NWR: Hospital Prone Friend (Venting)

hlvonb · December 2013

So I have this friend who is great but she has a lot of medical problems. I am not going to get into them all because that's her personal business and the list is pretty long.

Anyway, she is in the hospital every 3 or 4 months if not more often. She always assumes that my fiance and I are always available to take her and pick her up from the hospital. This would not be an issue if she didn't wait to go to the ER until 8 pm meaning she's not getting out until sometime in the middle of the night.

Keep in mind that she moved about 1 1/2 hours away for school. She came to visit friends before exams and then going home for Christmas. She is not staying with us (our apartment does not allow dogs and she has one) so she is staying with another one of her friends.

Here's the venting part: She was at our house today (spent the night last night) and all last night and earlier today (until she left at around 11 AM ) she was complaining about pain. She said she has had this constant pain for 3 or 4 days and had not been seen. Anyway, she went to a walk in after the football game today and they told her to go straight to the ER. We dropped her off because we were out already and it was not out of our way for where we were going. She tried to leave her keys with us (so we would HAVE to pick her up) but we told her to keep her keys with her since it was already 730 at night and there was no guarantee that she would be out any time soon since there was a huge (30 car) accident in the area due to the really bad weather so a lot of the hospitals were pretty busy.

She knows we have to be up early for work and the roads are really really bad. We have been home already and are in our pajamas. She has been blowing up my phone and my fiance's phone telling us to get ready because they will be releasing her soon. Ummm it's almost 1 in the morning. She knows our schedules during the week and we have told her before that we can NOT pick her up from the hospital after 11 PM on Sunday or during the work week. We have already prepared ourselves for bed and have shut down for the night. We're just relaxing and watching some tv until we fall asleep. Not to mention, the hospital she is at is not very close to us. It is much closer to the other friend she is staying with. No she has not asked the other friend to come and pick her up. She didn't even ask the other friend to drop her off which we did not know until we dropped her off at the ER and I asked why the other friend wasn't able to take her (maybe she was at work or something).

I feel bad not going and getting her but the road are horrible and I know that to get there, drop her off at her friends house and get back home will be over an hour because of having to go slow on the roads.

Sorry I just had to vent.

SP29 · December 2013

I would feel bad leaving a friend in the ER but it sounds like she is a frequent flyer with possibly non-emergent issues, of course I cannot judge without knowing. If you know she's OK... Tell her, "I'm sorry, but can you get other friend to pick you up? We are unable to". Then stop answering the phone. Turn it off if you have to (or at least to silent).

Being an adult, she can also take a taxi back to her friend's house.

hlvonb · December 2013

@SP29

She went into the ER because the walk-in said they thought it could be her gall bladder or something. Also she knows we would not pick her up after 11 pm due to work and now we have the added bad road conditions.

I tried explaining to her (after posting my original post) that we would not be picking her up and reminded her about the road conditions and our rule about 11 pm. She has not stopped texting. Her last text to my fiance was something about how she was in the waiting room.

KytchynWitche · December 2013

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

It sounds like this might be a good opportunity to sit her down and have a come to jesus talk about personal responsibility, respect and boundaries.

If you told her you couldn't get her after 11pm, she shouldn't have contacted you at all after that. I feel bad for her situation, but you set limits/expectations and she didn't respect them. She's responsible for her own transportation. If she doesn't have a car, then she needs to make bus routes and taxi drivers her new best friends. Period. It's rude to shift the responsibility to others.

thejucheidea · December 2013

I would be turning off the phone. I wouldn't put up with that shit at all.

climbingsingle · December 2013

That's ridiculous. I would have turned off my phone too. Ditto the PP that said it might be time for a come to Jesus talk.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

You need to shut that shit down. You've been a good friend, but there is a fine line and she's way over it.

zitiqueen · December 2013

misssunshine17 said:

You need to shut that shit down. You've been a good friend, but there is a fine line and she's way over it.

Yup. Shut it down or the blame falls on you for not shutting it down.

hlvonb · December 2013

urbaneca said:

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

@urbaneca

I have no idea what she was thinking. Especially since she knows about the 11 pm rule. Fiance and I ended up putting our phones on silent so she had to figure something else out. I agree she needs to put her big girl pants on but getting her to do that sometimes is harder / worse than pulling teeth (in a sense).

hlvonb · December 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

It sounds like this might be a good opportunity to sit her down and have a come to jesus talk about personal responsibility, respect and boundaries.

