Prevalence of Save the Dates

CrazyCatLady3 · December 2013

My wedding is local to where I live, and 90% of our guest list is local, so I didn't bother sending STDs. Our wedding is in 6 months and now I have several people asking me if I sent STDs and if I have their current address because they think theirs got lost in the mail. Do you think STDs are becoming the norm rather than the exception? I am planning on sending my actual invites on the early side so it just seemed like a big waste to do STDs.

ETA: Our wedding is also not on a holiday weekend.

Fran1985 · December 2013

I do. I have seen on here that save the dates are not required, which I agree with, but I know if I didn't send them people would think they were not invited. I have been to about 15 weddings, and all had save the dates.

bethsmiles · December 2013

I think they are becoming the norm. The only weddings I haven't gotten a save-the-date for are ones with short engagements (6 months or less).

Jen4948 · December 2013

I think save-the-dates are becoming more of a norm than they used to be. There's still no requirement that they be used, but given that people live farther apart than they used to, and/or just need more notice to arrange to attend the wedding than formerly (for example, many businesses require people to put in requests for time off early in the year, so getting, say, an invitation for a December wedding in late October or November is just not enough advance time to arrange the time off, even if one lives locally), they are useful to help people determine if they can attend.

Also, booking venues now requires much more advance time than it did in the past, so locking down a date has to be done earlier in the process than formerly.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

Yeah I agree that they are becoming the norm. Since the big wedding industry has pretty much deemed them as a mandatory requirement for every wedding, every bride in the past few years has been doing them so to go without makes people confused.

I definitely believe that if your guest list is 90% local then STDs are not necessary. It the people you invite can't take off work or have something else planned then oh well, that's life.

We didn't do STDs because we had a 95% local guest list and out of the 135 we invited 130 came so it didn't seem like the lack of STD was an issue.

melbelleup · December 2013

Honestly, all my guests are clueless about them. We sent STDs strictly to my immediate family (parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents) and all of my FI's side (all OOT by at least 2 1/2- 3 hours) Some of his guests think it's the invite and wanted to know how to RSVP... really? It says save the date and looks nothing like an invite.

Fairyjen1 · December 2013

We are leaning toward having our wedding at Disneyland. If we do that we will do STDs since such a trip could take some planning. If we do local, all of my family and most of our friends are here so we won't. Almost all of my fi's family is out of state and scattered across the country so we will use the human STD (FMIL) to let them know when and where ahead of time. She keeps in touch with most of her family. I trust her though. She's very correct in her behavior and will only mention the wedding to those we are actually inviting. If I at all thought she'd mention it to those we weren't inviting I would probably just send out the STD cards.

blabla89 · December 2013

If you need to cut costs and your guests are local, then I think it's fine not to have them. You can always let your guests know by word of mouth that they'll be invited. I've received a STD for every wedding I've been invited to, but they've all been OOT for me.

CrazyCatLady3 · December 2013

lalalaurita said:

If you need to cut costs and your guests are local, then I think it's fine not to have them. You can always let your guests know by word of mouth that they'll be invited. I've received a STD for every wedding I've been invited to, but they've all been OOT for me.

It wasn't a cost cutting measure, in fact I am shelling out for custom designed from scratch invitations. I just thought they were unnecessary. If certain people can't come because they didn't get 9 months' notice, oh well. Our family members and bridal party members have all been verbally informed of the date.

ei34 · December 2013

STD's are becoming more and more common, in the last few years there haven't been many weddings where I don't get that refrigerator magnet! This is most likely the reason why some of your guests have been asking about them.

I didn't send our STDs either. We were engaged for just over 5 months, and only 7 of our 175 guests were OOT...we called those two families to let them know the date. I sent my invitations out about 10 weeks in advance to make up for the lack of STD, although word spread so fast that our guests all knew the date anyway.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

Can I just say that I hate STD magnets! They suck at fulfilling their magnet purpose of holding things to my fridge.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

I have never received a save the date for any wedding I've ever attended. The only person I know who even did them got married in 1998. They just aren't usually done around here, I guess.

indianaalum · December 2013

I didn't do them as I personally believe they are waste of time/money. Most people aren't going to TRULY reserve a date for you. If something better comes up, trust me, they will jump on it regardless of who booked first.

