I am the mother of the bride. The future mother in law already bought her dress. What do I do now?

WildMagelet · December 2013

I love reading your posts @kmmssg

kmmssg · December 2013

flutterbride2b said:

I love reading your posts @kmmssg

Aw, thanks! I don't post nearly as often as I used to but I do read quite often. I have to be honest though - I learned whatever I know about boundaries from knottie brides. I have been here for 9+ years (since 1st DD got engaged) and I have been reading posts about intrusive mobs and mogs for years. At first I thought there were a whole lot of entitled, spoiled little girls in the world. However - as I kept reading, I realized that an awful lot of what they were saying was true and I never wanted my kids to see me as "THAT mom" or THAT mother-in-law"

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

kmmssg said:
@HisGirlFriday - I have been meaning to tell you that I think your DH is absolutely awesome the way he handles his grandmother. I never tire of what he has had to say to her. I do, however, marvel at how she just REFUSES to see that life has changed for good and she isn't going to get what she wants by pulling her crap!

Aww, thanks! I'm really proud of him. He HATES confrontation, so it takes a lot for him to be willing to be so hard-ass.

I think she thinks that, if she is enough of a bitch, I will go away. It worked for DH's dad (her son) and mom (DIL). She was so awful that her DIL stopped coming to holidays early in their marriage. I think she's hoping for the same thing now.

But DH sees that, and has called her on it. Anytime she suggests doing something with 'just you, not HisGirl,' he shuts her down and refuses -- even if it was something he would have done with her alone anyway (like come over to get out her Christmas decorations).

CrazyCatLady3 · December 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

I agree 100% with @kmmssg. Lose the passive aggressive it isn't going to do any favors to your relationship with your FDIL and your son's FMIL.

My MIL decided to get a navy blue dress before my mom bought her dress -- and my mom originally wanted to wear navy blue. And my mom decided to wear burgundy for my wedding and wear navy blue for my sister's (someday eventually). Her hopes were not dashed -- she moved on and we all had a wonderful day.

Why can't both the MOB/MOG wear the same color anyway? I can understand not wanting to wear the exact same dress, but why can't they both wear navy?

I've also never heard of the tradition that MOB has to buy her dress first.

Belthil · December 2013

Like a lot of other people I didn't realize this was a thing until I found TK. But once it started getting closer to our wedding our mom's came to a stand-off on their dresses because both were trying to accommodate each other. My MIL wanted to wait until my mom got her dress first so they didn't clash but my mom wanted to wait for MIL to get her dress so that she knew what length to get as she didn't want to have a short dress if MIL had a long one. It was a massive headache to me because they kept asking me what the other was wearing.

Finally, after several months of me telling them to find something that made them feel beautiful, whatever it was, they listened and both got dresses the same week. And you know what? They both looked stunning at my wedding.

Moral of the story: Your daughter wants you to be happy and feel beautiful on her wedding day but she does not want to be put in the middle of two mature women fighting. And how you act towards her FMIL during this time will leave a lasting impression on your daughter.

Belthil · December 2013

CrazyCatLady3 said:

alisonmarie658 said:

I agree 100% with @kmmssg. Lose the passive aggressive it isn't going to do any favors to your relationship with your FDIL and your son's FMIL.

My MIL decided to get a navy blue dress before my mom bought her dress -- and my mom originally wanted to wear navy blue. And my mom decided to wear burgundy for my wedding and wear navy blue for my sister's (someday eventually). Her hopes were not dashed -- she moved on and we all had a wonderful day.

Why can't both the MOB/MOG wear the same color anyway? I can understand not wanting to wear the exact same dress, but why can't they both wear navy?

I've also never heard of the tradition that MOB has to buy her dress first.

I think that's silly. Both moms wore blue to my wedding. No one said anything about it. In fact they originally both wanted to get the same colour of dress so they wouldn't clash. It ended up being a coincidence that they both got blue dresses.

ETA: removing the second set of boxes

cowgirl8238 · December 2013

I just have to add that I never even knew about this tradition until my FMIL asked me about it. She wanted to know if my mom had bought her dress and waht it looked like. I told her no worries, go find something you like now! They both picked blue and they both look great in their dresses!!!! I don't understand why there should be stress ver something so little!

MrsMack10612 · December 2013

My mother was told by my brother's ex-wife that she WILL be wearing a long beige dress.

My mom is 5' nothing - long dresses don't really do it for her. She looked lovely, but she was told what she would wear.

Although - that wedding was the height of pretention and lots of "keeping up with the Joneses"

arrippa · December 2013

You come for good advice and stay for the history lesson. I look forward to more from kmmssg, I find it all fascinating and maybe a little out there. I am so glad that times have changed!

lovesclimbing · December 2013

Both moms wore dark purple at our wedding. They were coordinating because dark and light purple were out colors. As far as I know, they didn't call each other and they certainly didn't ask me what they should wear. They both looked lovely.

I am the mother of the bride. The future mother in law already bought her dress. What do I do now?

Re: I am the mother of the bride. The future mother in law already bought her dress. What do I do now?

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