If you told her you couldn't get her after 11pm, she shouldn't have contacted you at all after that. I feel bad for her situation, but you set limits/expectations and she didn't respect them. She's responsible for her own transportation. If she doesn't have a car, then she needs to make bus routes and taxi drivers her new best friends. Period. It's rude to shift the responsibility to others.

@southernbelle0915

I agree. Not only did we tell her this but this rule about 11 pm was nothing new. We have had this rule with her since the beginning. Fiancé and I ended up silencing our phones so she had to figure something else out and we were not getting annoyed at the beeping from texts or the phones ringing.

hlvonb · December 2013

thejucheidea said:

I would be turning off the phone. I wouldn't put up with that shit at all.

@thejucheidea

We ended up silencing our phones.

hlvonb · December 2013

misssunshine17 said:

You need to shut that shit down. You've been a good friend, but there is a fine line and she's way over it.

@misssunshine17

I agree. There is a fine line and that is why fiancé and I stood together and didn't go back on our 11 pm rule and silenced our phones.

hlvonb · December 2013

zitiqueen said:

misssunshine17 said:

You need to shut that shit down. You've been a good friend, but there is a fine line and she's way over it.
Yup. Shut it down or the blame falls on you for not shutting it down.

@zitiqueen

Yes. We know. That is why we silenced our phones, and did not pick her up.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

So any backlash so far?

hlvonb · December 2013

misssunshine17 said:

So any backlash so far?

@misssunshine17

Nope. No backlash. She and I were talking for a couple minutes a while ago and she seemed fine.

LizM61409 · December 2013

Hey, at least she doesn't take the taxi-lance in! I always love watching my tax dollars go down the drain when people use it for non-emergent issues!

hlvonb · December 2013

LizM61409 said:

Hey, at least she doesn't take the taxi-lance in! I always love watching my tax dollars go down the drain when people use it for non-emergent issues!

@LizM61409

Yeah that's true I suppose

KytchynWitche · December 2013

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

@urbaneca
I have no idea what she was thinking. Especially since she knows about the 11 pm rule. Fiance and I ended up putting our phones on silent so she had to figure something else out. I agree she needs to put her big girl pants on but getting her to do that sometimes is harder / worse than pulling teeth (in a sense).

I can only imagine. All I can say is "tough love, baby!". You need to sit down with her, tell her where you and FI stand, don't take shit from her, and just ignore her when she's trying to bum a ride.

The only way you're going to get her to find her own transport is if you remove yourselves as an option completely, otherwise you're always going to be her "primary service provider" and she's gonna keep bugging you.

Seriously, if I can do it - in South Africa, where public transport is hugely unreliable and the default state for taxis is acting like they're in Thunderdome - she can too!

hlvonb · December 2013

urbaneca said:

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

@urbaneca
I have no idea what she was thinking. Especially since she knows about the 11 pm rule. Fiance and I ended up putting our phones on silent so she had to figure something else out. I agree she needs to put her big girl pants on but getting her to do that sometimes is harder / worse than pulling teeth (in a sense).

I can only imagine. All I can say is "tough love, baby!". You need to sit down with her, tell her where you and FI stand, don't take shit from her, and just ignore her when she's trying to bum a ride.

The only way you're going to get her to find her own transport is if you remove yourselves as an option completely, otherwise you're always going to be her "primary service provider" and she's gonna keep bugging you.

Seriously, if I can do it - in South Africa, where public transport is hugely unreliable and the default state for taxis is acting like they're in Thunderdome - she can too!

@urbaneca

She knows we're not available. She's one of those where she will try anyway. Talking to her about it again is only a waste of breath. It is something she will learn in time

KytchynWitche · December 2013

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

@urbaneca
I have no idea what she was thinking. Especially since she knows about the 11 pm rule. Fiance and I ended up putting our phones on silent so she had to figure something else out. I agree she needs to put her big girl pants on but getting her to do that sometimes is harder / worse than pulling teeth (in a sense).

I can only imagine. All I can say is "tough love, baby!". You need to sit down with her, tell her where you and FI stand, don't take shit from her, and just ignore her when she's trying to bum a ride.

The only way you're going to get her to find her own transport is if you remove yourselves as an option completely, otherwise you're always going to be her "primary service provider" and she's gonna keep bugging you.

Seriously, if I can do it - in South Africa, where public transport is hugely unreliable and the default state for taxis is acting like they're in Thunderdome - she can too!

@urbaneca

She knows we're not available. She's one of those where she will try anyway. Talking to her about it again is only a waste of breath. It is something she will learn in time

Ah okay, I understand now. Yeah, then you just need to ignore her until she takes the hint.

hlvonb · December 2013

urbaneca said:

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

hlvonb said:

urbaneca said:

Oh lordy. I would totally lose my shit at her.

