No ring yet, getting married in May

BrittyBoop12 · December 2013

Words can't even begin to express how anxious I am. My future groom and I will be engaged by Feb 14th at the latest he says... We are set to get married in May (this has to happen at this time logistically for us for several reasons or we won't be able to get married for a while).... ANYWAY.... I'm going to have like 3 months to plan and he somehow does not think this is as big of a deal as I do.

I have no idea what to do to be as prepared as I can be to make things happen. I am most worried about not finding a venue.

pumpkinsandturkeys · December 2013

Technically, if you've agreed to get married in May, you're already engaged -- whether there's a ring involved or not. Since you only have ~5 months to go, I'd suggest you start planning NOW. Weddings can absolutely be planned on tight timelines as long as you remain calm, open-minded, and flexible. However, I would not advise waiting until you get the ring if you're dead-set on May 2014, because that's going to make things much more difficult than they need to be, causing stress you don't need.

dluberts · December 2013

Agreed with pumpkinsandturkeys. I would start planning immediatley. Don't wait until you get a ring or you're gonna be frazzled and pulling your hair oput trying to get everything done in that amount of time. Unless you have a decent amount of miney saved you're gonna run into a big stack of bills all at once if you wait until Feb. FYI We decided to get married back in augustish. We've been together for 4 years and he did not propse to me the old fashioned way. He didnt really propose at all. We just agreed to do it because it felt right to us. We planned on getting the rings at tax time but luck had it that we would find an incredibly good deal on both our rings right after thanksgiving. Maybe you could start looking now while there are tons of deals for xmas if youre worried about rings.

chibiyui · December 2013

FI and I booked our venue a month before he "proposed". May is a very popular month for weddings, if you guys are definitely getting married in May you should start planning now.

BrittyBoop12 · December 2013

Thank you for your input. I feel the same way! My guy is a little old fashioned in that he doesn't feel its appropriate for us to book things until we are engaged. I'm just praying I don't lose my noodle trying to find a venue or a dress... and we both have big families.

pumpkinsandturkeys · December 2013

@BrittyBoop12 I totally understand being old-fashioned, but is he open to compromising a bit? Maybe you can sit down and explain all of the things that will need to be booked, and how far out people usually book each one. Some things may not be too difficult later on, like invitations, favours, and possibly even flowers (depending on the number of florists in your area, what you're looking for, or if you opt for fake flowers or other decorations instead). However, you may not be able to find a venue to accommodate your large families with only 3 months to go. Perhaps he would consider booking the venue ASAP if there's a promise that you won't be announcing your engagement until you get a ring, and that nothing else will be booked before then unless absolutely necessary, so that you still keep a lot of the tradition of wedding planning.

Tnt082013 · December 2013

I agree with Pumpkinsandturkeys things like the venue and photographer are usually the first things to get booked, especially for a May wedding. Also, depending on the date you want in May will also change things. We booked our things a year out and were already finding some of the vendors were booked way ahead of time!! I am not sure what area you are in, but I would at least suggest looking into venues and photographers if nothing else.

omargotz · December 2013

You are already running close to having a headache for your dress. I ordered mine two months ago, and i was cutting it close. There a bunch i couldn't even look at because they would not be able to be ordered.

BrittyBoop12 · December 2013

I am definitely going to talk with him about it some more. He moves to the area we are getting married next month and we are supposed to start looking at venues. I am hoping a combination of me and talking to people at the sites helps him understand how important it is.

My best friend will probably be our photographer as long as she doesn't book up. She's holding that date for me... THANKFULLY!

The dress part is definitely hard for me. I have walked through this with a lot of my friends and so I understand that it doesn't just happen and you normally need 6-8 months to get a dress ready. I have resolved within myself that I am just going to have to be ok with buying off the rack or finding the perfect dress that I can't order and then finding it online.... There are lots of beautiful dresses.

I am such a planner that it's definitely hard for me to wait...

dluberts · December 2013

Buying a dress off the rack as you put it is not a bad thing. You don't need a designer name. Or a one of a kind. You're gonna want something that makes you feel beautiful and bridal. Whther it's Lazzaro or a David's Bridal version.

ohxhi · December 2013

@BrittyBoop12 with the exception of the one or two ladies on this board who've claimed to have a groomzilla, chances are, your future FI is not going to understand wedding planning like you do, least of all the urgency around a tight timeline. Most guys just aren't wired that way- it's totally normal.

