainly not the same. Is it valid? SURE thing. But, if I get an email, I'll put it on my list. If I get a call, the priority is certainly bumped up. It's hard to ignore a call, but it's easy to say an email got lost.

It's Bullshit to say you can't get these numbers. If you really wanted them, it's not that hard.

And actually because I have a J-O-B I don't have a lot of time to play around.

110 percent this! If someone calls me, I call them back pretty much as soon as I hear the voicemail or at least within a few hours of the call. Emails - I'll push some of those off for days if not weeks. An email asking if I'm coming to a wedding would be important enough that I would respond ASAP, but not everyone is like that.

Also, people change emails all the time. They get too much spam. They are no longer a student so their student email expires. They switch jobs so they get a new job email or their company decides to switch the format or host or name of their company so their job email changes. They change their name. They get tired of the one they've had for ages.

It's quite likely they never received the email. I agree with PPs - find out their phone number and give them a ring.

Viczaesar · December 2013

nextrightthing said:

@Sydaries
I get your point. I still think you were pointlessly snarky. I'm not offended. Like I said, I've been around these boards for years, so I know how it goes and I don't take it personally. Sure, you're making the same point as other posters, just in a sh!tty way. IRL, it isn't socially acceptable to act like that, and you know it.
All I'm saying is it seems to me if one has forgotten it isn't socially acceptable to be rude, maybe one either needs more of a real life or less of an internet life.

I didn't see anybody being rude.

AddieCake · December 2013

I am so confused. It was snarky of Sydaries to ask if you could call them? WTF? ETA: I'm also confused by people who invite people to their weddings and have no way of getting phone numbers for them. If they are close enough to you or important enough to you to be invited to your WEDDING, it seems to me either you or someone you know should have a phone number for them.

Ideas for dealing with mystery guests/no name on RSVP

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