AHHHHHH!!!! HELP!! PROMISED 2 FRIENDS TO BE MAID OF HONNOR!!!

adenorscia · June 2011

anyone have any ideas how to solve this!!! or has at least the same issue?!

Thanks

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

I'm having a similar problem. I have my sister who at first I thought wouldn't be as proactive or responsible so I added my best local friend to be co-maid of honor. Since this my local friend has been more aggravating than helpful while my sister has been super energetic and resourceful! I want to just give it back to my sister but I don't want to hurt my friend or have to call her out anymore. I decided to put my sister in a different dress than the rest and instead of being understanding or helpful my co-moh friend throws a hissy fit...this after months of not being able to find a decent bridesmaid dress cause she wouldn't go shopping with me. Remember my friend is the local one! A different bridesmaid, who lives in Europe, finds me a great website that helps me decide and then this from my local co-moh?? How do I tell her I want her to let my sister have the role without any more drama?

Jen4948 · December 2013

You can have two maids of honor. You are not required to limit yourself to only one.

AddieCake · December 2013

You don't make someone MOH based on their performance.

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

adenorscia said:

anyone have any ideas how to solve this!!! or has at least the same issue?!
Thanks

How did you promise them? Like in passing a few years back or recently since the engagement?

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

@addieL73.. how do you get that picture to show up at the bottom of each of your posts? i'd love to do a countdown on mine but i can't figure out how to do it!

Viczaesar · December 2013

adenorscia said:

anyone have any ideas how to solve this!!! or has at least the same issue?!
Thanks

Congratulations! You have two MOHs.

Viczaesar · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

I'm having a similar problem. I have my sister who at first I thought wouldn't be as proactive or responsible so I added my best local friend to be co-maid of honor. Since this my local friend has been more aggravating than helpful while my sister has been super energetic and resourceful! I want to just give it back to my sister but I don't want to hurt my friend or have to call her out anymore. I decided to put my sister in a different dress than the rest and instead of being understanding or helpful my co-moh friend throws a hissy fit...this after months of not being able to find a decent bridesmaid dress cause she wouldn't go shopping with me. Remember my friend is the local one! A different bridesmaid, who lives in Europe, finds me a great website that helps me decide and then this from my local co-moh?? How do I tell her I want her to let my sister have the role without any more drama?

You, on the other hand, do have a problem. It's nobody's job to help you plan your wedding except you and your FI. Stop considering MOH the title for the person who helps you the most. You don't tell her you want her to let your sister have the role, period. Leave it alone.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

Out of all the planning, which I have done mostly on my own, the one thing I believe the bridesmaids should help with is finding their own dresses -let alone at the very least be supportive during the fun parts. It has actually worked its self out thank goodness. When everything on earth is more important to your moh than being supportive and true roles start to surface then I think those people should be honored according. I don't do fake and it was creating tension in our friendship. Period.

Viczaesar · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

Out of all the planning, which I have done mostly on my own, the one thing I believe the bridesmaids should help with is finding their own dresses -let alone at the very least be supportive during the fun parts. It has actually worked its self out thank goodness. When everything on earth is more important to your moh than being supportive and true roles start to surface then I think those people should be honored according. I don't do fake and it was creating tension in our friendship. Period.

Your inappropriate expectations was creating tension in your friendship? You don't say.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

It wasn't based on performance it was based on family. The local co-moh offered to help and then left me drowning in drama on more than 1 instance.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

I thought this forum was for solutions and advice, not judgement. These are real problems, not a sugar coated fairytale place brag and act like you are perfect. I'm a bride not a nun!

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

@mhthrashdancer... get used to it girl.. there are some HARSH women on these forums... check out my "bridesmaid in pants" thread on the attire section.. i had it closed because people were super insenstitive to what i was really asking- i didn't ask for judgement either, but thats what i got!...

I think it is super realistic to want the girl standing next to you to have been a supportive person in your months of planning- if your local friend has dropped the ball- let her know, maybe there is a reason she's been shitty, and give her a chance to fix it, if not let her go.... you shouldn't have to be stressing, you are getting married!!!

ps. you said it worked out?

ShesSoCold · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

I thought this forum was for solutions and advice, not judgement. These are real problems, not a sugar coated fairytale place brag and act like you are perfect. I'm a bride not a nun!

Yes, and we're here to help you see the real problem - you expecting people to do shit for you. If you wanted your BMs and MOHs to "perform", you should have asked for resumes and paid them accordingly.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

Yes I actually talked with her shortly after this about because, I'm sorry but this is a happy time in my life and i don't like unnecessary drama. I wasn't a cold bitch about or anything but I just told I love her but I see her stressed out and its ok if she is just a bridesmaid. I need this to be fun for her so that I'm not doing this damage control bullshit. Its fine if she can't be there for me along the way but its not cool to be creating stress.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

Wow. That was helpful, thanks SheSoCold!

AddieCake · December 2013

When you post on a public message board, you don't get to decide how people post. Just b/c you didn't ask for certain comments or for comments and reactions to certain aspects of your post doesn't mean you won't get them. That's just common sense, and to be surprised when that happens, to me, just shows naivete about the world on the part of the poster who gets up in arms, and as long as the internet has been around, it is mind blowing to me that there are people out there who still don't get that.

And when you ask someone to close a thread b/c you're not liking the responses you're getting, it makes you look like a child. I mean, what do you do in the real world when someone tells you something you don't want to hear? And are you going to do that every time this happens to you on TK? Because you do realize it's highly likely you will find yourself not liking other peoples' responses at other times in the future, and if TK isn't for you, then simply don't log back in.

