Money instead of gifts

KMMDJS · August 2013

Hi all

So we combined 2 whole households into one and are trying to get rid of stuff as I type. The point is we don't need any more household items. How do we express on our website/invite inserts that instead of registering we would prefer gift cards or money.

I don't want to be tacky!!!!!! Please help!

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

Spread by word of mouth on the down low by telling only.close family amd.wedding party. Or not say anything at all and hope for the best.

kipnus · August 2013

First, before you say no to registering, think about household items that you might want to upgrade--kitchen appliances, towels, bedding, etc. Some people prefer to give physical gifts at weddings, and you might as well give them an idea of something you'd actually use. Second, do not include any registry information (or requests for gift cards and money) with your invitations! People can find out where you are registered by word of mouth, your website, a quick google search, and your shower invitations (if someone hosts one for you). Third, keep your registry small, and if anyone asks, you can say that you are saving up for __________.

Teddy917 · August 2013

@Kipnus Presents shouldn't be mentioned on the website either. Also, showers are for the giving of physical gifts. If she just wants money, she should decline any showers.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

Can you upgrade stuff? FI are in the same position but we ended up upgrading. None our plates matched, the cutlery was cheap and a million years old, towels were getting old etc. As much as I wanted cash I couldn't bring myself to ask people to spread that we would prefer it. I'm actually thrilled with our new stuff

lovesclimbing · August 2013

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to say that or inform guests. The only time you can tell guests about what you like is if they ask you first. Then you could say, "We didn't register but we are saving for xyx." Gift information of any sort should never go in the invitation.

As PPs have said, skip registering. That's usually a pretty big hint that you would prefer cash. Also, skip showers. Showers are specifically for giving physical gifts.

No matter what you do, you will probably get a few physical gifts.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

Teddy917 said:
@Kipnus Presents shouldn't be mentioned on the website either. Also, showers are for the giving of physical gifts. If she just wants money, she should decline any showers.

I'm pretty sure it's fine for OP to include a simple link to a registry on her website if she decides to make one (source: a year of lurking this board) although some brides choose not to. What I am not a fan of at all, but am seeing on lots of wedding websites, is an elaborate story about how "we're registered at target, but we also are getting new carpeting soon, so checks for that would be extra awesome." That sort of stuff is better by word of mouth.

OP, my major registry is at WS but we also made a small one at BBB since it is more convenient for some guests. Very few of the ten items on it have been purchased, but we've gotten a ton of BBB giftcards. If there's a store you'd like giftcards to, this method works.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

You can link the registry on the website. Skip having a shower if you don't want physical gifts since this is a physical gift giving event already. Keep it small for the wedding and people will figure it out. Even my 80 year old grandmother gives cash now since she knows people live together and generally have what they need.

Chipmunk415 · August 2013

FI and I already have a combined household, and frankly, don't have space for tons of extras. We registered for some new/extra towels, an extra set of sheets, and an inexpensive every day set of china (otherwise we just use corelle). Oh, and some holiday-type napkins and a picture frame. We kept it very small, and if anyone asks, we've decided to say we have a small registry or that we are currently saving for a house.

allispain · August 2013

As PPs have mentioned, set up one small registry at one store for a few things you might like to upgrade. Then, spread by word of mouth (ie - your parents can mention in to their relatives, etc.) that you only have a small registry since you have most of the smaller household items you need, but they know you're hoping to save up for X. People will get what this means.

Under no circumstances, though, should you put anything about registries/cash/gift cards on your invitations (I almost made that mistake myself, not knowing any better. Luckily my mom knows her etiquette...). You can put up a link on your wedding website if you have one.

TheVirginians · August 2013

Do people really know that couples like cash? Don't register and they'll figure it out. Not rocket science here.

Viczaesar · August 2013

"Money instead of gifts" doesn't even make sense. Money itself is a gift.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

TheVirginians said:

Do people really know that couples like cash? Don't register and they'll figure it out. Not rocket science here.

We didn't register. We got 95% gifts and one gift card at our engagement party. We are just going to register for our wedding (weren't going to) because we may as well get things we need rather than people guessing again. They all guessed well, we love our gifts!

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

You really should give guests some guidance on gifts. Many people, like me, don't give cash for gifts. I was raised that it was tacky. So, I'm going to get you something regardless. Definitely think of upgrading things or choosing a few things that you would never buy for yourself.

There is no polite way to beg for money.

TheVirginians · August 2013

Engagement parties aren't really a gift-giving occasion, as @scribe95 noted. Weddings are the cash occasion.

Jen4948 · August 2013

KMMDJS said:

Hi all
So we combined 2 whole households into one and are trying to get rid of stuff as I type. The point is we don't need any more household items. How do we express on our website/invite inserts that instead of registering we would prefer gift cards or money.
I don't want to be tacky!!!!!! Please help!