I did, however, make sure all my VIPS knew the date

tammym1001 · December 2013

I sent out STD's and 100% of my guests are local. I only did them because our wedding invites are super formal and I wanted to do something fun. It was a complete waste of money and some people did think they were invitations even though they didn't have any information on them, but oh well. I wanted them anyways. I sent them 2 months ago and everyone still has them hanging up on their refrigerators.

csuave · December 2013

I agree that STDs are now the norm.

I like the advance notice but that could just as easily come through word of mouth, email, etc.

Our OOT family members wanted information as soon as it was ready since they don't usually travel and wanted to plan ahead. They knew the date via word of mouth but since I knew they would appreciate more detail than just the date we made a detailed wedding website and emailed them the link.

We personally told local friends the date and let them know invitations would follow.

hoffse · December 2013

About 80% of my guestlist was OOT. We still didn't do STDs.

We invited 300 and had 170 show up, including 4 families from overseas.

audubonbride2013 · December 2013

I agree that STDs seem to be the norm. We did them, because H's entire family and most of our friends was coming from OOT. I don't think they're necessary, but I do find them helpful so I know in advance if we're going to be invited.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

We did STDs because everyone in this area does them.

ashleyep · December 2013

tammym1001 said:

I sent out STD's and 100% of my guests are local. I only did them because our wedding invites are super formal and I wanted to do something fun. It was a complete waste of money and some people did think they were invitations even though they didn't have any information on them, but oh well. I wanted them anyways. I sent them 2 months ago and everyone still has them hanging up on their refrigerators.

This. Most of my family knew the date, and there are definitely cheaper way to let my friends know. But I do like getting them, and I'm much less likely to lose a save the date sitting on my fridge, than an email or text message. I really appreciate more than 6-8 weeks notice if you're having a summer wedding. I had 4 weddings last summer, I'm glad I had months to budget for those and block that weekend off on my calendar.

daveANDkristen · December 2013

I've only been to about a dozen weddings, and only two had save-the-dates (that I know of). We didn't do them. It wasn't so much a budget thing because I could have just done postcards from Vistaprint, I just didn't see the need. 90 % of our guest list was local and the wedding was not on a holiday weekend. We communicated the date to our VIPs and that was fine for us. I did have one friend (perhaps being dramatic) that assumed she was not invited to the wedding because she didn't receive one. I said, yeah um nobody received one, we didn't do them.

doeydo · December 2013

They are a lot more common now, but if I didn't receive one for a wedding I expected to be invited to (I know you shouldn't but I just mean if it was my sister's wedding or something) I would assume that they didn't send out STDs. Also, I am not sending STDs for my wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

We did STDates, but we did postcards, which were (a) cheap to print and (b) cheap to send. We also did them because the wedding was in my hometown, which was local to my parents' friends, but not local to where DH and I live now, and not local to his family. Also, our wedding was on a Sunday, so we wanted people to have a physical, written notice that it was a Sunday.

I do think, though, that STDates are becoming the norm because of the wedding industry, even when they're not necessary.

Friends of ours sent us an STDate in their Christmas card. It's the second marriage for them both, they both still live in their hometown (where we live now), and all their families are local. Other than it being the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, there's no reason for the STDate -- and again, since everyone is local, and it's a second, smaller, wedding, they already cleared the date with their VIPs.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

I love receiving STDs, I leave them on my fridge and look forward to the wedding for months. I'm serious, no sarcasm whatsoever. I also love all things paper and stationery though, so it's just my nerd showing through. Most of our guest list is local and we are still planning to do them, just because I think they're fun.

misshart00 · December 2013

I've only received two ever. I think they're fun but don't really see the point, since, as someone said earlier, if something better comes up, they'll go to that. Also, they seem to cause more problems since people come here freaking out because their budget dropped or they suddenly don't want to invite someone.

Jen4948 · December 2013

misshart00 said:

I've only received two ever. I think they're fun but don't really see the point, since, as someone said earlier, if something better comes up, they'll go to that. Also, they seem to cause more problems since people come here freaking out because their budget dropped or they suddenly don't want to invite someone.

