jdluvr, thank you notes for birthday and xmas gifts are not regional. It's etiquette. If you were to read any etiquette book on the subject they would all say the same thing.
Once again, a thank you note is never inappropriate. H and I send them when we are invited to charity dinners, when we are invited to social events, when we get gifts (including those from our immediate families), when we get interviews, etc. It's just the polite thing to do.
Maybe it is not regional. It could just be outdated. I know no one who sends thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts nor would I expect them to. It just seems silly to me.
Stop sending them. I agree that the kids need to call and say thank you. When they're older they'll realize it was rude not to call and say thank you. If the parents ask why... Your response : " oh I didn't think you were getting them so I felt it was a waste". Oh well.
Maybe it is not regional. It could just be outdated. I know no one who sends thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts nor would I expect them to. It just seems silly to me.
This is an etiquette board. Written thanks for gifts are standard. If you think it is silly, you are free to spurn writing them, but please don't dole out bad advice or call good advice "outdated".
Maybe it is not regional. It could just be outdated. I know no one who sends thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts nor would I expect them to. It just seems silly to me.
Just because you don't send them does not make it silly or outdated. Read any etiquette book on the subject. If you're talking regionally, I thought the South was known for its hospitality and traditional etiquette. (Maybe I'm off on that? Out here in CA, i get complimented on my TY notes.)
To PPs who say a TY card isn't needed when you recive a gift in person, do you still advocate for bridal shower TY notes? I was taught to send a thank-you for every gift. At Christmas, it seriously takes less than an afternoon to write and put them in the mail to my sisters, parents, 2 sets of in-laws, a grandparent, and maybe 1 or 2 aunts or cousins (we usually draw names for gifts outside of immediate family). It's just a nice thing to do, not to mention proper etiquette.
Maybe it is not regional. It could just be outdated. I know no one who sends thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts nor would I expect them to. It just seems silly to me.
I know a bunch of other people have already replied to some extent but are you actually serious? I'm young...26...and my mother taught both me and my younger sisters to write thank you notes for any gift (holiday, housewarming, birthday, etc.) from a very young age whether we received the gift in person or by mail. So I don't see how this is outdated or regional. It's common courtesy. My mother mostly grew up in Georgia but her father is a New Yorker and her mother is a German immigrant. I would rethink your stance on thank you notes for Christmas and birthday gifts...if only for the sake of the people who put time, thought, and effort into giving them to you.
OP, the situation with your family is unacceptable. If the kids are really young...like under the age of 6 I understand them not sending TY cards themselves...but their parent's need to at least acknowledge the gift and send a note on behalf of their children (hopefully with their children also getting involved so they learn the importance of thank you notes). I still don't think I'd stop sending gifts outright if I were your situation...at least not without trying to address the problem first. My BF's younger sister is 24. She has two young children...4 or and 2. We send both of them Christmas and birthday gifts. His sister writes the notes on their behalf...but the children dictate what they want to say and they also include a drawing and note in their own hand. My boyfriend's family is from CA but currently live in IN.
I do think it is silly. Especially when it is family. I couldn't imagine being that formal with my relatives. I went to lunch with some of my friends and talked about this them and they laughed about it too. None of them do it either. Why would you write a short note that is going to get thrown away and is a waste of paper when you can pick up the phone and have an actual conversation with someone or thank them in person with a hug or something? It just lacks common sense IMO.
I think a phone call is an acceptable compromise. The point in these situations though is that the gift isn't being acknowledged IN ANY WAY. No text, no call, no thank you card. Absolutely rude. Also, these instances involve people states away, so no hugs.
I agree that the gifts should be acknowledged. I said earlier that they should receive thank you calls.
I kind of wonder if they're even giving the kids the gifts or if they're returning them or something. Or giving them the gifts, but saying they're from Santa.
jdluvr, the point is not to be formal - the point is to indicate your gratitude. In a way that takes 5 minutes and $0.46. Frankly, I usually follow-up in person and telephone thank yous with a written thank you as well. It's just a nice thing to do, and I think it's a very good habit to have.