Mentioning gifts in any way, shape, or form in your invitation would be tacky. This also shouldn't go on your website. The only appropriate way for you to mention gifts at all is to register and then wait until you're asked for the information, or since you're not registering, just tell anyone who asks that you're not registered. But it's not okay to try to pre-empt people who haven't asked for the information from giving you whatever they feel like giving you. You don't have to keep gifts you don't like-just dispose of them discreetly.

gpeeples · August 2013

When I was asked where I was registered by close friends and family, I told them we didn't register because we had the household items we needed. They spread the word when others asked them, I guess. Everyone gave us cash or gift cards, and a couple gave a physical gift along with cash. I don't think most people like to guess (or at least not in my circle), so if you just don't make a registry, people will most likely give you cash. But PLEASE don't tell any guests that you want cash, not even on your website!

amorrison340 · August 2013

Like others said, do not directly ask for cash, it is incredibly rude! There's no rule saying you have to make a registry. Have family members spread by word of mouth and just hope your guests get the cue by not having a registry. That's really all you should do.

On a side note, no matter what, don't be tempted to write any kind of cutesy note or explanation saying you'd just like cash. FI's cousin did this with an insert in her invite earlier this year and it was extremely tacky, somewhat offensive and made them both seem kind of greedy and entitled. Some people still brought boxed gifts, and my table heard the bride complain about it - one couple took out the card they brought, opened the envelope and tore up the check inside. I didn't really blame them.

drummerbonbon · August 2013

A good friend of mine only registered for her honeymoon (so only cash)--and then had a bridal shower. I didn't even go to the shower because I refused to sit there for three hours (the time allotted to the shower) and watch her open envelopes of cash. I was actually kind of insulted that she didn't have a physical registry and was asking for money.

Please do not ask for cash. Listen to PPs.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

KMMDJS said:

Hi all
So we combined 2 whole households into one and are trying to get rid of stuff as I type. The point is we don't need any more household items. How do we express on our website/invite inserts that instead of registering we would prefer gift cards or money.
I don't want to be tacky!!!!!! Please help!

Then you don't say a word about gifts of any kind on your invitations. Period.

Gifts are not a requirement of attending a wedding, they are by their very nature optional.

If you don't want to register for items, then just don't do it. And then when ppl who wish to give you a gift see that you have no physical registries, they will give you cash or a check.

KatWAG · August 2013

So happy that this question was asked and no one suggested a HM registry!! Finally, progress. Great job team!

KMMDJS · December 2013

Thank you all! What we have done is, on the website, we have added links to registry and linked them with the American Cancer Society (since both our mom's passed from cancer) so that if people purchase from our registry it donates to ACS. We have placed upgraded items on the registry but we did not go overboard.

PS I love having this board with helpful people to go to. Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

photokitty · December 2013

Fwiw...We didn't register. I did not have a shower. For our wedding we recieved 75% cash /checks, 20% gift cards and 5% random presents that were lovingly selected by guests. I think engagement parties guests prefer to bring physical gifts and they would not expect to select from a registry. This is probably why you recieved boxed gifts, cash would not be expected at an engagement party.

Jen4948 · December 2013

KMMDJS said:

Hi all
So we combined 2 whole households into one and are trying to get rid of stuff as I type. The point is we don't need any more household items. How do we express on our website/invite inserts that instead of registering we would prefer gift cards or money.
I don't want to be tacky!!!!!! Please help!

There isn't any non-tacky way to do this. The only way not to be tacky is to not express anything at all about gift preferences, including preferences not to get boxed gifts or about what you don't need.

WildMagelet · December 2013

Just because you already have two households doesn't mean there's nothing you could possibly register for.

We had our own households before we moved in together (forever ago), and we actually just recently upgraded a lot of things when we moved into our new house last year (furniture, towels, dishes, flatware, sheets, pots & pans). We'll still be registering (I would guess Target & Menards) for:

- Extra sets to match what we currently own (towel + handtowl + washcloth, additional place settings of silverware, etc)

- Misc. small tools to fill out what FI's missing or was stolen out of the garage at our old house

- Items for entertaining guests

- Decor our yard.

Also, by registering, if anyone wants to give us a gift card instead of a boxed gift but doesn't want to give cash, they already have an idea of two places we'd be likely to shop.

If anyone *asks* we'll be informing them we're also saving up to remodel our kitchen.

There is no polite way to say "No boxed gifts. Just give us $$." Also, I know it happens a lot in some circles, but its absolutely a no-no to put your registry information in your invites! People who want to give you a gift can ask you, your family, or use the magical powers of Google-fu.

blabla89 · December 2013

Someone please tell me OP is a troll...

Money instead of gifts

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