Wedding Reception Forum

First Family Fued about Wedding Idea

So came up with an idea.  Both me and my fiancee have several generations of wedding photos and we are going to display them at the reception.  Only one couple is missing and that is my fathers parents.  So I called him up and asked if he could send a picture.  He said yes.  All is good. 

Until the next day.......

Phone rings and it is my father throwing a hissy fit of all hissy fits.  My parents are divorced and my mother has passed away.  I was going to use their photo as one of the couples.  He has since remarried and threw words and cursing my mother out and he does not want that picture and why would I do that.  I told him because of that wedding they gave birth to me and now I am getting married.

He told me that he won't buy his train ticket unless he hears I am doing something different and including his third wife.

What should I do?  Any suggestions?

Re: First Family Fued about Wedding Idea

  • Are you close with his third wife? If so, you could use both...one with his current and one of your parents.
  • So came up with an idea.  Both me and my fiancee have several generations of wedding photos and we are going to display them at the reception.  Only one couple is missing and that is my fathers parents.  So I called him up and asked if he could send a picture.  He said yes.  All is good. 

    Until the next day.......

    Phone rings and it is my father throwing a hissy fit of all hissy fits.  My parents are divorced and my mother has passed away.  I was going to use their photo as one of the couples.  He has since remarried and threw words and cursing my mother out and he does not want that picture and why would I do that.  I told him because of that wedding they gave birth to me and now I am getting married.

    He told me that he won't buy his train ticket unless he hears I am doing something different and including his third wife.

    What should I do?  Any suggestions?

    Did their marriage end on "good terms"? If not, then I could see why he would not want to display the photo. Also, he might be concerned that it would make his second wife uncomfortable. I'm sorry that your mother has passed, but is there a photo of her in her gown with her family or attendants that you can display without offending him? Even a photo of only her with you as a child would be better since their marriage did dissolve. Good luck with the rest of your planning, I hope you are able to resolve the issue quickly!
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  • While I think your dad's reaction sounds like overkill and rude, I don't disagree with his basic sentiment. My parents are divorced, and I imagine my mom would be less than pleased if I displayed their wedding photo, as would my remarried father and stepmother. I understand the photo has good meaning for you, but clearly for your father, the photo does not bring up happy thoughts (my mom would probably think of the photo as a smashed dream). I imagine the wedding he'd like to hold dear today is the one to his wife.

    I agree with choosing a different photo. Did your mom have a bridal portrait you could display instead?

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  • I generally don't think it's a good idea to display wedding photos of a marriage that ended at any time. I don't think a failed marriage is anything that anyone wants to reminisce about, but especially when they're celebrating another couple's happy marriage. 
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  • I generally don't think it's a good idea to display wedding photos of a marriage that ended at any time. I don't think a failed marriage is anything that anyone wants to reminisce about, but especially when they're celebrating another couple's happy marriage. 
    I agree.  I would find it very odd as a guest to be looking at a wedding photo of a couple that was divorced.  Clearly your father doesn't like the idea (and I'm sure his wife now isn't too fond of it).  Respect his feelings and don't use the photo.
  • JoanE2012 said:
    I generally don't think it's a good idea to display wedding photos of a marriage that ended at any time. I don't think a failed marriage is anything that anyone wants to reminisce about, but especially when they're celebrating another couple's happy marriage. 
    I agree.  I would find it very odd as a guest to be looking at a wedding photo of a couple that was divorced.  Clearly your father doesn't like the idea (and I'm sure his wife now isn't too fond of it).  Respect his feelings and don't use the photo.
    I agree too.  Even if you want to treat your parents as a unit because they were when you were conceived and born, it's no longer the case.
  • His current wife (unless you are close) is not the same as your mom. Display what you want. If I wanted to display my grandparents wedding photo I would do so regardless of what his current wife thought. Also I'd have a talk with your dad about being disrespectful towards your mother.
  • His current wife (unless you are close) is not the same as your mom. Display what you want. If I wanted to display my grandparents wedding photo I would do so regardless of what his current wife thought. Also I'd have a talk with your dad about being disrespectful towards your mother.
    Shouldn't old wedding photos displayed at a wedding depict marriages that, you know, last?  Wedding day = love, marriage, happily every after.  Why would you show a couple that is divorced?  It doesn't make sense.  

    Not to mention, the father is uncomfortable with displaying the photo and him and his ex-wife.  What about his feelings?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    His current wife (unless you are close) is not the same as your mom. Display what you want. If I wanted to display my grandparents wedding photo I would do so regardless of what his current wife thought. Also I'd have a talk with your dad about being disrespectful towards your mother.
    This won't go over well.  Trying to have a talk with someone who would issue this kind of ultimatum will be like slamming your head against a brick wall-and in fact, the OP would be being disrespectful towards him, because he ended his marriage to her mother.

    As much as the children of divorced and remarried parents would like to have their parents act as a couple and perhaps the new spouses to disappear, it is not a realistic wish, nor is it respectful of the new spouses.  This doesn't mean, OP, that you have to put out a wedding picture of your father and his new wife, but you do need to acknowledge, painful as it will be, that he and your mother stopped being a couple in your mother's lifetime and your father, however much he may or may not love you, isn't willing to acknowledge that they ever were one.  I think you need to let this one go.
  • I personally think those feelings are less important, than the OP wanting to display her mother's (who has passed) wedding photo. And I took the original idea as less the display of long lasting marriages than the display of the people and relationships that came before in both of their families
  • I personally think those feelings are less important, than the OP wanting to display her mother's (who has passed) wedding photo. And I took the original idea as less the display of long lasting marriages than the display of the people and relationships that came before in both of their families
    Why?  Why would her feelings be more important than the feelings of one half of the couple being portrayed?  If she wants a picture of her mother at her wedding she can use one that isn't a wedding picture. 



