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In need of help to get venue

MLJSLMLJSL member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Reception Forum
Currently I'm overwhelmed and wonder if I should cancel, not cancel as in second thoughts of the marriage. We were beginning the planning phase when Uncle Sam dropped a nice surprise on us, so as common in military we had less than a month to elope or plan small intimate wedding. We kind of eloped but planned on doing a more traditional wedding a little bit later. I can't seem to find a venue that is within our budget but my mom is bugging me hard about finding a venue whereas my hubby just wants me to be happy which ever way. Any venues around Kansas City mo or Overland Park ks area ideas below 1000? Any ideas that are national to try? I'm just frustrated, I don't want my mom and pay a lot, I'm contributing all I can and I don't want to ask my husband. Anything would be helpful :)
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Re: In need of help to get venue

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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MLJSL said:
    Currently I'm overwhelmed and wonder if I should cancel, not cancel as in second thoughts of the marriage. We were beginning the planning phase when Uncle Sam dropped a nice surprise on us, so as common in military we had less than a month to elope or plan small intimate wedding. We kind of eloped but planned on doing a more traditional wedding a little bit later. I can't seem to find a venue that is within our budget but my mom is bugging me hard about finding a venue whereas my hubby just wants me to be happy which ever way. Any venues around Kansas City mo or Overland Park ks area ideas below 1000? Any ideas that are national to try? I'm just frustrated, I don't want my mom and pay a lot, I'm contributing all I can and I don't want to ask my husband. Anything would be helpful :)
    "Kind of" of eloping is similar to being "kind of" pregnant.  You are or you aren't.  The good news here is that you are already married, so the need for a venue is moot.  Save your money and your sanity by understanding and accepting the fact that you are already married and are not in need of another/different/traditional wedding.

    If you are looking for additional information or suggestions, search the Military and Etiquette boards regarding being "legally married" and PPD days.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    So are you legally married? If so, it's not possible to have a "traditional wedding" later on because nobody would be getting married. It would be a fake wedding where you two would be pretending to get married again. This is commonly known as a Pretty Princess Day (PPD). It's considered bad etiquette and offensive to many. 

    The good news is that you can save all the money you would have spent and take an awesome honeymoon. Or, you could throw a party as long as you don't pretend it's a wedding. So no big white dress, no ceremony, no attendants, no "first" dances. Just your family and friends. You could get a DJ and a caterer if you really want to. You only get into bad etiquette territory when you start pretending it's a wedding.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You can't "kind of" elope. If you're married, you already had a wedding. 

    Take that money and either go on a trip or have a catered party that is not a wedding - like a PP said, no dress, etc. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you eloped, you're already married, so the ship has already sailed on whether or not you can have a "wedding."  If you're married, you can no longer have a "wedding."

    You can have a celebration that does not involve a re-enactment of your vows, a wedding gown, or other "wedding" elements, but don't label it as a "wedding" or "wedding reception" because it is not.
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    MLJSLMLJSL member
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    Thank you for your response. I should have explained the "kind of married", we are legally married but due to time issues we haven't told 98% of our family and friends due to not wanting people to feel like we are doing two weddings and knowing people would be upset they couldn't make it with the short notice.
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MLJSL said:
    Thank you for your response. I should have explained the "kind of married", we are legally married but due to time issues we haven't told 98% of our family and friends due to not wanting people to feel like we are doing two weddings and knowing people would be upset they couldn't make it with the short notice.

    If you wanted a big traditional wedding, then you shouldn't have gotten married already. You missed your chance at that. The fact that you're military makes no difference. Grow up and be honest with people that you're married, and throw a big party to celebrate. Own your decision as an adult. If you went through with your plan as is and I found out you were already married, I guarantee that we would probably never have a relationship again. You made the decision to get married, deal with it.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    Military issues are not an excuse for lying to your loved ones.

    Your legal ceremony makes you "married."  Not "less than married," married. 

    A "traditional ceremony" at this point is a re-enactment, not a "wedding." 

    You can have a party to celebrate your marriage, but you can no longer have a "wedding" at this point-traditional or no, you are married. Be honest with your family and friends and don't pretend that you are not married.  It is immature.  You made the decision to get married-it doesn't matter why.  You are now married.
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