I don't drive, there's a reason for that, and I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'm obviously dependent on other people for transport. I have never blown up someone's phone for a ride. If I ask someone for a lift, and they say no, for whatever reason, I accept that and move on. I would especially not call a friend for a ride after 9pm, nevermind 1 o'clock in the morning! What the hell is she thinking?

Seriously, she needs to put on her big girl pants and take a cab, or walk home, or just generally figure out her own damn transport!

@urbaneca
I have no idea what she was thinking. Especially since she knows about the 11 pm rule. Fiance and I ended up putting our phones on silent so she had to figure something else out. I agree she needs to put her big girl pants on but getting her to do that sometimes is harder / worse than pulling teeth (in a sense).

I can only imagine. All I can say is "tough love, baby!". You need to sit down with her, tell her where you and FI stand, don't take shit from her, and just ignore her when she's trying to bum a ride.

The only way you're going to get her to find her own transport is if you remove yourselves as an option completely, otherwise you're always going to be her "primary service provider" and she's gonna keep bugging you.

Seriously, if I can do it - in South Africa, where public transport is hugely unreliable and the default state for taxis is acting like they're in Thunderdome - she can too!

@urbaneca

She knows we're not available. She's one of those where she will try anyway. Talking to her about it again is only a waste of breath. It is something she will learn in time

Ah okay, I understand now. Yeah, then you just need to ignore her until she takes the hint.

@urbaneca

Yeah basically

hlvonb · December 2013

UPDATE:

I guess she has a follow-up appointment on Monday with a doctor about what's going on. She knows that this weekend, FI and I will be down by my parents visiting with my brother and my nephew (she and I have been talking about it for an hour now via text lol). Well anyway, she asked if she can stay with FI and I this weekend.

I told her unfortunately we could not do that because 1. FI and I are not going to be home 2. You would be bringing your dog and cat which would not work because of the risk your cat and ours would not get along and our apartment does not allow dogs (unless approved by landlord upon moving in).

Now she's playing the "I am going to be homeless all weekend card". I guess the friend she is staying with now told her today that she (the friend) can not host this weekend so she (my friend) will have to find other arrangements. She lives about 1 hour or 1.5 hours away. I don't know why she isn't going back to her apartment and then drive up again for the doctor appointment but that is her choice.

Now she is trying to "convince" me to let her stay with us. She even went so far as to say she would come with us to my parents house to visit with my brother and nephew and that she would bring her cat and dog with so we don't have to worry about the animals while we're gone. Ummmm that wont work because my mom is severely allergic to cats and my parents dog could eat yours without thinking about it. Lol.

She then replied with it's only for a couple hours your mom will be fine if she takes a Benadryl and my dog will be fine.

I asked her if she has checked with any other people she knows in the area and all she replied back with was "whatever".

I seriously think there is something in the coffee that this girl and the other girl (from another post of mine) are drinking that are making them go crazy. This girl is never this pushy....

[Deleted User] · December 2013

hlvonb said:

UPDATE:
I guess she has a follow-up appointment on Monday with a doctor about what's going on. She knows that this weekend, FI and I will be down by my parents visiting with my brother and my nephew (she and I have been talking about it for an hour now via text lol). Well anyway, she asked if she can stay with FI and I this weekend.
I told her unfortunately we could not do that because 1. FI and I are not going to be home 2. You would be bringing your dog and cat which would not work because of the risk your cat and ours would not get along and our apartment does not allow dogs (unless approved by landlord upon moving in).
Now she's playing the "I am going to be homeless all weekend card". I guess the friend she is staying with now told her today that she (the friend) can not host this weekend so she (my friend) will have to find other arrangements. She lives about 1 hour or 1.5 hours away. I don't know why she isn't going back to her apartment and then drive up again for the doctor appointment but that is her choice.
Now she is trying to "convince" me to let her stay with us. She even went so far as to say she would come with us to my parents house to visit with my brother and nephew and that she would bring her cat and dog with so we don't have to worry about the animals while we're gone. Ummmm that wont work because my mom is severely allergic to cats and my parents dog could eat yours without thinking about it. Lol.
She then replied with it's only for a couple hours your mom will be fine if she takes a Benadryl and my dog will be fine.
I asked her if she has checked with any other people she knows in the area and all she replied back with was "whatever".
I seriously think there is something in the coffee that this girl and the other girl (from another post of mine) are drinking that are making them go crazy. This girl is never this pushy....