  • I think finding a photo of your mom in her dress alone or with her attendants is a wonderful idea. It's a great way to have your mom there, honor her and still not upset your dad or his wife. You don't have to have a picture of your dad with wife #3 if you don't feel comfortable doing so - but I'd also steer clear of him with any of his other wives - including your mom. 
  • abbyj700 said:
    I think finding a photo of your mom in her dress alone or with her attendants is a wonderful idea. It's a great way to have your mom there, honor her and still not upset your dad or his wife. You don't have to have a picture of your dad with wife #3 if you don't feel comfortable doing so - but I'd also steer clear of him with any of his other wives - including your mom. 
    Having a photo of her mother in wedding attire or with her attendants would probably still piss off the OP's father because it was from their wedding.

    So, OP, have a non-wedding photo of your mother there if you do this.
  • I would instead just choose "throwback" photos. Do you have a photo of you and your dad from when you were a child? And perhaps one of just you and your mom? Or individual photos of your parents separately from younger years?
  • Jen4948 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    I think finding a photo of your mom in her dress alone or with her attendants is a wonderful idea. It's a great way to have your mom there, honor her and still not upset your dad or his wife. You don't have to have a picture of your dad with wife #3 if you don't feel comfortable doing so - but I'd also steer clear of him with any of his other wives - including your mom. 
    Having a photo of her mother in wedding attire or with her attendants would probably still piss off the OP's father because it was from their wedding.

    So, OP, have a non-wedding photo of your mother there if you do this.
    I disagree.  I think having a photo of her mother in her wedding dress or with her attendants is a beautiful way to honor her mother who can't be at the wedding. It is not focusing on the marriage that didn't last, it is focusing on the connection between mother and daughter on their wedding days - regardless of how long the marriage lasted.

    I do think it is a good idea to leave out the photo of her parents together at their wedding.  I understand where OP is coming from and the sentiment is lovely but if her father is uncomfortable with it then it is best to leave it out.  
  • Jen4948 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    I think finding a photo of your mom in her dress alone or with her attendants is a wonderful idea. It's a great way to have your mom there, honor her and still not upset your dad or his wife. You don't have to have a picture of your dad with wife #3 if you don't feel comfortable doing so - but I'd also steer clear of him with any of his other wives - including your mom. 
    Having a photo of her mother in wedding attire or with her attendants would probably still piss off the OP's father because it was from their wedding.

    So, OP, have a non-wedding photo of your mother there if you do this.
    I disagree.  I think having a photo of her mother in her wedding dress or with her attendants is a beautiful way to honor her mother who can't be at the wedding. It is not focusing on the marriage that didn't last, it is focusing on the connection between mother and daughter on their wedding days - regardless of how long the marriage lasted.

    I do think it is a good idea to leave out the photo of her parents together at their wedding.  I understand where OP is coming from and the sentiment is lovely but if her father is uncomfortable with it then it is best to leave it out.  
    Regardless of how "beautiful" a way you think this is to "honor her mother who can't be at the wedding," the OP's father is going to probably be intensely pissed if the photo used is a wedding photo.  He, and probably his new wife, are going to react to it as though the OP smacked them across their faces.  So I think that any wedding photos from the OP's parents' wedding, whether or not the father is in them, should not be used.

    Where I do think the father would be totally wrong is if he insists that the mother not be remembered and/or that there be no photos of her at all.
  • I completely agree with your father.  It would be very hurtful to his wife to see a his wedding picture with his ex wife.    

    This seems like a silly idea to be creating such a problem.  Whether you like it or not, there is a problem, and I'd just give up on doing the whole picture thing all together.  It's not worth any issue for something so insignificant.  I think it's a nice thing to do when everyone's parents are still married, because then you are paying homage to successful marriage, but this isn't the case in this scenario.

    I could see having a picture of just your mother in her dress, but I think that would look odd next to pictures of couples.  Just skip it- it's no big deal. 
  • OP how important is this to you?
  • I generally don't think it's a good idea to display wedding photos of a marriage that ended at any time. I don't think a failed marriage is anything that anyone wants to reminisce about, but especially when they're celebrating another couple's happy marriage. 
    I definately agree! My sister had a display at her wedding of my parents on their wedding day and our grandparents on their wedding day and the same with her husband's family, I really want to do the same but my fiance's parents are divorced and I don't think a wedding is ever a good time to bring up the d word
  • I see no issue with showing a pic of your mom in her dress and/or with her BMs but I do not think you should have a pic of your parents together on their wedding day.  It is a slap in the face to dad and the new wife.  As far as just a pic of mom?  Dad can get over that one.
  • Talk to your dad about the pic of just your mom in her dress. It shows love and respect and should be something the two of you can do together. Explain why you'd like to have it - and then hear his side of everything. Be calm and try to really listen to his perspective. 
  • First you should ask the people that you plan to display photographs of. It's their house not yours. He's made his position clear. Don't use it.

     

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