And as a southerner I will say that hand written thank yous are very prevalent in the south. Heck, H and I even received married calling cards as a wedding gift, because that's still a thing in a lot of circles around here (especially when giving gifts - the calling card goes inside the box).
And I'll say this - I'm on the hiring committee of my law firm. We expect interviewers to receive thank you emails the day-of an interview and then hand-written thank you notes to follow up a few days later. And we expect them to be personalized and different (typically a candidate interviews with 5 or 6 people). It's a mark against a candidate if they don't write a hand-written thank you.
So before you decide it's always silly, you might want to consider that other people disagree. And if you were applying for a job at my law firm and we didn't receive a hand-written thank you after an interview, we would make a note of it in your file.
WedinVolterra, an etiquette book is never a bad thing
But jdluvr, neither OP nor myself have even received a phone call. No acknowledgment whatsoever.
You and I will have to politely disagree re: sending thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts.
I think if you give the gift in person, and are thanked right there, you are in the clear, though a follow up note is nice. But if it is sent to you, you do not thank person face to face, a thank you note is in order. I have adopted family (adopted aunts and uncles) who do not send gifts to their bio nieces and nephews, but send gifts to me- why? because I always send a note thanking them and they appreciate me taking the time to do it.
I do think they should call and thank you guys. I would much rather get a phone call from someone than a thank you note that I'm just going to recycle. I have honestly never heard of sending thank you cards for Christmas or birthday gifts. It must be a regional thing. To each their own. : )
What region are you in? Growing up, we were always required to send thank yous for Christmas, birthdays, and major courtesies (like overnight stays at friends' homes). Immediate family exempted so long as you lived under the same roof. But I have never heard of people NOT thinking a birthday or holiday gift should be followed by a note!
Re: NWR- lack of a thank you card when a child is involved
Just because you don't send them does not make it silly or outdated. Read any etiquette book on the subject. If you're talking regionally, I thought the South was known for its hospitality and traditional etiquette. (Maybe I'm off on that? Out here in CA, i get complimented on my TY notes.)
To PPs who say a TY card isn't needed when you recive a gift in person, do you still advocate for bridal shower TY notes? I was taught to send a thank-you for every gift. At Christmas, it seriously takes less than an afternoon to write and put them in the mail to my sisters, parents, 2 sets of in-laws, a grandparent, and maybe 1 or 2 aunts or cousins (we usually draw names for gifts outside of immediate family). It's just a nice thing to do, not to mention proper etiquette.
I know a bunch of other people have already replied to some extent but are you actually serious? I'm young...26...and my mother taught both me and my younger sisters to write thank you notes for any gift (holiday, housewarming, birthday, etc.) from a very young age whether we received the gift in person or by mail. So I don't see how this is outdated or regional. It's common courtesy. My mother mostly grew up in Georgia but her father is a New Yorker and her mother is a German immigrant. I would rethink your stance on thank you notes for Christmas and birthday gifts...if only for the sake of the people who put time, thought, and effort into giving them to you.
OP, the situation with your family is unacceptable. If the kids are really young...like under the age of 6 I understand them not sending TY cards themselves...but their parent's need to at least acknowledge the gift and send a note on behalf of their children (hopefully with their children also getting involved so they learn the importance of thank you notes). I still don't think I'd stop sending gifts outright if I were your situation...at least not without trying to address the problem first. My BF's younger sister is 24. She has two young children...4 or and 2. We send both of them Christmas and birthday gifts. His sister writes the notes on their behalf...but the children dictate what they want to say and they also include a drawing and note in their own hand. My boyfriend's family is from CA but currently live in IN.
I agree that the gifts should be acknowledged. I said earlier that they should receive thank you calls.
I do think they should call and thank you guys. I would much rather get a phone call from someone than a thank you note that I'm just going to recycle. I have honestly never heard of sending thank you cards for Christmas or birthday gifts. It must be a regional thing. To each their own. : )
What region are you in? Growing up, we were always required to send thank yous for Christmas, birthdays, and major courtesies (like overnight stays at friends' homes). Immediate family exempted so long as you lived under the same roof. But I have never heard of people NOT thinking a birthday or holiday gift should be followed by a note!