I think @pumpkinsandturkeys hit the nail on the head in her first post when she said that anything is possible as long as you're calm, open-minded and flexible. The longer you wait to start making arrangements, the more likely it is that you'll have to make compromises. If you're dead set on this May but unwilling to make final arrangements until you have the ring, I suggest making a list of your non-negotiables and your compromises. It sounds like you have the right attitude when you're talking about your dress - just keep that up for the rest of the decisions and you should be in good shape.

girlnamedjamie_23348229 · December 2013

I'm in the same boat, with a few different circumstances. Him and I looked at rings this past weekend, talked about things I liked, and he bought one the next day. I'm thinking he'll propose before mid-January. I would be thinking any day could be the day, but I know he wants to speak with my father. We've started planning, in a sense, but I'm not going to book anything until things are "official". The main reason for this is because we're are going to speak with our families to see if they will be contributing any.
I'm feeling stressed, because I want everything planned out. I think it'll be easier for me than some with a short time frame though, because It will be a smaller wedding & I'm in a small town.

I'm hoping the best for both of us!!

Megsters03 · December 2013

@BrittyBoop12 You might amaze yourself with the dress situation! I put that off til the verrry last step (10 months after getting engaged, 6 months before the wedding) and I fell in love with the very first dress I tried on! They told me it would take 3 months to come in and it came in in just a few weeks. I got it from David's Bridal and it is gorgeous! I'm sure you can plan your wedding from now til May, and have fun with it! Pinterest is awesome for ideas, definitely start thinking about colors and groomsmen tux colors and ties. These wedding boards are great for reminding you what needs to get done (music,gifts,etc.) in case you forget about those little things that tend to slip our minds.

BrittyBoop12 · December 2013

I appreciate all of your input. I am incredibly laid back by nature... I'm just a planner too! Ha! I'm not totally sure how those all go together but they do. I know that I am absolutely going to have to be flexible and open to what is available. Marrying him is a lot less about the day to me and more about forever..... though don't get me wrong, I do want my day to be magical! Hoping for a proposal BEFORE 2/14 but that's when he said it would be by! lol

@girlnamedjamie how exciting!!! Yeah, I am definitely hoping my parents are able to contribute (and maybe his parents too) so he doesn't have to carry that weight. Between the two of us, I make much less!! I know the wanting to plan feeling for sure... at least its less time to stress out!!!

omargotz · December 2013

I agree off the rack isn't bad, unless you have your heart set on a certain one. Mine had to be ordered and it was only $400.... haha

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

Well, we now have engagement pictures scheduled..... so I know it will be before March 8th! lol I am hoping for the beginning of February at the latest!!

00kim00 · January 2014

I'm in the same situation. I would say figure out what's important to you and base your decisions off of that. I said months ago that I didn't want to start planning until it was official, but my boyfriend started looking at venues, etc.because he was worried about the timeline. My family lives out of state and I knew Christmas was the last time I'd see them before May, so I told my mom because I knew she'd want to do the dress shopping experience with me, so somehow I ended up looking at dresses. FYI, many of the bridal shops flat out said they couldn't work with my timeline already, and the others said there would be limited choices.

I hate planning before it's "official". It just seems like the proposal is going to be anti-climactic, you know? "Will you marry me?" "Well, now that you ask... nah, I'll just cancel our bookings." And I'm getting sick of all the "Congratulations" from strangers and "are you engaged/official?" from friends because I can't tell vendors that I'm not engaged and I don't want to keep the fact that I'm looking at venues, etc. secret from my close friends.

The most important thing to me is that my family and close friends are there. Unfortunately, most of them are out of state (along with my boyfriend's family, and his parents live in another country). So that's guiding my decisions. My boyfriend happened to find a venue we love that's actually cheaper than everything else we found AND includes lodging for 30 people for a week around the wedding. Since that would make it a lot easier to get what I want--my friends and family here--we ended up putting a deposit down this week, even before we're official. So we have lodging for our out of state guests and we're giving them enough time to plan to travel. I feel icky about booking before we're engaged, but it helps to know it's for a good cause and will really help getting my friends and family here.

