Children, or no children? That is the question.

missallieeeee · December 2013

I am having a hard time deciding if my fiance and I should invite children or not.

Originally, I was completely against the idea because I have been to a few weddings where mis-behaved children interrupt the bride and grooms' special day (i.e. babies crying during the ceremony, ring bearer picking his nose at alter, flower girl can't stand still, kids sticking their fingers in the cake at the reception, etc.)

Not to mention I hate that the parents have to be focused on caring for their kids the whole time and can't enjoy the (very expensive) party they were invited to.

However, I am slightly biased because I am not a huge fan of children in the first place. It's not that I hate children, I DO want children of my own, but I've just never felt very comfortable around them (never babysat, never had small siblings, etc.)

My fiance, on the other hand, ADORES children. When I expressed to him that we would need to address that children were not invited on the STD's, he was taken aback. "...why?" He questioned. He could not fathom NOT having children at a wedding. He believes children are essential to a happy family and happy guests. Which I agree with. He is also concerned that many of the couples with infants wont be able to find baby sitters or will be nursing and therefore not able to come.

How do I decide what is more important? I've added up the # of children who would be invited and it increases our (higher than expected) count of 266 to 298. Which increases our catering bill by $1,500.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

missallieeeee said:

I am having a hard time deciding if my fiance and I should invite children or not.
Originally, I was completely against the idea because I have been to a few weddings where mis-behaved children interrupt the bride and grooms' special day (i.e. babies crying during the ceremony, ring bearer picking his nose at alter, flower girl can't stand still, kids sticking their fingers in the cake at the reception, etc.)
Not to mention I hate that the parents have to be focused on caring for their kids the whole time and can't enjoy the (very expensive) party they were invited to.

However, I am slightly biased because I am not a huge fan of children in the first place. It's not that I hate children, I DO want children of my own, but I've just never felt very comfortable around them (never babysat, never had small siblings, etc.)
My fiance, on the other hand, ADORES children. When I expressed to him that we would need to address that children were not invited on the STD's, he was taken aback. "...why?" He questioned. He could not fathom NOT having children at a wedding. He believes children are essential to a happy family and happy guests. Which I agree with. He is also concerned that many of the couples with infants wont be able to find baby sitters or will be nursing and therefore not able to come.

How do I decide what is more important? I've added up the # of children who would be invited and it increases our (higher than expected) count of 266 to 298. Which increases our catering bill by $1,500.

This is very much a personal decision, and one you're going to get flak for no matter how you end up deciding.

It's perfectly acceptable to invite only in circles -- i.e., only children you won't have to feed (nursing infants, for example, do not add to your head count); only children you're related to (nieces/nephews/cousins); only children of OOT guests who can't find babysitters; only children of a certain age (though you have to be careful not to split up a family unit and invite one child above the age limit and not the other child below the age limit).

Whatever you decide, someone's going to be upset. There will be some parents who are angry they can't bring their children, there will be parents who don't understand that Child A was invited and their child wasn't, there will be people who think you shouldn't invite children at all.

I would caution you not to frame it in the context of parents not being able to enjoy the (very expensive) party they've been invited to. That's making a decision for them. Some parents will be happy with a night away from their kids; others won't.

For reference, we had children at our wedding -- my cousin's two children, my nephew (an RB), DH's nephew (another RB), and two infants of friends. Two of our friends had babies one week apart -- in August, two months before our wedding; one of them brought their baby, one of them did not. We left that decision up to them, because it was more important to us that our friends be with us.

You should also be aware that depending on when your wedding is and how far people will have to travel and what time of year/day/etc. it is, people will decline because they can't bring their children. That's just a straight-up fact of life.

Also, be prepared to be both consistent (no children who aren't related, only OOT children, whatever), so that some parents don't feel like you didn't invite their kids specifically, be prepared to have people add on their kids regardless of how you address the STDates, and be prepared for people to say, "If my kids can't come, I'm not coming!"

indianaalum · December 2013

When you are computing your numbers, are you counting kids as "adult meals?" I know it tends to be MUCH cheapr for kids meals. At least everywhere I went when price checking esp if "liquor" was included. It might not be as expensive as you think.

