The Venue of My Dreams and the other bride

Jena8ly · December 2013

I could really use some advice! I got engaged this past Friday (12/13/13) on my 2 year anniversary with my fiancé. Yay! But because we both want to get married on our 3 year anniversary (12/13/14) I have run into a problem. There is a venue that I am absolutely in LOVE with, my fiancé also LOVES this place. So trying to be the planner, I called and was told another bride already had 12/13/14 on hold though she hasn't signed a contract or put down a deposit. I understand these things happen and that's not really my issue.

I want this venue. I want it so badly, I'm losing sleep LOL. I have another venue on hold as my plan B but it just doesn't do it for me. You know the feeling you get when you something and your brain and heart just scream, "that's IT!!", it went that way with my fiancé and it's the same with my first pick venue. So what I'm really after are some options. If it comes down to it, I'm not completely opposed to having a simple ceremony on Saturday, and then actually getting my perfect venue on Sunday, I just want to know if any of you had any other ideas? Please help!!!

mulloyas · December 2013

I'm shocked the venue would hold for someone who hasn't signed a contract or put a deposit down. All of my vendors made it very clear that no deposit/contract meant nothing would be held. I would call the venue and tell them you're prepared to lock things in and if they push back, ask them to give you a date (one week tops) when the date will be fair game unless the other bride signs and pays.

ReturnOfKuus · December 2013

When I was planning, venues did hold dates that way.

I'd keep looking for venues if I were you.

Ven&Radio · December 2013

Did they say how long the hold was good for? When I booked my venue, they would hold the date for 7 days on a verbal agreement, but if they didn't have the deposit by day 7,the date would be opened up.

Jena8ly · December 2013

They said she would have until Friday morning to make her decision. So, I just have to be patient, which I'm not.

MNNEBride · December 2013

I would be down there on Friday morning with cash deposit in hand. Also, have you seen a contract? Be sure you agree with all the language and don't just book because you fell in love with it.

zizibet · December 2013

Don't have a fake wedding over this. That's unbelievably rude. Keep looking-you may find something you like better. You never know.

Jena8ly · December 2013

I don't see how it's rude to have a ceremony on Saturday and a reception in the venue I love on Sunday, but I appreciate your point of view. I'm still looking at other venues, this was just my dream one.

dharmabunny · December 2013

I think the rudeness part is that you're asking your guests to preempt their lives for not one, but two days worth of "wedding". Other plans get blocked off or postponed just for a two to four hour commitment.

Weekends are literally the only time busy couples or families have to do ANYTHING. That's a tremendous time commitment you are demanding because of an "iwantiwantiwant"

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Jena8ly said:

I don't see how it's rude to have a ceremony on Saturday and a reception in the venue I love on Sunday, but I appreciate your point of view. I'm still looking at other venues, this was just my dream one.

Because the reception is the thank-you for your guests for having attended your wedding, and it must therefore immediately follow your actual wedding.

What you are proposing is that having the reception in your "dream venue" is more important than hosting your guests properly, and that is, and always will be, terribly rude.

Several of the venues we looked at gave us "right of first refusal" -- meaning if another bride called and wanted to book them, they would call us and ask us if we wanted it. We had 24-48 hours (depending on the venue) to let them know.

If that's what your venue is doing, then wait until Friday and be ready to pay the deposit. But ditto PPs about reading the contract very carefully. Don't get so hung up on this "dream venue" that you over-pay or over-spend or get shorted out of what you want.

And do not even think for one minute that your wedding is special enough that your friends and family will attend a ceremony on Saturday with no reception and then a separate reception the day after, because they won't. Your wedding is not that special to anyone other than you and your FI and if you do this, you will be judged for being rude.

dreamoftheday · December 2013

My Venue's policy was that we could, with a signature put a hold on the venue without a deposit, but if someone else wanted the date we had 48 hours to pay the deposit. They said that 9 times out of 10 nobody will challenge what they call a "firm hold," but to be prepared to make some decisions if they did. Of course I picked a popular date in August next year and 2 days ago I got the "someone has challenged your hold" call and had to put the deposit down immediately

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

Congrats on your engagement, I'll also be getting married on the same date! In the end ur choice is up to you. Although its unusual for someone to have the wedding and reception on 2 different days. Its you getting married nobody else. Me personally I'd continue looking for a place or places that you can host both on the same day. You dont want to inconvenience your out of town guests who have to catch a flight Sunday and then wont be able to attend or miss work the next day. I was stuck on a venue that booked pretty early I told myself I'd just wait a little to see if anything changed but decided to continue looking and found my venue which is beautiful! Just keep looking you just might find something close or better. I'll still keep my fingers crossed that you get your dream Venue. Best of Luck!

Jena8ly · December 2013

Thank you all for your input.

Jena8ly · December 2013

But just to clarify one point, I had no intention of asking my guests to stop their lives for a weekend. I agree, that would have been rude. I intended to invite my family and friends to a reception in a venue I loved (and whose vendor list, rates that are the most inexpensive, and rules that I had already researched and agreed with) on Sunday. The ceremony on Saturday would not be so much a ceremony as it would be me and my fiance signing the paperwork. No aisle, no guests, him, me, two witnesses and an officiate. That was what I was meaning to get advice on, not whether or not you believed I thought MY wedding so important that everyone should stop their lives for two separate events. I hope that helps.

thejucheidea · December 2013

Paperwork on Saturday followed by another 'ceremony' on Sunday, or your legal wedding taking place on Saturday and a reception only on Sunday?

