To pay or not

hlvonb · December 2013

Here's the situation. My older sister is one of my bridesmaids. She lives in Minnesota so I told her it was perfectly fine for her to go to David's Bridal by her to get her dress instead of making the 8 hour drive to me. I sent her an email with all the information she would need such as the color I wanted (Horizon) and pictures of the dresses the other girls got so she could see what they picked. She sent me a text a couple weeks later saying she found a dress and had ordered it. Yay! That was awesome! (This was about 4 months ago)

Well today she was at my parents house for our family Christmas. She brought her dress so I could see it in person. When she showed it to me, it looked like it was darker than what the other dresses were. So, I took the fabric swatch of the color I wanted and held it up against the dress. Yupp. Darker. Next step, (since the other dresses are being stored at my parents house) compare my sister's dress to the other girls' dresses (in terms of color). Well, it was darker than the other dresses. Her dress was a whole shade darker. Her dress was Royal Blue.

Well while talking to her, I found out the dress was not part of the David's Bridal bridesmaid dress line but rather their special occasion / cocktail dress line. No big deal. Then she told me the dress doesn't even come in Horizon so she couldn't get it in that color. This shocked me.

My mom was listening to the conversation and had seen the difference in color and we all knew my sister's dress would be the only one that was not the same color and said something about how my sister should not have bought that dress knowing it was not the color I wanted and knowing it couldn't come in the color I wanted.

The decision was made that my sister would get a new dress in the Horizon color. She is upset (understandably) and is saying I should pay for the new dress.

My thought is that I should not pay because she got a dress that she knew was the wrong color without making sure I would be okay with it first.

What do you think?

Teddy917 · December 2013

I think that she probably should've checked with you. But I think you should pay for the new one or let her wear the old one. Since she's the sister of the bride it might look ok if she stands out.

KytchynWitche · December 2013

Teddy's right, she SHOULD have checked with you. If it was me, I'd just go with it and let her wear the "wrong" dress. I can promise you, you'll be the only person who cares that it's different. My sister's MOH had a completely (and I do mean completely) different dress to the rest of the BP and not a single person outside of the family noticed.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

I would not pay. It's her mistake and she can pay to fix it.

I agree with PPs that you could just let her wear the dress and be different because she's the sister of the bride, but I do think people would notice. (I know that I would notice if one dress was a whole shade darker than the rest of them).

I think women see different dresses on WW members and assume that if one is different, that person is MOH. (If all the dresses are different, then it's designed to be that way.)

It's up to you what you want to do in terms of letting her wear it, but by no means should you pay because she deliberately ordered a dress in the wrong colour.

hlvonb · December 2013

I told her she can wear it anywhere she would like but not to the wedding since she knew what the color was and that it was not what I wanted. There is a reason I picked Horizon. When you're talking Horizon vs Royal Blue the difference is very noticeable. My parents (dad mostly) called me on the phone earlier and said that after talking with my sister about the dress (since I guess she was running her mouth) after FI and I left, he thinks she may have done it on purpose because I didn't make her my MoH. My dad said she was saying 'I'm the sister, I should be MoH. I am the important one". My dad knows her very well (better than I do since my relationship with her has always been a roller coaster) and if he's saying she did it on purpose then ugh. If she did it on purpose I know it's only a matter of time before we find out (she'll eventually admit to it if she did).

Maybe I just need to sleep on it but we shall see how things play out.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

I hope things work out but I agree with @HisGirlFriday13. She blatantly ordered the wrong color dress when you provided her all the information she needed to pick her dress out. I wouldn't pay for the second dress that's on her.

kmmssg · December 2013

B
Her one job is to buy the right dress and show up on time. She did this on purpose, it is evident by her statement to your parents and even they see it. It isn't your problem to fix this mess when it was intentional on her part.

cruffino · December 2013

No way this was an accident. She knew what she was doing.

EverAfer · December 2013

That sucks! I think you made it very easy and convenient for her to get it right. It sounds like she did it intentionally, esp if your parents think so. You should not have to spend money on it, it's up to her to fix the mistake.