If you are having a flower girl or ring bearer, they MUST be invited to reception. It is poor etiquette to make them go home and not enjoy the party

To me, the kids at my wedding made it fun and I am happy I included them. Did my flower girl cooperate going down the aisle? NOPE, but it is now a funny story to tell, not a thing that ruined my wedding at all. Trust me, you won't notice the things you mentioned above. Also, if you think a kid picking his nose is going to ruin your entire wedding, I question YOU, not the kid.

Anyhow, I think you should have an honest convo with your fiance and discuss. Either way IS acceptable but you should expect that if you exlude kids, parents might choose to skip the wedding. can you live with that?

doeydo · December 2013

No, you don't say "Save the date 10/11/14 P.S. No kids". In fact, you never put anything about not inviting people, even kids, on STDs or invitations or anything like that, You simply address them to the parents ie. Mr, and Mrs. John Smith and if someone RSVPs with their kids, then you call them and explain that you are sorry but the invitation was meant for John and Mary, not Little Jimmy and that you cannot accommodate him. Another thing you can do is put on the RSVP card something like "We have reserved two seats in your honour".
Anyhow, I vote no kids. I imagine you will be extremely pissed if a kid does something like cry during the ceremony, pick his/her nose at alter, not be able to stand still, stick their fingers in the cake at the reception, etc. I think if someone decides to have kids at their wedding, they need to be okay with this sort of thing happening.

ShesSoCold · December 2013

Whether or not you have children at your wedding is definitely up to you and your fiance, but please don't even think about the possibility of them interrupting the wedding. You will not notice if the ring bearer is picking his nose during the vows. If anything, it'll be a picture you'll laugh at later. I would hope most parents would remove a crying infant from the area, but really, how big of a deal is it? I see those types of things as cute moments that could never have been planned and that people remember. My mom still tells the story of how I did a cartwheel (kind of) down the aisle of my uncle's wedding. I didn't ruin the wedding and the whole family laughs at it.

huskypuppy14 · December 2013

I think there are two ways to look at inviting children to weddings 1) some children are like any other guest and you wouldn't dream of not inviting them ie. nieces, nephews, close cousins, siblings, god child etc. 2) children of your primary guests.

Some people (like me) have most children that are case 1, but only invited a few in case 2. We have lots of friends that have kids, that are not invited. Those parent's shouldn't be mad that my cousins were invited and their child was not.

Does your FI have child guests that would be included in case 1 above? If he has a lot of family that are children, he may want them there.

AddieCake · December 2013

You and your fiance need to get on the same page. Also, if you don't want kids there, don't have them, but please don't use not wanting the parents to not be able to enjoy themselves be a reason. If parents don't WANT to bring their invited children, they won't. You don't need to decide for them that they can't enjoy the night with their kids there.

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

I am not having kids at my wedding. One reason for that is that I want my guests to enjoy themselves, and for any parents invited, I'd love that night to be a night for themselves where they can enjoy the reception I put together for them without having to entertain their kids. Let's face it, there isn't much to entertain kids at a wedding, they spend two minutes eating then the rest of the time all they really want to do is run around. I get that some people set out crayons and paper for the kids, but have you ever seen a group of kids color? Maybe ONE kid will be entertained for more than ten minutes, but most kids will just do a one minute scribble and then get bored of coloring. When I got invited to formal events when I was younger I ALWAYS got bored, there's just nothing for kids to do!

