My hopes are dashed. I finally get to be the mother of the bride, but my daughter's future mother in law
has already bought her dress, just 1 week after we got our daughter's dress. She's never contacted me
and when I complain to my daughter, all I hear is "YOU SHOULD CALL HER". Am I being stubborn
because I won't call her? Isn't it HER place to call me? And shouldn't she have called me first?
Bummed. Any suggestions will be appreciated!
Evelyn
Re: I am the mother of the bride. The future mother in law already bought her dress. What do I do now?
What? Why does someone else buying a dress dash your hopes? Hopes of what?
It's nobody's job to call anyone. You wear what you want. She wears what she wants. If you're worried about wearing a similar dress then call her and ask what she is wearing. It's not her job to run her clothing choices past you.
Have you thought about seeing if the mother of the groom would like to show her dress and go shopping with you?
That is why I was very careful to say tradition. I don't consider it an etiquette rule. And that was a direct response to OP, not any other post, jut in case it was misread that way.
As you can probably tell from several of the posts here, the MOG's calling the MOB before buying the dress is not required, nor is it apparently common these days. I've never heard of such a thing.
My MIL never called my mom. But my MIL is very kind and polite and there is NO history or aggression between her and my mom.
It's very possible (probable, actually), that the MOG in question didn't call you, not because she wants to deny you some special courtesy, but rather because she didn't know she was "supposed to." Because she wasn't supposed to. It's an antiquated tradition that serves no purpose, that I'm guessing fewer and fewer people even know about it.
There is no reason for your hopes to be dashed. Your daughter is getting married and you get to look fabulous in whatever you decide on. There's way more fun to be had in the future than anything that could have been gained from a phone call from the MOG.
Give this woman the benefit of the doubt. This wedding will go a lot smoother if you aren't harboring hostility towards this woman for something she may not even know she did "wrong." I assume it would make your daughter happier too.
Good luck. Have fun finding something beautiful to wear.
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OK Ladies, I'll post a little history lesson to give you the background on MOG calling MOB about dresses.
This was still a bit of a thing back when I got married the first time in 1980 but maybe starting to wane a bit.
So, you know how brides come on here and cry about their moms taking over the wedding planning and running the show totally? Well, there's some history there.
Back in the day when weddings became social events, the bride's parents were expected to pay for it because the bride was (hopefully) out of high school, leaving daddy's house to go keep house for her new husband and rear some children.
Since her parents were paying for it/hosting it, the MOB ran the show. I kid you not when I say this was the shining moment of success or sheer failure for her in society. She ran the show her way and quite often the bride and groom were literally lucky to be invited. I's sure there were some kind MOBs who cared about what the kids wanted, but it was pretty common for MOB to pick out all the dresses, flowers, everything.
It was also during this time that the phrase "MOGS are supposed to wear beige, show up, and shut up" came from. The MOG was to call the MOB to see she would be wearing and what level of formality was appropriate. It was considered rude to not wait for MOB to buy her dress first. It was the height of embarrassment and social ineptitude to outshine the MOB if your were MOG. MOGs had no role in wedding planning.
And, now you know where the MOB picks her dress first thingy came from.