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Wedding Etiquette Forum
indianaalum
member
NWR- lack of a thank you card when a child is involved
So I have vigilantly mailed gifts to my nieces every holiday for the last several years. Not one single time have their parents even acknowledged that the gift was ever received.
Would you keep sending gifts? the children are young and clearly cant be faulted for poor manners, but it's frustrating when time and time again, their parents cant even acknowledge they even RECEIVED the gift, let alone send a thank you card. I don't want to punish the kids, but sure am annoyed with the lack of manners of the parents.
ugghh...
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Re: NWR- lack of a thank you card when a child is involved
I would send the gifts to the children, and on Christmas call them and ask how they liked their gifts, or text the parents and ask if the children liked their gifts.
I always had to call everybody on Christmas and thank them for gifts, so I think it's weird that the parents don't expect the children to do the same, but either way I wouldn't punish the children. Just call them Christmas evening and ask how they liked the gifts.
Actions have consequences, and the parents need to learn that their (lack of) child-rearing will have consequences.
What's going to happen when these kids show ingratitude to their peers or their superiors? They're going to find out the hard way that rudeness doesn't get you anywhere.
For the record, I understand your not wanting to punish the kids, I do, but I also believe in manners being instilled by those involved in rearing children.
I agree with this. If nobody in the family is going to show appreciation for your time, effort, and thought, or even let you know that they received the gift, it doesn't make sense to continue giving them. As @HisGirlFriday13 says here, actions and the lack thereof have consequences, and it would help these children to learn as soon as possible in their lives that not acknowledging gifts is rude and results in gifts not being given in the future.
How old are these children? There are some nice ettiqute books greared toward preteens out there that could be a nice final gift.
ETA: My mom got the hint too.
My nieces send sporadic thank you notes. Older one is 8.5, younger is 7. I got thank you notes last year for Christmas gifts, but haven't received any for birthdays this year.
Told my sister of the ongoing saga of my mother's brother and my cousin not sending a note and not cashing the check, and how I'd sent the now 14 year old cousin birthday and christmas gifts after I was independent and not on parents' support anymore- no note, after two years of this, I stopped sending anything to her because of a lack of any kind of acknowledgment. Hoping sister gets the hint, but sister and BIL have an entitlement complex that is sadly starting to show up in the girls. Debating getting the older girl that Dear Abby book on writing letters for all occasions to see if it clicks at all.
But jdluvr, neither OP nor myself have even received a phone call. No acknowledgment whatsoever.
You and I will have to politely disagree re: sending thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts.
I think if you give the gift in person, and are thanked right there, you are in the clear, though a follow up note is nice. But if it is sent to you, you do not thank person face to face, a thank you note is in order. I have adopted family (adopted aunts and uncles) who do not send gifts to their bio nieces and nephews, but send gifts to me- why? because I always send a note thanking them and they appreciate me taking the time to do it.
Just stop sending gifts, OP.
My niece and nephews (they range in age from 5-8) don't send me thank you cards for Christmas and birthday gifts. I don't expect them...of course I'm going to give them a gift for special occasions. They jump up and down and say "thank you! thank you!" when they receive and open the gift, and watching them play with their new toys is thanks enough. Sometimes my SILs text me pictures of the kids a few days later playing with their gifts, which is cute. However, in the OP's case, I can see how for people not giving gifts in person, receiving a thank you is acknowledging it was received. If your concern is whether or not the gift arrived, a call to the parents is appropriate.
Growing up my mother made my siblings and me send thank you cards for everything. I plan on making my own children do the same. (Old habits die hard
But as an aunt / gift-giver, I don't think twice about not receiving a thank you card.
Next gift you send, call a week later to say "I hope Johnny is enjoying the present, we never know because we don't hear anything back after we send gifts." If TY cards don't appear after that, no more presents.
I do think they should call and thank you guys. I would much rather get a phone call from someone than a thank you note that I'm just going to recycle. I have honestly never heard of sending thank you cards for Christmas or birthday gifts. It must be a regional thing. To each their own. : )
if I sent gifts, I would be calling to verify they were received or better yet, say something to my mother who'd say something to my brother. It'd be even worse if my grandmother heard about it.