My second reason is my biggest reason, though. I work with kids. Sometimes at my place of work we have "Parent Participation" events. That means we hire fewer helpers and the parents are expected to stay with/monitor their kids during the event or party. I can only think of two times, out of the many parent participation events we've had, where the parents actually watched their kids. Parents who monitor their kids, in my experience, are VERY rare. A little over a week ago, at one of these events, I confiscated a CUP OF COFFEE from a toddler, because despite the fact that the mother was supposed to be watching her kid, and that there were several other adults right next to the kid, I had to spot this from across the room, run over, and stop this kid from drinking a random cup of coffee some other parent left sitting around (They had a dunkin donuts box o joe, which meant everyone was pouring themselves a cup, taking one sip, then leaving it unattended for the rest of the party. There were half-empty cups on every counter and table.) The coffee wasn't the only incident, we had a lot of kids who's parents weren't even in the same room as them as they shoved every toy they could find in their mouths, and there were even babies crawling around on the floor RIGHT BEHND PEOPLE'S FEET. I am honestly amazed nobody accidentally stepped on a baby, and even more amazed anyone would be so negligent that their baby would be in danger of being stepped on in the first place! So when I say a lot of parents don't watch their kids, I mean a lot of these parents REALLY don't watch their kids.

If anyone reading this is a parent who actually pays attention to their kid, congrats, you're the minority, and I really wish more people were like you. If you're a parent who decides you're entitled to let your kid young run around with no supervision whatsoever, you're the reason we can't have nice things.

I work with unmonitored kids that should be monitored by their parents way too often, I always end up being the only one to notice the kid about to cause his/herself physical harm, I always end up being the one to have to redirect the kid causing problems, when it should be the parent. I absolutely refuse to deal with any of that on my wedding day, so no kids.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

I am not having kids at my wedding. One reason for that is that I want my guests to enjoy themselves, and for any parents invited, I'd love that night to be a night for themselves where they can enjoy the reception I put together for them without having to entertain their kids. Let's face it, there isn't much to entertain kids at a wedding, they spend two minutes eating then the rest of the time all they really want to do is run around. I get that some people set out crayons and paper for the kids, but have you ever seen a group of kids color? Maybe ONE kid will be entertained for more than ten minutes, but most kids will just do a one minute scribble and then get bored of coloring. When I got invited to formal events when I was younger I ALWAYS got bored, there's just nothing for kids to do!
My second reason is my biggest reason, though. I work with kids. Sometimes at my place of work we have "Parent Participation" events. That means we hire fewer helpers and the parents are expected to stay with/monitor their kids during the event or party. I can only think of two times, out of the many parent participation events we've had, where the parents actually watched their kids. Parents who monitor their kids, in my experience, are VERY rare. A little over a week ago, at one of these events, I confiscated a CUP OF COFFEE from a toddler, because despite the fact that the mother was supposed to be watching her kid, and that there were several other adults right next to the kid, I had to spot this from across the room, run over, and stop this kid from drinking a random cup of coffee some other parent left sitting around (They had a dunkin donuts box o joe, which meant everyone was pouring themselves a cup, taking one sip, then leaving it unattended for the rest of the party. There were half-empty cups on every counter and table.) The coffee wasn't the only incident, we had a lot of kids who's parents weren't even in the same room as them as they shoved every toy they could find in their mouths, and there were even babies crawling around on the floor RIGHT BEHND PEOPLE'S FEET. I am honestly amazed nobody accidentally stepped on a baby, and even more amazed anyone would be so negligent that their baby would be in danger of being stepped on in the first place! So when I say a lot of parents don't watch their kids, I mean a lot of these parents REALLY don't watch their kids.
If anyone reading this is a parent who actually pays attention to their kid, congrats, you're the minority, and I really wish more people were like you. If you're a parent who decides you're entitled to let your kid young run around with no supervision whatsoever, you're the reason we can't have nice things.
I work with unmonitored kids that should be monitored by their parents way too often, I always end up being the only one to notice the kid about to cause his/herself physical harm, I always end up being the one to have to redirect the kid causing problems, when it should be the parent. I absolutely refuse to deal with any of that on my wedding day, so no kids.

*STUCK IN THE STUPID BOX!*

To the first bold -- that's not a decision you should make for the parents.
To the second bold -- while it sounds like you have a really horrible experience with kids and being unsupervised, I think you're wrong; the majority of parents I know (maybe I just know more responsible ones?) are attentive and hands-on. At our wedding, the six children we had were very well supervised, watched after, and entertained.