I agree with @HisGirlFriday13, sometimes the MOH has a dress that's similar to the rest of the BMs but stands out from them. I wonder if that was her intentions, and if she will continue to try to do things like this because she wanted to be MOH. If that's the case, I would nip it in the butt.

pumpkinsandturkeys · December 2013

I agree that she definitely ordered a different colour purposefully. She's clearly pissed about the MOH situation and probably thought that by requesting you to pay for a second dress, you'd just give up, let her wear the wrong colour dress, and then she'd stand out the most and have more attention than the real MOH (and look as though she maybe is the MOH, considering her dress is a different colour). She's being selfish and manipulative, and I wouldn't leave anything else important under her control.

banana468 · December 2013

Do not pay her a dime. She knew the requirements and made a conscious CHOICE to disregard them. She needs to make this right out of her wallet.

blabla89 · December 2013

It's her fault, but can't she get David's to exchange it? I know it's not the store's fault but it can't hurt to ask, and if they say no then ask at a different store.

Pepper6 · December 2013

I agree with PPs, she knew the color and deliberately purchased a different one. Her fault, her responsibility to fix it on her own dime.

tmclawchick · December 2013

Eff that, I wouldn't pay either! Yuck!

MrsDeRuyter87 · December 2013

I definitely would not pay for a new dress especially if it was intentional (that is how it sounds) and if she does not come through with the appropriate dress then she should be removed from the WP all together.

misshart00 · December 2013

The only job of anyone in the bridal party is to get the dress. She didn't get the dress. So, she needs to either get the appropriate dress or not be in the wedding.

princessleia22 · December 2013

That is just horrible. I can't believe all the family drama that comes along with weddings. It's supposed to be a happy time, not the worst experience of your life. I've been very blessed to have little drama with my wedding planning... although it probably helps that I made my 2 sisters both MOH's. One of my sisters would have been very hurt if she wasn't MOH, but I still don't think she would have gone to that extreme.

I would say that it is your sisters responsibility to pay for the dress. You gave her specific instructions of what to order and she went against your wishes. See if she can exchange it at DB for the correct one. That may be an option as long as it hasn't been altered yet. And tell her that if she doesn't have the correct dress to wear, then she can't be in the wedding party. And if she wants to be deceitful like that and try to ruin your wedding, she doesn't deserve to be in it anyway.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

ITA with the others. I think you were very generous with everyone in letting them pick their own styles of dress, and she took more than blatant advantage of that. She knowingly bought the wrong dress, that's no one's fault but hers. What if she'd bought a red dress, because she doesn't like to wear blue? It's still not the right dress. Would you just let her wear that anyway? I wouldn't. Let her fix the problem, and if she won't, then she's saying she doesn't want to be in the bridal party. My sister chose a dress I hated for her wedding (I was MOH). I wasn't given a say because I wasn't paying for it. I hated the color, style, and how I looked in it. I told my mom and I my sister I wasn't comfortable with it. I feel that way to this day, and I don't have a picture of her and I together because I hate how unflattering it was on me. But I sucked it up and wore it anyway. Your sister can suck it up and wear the right color dress.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

Effing double post.

jdluvr06 · December 2013

She should have to pay for it since is it was her "mistake".

rmueller89 · December 2013

Well, your sister should have checked with you beforehand if she knew the color was different. It sucks for her, but I really think she's responsible for getting another dress. You said this is the color. Nothing more is on you at that point.

Belthil · December 2013

This is all on her and I wouldn't pay a dime if I was you, especially after the conversation with your dad. You were very specific in your email on what colour her dress needed to be. I'm not sure if you had any other requirements but DB has 80+ dresses available in that colour. It would be very difficult not to be able to find a dress.

It's a very pretty colour!

Chipmunk415 · December 2013

All she had to do was take in the style number and tell DB "Horizon." They definitely know the difference between their colors. OP should not have to pay for her to get a replacement dress, but perhaps offer to help find a buyer for the original if DB won't take it back? Prevents sis from saying "you won't do anything to help meeeee." OP can come right back and say "oh yes I did, I told you well in advance of the correct item, and tried to help you get financial restitution to fix YOUR deliberate mistake."

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

hlvonb said:

I told her she can wear it anywhere she would like but not to the wedding since she knew what the color was and that it was not what I wanted. There is a reason I picked Horizon. When you're talking Horizon vs Royal Blue the difference is very noticeable. My parents (dad mostly) called me on the phone earlier and said that after talking with my sister about the dress (since I guess she was running her mouth) after FI and I left, he thinks she may have done it on purpose because I didn't make her my MoH. My dad said she was saying 'I'm the sister, I should be MoH. I am the important one". My dad knows her very well (better than I do since my relationship with her has always been a roller coaster) and if he's saying she did it on purpose then ugh. If she did it on purpose I know it's only a matter of time before we find out (she'll eventually admit to it if she did).

