Thank you cards for gift received in person?

JCbride2015 · December 2013

My aunt attended our engagement party in August but didn't send a card or gift. She is normally really thoughtful so I was sort of hurt by it at the time, but I didn't say anything. We also didn't send them a thank you card for attending the party, because that would seem gift-grabby. Well, she just gave us a belated engagement gift at Christmas! Fi and I opened the gift in her presence and thanked her, and passed it around and the family ooh'ed and aah'ed (cocktail utensils and a fancy mixer from Williams-Sonoma. I'm super excited to get my drink on).

Normally I would not send a thank you card for a gift I opened in front of the giver and was able to say thank you in person (I know some people do, I just never have). For example, if you mailed me a Christmas gift I would send a card; if you're my dad and I just opened it under the tree, I'm not sending you a card later.

But engagement gifts feel different. Should I send her a thank you card even though we have already thanked her in person? Would that just be weirdly formal?

And a note to lurkers... now I feel stupid for reading so much into her lack of a gift at the party (I thought my dad, who didn't want FPILs to throw the party and thought it was ridiculous, had somehow put her up to snubbing us or something). Sometimes people are just absent-minded and don't think of the gift right away, if at all. Hopefully that was my only bridezilla moment and there won't be any more!

photokitty · December 2013

I would send a thank you. It is expected that you send thank you notes for gifts recieved at any showers and you open those gifts in front of the giver. The same goes for birthday parties. Christmas gifts under the tree from immediate family are different imho.

freebread03 · December 2013

First, engagement gifts are certainly not mandatory (not that you said they were, but by saying you were hurt, you implied that you think you should have received a gift), and in a lot of circles (including mine), not customary. Second, of COURSE you need to send a thank you. I can't imagine not sending a thank you card for a gift-it's proper etiquette to do so. The only time I wouldn't send a thank you card for a gift would be to my parents (we don't send thank you cards between us like that). Even if I opened a gift in front of my aunt and uncle and thanked them in person, I'd still send them a card after the fact.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

Okay, I thought it seemed like engagement gift warranted a card, even though given under the tree. Thanks for confirming-- I think the shower example helps quite a lot.

freebread03 said:

First, engagement gifts are certainly not mandatory (not that you said they were, but by saying you were hurt, you implied that you think you should have received a gift), and in a lot of circles (including mine), not customary. Second, of COURSE you need to send a thank you. I can't imagine not sending a thank you card for a gift-it's proper etiquette to do so. The only time I wouldn't send a thank you card for a gift would be to my parents (we don't send thank you cards between us like that). Even if I opened a gift in front of my aunt and uncle and thanked them in person, I'd still send them a card after the fact.

And yep, I know gifts (including wedding gifts) should not be expected- did you read the last paragraph of my OP? Warning to lurkers not to expect gifts, because I was wrong to do so.

monkeysip · December 2013

I'll be honest, any CHRISTMAS gifts I opened in front of people, I never wrote a thank you note for. I was raised to write thank-yous for birthday gifts and christmas gifts received in the mail, but when we had Christmas at my aunt's house, for example, I didn't send a thank you to my parents (obviously) and didn't send a thank you to my aunt either. It's interesting the different customs though in different families.

If it was clearly an engagement gift, and not just your christmas gift though, I agree you should send a thank you note. Also, it's not like sending a thank you for a gift is ever a BAD thing. Who doesn't like to receive thank-yous? She may or may not expect one, but send one anyway.

freebread03 · December 2013

"and yep, I know gifts (including wedding gifts) should not be expected- did you read the last paragraph of my OP? Warning to lurkers not to expect gifts, because I was wrong to do so."

Actually, I did read the end of your post. I found your writing to be very unclear and you didn't specifically say that people shouldn't expect gifts because engagement parties aren't gift giving occasions. You actually said something more along the lines of "I thought my dad put her up to it" and "some people are just absent minded about gifts" so yeah, it still kind of sounds like you expected a gift, based on what you wrote. This isn't English class, so I don't expect everyone (or anyone) to be 100% clear on here, but don't imply that people should be able to read between the lines if you don't communicate well.

JCbride2015 · December 2013

Schatzi13 said:

I always send thank yous even if I opened the gift in front of someone and thanked him/her in person. I can understand why people don't, but I think it better to err on the side of polite.

I would definitely send a thank you for an engagement gift no matter where it was opened.

Thanks. She might think it's a little weird to receive, but we're just going to send her a card. It can't hurt.

Thank you cards for gift received in person?

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