We had colouring books for them, and they loved them. They sat quietly and coloured for most of dinner.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

We didn't have kids at our wedding. Not because "parents need a night off" or whatever... We just didn't want kids there. You don't have to justify this decision to people. Own the choice.

You'll address STDs to only who's invited. Don't say "adults only" or reference that kids aren't invited - its always against etiquette to state who's NOT invited.

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:
I am not having kids at my wedding. One reason for that is that I want my guests to enjoy themselves, and for any parents invited, I'd love that night to be a night for themselves where they can enjoy the reception I put together for them without having to entertain their kids. Let's face it, there isn't much to entertain kids at a wedding, they spend two minutes eating then the rest of the time all they really want to do is run around. I get that some people set out crayons and paper for the kids, but have you ever seen a group of kids color? Maybe ONE kid will be entertained for more than ten minutes, but most kids will just do a one minute scribble and then get bored of coloring. When I got invited to formal events when I was younger I ALWAYS got bored, there's just nothing for kids to do!
My second reason is my biggest reason, though. I work with kids. Sometimes at my place of work we have "Parent Participation" events. That means we hire fewer helpers and the parents are expected to stay with/monitor their kids during the event or party. I can only think of two times, out of the many parent participation events we've had, where the parents actually watched their kids. Parents who monitor their kids, in my experience, are VERY rare. A little over a week ago, at one of these events, I confiscated a CUP OF COFFEE from a toddler, because despite the fact that the mother was supposed to be watching her kid, and that there were several other adults right next to the kid, I had to spot this from across the room, run over, and stop this kid from drinking a random cup of coffee some other parent left sitting around (They had a dunkin donuts box o joe, which meant everyone was pouring themselves a cup, taking one sip, then leaving it unattended for the rest of the party. There were half-empty cups on every counter and table.) The coffee wasn't the only incident, we had a lot of kids who's parents weren't even in the same room as them as they shoved every toy they could find in their mouths, and there were even babies crawling around on the floor RIGHT BEHND PEOPLE'S FEET. I am honestly amazed nobody accidentally stepped on a baby, and even more amazed anyone would be so negligent that their baby would be in danger of being stepped on in the first place! So when I say a lot of parents don't watch their kids, I mean a lot of these parents REALLY don't watch their kids.
If anyone reading this is a parent who actually pays attention to their kid, congrats, you're the minority, and I really wish more people were like you. If you're a parent who decides you're entitled to let your kid young run around with no supervision whatsoever, you're the reason we can't have nice things.
I work with unmonitored kids that should be monitored by their parents way too often, I always end up being the only one to notice the kid about to cause his/herself physical harm, I always end up being the one to have to redirect the kid causing problems, when it should be the parent. I absolutely refuse to deal with any of that on my wedding day, so no kids.

*STUCK IN THE STUPID BOX!*

To the first bold -- that's not a decision you should make for the parents.
To the second bold -- while it sounds like you have a really horrible experience with kids and being unsupervised, I think you're wrong; the majority of parents I know (maybe I just know more responsible ones?) are attentive and hands-on. At our wedding, the six children we had were very well supervised, watched after, and entertained.

We had colouring books for them, and they loved them. They sat quietly and coloured for most of dinner.

To the first bold: You're right, you probably do only know very attentive parents- the parents you know are either friends or family. Given that you have a decent family and good taste in friends, you're going to know the good ones. I deal with kids and their parents at work, so I'm exposed to a larger and more varied group of people. As I said, we've had maybe two events with attentive parents, out of the MANY parent participation events and parties. Most of the time the parents are inattentive, to the point of being rude.

Not to mention every time I go to any family function, even when they're formal and we've rented out a space for a huge sit-down meal, ALL the kids are running around unattended, and EVERY TIME at least one kid ends up bawling his/her eyes out because they got hurt, and several of them (mostly the boys) are notorious for being horribly behaved, and the moms just let them do whatever they want. Those are the kids that would be at my wedding if I allowed it.

