Do you have to have dancing at a wedding?

EmD88 · November 2013

So here is the issue my fiance and myself do not like dancing at all and so we thought we would have a wedding without dancing but now people (ex. my mom) are saying dancing is needed. I said no it is not because we are going to have the speeches and games (shoe game) between dinner and 'the cake' (which are cupcakes). My mother says if I don't have dancing people will just leave right after dinner. I think that those that would leave without dancing are the same ones that would leave if there was dancing. I mean my MC can always let people know the plan.

What does everyone else think? Dancing yes or no?

casey8784 · November 2013

Honestly? If I went to a reception where all I did was eat, sit and listen to toasts, and sit and watch the bride and groom play the shoe game (which doesn't last more than 5-10 minutes, anyway), I'd probably leave as quickly as I could sneak away. As much as I love cake, I wouldn't want to sit and do nothing for an hour (or however long) between the end of dinner and having the cupcakes served.

How long were you thinking your reception would be? If was an hour or so, then it wouldn't be that bad. If you were planning on a typical 4 hour reception, be prepared for a lot of your guests to leave early...

ElcaB · November 2013

I always look forward to dancing at the reception. But, if dancing isn't your thing, it's okay to skip it. If you do skip it, though, people will likely leave much earlier than if there were dancing.

Lauderdale Pink · November 2013

I think that when you have a wedding reception, the visions of the bride and groom are the priorities. However, a good host/hostess also takes into account the pleasure of his/her guests. You certainly don't have to dance, but your guests may be looking forward to it.

NYCMercedes · November 2013

No one danced at our afternoon wedding.

Jen4948 · November 2013

So what are people supposed to do besides the shoe game (which I wouldn't play) during that gap between the end of dinner and the cupcakes? Many people don't like to play games of any type at weddings, and small talk and mingling can only go on for so long.

If you don't want to dance, that's fine, but I recommend a shorter reception in that instance.

doeydo · November 2013

No, dancing is not mandatory. However, if there is nothing to really keep your guests entertained for hours on end, I think people might leave earlier. If you had a brunch wedding or a wedding during the afternoon, I don't think people would be expecting dancing as much as an evening reception.

SP29 · November 2013

Dancing is not mandatory, but then be prepared for a shorter reception.

How long between dinner and cupcakes? What are guests supposed to do during that time? Will you have any music at all (background music)?

aurorajanette · November 2013

I went to a wedding one time where there was no dancing at all (except the B&G's first dance). The reception was really long - 5PM to 11PM. After cake, everyone was incredibly bored and decided to leave. Many people even left before cake, because there was a huge time gap between dinner and cake.

Moral of the story... if you decide to have no dancing, make your reception very very short.

ktjanesmom · November 2013

Whats the shoe game? Are you going to have music at all? Or just silence?

MobKaz · November 2013

ktjanesmom said:

Whats the shoe game? Are you going to have music at all? Or just silence?

http://www.bridalguide.com/blogs/bridal-buzz/the-shoe-game

In my opinion, it does not belong at a wedding reception.

ktjanesmom · November 2013

I would totally die from boredom if I had to sit through this at a reception. I also hate listening to too many speeches.

casey8784 · November 2013

mobkaz said:

ktjanesmom said:

Whats the shoe game? Are you going to have music at all? Or just silence?

http://www.bridalguide.com/blogs/bridal-buzz/the-shoe-game

In my opinion, it does not belong at a wedding reception.

Recently went to my FI's cousin's fiancee's bridal shower; they did the shoe game there. Lasted 5 minutes at the very end when the groom arrived to say hi/help carry out the gifts. It was actually pretty entertaining to watch, but I agree...doesn't belong at a wedding.

JoanE2012 · November 2013

EmD88 said:

So here is the issue my fiance and myself do not like dancing at all and so we thought we would have a wedding without dancing but now people (ex. my mom) are saying dancing is needed. I said no it is not because we are going to have the speeches and games (shoe game) between dinner and 'the cake' (which are cupcakes). My mother says if I don't have dancing people will just leave right after dinner. I think that those that would leave without dancing are the same ones that would leave if there was dancing. I mean my MC can always let people know the plan.

What does everyone else think? Dancing yes or no?