You will get a lot more respect here if you take any licks you get w/o running and tattling to the Knot Gods and just letting it blow over like a big girl instead of doing it and then continuing to remind people that you did it.

ETA: Here's a post on the Tech Board about tickers:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1002529/wedding-ticker#latest

zitiqueen · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

Out of all the planning, which I have done mostly on my own, the one thing I believe the bridesmaids should help with is finding their own dresses -let alone at the very least be supportive during the fun parts. It has actually worked its self out thank goodness. When everything on earth is more important to your moh than being supportive and true roles start to surface then I think those people should be honored according. I don't do fake and it was creating tension in our friendship. Period.

If you need support during "the fun parts," you're doing "the fun parts" wrong. Actually, you're doing the whole "decent human being" thing wrong too.

MyNameIsNot · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

I thought this forum was for solutions and advice, not judgement. These are real problems, not a sugar coated fairytale place brag and act like you are perfect. I'm a bride not a nun!

No one is judging you. They are giving you advice that could help you, if you were smart enough to take it. You are creating a problem by treating your friend this way.

You do have a problem though. You need support to get married. If you need support to make it through the wedding, the marriage is a mistake.

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

No one is judging you. They are giving you advice that could help you, if you were smart enough to take it. You are creating a problem by treating your friend this way.

You do have a problem though. You need support to get married. If you need support to make it through the wedding, the marriage is a mistake.

See, that? THAT is what we are talking about.. absolutely unnecessary snarkiness,.. that was in no way said to be helpful..

AddieCake · December 2013

If you hate the way people respond so much, why are you sticking around? To keep whining about it, I guess? Nobody is held hostage here, you know.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

I never asked to remove the post. I'm not naive, people can say what they want but it feels like I was immediately getting attacked and who gives a fuck about the Knot gods? Am I here doing a job, no. I just thought a little constructive advice could help my situation. Its been interesting but I'm gonna do what ever I feel is necessary...no one here has any real power over me.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

I thought it wouls be interesting to come back a couple days later and see what people have said...I'm glad I don't know some of you people in real life because you are disturbed and cruel. To say I'm not doing the fun things right and to say my marriage shouldn't happen???? Shame on you! You bitter, judgmental, projecting-your-own-shit, poorly adjusted sociopaths!

AddieCake · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

I never asked to remove the post. I'm not naive, people can say what they want but it feels like I was immediately getting attacked and who gives a fuck about the Knot gods? Am I here doing a job, no. I just thought a little constructive advice could help my situation. Its been interesting but I'm gonna do what ever I feel is necessary...no one here has any real power over me.

I was talking to the PP who jumped in to agree with you and announce she DID ask the Knot Gods to remove her post b/c she didn't like the responses.

mhthrashdancer · December 2013

Wow- even more crazy

ShesSoCold · December 2013

mhthrashdancer said:

I thought it wouls be interesting to come back a couple days later and see what people have said...I'm glad I don't know some of you people in real life because you are disturbed and cruel. To say I'm not doing the fun things right and to say my marriage shouldn't happen???? Shame on you! You bitter, judgmental, projecting-your-own-shit, poorly adjusted sociopaths!

Yeah, this is definitely against TOS. @KnotPorscha. Funny that you're whining about how we're all meanie heads yet you're the one name calling...very mature.

Whether or not you chose to take it, we are trying to give you and other posters good advice. The point is that no one should need "support" while wedding planning. It's supposed to be a happy time. I needed support when my cousins were murdered, not when my FI proposed to me. Do you offer support to your friends during the holiday season? Around milestone birthdays? I would doubt it. If you need support to plan your wedding, I suggest taking some time away from it and trying not to obsess over details. Engagements and wedding are exciting times in our lives and (hopefully) will only happen once - trying too hard to make it perfect and losing sight of what it's really about can make people crazy and resent wedding planning. I sure don't want that to be me and I'd want someone to try to put it into perspective if/when I got carried away.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

Before I even read through the clusterfuck that is this thread.....

@mhthrashdancer - why did you resurrect a thread from 2.5 years ago? The OP is long gone. Just start your own thread next time.

ShesSoCold · December 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Before I even read through the clusterfuck that is this thread.....

@mhthrashdancer - why did you resurrect a thread from 2.5 years ago? The OP is long gone. Just start your own thread next time.

ei34 · December 2013

I had two MOH's- I have two sisters and we're all equally (super)close so I wasn't able to pick one over the other. It worked out fine, there's no rule that says you can only have one MOH.

I should add though that I picked them because we're the best of friends and I couldn't imagine my life without either of them. They both "helped" here and there but my biggest wedding planning support was my hubby...he's half the couple after all. A MOH should be someone dear to you that you want to honor on your wedding day (the title is maid of honor, not just maid).

court248807 · December 2013

Why is it such a problem to expect your bridesmaids to participate and help planning things? I have two and I will expect them to help with craft projects or whatever and help pick the dress and generally be involved. I really don't think it's a problem. I've been there for them in many different ways for lots of events so I would hope they would reciprocate.

KeptInStitches · December 2013

court248807 said:

Why is it such a problem to expect your bridesmaids to participate and help planning things? I have two and I will expect them to help with craft projects or whatever and help pick the dress and generally be involved. I really don't think it's a problem. I've been there for them in many different ways for lots of events so I would hope they would reciprocate.

Asking = not a problem, it has respect for their lives outside your wedding. Expecting = problem, they have lives outside your wedding, may not enjoy doing crafty projects, may not want to help pick the dress, etc.

AHHHHHH!!!! HELP!! PROMISED 2 FRIENDS TO BE MAID OF HONNOR!!!

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