As for the second bold- you only had six kids to deal with, so I can see how that would be completely manageable. I have a big family full of people with lots of kids, so I would have way more than six kids to deal with. All of them with inattentive parents and a tendency to hurt themselves.

jdluvr06 · December 2013

It is a personal decision. We are inviting children because we have a lot of little ones in our family and couldn't imagine not having our whole family there to celebrate.

lovesclimbing · December 2013

missallieeeee said:

I am having a hard time deciding if my fiance and I should invite children or not.
Originally, I was completely against the idea because I have been to a few weddings where mis-behaved children interrupt the bride and grooms' special day (i.e. babies crying during the ceremony, ring bearer picking his nose at alter, flower girl can't stand still, kids sticking their fingers in the cake at the reception, etc.)
Not to mention I hate that the parents have to be focused on caring for their kids the whole time and can't enjoy the (very expensive) party they were invited to.

However, I am slightly biased because I am not a huge fan of children in the first place. It's not that I hate children, I DO want children of my own, but I've just never felt very comfortable around them (never babysat, never had small siblings, etc.)
My fiance, on the other hand, ADORES children. When I expressed to him that we would need to address that children were not invited on the STD's, he was taken aback. "...why?" He questioned. He could not fathom NOT having children at a wedding. He believes children are essential to a happy family and happy guests. Which I agree with. He is also concerned that many of the couples with infants wont be able to find baby sitters or will be nursing and therefore not able to come.

How do I decide what is more important? I've added up the # of children who would be invited and it increases our (higher than expected) count of 266 to 298. Which increases our catering bill by $1,500.

I just have to say, any of that list of things you mention will NOT ruin your wedding or even interrupt it (except possibly babies crying, which the parents will probably take out of the room). (picking nose, fingers in cake, etc.) At the end of the day, you will be married and will likely laugh about it in a few years.

My ringbearer carried his moosey and the pillow up the aisle and sat down with his parents half way through. My flowergirl barely smiled and looked down most of the time. It was fine, they're children.

Also, parents can enjoy parties while their children are there. And if they can't, they can RSVP for just themselves and leave their children at home, if they so choose.

I would invite the children, since it's important to your fiance.

climbingsingle · December 2013

First, please don't put "no kids" on either your STD or your invitations. That's very rude.

I'm not really a huge fan of kids either. FI and I are 99.9% sure we're not having kids. But we do love the kids in our family. We're inviting only 4 kids - my cousin's daughters and his step-sister's son and daughter. That's it. You can get away with inviting the kids you're close to. You don't have to invite the children of every guest.

Also, yes, there are some couples who'd prefer to attend a wedding without their children. But there are some that would prefer to have them there (i.e. my cousin and his wife and my FI's step-sister and husband). I think you can trust that if a couple doesn't want to attend with their children, they'll leave them at home. There are many couples that have fun at a "very expensive" wedding while looking after their kids.

melbelleup · December 2013

ShesSoCold said:

Whether or not you have children at your wedding is definitely up to you and your fiance, but please don't even think about the possibility of them interrupting the wedding. You will not notice if the ring bearer is picking his nose during the vows. If anything, it'll be a picture you'll laugh at later. I would hope most parents would remove a crying infant from the area, but really, how big of a deal is it? I see those types of things as cute moments that could never have been planned and that people remember. My mom still tells the story of how I did a cartwheel (kind of) down the aisle of my uncle's wedding. I didn't ruin the wedding and the whole family laughs at it.

this. Everything you wrote is why it's fun to have kids in the wedding. You never know what might happen! Heck, I'm having kids at my wedding and in my wedding, and I don't even want kids. No thank you! (but that's a different story) I am though inviting in circles like others mentioned. The only kids at our wedding will be my cousins' kids and my nephew.

emmyg65 · December 2013

It really depends on what you want and how you view your wedding. We saw our wedding as combining our families and our communities, however loud and messy they may be. About a quarter of our guest list was children, ranging from 1 to 15. They were remarkably well behaved during our ceremony, which included long stretches of silence (it was Quaker). And during the reception, they were a blast, cutting up the dance floor. We wouldn't have had it any other way.

clarke10 · December 2013

I don't really have a preference between weddings with/without children. If I had children and was invited to a wedding without them, I would get a babysitter. NBD. FI are choosing to have kids because I come from a big family with lots of them. I grew up with kids everywhere, its just how my family is.