Just because you and your FI don't like dancing doesn't mean your guests don't like it. I never understand the mentality of depriving 100 or 200 or however many guests of dancing because two people don't like it. You don't have to dance just because there's a dance floor. You'll probably be very busy chatting with all of your guests.

Speeches are not fun for guests, so I'd limit them. I'd also save the shoe game for your shower or rehearsal dinner.

If you choose to forgo dancing, I'd have an afternoon reception. No dancing at an evening reception at a traditional venue is unheard of in my area, but an afternoon reception could definitely get away without dancing. It would also probably be a bit shorter of a reception though.

AddieCake · November 2013

The biggest reason we chose to have a morning ceremony and lunch reception is b/c we do not dance. We don't mind if other people dance, but we are not into that, and we know from experience when we go someplace where there's dancing, people try to "force" us onto the dance floor. Fuck that. We didn't want to be getting angry at people trying to do that to us at our own reception, so we went for a daytime event to lessen the expectation of dancing. We had a string trio playing music and no dancing.

You can have an evening affair without it, but it's true there is a level of "expectation" that it will be there in the evening. During the day, not so much!

princessleia22 · November 2013

Dancing is not required, but definitely expected at evening reception. If you don't want any dancing, I would consider brunch or afternoon ceremony.

We also thought about no dancing, but most of our family complained. We are including dancing, mainly because that's what our guests want. We will probably only do 2 dances: the traditional first dance & dance with parents. Other than that, the dancing is for the guests, not us.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

How many people are you inviting? If you have 30 people for dinner at a restaurant, obviously you don't need dancing. If you're inviting 100-200 people to an evening reception it's probably expected. I think you could get away with it if you had a cocktail reception where there is more mingling.

jenniferurs · November 2013

I had never heard of the shoe game prior to this thread, so maybe someone can explain why it's not appropriate for a wedding. Seems like it'd actually be pretty fun to watch.

Jen4948 · November 2013

jenniferurs said:

I had never heard of the shoe game prior to this thread, so maybe someone can explain why it's not appropriate for a wedding. Seems like it'd actually be pretty fun to watch.

It's more appropriate for a rehearsal dinner or something small and intimate...not for a large group of people. Also, the questions can be very intimate and some people may find them embarrassing.

mysticl · November 2013

jenniferurs said:

I had never heard of the shoe game prior to this thread, so maybe someone can explain why it's not appropriate for a wedding. Seems like it'd actually be pretty fun to watch.

You see fun to watch. I see a silly, potentially embarrassing game that only 3 people participate in while everyone else has to stand around watching them.

BlueBirdMB · November 2013

No games, please. We are not children and don't need to watch or participate in games.

Is it an afternoon or evening wedding? If it is an evening wedding, dancing will absolutely be expected. If it is an afternoon reception, I don't think it's necessary. I would expect to eat, socialize, and then leave at an afternoon reception. Be aware that if you don't have dancing, it will be a short reception.

AddieCake · November 2013

mysticl said:

jenniferurs said:

I had never heard of the shoe game prior to this thread, so maybe someone can explain why it's not appropriate for a wedding. Seems like it'd actually be pretty fun to watch.

You see fun to watch. I see a silly, potentially embarrassing game that only 3 people participate in while everyone else has to stand around watching them.

This. Games are just awkward at weddings.

CamiSelene · November 2013

My cousin had a wedding where there was no dancing. It was just fine. The wedding itself was very intimate/sweet (under 50 people) and the guests that didn't know each other got to talk and get to know new people. The only issue I had was that it was somewhat disorganized. They didn't have anyone for the guest book table so they asked me and then since my other cousin was in the bridal party, I ended up watching his son the entire time and normally I wouldn't have an issue with this but I had flewn out for the wedding not to do odd jobs and be a baby sitter. As well, even though I personally have no problem with gaps in weddings (never been to one that didn't have one), the mix between a gap and no dancing/short reception was slightly annoying (although I was able to fly back home the same night, which was convenient!)

MandyMost · November 2013

If you're not having dancing, are the guests just going to be sitting at their tables the whole night? Usually when the dancing starts is when people get up from their tables and start mingling (either standing in groups, sitting at other tables, at the bar, or of course dancing). If there was no reason for people to get up, then I would feel trapped at my table.

