Wedding Reception Forum

Alternatives to parent dances?? HELP!

My father was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 5 years ago, and it's progressed to the point where he is both physically and cognitively unable to do much of anything. He's still determined to attend my wedding (we've got a special room arranged in case he needs to take a rest during the course of the day), but there is no way he's up to doing a father/daughter dance. Fiancé is totally fine skipping the parent dances, but even though she'd never say so, I know his mom would be bummed if she didn't get to dance with her son.

Originally I was just trying to come up with alternatives to the father/daughter dance that would still honor my dad, but what about something that would honor all 4 parents so we can nix the parent dances all together? I was considering singing a song that is special to my dad and dedicating it to both sets of parents, but I'm such a cry-baby I'm worried I'd get too emotional during it. We can't do a slide-show because our venue can't accommodate it (and that's not really our style) and I wasn't planning on displaying parental wedding photos because mine have been divorced for fifteen years. Would something like simply dedicating a song during the general dancing be appropriate and meaningful enough? Or is putting a note in the ceremony programs more proper? 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

Re: Alternatives to parent dances?? HELP!

  • I really think a song from you to your dad would be a wonderful idea. Pick something you both will love and appreciate - and sit with him while it plays. Him knowing how important it is to you that he made such a big effort in your life and your wedding will make him happy and proud I'm sure. 

    While you have a hard situation with your dad being sick - you seem to be doing what any good daughter would do to make your dad really a part of your big day - and he'll appreciate that! 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    Post deleted
  • The other day my Dad asked me if it would be ok if we didn't do a father/daughter dance. I kind of already knew that we weren't going to because he has a hard time just walking. I told him it was perfectly fine. I'm not going to do anything else though because I know he doesn't want attention drawn to the fact that he can't dance with me. Everyone there will know why we aren't having a dance. Are you sure your Dad would want you singling him out like that without a dance? 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    Honestly, I don't think you (nor anyone else, excluding hired professionals) should sing during the wedding.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    shannym87 said:
    My father was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 5 years ago, and it's progressed to the point where he is both physically and cognitively unable to do much of anything. He's still determined to attend my wedding (we've got a special room arranged in case he needs to take a rest during the course of the day), but there is no way he's up to doing a father/daughter dance. Fiancé is totally fine skipping the parent dances, but even though she'd never say so, I know his mom would be bummed if she didn't get to dance with her son.

    Originally I was just trying to come up with alternatives to the father/daughter dance that would still honor my dad, but what about something that would honor all 4 parents so we can nix the parent dances all together? I was considering singing a song that is special to my dad and dedicating it to both sets of parents, but I'm such a cry-baby I'm worried I'd get too emotional during it. We can't do a slide-show because our venue can't accommodate it (and that's not really our style) and I wasn't planning on displaying parental wedding photos because mine have been divorced for fifteen years. Would something like simply dedicating a song during the general dancing be appropriate and meaningful enough? Or is putting a note in the ceremony programs more proper? 

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?
    I would let your FI dance with his Mom and let that be it.  I wouldn't sing or dedicate a song or anything else.  Instead, I'd spend some time alone with just your Dad, perhaps before the ceremony, and tell him how much he means to you, etc.  That seems more meaningful to me.
  • I would also let your FI dance with his mom. If you still want to honor your dad, my guess is that most of your guests know his physical limitations.  You could make a toast to him and thank him for all he has done for you throughout your life. You sound like a pretty amazing person, who uses thought and consideration to make choices.  Somehow, I think whatever you choose will make the most people happy.  
  • I would not sing--your wedding should be a performance, and you've already identified another issue (that you'll tear up).  Have your FI dance with his mom, either as a spotlight dance or at some point during the reception.  I am sure your dad knows how much he means to you without trying to find a substitute for the dance.  A note in the ceremony programs and/or a welcome speech thanking all of your parents would also be appropriate.  
  • I like Lauderdale Pink's suggestion regarding the toast. A nice toast to your dad/parents is a lovely idea and would make it clear how much you love your dad and that you want to honour him. If your FMIL wants a mother/son dance... have that and a toast for your dad. I'm sure it will be wonderful and beautiful as you sound like you are making the effort to be considerate and that will mean a lot to your family and guests.
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