If you choose to have kids at your wedding, don't use the parents as an excuse. If children are invited, parents aren't forced to bring them. Many parents opt to leave small children with a babysitter so they can enjoy the night. But don't make the decision for them.

If its truly important to your FI to have children there, its something you should discuss with him. Whatever you decide should be a mutual decision.

delujm0 · December 2013

We aren't formally inviting any children other than our new nephew (who will be 8 months old) to the wedding. We have no other nieces/nephews. Several of our friends have children; we have told the parents who will have small breastfeeding infants that they can bring them if they need to. They all said that they'd rather not, and that they've already lined up family members to babysit for the night. We made that offer becuse we're very close with these people (one of the small babies will belong to a groomsman) and we want them to be able to come. Not bringing the babies is their choice.

That being said, i want to have an adult reception, so other small children were not invited. The youngest person there other than our nephew will be FI's 14 year old Big Brothers/Big Sisters kid, and high schoolers aren't really "kids" in my opinion - they can behave themselves unsupervised for a few hours. Whether or not to invite kids is a decision that has to be made, and people have to respect it. If they can't come, they can't come. However, most of the weddings i've been to have been kid-free, so most of the people i'm inviting expect this to be the case.

If your FI feels strongly about inviting kids, and you feel strongly about not inviting kids, you need to discuss this and come up with a compromise (only kids that are related to you may work).

Jen4948 · December 2013

lovesclimbing said:

missallieeeee said:

I am having a hard time deciding if my fiance and I should invite children or not.
Originally, I was completely against the idea because I have been to a few weddings where mis-behaved children interrupt the bride and grooms' special day (i.e. babies crying during the ceremony, ring bearer picking his nose at alter, flower girl can't stand still, kids sticking their fingers in the cake at the reception, etc.)
Not to mention I hate that the parents have to be focused on caring for their kids the whole time and can't enjoy the (very expensive) party they were invited to.

However, I am slightly biased because I am not a huge fan of children in the first place. It's not that I hate children, I DO want children of my own, but I've just never felt very comfortable around them (never babysat, never had small siblings, etc.)
My fiance, on the other hand, ADORES children. When I expressed to him that we would need to address that children were not invited on the STD's, he was taken aback. "...why?" He questioned. He could not fathom NOT having children at a wedding. He believes children are essential to a happy family and happy guests. Which I agree with. He is also concerned that many of the couples with infants wont be able to find baby sitters or will be nursing and therefore not able to come.

How do I decide what is more important? I've added up the # of children who would be invited and it increases our (higher than expected) count of 266 to 298. Which increases our catering bill by $1,500.

I just have to say, any of that list of things you mention will NOT ruin your wedding or even interrupt it (except possibly babies crying, which the parents will probably take out of the room). (picking nose, fingers in cake, etc.) At the end of the day, you will be married and will likely laugh about it in a few years.

My ringbearer carried his moosey and the pillow up the aisle and sat down with his parents half way through. My flowergirl barely smiled and looked down most of the time. It was fine, they're children.

Also, parents can enjoy parties while their children are there. And if they can't, they can RSVP for just themselves and leave their children at home, if they so choose.

I would invite the children, since it's important to your fiance.

Not everyone is into children or finds this funny, so I don't care for this prediction. It's not necessarily true. I don't think that when one person wants to invite the children and the other doesn't, the children should automatically get an invitation. It can lead to resentment. And yes, crying children are not fun to listen to, they do draw attention to themselves, and if they cry loud enough or are otherwise disruptive, that's what people remember about the occasion-not how beautiful anything else was or that you are now married at the end of the day.

OP, you don't have to invite the children just because your FI wants it, but you do need to negotiate with him and be on the same page. Maybe you can ask for a concession from him in exchange for you agreeing to invite the children, or you can give him some other concession if he agrees not to.