I think the point is to give people you really want to be there enough notice that they'll make whatever arrangements are necessary to attend. For example, if you want your brother who lives long-distance and goes on cruises every summer to attend your wedding, which is scheduled for the time of year he normally takes cruises, and he needs to know six months in advance because his employer requires this in order to schedule vacation time for everyone, then it makes sense to send him an STD.

ashleyep · December 2013

misshart00 said:

I've only received two ever. I think they're fun but don't really see the point, since, as someone said earlier, if something better comes up, they'll go to that. Also, they seem to cause more problems since people come here freaking out because their budget dropped or they suddenly don't want to invite someone.

I don't know. There's very few events I would skip a wedding for. If I got two invites for the same day, I'd have to pick one over the other, but I would plan my vacations around a wedding I received a save the date for. Make sure not to make any appointments or plans that day. I definitely prefer knowing all of my summer weddings way in advance.

But I do agree that they're not really necessary, you don't need a piece of paper for that, and I think people need to be careful about who they send them to.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

misshart00 said:

I've only received two ever. I think they're fun but don't really see the point, since, as someone said earlier, if something better comes up, they'll go to that. Also, they seem to cause more problems since people come here freaking out because their budget dropped or they suddenly don't want to invite someone.

I think the point is to give people you really want to be there enough notice that they'll make whatever arrangements are necessary to attend. For example, if you want your brother who lives long-distance and goes on cruises every summer to attend your wedding, which is scheduled for the time of year he normally takes cruises, and he needs to know six months in advance because his employer requires this in order to schedule vacation time for everyone, then it makes sense to send him an STD.

And that can totally all be done without a printed STD - via phone, email, facebook, in-person conversation, handwritten letter, handwritten postcard...they are never the ONLY way someone can find out when your wedding is.

Jen4948 · December 2013

RebeccaB88 said:

misshart00 said:

I've only received two ever. I think they're fun but don't really see the point, since, as someone said earlier, if something better comes up, they'll go to that. Also, they seem to cause more problems since people come here freaking out because their budget dropped or they suddenly don't want to invite someone.

I think the point is to give people you really want to be there enough notice that they'll make whatever arrangements are necessary to attend. For example, if you want your brother who lives long-distance and goes on cruises every summer to attend your wedding, which is scheduled for the time of year he normally takes cruises, and he needs to know six months in advance because his employer requires this in order to schedule vacation time for everyone, then it makes sense to send him an STD.
And that can totally all be done without a printed STD - via phone, email, facebook, in-person conversation, handwritten letter, handwritten postcard...they are never the ONLY way someone can find out when your wedding is.

None of this invalidates an STD. I've never said that it was required-it's just useful when people need more time than 6 to 8 weeks to make plans to attend a wedding. And in my experience they're only sent to such people, or to persons you really want to be there-not the entirety of the guest list.

Edited to add: Facebook, phone calls, etc. are a very casual way of informing someone about one's wedding date, which, given how much time and money might be going into it, isn't casual at all. Nobody wants their wedding treated as "Maybe I'll come if I can't find anything better to do," especially if it's a close relative or friend. Also, I think that passing on information by informal channels means it's more likely to get lost or disregarded.

LisaA2014 · December 2013

We also did not do STDs. My mom didnt even know what they are. Now I received a STD about 6 months ago. The wedding was in September and I still haven't received an invite. Saved that date for nothing!

Inkdancer · December 2013

I love getting Save The Date cards and magnets. I keep them on my fridge as long as I can, because it makes me happy. I am definitely sending them out!

kgd7357 · December 2013

This is kinda sad, but I really need STDs to put a wedding on my calendar. Being in my late twenties and my FI in his early 30s we have 6-10 weddings per year and we are trying to travel a lot before having kids. If I find out about your wedding only 2 months before hand, I may have committed to another wedding or booked a trip. I would be really sad if I booked a flight for a wedding or trip across the country and then found out I was missing your wedding 20 minutes away.

If you can swing them, I would send them. Vista Print has really nice cheap ones (100 for less than $30 if you do post cards). Email is also okay if you are just trying to get it on people's calendars.

Prevalence of Save the Dates

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