Jena8ly · December 2013

I'm pretty open to decide on either of those options, but I haven't done so yet. I just want to mention, I'm still actively pursuing other venues, this was really more of a contingency plan if none of the other venues worked as well for us.

thejucheidea · December 2013

Well, the option of getting married the day before and then having a non-legal ceremony the next day but acting like it's the real thing is called a pretty princess day and is pretty much universally frowned upon on these boards.

thejucheidea · December 2013

scribe95 said:

Why the two days? Just get married at the reception venue in front of all your guests. No ettiquette faux pas there.

She wants the magical 12/13/14 date instead of the date that works with the venue.

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

Why do you all do that? Why should she care whats frowned apon on this board? Its just the internet with a bunch of girls that arent the least bit relevant to her life And then to down play the date she chose.... the magical date really. She has valid reason for choosing her date so does anyone else who gets married on that date. Yall can be so rude and not even realize it or you do and dont even care.

@jena8ly like I said ultimately its your choice... regardless of what any of us think. Opinions are like ass holes we all have one just some ppls seem to be a little bigger then others lol

*Sitting back, sipping my tea and waiting for the backlash lol*

Jena8ly · December 2013

Wow, I was only looking for other ideas from other brides. I'm not certain why some of you feel it's okay to be so condescending when I came here looking for help.

Jena8ly · December 2013

@tchavon1984, thank you.

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

Jena8ly said:
@tchavon1984, thank you.

You are very welcome. I just dont agree with ppl bullying someone into believing in their idea of whats "right".... Ive learned its best to ask other family members who are married other then posting any serious questions on this site... sad, its meant to help brides to be but its not what you get

buttercup1958 · December 2013

Personally I wouldn't be to happy to see a "redo". Either invite me to the real thing or not. Court house weddings can be and are special too, so saying it isn't a ceremony is really uncool. There are other dates and other venues. But you don't have other family and friends. You can't hurt venues and dates but you can definitely hurt your loved ones feelings.

6fsn · December 2013

Tchavon1984 said:

@tchavon1984, thank you.
You are very welcome. I just dont agree with ppl bullying someone into believing in their idea of whats "right".... Ive learned its best to ask other family members who are married other then posting any serious questions on this site... sad, its meant to help brides to be but its not what you get

The problem here is that family members tend to blow smoke up your ass. They won't tell you how annoying it would be to go to two events or how rude it is to redo a wedding.

I can't wait to hear what happens tomorrow though.

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

6fsn said:

Tchavon1984 said:

@tchavon1984, thank you.
You are very welcome. I just dont agree with ppl bullying someone into believing in their idea of whats "right".... Ive learned its best to ask other family members who are married other then posting any serious questions on this site... sad, its meant to help brides to be but its not what you get

The problem here is that family members tend to blow smoke up your ass. They won't tell you how annoying it would be to go to two events or how rude it is to redo a wedding.

I can't wait to hear what happens tomorrow though.

I dont know about your family but my family has my best interest at heart and will tell me what I need to hear not what I want. I'm pretty sure she knows to go to an outspoken and upfront family member that will tell her the truth and not ppl pleasing cousin Penny.

jennybean1121 · December 2013

If you want to get married on that special day than get married on that special day. If you insist on having a ceremony Saturday, that's ok too but come Sunday I would not recommend you walk down an aisle in a white dress and put on a show/play for everyone to watch you do what you just did. People are taking time off, attending a wedding and expecting to see the real deal. As a guest I would be pissed if I found out they are re-enacting what they did yesterday. I'm all for getting married on Saturday and throwing the party ("reception") Sunday without another ceremony!

You posted the question so you're getting answers whether you like them or not, you don't have to listen to us and yes we are just girls on the internet but we do not know you and we will never think of you past today so you could not be getting more non-bias answers. If you want that venue and anniversary so badly than wait another year and have it 12/13/15. Just my opinion.

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

I never said it was bullying to state an opinion. I stated mine just like you did. But if a person doesnt agree with your opinion agree to disagree and keep it moving. When you keep forcing your opinion after its been received then its going too far. I agree with you that she needs to make a choice on the date or the venue. I stated that. What she does from there on is up to her.

thejucheidea · December 2013

My husband and I wanted to get married on our dating anniversary (10/18), but that was on a Friday this year, so we moved it to a Saturday (10/19) for the benefit of our guests. Sometimes you have to bump things around a bit to make it easier for your guests.

delujm0 · December 2013

12/13/14 is the new 06/07/08 - a date on which we were invited to THREE different weddings. I appreciate that it's your actual anniversary and therefore holds important significance for you - but lots of people just think it's "cool" to have their wedding on a numerically ascending date, so i'm not surprised you've run into trouble. I already have one save the date for 12/13/14. I'd be surprised if I didn't get at least one more.

That having been said, BREATHE. And if you don't hear back from the venue before Friday, be down there Friday morning, check in hand. The venue wants money. If the other bride doesn't pay them, they will let the next person in line have it. If the other bride takes it, you have to make a decision - change the date or change the venue. If you want to stick with 12/13/14, put a deposit down somewhere ASAP - as i said, it's going to be a VERY popular date i think.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

Popular wedding dates in recent years have included: 7.7.7., 8.8.8., 9.9.9., 10.10.10, 11.11.11, 12.12.12, 5.6.7, 6.7.8, 9.10.11., and 10.11.12.

I don't get the popularity of ascending dates, but I recognise that people like them. Your date, especially falling on a weekend, is going to be hugely popular. If this venue doesn't work out, be prepared to make another decision quickly.

Tchavon1984 · December 2013

I dont know where you are located. Im in South Fla and my wedding is on the same day as well. I started looking for a venue about 2 weeks after getting engaged and everything was booked already I dont think necessarily bcuz of the date but also because its 2 weeks before Christmas and people are booking for their holiday parties. Im hoping you get your dream location but dont be discouraged if you dont. You'll find a nice venue but you'll def have to book as early as possible

The Venue of My Dreams and the other bride

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