Seriously, what is this girl's problem? No means no lady! I think you're gonna have to have your phone off while you're visiting your family so she won't bother you! Has she tried looking into a hotel?

hlvonb · December 2013

JordanF13 said:

hlvonb said:

UPDATE:
I guess she has a follow-up appointment on Monday with a doctor about what's going on. She knows that this weekend, FI and I will be down by my parents visiting with my brother and my nephew (she and I have been talking about it for an hour now via text lol). Well anyway, she asked if she can stay with FI and I this weekend.
I told her unfortunately we could not do that because 1. FI and I are not going to be home 2. You would be bringing your dog and cat which would not work because of the risk your cat and ours would not get along and our apartment does not allow dogs (unless approved by landlord upon moving in).
Now she's playing the "I am going to be homeless all weekend card". I guess the friend she is staying with now told her today that she (the friend) can not host this weekend so she (my friend) will have to find other arrangements. She lives about 1 hour or 1.5 hours away. I don't know why she isn't going back to her apartment and then drive up again for the doctor appointment but that is her choice.
Now she is trying to "convince" me to let her stay with us. She even went so far as to say she would come with us to my parents house to visit with my brother and nephew and that she would bring her cat and dog with so we don't have to worry about the animals while we're gone. Ummmm that wont work because my mom is severely allergic to cats and my parents dog could eat yours without thinking about it. Lol.
She then replied with it's only for a couple hours your mom will be fine if she takes a Benadryl and my dog will be fine.
I asked her if she has checked with any other people she knows in the area and all she replied back with was "whatever".
I seriously think there is something in the coffee that this girl and the other girl (from another post of mine) are drinking that are making them go crazy. This girl is never this pushy....

Seriously, what is this girl's problem? No means no lady! I think you're gonna have to have your phone off while you're visiting your family so she won't bother you! Has she tried looking into a hotel?

@JordanF13

I don't know. I haven't heard from her after her text saying "whatever". I will probably have my phone on silent so if she calls I don't hear it but can still quickly access the camera on my phone. I haven't seen my nephew in at least 6 months so pictures are guaranteed to be taken lol

[Deleted User] · December 2013

Sounds good. You definitely need to have your quality time with your nephew. I had a friend once back in freshman year of high school. She always had a wild story to tell about her family or celebrities that eventually people got tired of her trying so hard to get attention that they ignored her. I humored her because she was nice enough to me. She moved away sophomore year. 3 months later she called me out of blue claiming that she got kicked out of her house because her mom claimed that she was sleeping with her BF (!?) and that she needed to come stay with me for a few months to figure out what to do with her life. I was stunned on the phone. *shudders* Still bothers me thinking about it.

Rebl90 · December 2013

This girl needs to get her act together. I'm all for helping a friend in need, but she is pushing boundaries and is acting very disrespectful. I think its time to set some serious boundaries, it's probably only going to escalate if you ignore her. I would recommend saying something before it gets even worse, she sounds like she needs some professional help with her emotional state.

hlvonb · December 2013

JordanF13 said:

Sounds good. You definitely need to have your quality time with your nephew. I had a friend once back in freshman year of high school. She always had a wild story to tell about her family or celebrities that eventually people got tired of her trying so hard to get attention that they ignored her. I humored her because she was nice enough to me. She moved away sophomore year. 3 months later she called me out of blue claiming that she got kicked out of her house because her mom claimed that she was sleeping with her BF (!?) and that she needed to come stay with me for a few months to figure out what to do with her life. I was stunned on the phone. *shudders* Still bothers me thinking about it.

@JordanF13

Wow....

hlvonb · December 2013

Rebl90 said:

This girl needs to get her act together. I'm all for helping a friend in need, but she is pushing boundaries and is acting very disrespectful. I think its time to set some serious boundaries, it's probably only going to escalate if you ignore her. I would recommend saying something before it gets even worse, she sounds like she needs some professional help with her emotional state.

@Rebl90

Her being this pushy is very unusual. We are going to ignore her until after this follow-up appointment and see how she is then. It may be a temporary thing.

Rebl90 · December 2013

I hope it is for your sake, I realized that I sounded bossy, obviously you can do what you feel is best, you are the only one on here who really knows your friend!

hlvonb · December 2013

Rebl90 said:

I hope it is for your sake, I realized that I sounded bossy, obviously you can do what you feel is best, you are the only one on here who really knows your friend!

@Rebl90

It didn't sounds too bossy and I get where you're coming from. If things don't change then we will probably take it 1 step higher but we shall see after the weekend.

NWR: Hospital Prone Friend (Venting)

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