AddieCake · December 2013

It would not be the end of the world for me, but I don't think I would ever be able to laugh later about a kid putting his fingers in the cake at my wedding. I think if parents ARE going to bring their kids, they need to be responsible for making sure shit like that doesn't happen.

arrippa · December 2013

You guys need to compromise. After all, it's not just your wedding but your FI's too!

For the record, I didn't want kids but with 3/4 of our guests from OOT, we had to choose between their attendance or no kids. We really wanted our family and friends from back home to come so we decided to invite their kids. However, no local kids are invited.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

We were originally thrilled to include kids, then we realized we had about 40 young persons under 10 which brought our invite list from 170 to 210. 40 kids. That's more than a kindergarten class. Venue holds max 180, and we learned here that b-list wasn't an option. We're having neice, nephew, and potentially a few munchkins from international friends.

hoffse · December 2013

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

NYCBruin · December 2013

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

I think some brides do blow things out of proportion, but at the same time I think kid-defenders also down-play actual legitimate concerns.

I prefer kid-less weddings. To you, kids tearing it up on the dance floor is just cute. To me, sure it's cute but it's also annoying because now I have to worry about tripping over/stepping on a child, getting bumped into by a child, having less space to dance, etc. Plus I feel like I have to "behave." In general, I have less fun at weddings with kids there. I still enjoy myself, but it's a different experience.

Also, a lot of the things kids do that people say are not a big deal are a big deal to some people. Not everyone likes kids or thinks that their misbehavior is adorable or funny.

ETA there are plenty of good reasons to not want to have children at your wedding. But you should NEVER voice those reasons. Because that's when you get into hurt/rude territory. No one needs to know that you think they are an irresponsible parent or a stick in the mud when their kid is around.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

Around here, if small kids take over the dance floor, nobody else will dance. It just works out that way. Too afraid of stepping on someone or hurting them. It's a real bummer for people who want to dance, and if no one removes the kids, people just leave early. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when kids are allowed to do that. To me, it's not cute, it's rude and lazy. But then, my family rarely includes kids in weddings, period, and never in dancing weddings. If you want them there, you have the right to invite them and they have the right to be there. I just think the atmosphere naturally is different with kids than without. You just have to know what atmosphere you want. I just don't usually see rip-roaring hardcore partying among a bunch of toddlers, but I'm sure it could happen.

Jen4948 · December 2013

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

It's not up to you to decide for everyone else that they're not going to notice kids or that they're too "cute" to leave out of a wedding.

I have a nephew who is intensely cute and who I love very much. But the last time I saw him, he was screaming "I want your attention!" at all the adults around (his parents, my parents, me, my BF) and they kept indulging him. I do not want this happening while I am trying to say my wedding vows. I do not find it "cute." He is not entitled to be the star of the show all the time, and this is one time when he is not.

huskypuppy14 · December 2013

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

It's not up to you to decide for everyone else that they're not going to notice kids or that they're too "cute" to leave out of a wedding.

I have a nephew who is intensely cute and who I love very much. But the last time I saw him, he was screaming "I want your attention!" at all the adults around (his parents, my parents, me, my BF) and they kept indulging him. I do not want this happening while I am trying to say my wedding vows. I do not find it "cute." He is not entitled to be the star of the show all the time, and this is one time when he is not.

This is a parent problem, not a child problem. They are letting him act like a brat, and that will only hurt him in the future. There are plenty of well behaved kids, maybe you don't know any, but they do exist. I'm more worried about one of my aunts misbehaving, than one of the children.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No one is saying you must invite children, do whatever you want. Drunk aunt edna could fall into your cake

Jen4948 · December 2013

laurynm84 said:

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

It's not up to you to decide for everyone else that they're not going to notice kids or that they're too "cute" to leave out of a wedding.

I have a nephew who is intensely cute and who I love very much. But the last time I saw him, he was screaming "I want your attention!" at all the adults around (his parents, my parents, me, my BF) and they kept indulging him. I do not want this happening while I am trying to say my wedding vows. I do not find it "cute." He is not entitled to be the star of the show all the time, and this is one time when he is not.
This is a parent problem, not a child problem. They are letting him act like a brat, and that will only hurt him in the future. There are plenty of well behaved kids, maybe you don't know any, but they do exist. I'm more worried about one of my aunts misbehaving, than one of the children.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No one is saying you must invite children, do whatever you want. Drunk aunt edna could fall into your cake

The only to solve this problem in my family is to just not have the children there. So I'm not inviting them. Their parents and grandparents are going to have to suck that one up. Because you know something? They indulge it, but my nephew is the one doing it. If he didn't, they'd have nothing to indulge.