If you're not having dancing, perhaps a cocktail reception would be better, so people aren't sitting at their tables the whole time.

deeharv · November 2013

I had the same thought about dancing, but we are planning to have an afternoon cocktail reception so it'll be like a casual social and not as traditional. We'll have a DJ and if folks want to bust a move feel free! But there will be no first dance, daddy daughter dance, dollar dance etc. So have music and if they want to dance let them!!

erinbethp · December 2013

I went to a wedding last summer that was dry and no dancing because of the bride's family's beliefs. After cake was served for dessert and all the rest of it was done, the MC said that everyone was invited to stay and mingle. Most people took that as their chance to leave and there was a mass exodus of guests. We had a lot of time to talk in the time between the ceremony and during, so without dancing, most people didn't have a real reason to hang about.

That being said, I like the suggestions of having an afternoon reception, or something like that. I went to one that had the ceremony and right away after had tea, punch, apps and sweets set up in a room where we could eat and walk around. Guests had fun and enjoyed it, and there was no expectation of dancing. Might be an idea to go this route?

Asheville122813 · December 2013

Hi there....We are not having a DJ at our wedding...but have a 12 noon ceremony, cocktails, appetizers, buffet luncheon and then just chatting and socializing...more like a family reunion, if you will. This is all we had envisioned...our venue is available until 4pm...but I am sure everyone is pretty much going to be done by 3pm or so.... So, I think as long as you know most people will stay for a few hours to witness your ceremony, eat, mingle and pose for pictures...then that's all I can wish for.... Plus, with such a short buffet luncheon, it allows us to hang out afterwards with our families...in a more casual atmosphere.....and in jeans! I'm really looking forward to spending time with our families...just to hangout afterwards.....

Fairyjen1 · December 2013

I don't plan on having dancing, per se, if we do our wedding at Disneyland it will be a lunch time wedding so I don't feel it's needed. If we do it local, I will be more inclined as I'm hoping to hire a local U2 Cover band that my Fi really likes and between sets we will have an Ipod with a playlist. It probably sounds awful to people on this board, but 70% of our guests are U2 fans and the other 30 enjoy rock music in general so it works for us.

Generally in my family, even weddings with DJ's and dance floors no one dances except the children. We just like to drink and socialize. If we go local, the reception venue we have picked out makes you start wrapping up at 11pm and you are supposed to be out of there by midnight, which suits us just fine!

I'm not playing games at my wedding. I don't even do games when I host a shower, unless the guest of honor is really into them. I find most of them silly, no offense to those who do like them, and I tend not to participate (guess the candy bar in the diaper at baby showers is just gross to me!). The best showers I've been to have not had games at all. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with games.

kerbohl · December 2013

What do we all mean by "games" per se? I'm having an afternoon reception with no dancing, but I will have a few games available in an adjoining room, so if guests want to do something, they can feel free, and if they want to socialize, they can do that instead. People won't be forced to participate. I just thought that, even if it is an afternoon wedding, it would be nice for guests to have something to entertain themselves.

Fairyjen1 · December 2013

Nothing wrong with games at your wedding if that is what you want. It's not my preference, nor would I judge you in any way, shape or form if you have them. I am (usually) just uncomfortable participating in them personally.

Come to think of it, the last three (yes, that's three, and the B & G's didn't even know each other) I went to had several corn hole and horshoes set up, so I'm thinking that may be a trend. I didn't have a problem with them being there, I just didn't feel like participating at the time. So I guess saying I hadn't been to a wedding with games was untrue! I was thinking more I hadn't been to one with shower type games. Which is what the shoe game sort of looks like to me. Also there is too much room for embarrassing questions, or maybe that's just my circle of friends :-/

I wouldn't be offended if I were at a wedding where they played it though, but very little offends me.

On the other hand I love when one of my friends hosts game night with lots of board games so maybe it's all in the setting.

I think that's the beauty of this all, we can each have a wedding that fits our particular personality and that of our guests.

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

Who has a reception w/out dancing? How long are you paying for the venue for because it doesn't sound like you are having much of a party. Dinner and some speeches should only last about 2 hours..are you at least having drinks?

Do you have to have dancing at a wedding?

Re: Do you have to have dancing at a wedding?

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