On another note, I found an acceptable dress while shopping with my mom, though not exactly what I wanted an a little out of my price range. I found out it's on clearance and sale, but the sale ends January 27, so I noted it as a "backup" dress and then gave myself a deadline to find a better dress by then or just pick up the backup. That means I had to do MORE dress shopping, even though I didn't want to dress shop yet in the first place. I sorta accidentally found an almost perfect dress, a whole lot better than the backup dress, for $37 at a thrift shop, and since you never know how long things stay in thrift shops, I got it. So now I have a dress and a venue, even though I'm not engaged.

I wish I didn't have to do it this way, and if our May date was flexible (it's not; if we don't do this May we have to wait until next May) or we didn't have so many important people from out of state and such awesome luck finding a cheap venue that will lodge them all, I would have waited. So it all depends on what's important to you. If you're flexible with everything, you'll have to deal with people who tell you you don't have enough time, but you'll be able to do it fine. You just may not end up with a dress that makes you cry or the venue you always wanted growing up, etc. Figure out what's important and remember that. But I hear you, it's stressful to not plan with you're a planner! :-)

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

I do not understand why this is such an issue...

If your Almost-FI has told you to look at venues, if you have scheduled Engagement Pictures, if you've BOUGHT YOUR DRESS and PAID a DEPOSIT...

YOU'RE ENGAGED. Congratulations! I'm sorry that it doesn't feel "official", or it's not "traditional", or you didn't get a pretty ring before now.

I know some PPs said as much, but thought we could all use the reminder.

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

Haha! @kittykaty20 you must be talking to the girl above me. My almost FI knows I am looking at venues because I am a planner but we can't book until we're official... and I haven't bought my dress yet....

I only have pictures booked because one of my closest friends is doing them.

I am really hoping it happens by the end of feb. My biggest concerns are a venue and the dress. But truly, I am marrying the man of me dreams and making a lifetime with him matters more than everything else.

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

BrittyBoop12 said:

kittykaty20 you must be talking to the girl above me. My almost FI knows I am looking at venues because I am a planner but we can't book until we're official... and I haven't bought my dress yet....

I only have pictures booked because one of my closest friends is doing them.

I am really hoping it happens by the end of feb. My biggest concerns are a venue and the dress. But truly, I am marrying the man of my dreams and making a lifetime with him matters more than everything else.

I included both of you in one post. I honestly don't know how you or she is dealing with the wait-it seems torturous. In any event. I hope your man finally pops the question so you can get things done...May 2014 is barely 100 days away...

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

@kittykaty20 It's not ideal for sure, but I am marrying the man of my dreams. He gave me the go ahead to go find a dress! woop!

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

Yay! Make sure you show us what you find

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

@pumpkinsandturkeys hopefully the dress of my dreams! I'm nervous about talking with my mom about going to look at dresses before there is an actual ring on my finger.... what do you do? lol

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

@BrittyBoop12 You tell her exactly what you told us. Technically, you are engaged, even if you haven't had a formal proposal yet.

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

Looks like we are moving the wedding to the beginning of June due to my brother's inability to be home from deployment until late may

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

I'm glad that your brother can be at the wedding, though!

BrittyBoop12 · January 2014

Me too! It wouldn't be right without him. Groom is talking to my parents this weekend.... then soon to follow dress and venue shopping. I have dates for all local venues I'm interest in and his mom has put together their invite list.... just trying to make it all happen.

BrittyBoop12 · February 2014

@shrekspeare ....I am planning now. He now has my parent's official blessing to marry me. My mom and I are looking at dresses this weekend. He and I looked at a few venues this past weekend... so getting closer. I won't announce anything on social media until there is a ring on it...... which will be by the first week of march. wooooo

BrittyBoop12 · February 2014

No way would I mention it on social media before there's a ring on it! But yes, in such a short time... having to make things happen!

BrittyBoop12 · February 2014

To all: I FOUND MY DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

I am not a crier and I got all emotional and started crying and then laughed at myself cause I was crying. Good day folks.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

BrittyBoop12 said:

To all: I FOUND MY DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

I am not a crier and I got all emotional and started crying and then laughed at myself cause I was crying. Good day folks.

Congrats! I know I'm late to this, but any updates? I tried on way too many dresses (about 20-25) and was ready to settle until I tried on a dress "just for the size" and instatears. It was off the rack too, and I took it just like that. David's Bridal was making me sick with worry saying I had to order NOW or else I wouldn't have anything. I got my dress in late December in the Fashion District in downtown Los Angeles and all I have to do is get a simple bustle. No length altering, no taking in. It was so easy and I was mad at them for saying I had no time left.

No ring yet, getting married in May

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