NYCBruin · December 2013

laurynm84 said:

Jen4948 said:

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

It's not up to you to decide for everyone else that they're not going to notice kids or that they're too "cute" to leave out of a wedding.

I have a nephew who is intensely cute and who I love very much. But the last time I saw him, he was screaming "I want your attention!" at all the adults around (his parents, my parents, me, my BF) and they kept indulging him. I do not want this happening while I am trying to say my wedding vows. I do not find it "cute." He is not entitled to be the star of the show all the time, and this is one time when he is not.

Jen4948 said:
This is a parent problem, not a child problem. They are letting him act like a brat, and that will only hurt him in the future. There are plenty of well behaved kids, maybe you don't know any, but they do exist. I'm more worried about one of my aunts misbehaving, than one of the children.

Jen4948 said:
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No one is saying you must invite children, do whatever you want. Drunk aunt edna could fall into your cake

Of course it's a parent problem! Unfortunately, you can't tell mom "hey your kid can come but only if you step up your parenting since you usually do a shitty job." So the only way to prevent the screaming kid is to not invite him.

Similar to how if you don't want drunk idiots, you either don't invite drunk idiots or you don't have alcohol but you don't micromanage them and tell them they can only have two drinks.

Jen4948 · December 2013

NYCBruin said:

hoffse said:

Look we had kids at my wedding. In fact, we had a bunch of them. They were a hoot - they killed it on the dance floor, and one even got invited up to dance with the band.

And we even had an (apparent) catastrophe. One little girl wandered off on the golf course (my reception was at a country club) and her parents couldn't find her for an hour. Apparently there was a search party organized and everything.

You know what? I had no idea that was going on. I found out the next morning when my mom told me.

You don't have to have kids there, but all this stuff about kids ruining the special day is just nonesense. I'll come out and admit fully that I don't like (other people's) children. I think I've held a baby less than 5 times in my life. And yet, we invited them because our families and friends wouldn't have come without their kids. I honestly didn't notice them at all except for a couple moments on the dance floor. In fact, I saw more of them in pictures than I did in real life.

I think brides tend to blow the kids thing way out of proportion. If you don't want them, that's fine. Don't invite them. But stop imagining that the sky is going to fall if they are there. It won't.

It's not up to you to decide for everyone else that they're not going to notice kids or that they're too "cute" to leave out of a wedding.

I have a nephew who is intensely cute and who I love very much. But the last time I saw him, he was screaming "I want your attention!" at all the adults around (his parents, my parents, me, my BF) and they kept indulging him. I do not want this happening while I am trying to say my wedding vows. I do not find it "cute." He is not entitled to be the star of the show all the time, and this is one time when he is not.
This is a parent problem, not a child problem. They are letting him act like a brat, and that will only hurt him in the future. There are plenty of well behaved kids, maybe you don't know any, but they do exist. I'm more worried about one of my aunts misbehaving, than one of the children.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No one is saying you must invite children, do whatever you want. Drunk aunt edna could fall into your cake
Of course it's a parent problem! Unfortunately, you can't tell mom "hey your kid can come but only if you step up your parenting since you usually do a shitty job." So the only way to prevent the screaming kid is to not invite him. Similar to how if you don't want drunk idiots, you either don't invite drunk idiots or you don't have alcohol but you don't micromanage them and tell them they can only have two drinks.

You do realize I'm not the one who called it a "parent problem" because I agree with you completely about not inviting the kids!

NYCBruin · December 2013

@Jen4948 I know! The quote box got messed up and I can't figure out how to fix it on mobile! Sorry!

Children, or no children? That is the question.

Re: Children, or no children? That is the question.

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