Maybe I just need to sleep on it but we shall see how things play out.

What is she, five? Don't pay for her dress, this is entirely her problem and it sounds like she's just throwing a little tantrum. She KNEW you wanted Horizon, and chose a dress she KNEW didn't come in Horizon. That sounds fishy to me and I'd have to agree with your dad, I think she did it on purpose, because how do you accidentally order the wrong color when you KNOW you're ordering the wrong color? Also the fact that she KNEW the dress didn't even come in Horizon without having to go back online and check first is really fishy to me, if she really just accidentally chose the wrong color she wouldn't have noticed that it didn't come in Horizon, and she wouldn't have remembered that for 4 months. To be honest no part of this sounds accidental, she knew exactly what she was doing when she ordered the dress.

She just wants to wear a differently colored dress so that people will think she's the MOH, which is insanely disrespectful to you. That's basically like her saying "Screw you hlvonb, I'll be MOH anyways." Now she's freaking out because she didn't plan this well enough and she didn't expect you to tell her to get a new dress. Maybe she thinks you won't want to pay so you'll just give in and let her wear it.

Wether or not that is true, (Which it REALLY seems like it is, why else would she order the wrong color on purpose) absolutely none of this is your problem. You are not responsible for paying for this dress, it's her fault she got the wrong color, so she should pay for a new one.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

It totally sounds like she did it on purpose. Definitely don't pay for it.

hlvonb · December 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

This is 100 percent her fault. I don't know how you could have made it easier for her and she chose to go against what you asked and ordered something in the complete wrong color on purpose. You don't owe her anything and you should not pay for the dress. Did she do this on purpose to start a fight, I wonder?

@alisonmarie658

I am not sure if she did this to start a fight. I may never know. I talked to my mom this afternoon and she brought up the dress situation again. She mentioned that apparently my sister was pissed about having to get another dress that she actually considered dropping out of the wedding. My mom said that it looked like she was coming around and not going to step out since my mom said she saw her looking at dresses.

hlvonb · December 2013

lalalaurita said:

It's her fault, but can't she get David's to exchange it? I know it's not the store's fault but it can't hurt to ask, and if they say no then ask at a different store.

@lalalaurita

David's Bridal has an all sales final policy. It's across all of their stores. I don't think they allow exchanges either

hlvonb · December 2013

Belthil said:

This is all on her and I wouldn't pay a dime if I was you, especially after the conversation with your dad. You were very specific in your email on what colour her dress needed to be. I'm not sure if you had any other requirements but DB has 80+ dresses available in that colour. It would be very difficult not to be able to find a dress.

It's a very pretty colour!

@Belthil

My only requirements for the dress were:

- Horizon Color

- 1 inch above or below the knee

- A style they liked.

AddieCake · December 2013

She should pay for the dress since she didn't get the right color.

kmmssg · December 2013

hlvonb said:

alisonmarie658 said:

This is 100 percent her fault. I don't know how you could have made it easier for her and she chose to go against what you asked and ordered something in the complete wrong color on purpose. You don't owe her anything and you should not pay for the dress. Did she do this on purpose to start a fight, I wonder?

@alisonmarie658

I am not sure if she did this to start a fight. I may never know. I talked to my mom this afternoon and she brought up the dress situation again. She mentioned that apparently my sister was pissed about having to get another dress that she actually considered dropping out of the wedding. My mom said that it looked like she was coming around and not going to step out since my mom said she saw her looking at dresses.

And this is another example of her being manipulative and trying to get her way since she isn't MOH. Is she always like this or is this a behavior you haven't seen from her before.

You've been around awhile so you know that when you are reading someone's post you only have the info they have listed - not the whole lifetime history of a situation. My feeling about her is that she acts spoiled and manipulates to get her way. Am I on track here or making assumptions?

Belthil · December 2013

hlvonb said:

Belthil said:

This is all on her and I wouldn't pay a dime if I was you, especially after the conversation with your dad. You were very specific in your email on what colour her dress needed to be. I'm not sure if you had any other requirements but DB has 80+ dresses available in that colour. It would be very difficult not to be able to find a dress.

It's a very pretty colour!

@Belthil

My only requirements for the dress were:
- Horizon Color
- 1 inch above or below the knee
- A style they liked.

Yeah... it really wouldn't be hard to find a flattering dress that matched that description. I definitely stand by my comment that you don't need to give her a dime.

To pay or not

Re: To pay or not

Choose Another Board

Search Boards