Wedding Etiquette Forum

I think FI's priest just suggested we have a PPD

So long story short: we were supposed to get married in FI's church, but he didn't submit certain paperwork that they needed and now it's too late for us to do all the stuff they need us to do before the wedding. We've already booked and put deposits down on all our other vendors so we didn't want to change the date and lose all that money.

So FI's priest called me today and told me that we should go ahead and have the celebration with our family that we have planned and then once all the requirements for the church are done we can have our actual marriage performed in the church later with just us because he thinks it's important that our marriage ceremony is performed in the church. 

I realize it would actually be a reverse PPD because we would be having a celebration and then getting married later, but I'm not interested in doing this. I can't believe he even suggested it.
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Re: I think FI's priest just suggested we have a PPD

  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    is there anyway the paperwork can be rushed in and completed?
    Anniversary
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    melbelleupdoeydoKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLost
  • Wow that royally sucks! Lemme get this straight, priest fs up and to rectify he suggest you do a pretend wedding??? That's like pouring salt on a wound! What he needs to do is either rush order the needed papers on his dime or reimburse you all for your time and expenses or I'd find a different church
  • There was a post similar to this recently. The only difference was that she found out after the fact and not before. I would say as long as you are truthful to your guests it's fine. But I would recommend seeing if you can change dates with your vendors before deciding anything.
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    FI already asked about rushing the paperwork and they said it wasn't possible. FI even offered to pay extra to have them do it faster and they said no. 

    @Teddy917: While some people may think it's ok as long as you tell them what you're doing my family would be pissed that I asked them to come to a fake wedding and then got married later without them there. There's no way I would ever do that. I'm only getting married once. Our wedding is in 4 1/2 months so I don't have any plans to try and change it now. I've already spent all this time and money to plan a wedding and I'm not going to do it all over again. I feel bad for FI that we can't get married in his church, but it's partly his fault that we can't too. If it was that important then he should have made sure it was taken care of. 


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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out.

    But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    [Deleted User]melbelleupKeptInStitchesRebeccaB88
  • Teddy917 said:
    There was a post similar to this recently. The only difference was that she found out after the fact and not before. I would say as long as you are truthful to your guests it's fine. But I would recommend seeing if you can change dates with your vendors before deciding anything.
    Me! 
  • tammym1001 So what you're saying is that you wont be "legally" married on the day you are going to have your wedding. You will be legally married at a later date?

    And all of this is because the priest screwed up?
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Is it possible he meant get legally married, and then have a private blessing in the church later? Id be pissed though

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out. But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    It's really both of their faults. I'm giving myself a pass on this one because I have no idea the rules and regulations of his church and I just assumed that he did and it was all taken care of. It's very frustrating, but we were going to come up with a back up plan and just find someone to marry us at our reception venue instead. I just couldn't believe that his priest suggested that be fake and we get married for real later. Before I came to TK I didn't even know that people did PPD's, but apparently it's more common that I think if the priest thinks it's ok. LOL
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    MrsDeRuyter87
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Lily9911 said:
    tammym1001 So what you're saying is that you wont be "legally" married on the day you are going to have your wedding. You will be legally married at a later date?

    And all of this is because the priest screwed up?

    Yes that's what the priest suggested, but I have no intentions of doing that. I'm getting married for real on my wedding day. 
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out. But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    Sorry, but I 100% agree with this. This was definitely on you guys to get this done in time and if churches have wedding requirements (especially Catholic ones) they are upfront about it and stick to those requirements. I don't exactly feel sorry in this situation.

    ETA: grammar is hard
    I wasn't asking anyone to feel sorry for me. We can't get married in his church so we will figure something else out. It is what it is. I was really just telling the story to explain why the priest suggested we have a PPD. I thought it was crazy that he would even suggest we have a fake wedding. That was the only point of my post.
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  • If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out. But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    It's really both of their faults. I'm giving myself a pass on this one because I have no idea the rules and regulations of his church and I just assumed that he did and it was all taken care of. It's very frustrating, but we were going to come up with a back up plan and just find someone to marry us at our reception venue instead. I just couldn't believe that his priest suggested that be fake and we get married for real later. Before I came to TK I didn't even know that people did PPD's, but apparently it's more common that I think if the priest thinks it's ok. LOL
    This is all confusing to me. What kind of paper work needs to be given to the priest in order to legally marry you in the church? Wouldn't you need similar paperwork for some officiant to marry you at your reception?
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Lily9911 said:
    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out. But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    It's really both of their faults. I'm giving myself a pass on this one because I have no idea the rules and regulations of his church and I just assumed that he did and it was all taken care of. It's very frustrating, but we were going to come up with a back up plan and just find someone to marry us at our reception venue instead. I just couldn't believe that his priest suggested that be fake and we get married for real later. Before I came to TK I didn't even know that people did PPD's, but apparently it's more common that I think if the priest thinks it's ok. LOL
    This is all confusing to me. What kind of paper work needs to be given to the priest in order to legally marry you in the church? Wouldn't you need similar paperwork for some officiant to marry you at your reception?
    No. FI's church is a Catholic church and he was married before. He didn't turn in all the paperwork for his annulment in time so they won't marry us in the church and the priest isn't allowed to marry us outside the church. We can have another officiant marry us at our reception venue without any problems. 
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    melbelleupMrsDeRuyter87
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer





    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out.

    But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.

    Sorry, but I 100% agree with this. This was definitely on you guys to get this done in time and if churches have wedding requirements (especially Catholic ones) they are upfront about it and stick to those requirements. I don't exactly feel sorry in this situation.

    ETA: grammar is hard

    I wasn't asking anyone to feel sorry for me. We can't get married in his church so we will figure something else out. It is what it is. I was really just telling the story to explain why the priest suggested we have a PPD. I thought it was crazy that he would even suggest we have a fake wedding. That was the only point of my post.

    I'm sorry. I don't think my post was clear. I don't blame you. I just said IF it was your fault. IF you didnt fill out the paperwork. Etc. I think the priest is in the wrong here.
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @misshart00 - no that wasn't directed at you. A pp quoted you on that and so it put you in my quote box also.
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    misshart00
  • Is it that important to get married at that church or by this priest? I would just pick someone else to officiate.

    Wedding Black & White, Sepia
    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    debmonn said:
    Is it that important to get married at that church or by this priest? I would just pick someone else to officiate.
    It's not to me. That's why I left all the stuff with the church up to him. I'm not Catholic and I don't know their rules and customs so I was counting on him to take care of it. Since he didn't get it handled we are just going to have someone else marry us at our reception venue. 
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like he could have been suggesting you get legally married on the day that you have your reception but have a convalidation or blessing in the church afterwards? That's what I would do if the Priest was okay with it.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Wait, why exactly is it her priest's fault? She just said her FI is the one who didn't hand in the paperwork.  Not understanding why you're blaming the priest here. It's not his job to chase down her FI and make him submit his paperwork.


    Glad it'll work out though.
    </blockquote

    I was wondering the same thing. Figuring out the annulment stuff is not the job of the priest. My brother and sister had to go through this process and they did the research and met all the deadlines. Is it possible another church would do it?
    doeydo
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Oh wait. Your fiancé didn't submit the paperwork? I thought the priest didn't do what he was supposed to do. So yeah, your fiancé's fault. But I'm glad it worked out to get married at the reception venue.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So your FI's priest suggested a PPD because your FI didn't submit paperwork on time?

    Both men's hands got dirty.

    But I'm glad you can get married at the reception venue.  If you are going to be Catholic, maybe you can have a convalidation later.
    PrettyGirlLostawleia1
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Lily9911 said:
    If it was your fault that the paperwork wasn't completed, then I would say you have to suck it up and figure it out. But since it's the priest's fault, I would be ticked. I have no advice but I'm sorry you were just informed of this.
    It's really both of their faults. I'm giving myself a pass on this one because I have no idea the rules and regulations of his church and I just assumed that he did and it was all taken care of. It's very frustrating, but we were going to come up with a back up plan and just find someone to marry us at our reception venue instead. I just couldn't believe that his priest suggested that be fake and we get married for real later. Before I came to TK I didn't even know that people did PPD's, but apparently it's more common that I think if the priest thinks it's ok. LOL
    This is all confusing to me. What kind of paper work needs to be given to the priest in order to legally marry you in the church? Wouldn't you need similar paperwork for some officiant to marry you at your reception?
    For my husband and I to be married in the Greek Orthodox church we had to send paperwork up to San Francisco. They had to make sure that we were both baptized and were not previously married. If we had been previously married we would have needed additional paperwork. Then we had to wait for approval from the church to move forward with the wedding. I can't remember how far in advance we had to do the paperwork but I think it was at least a couple months prior to the wedding. To have the state of CA recognize our marriage we had to get a license which we could make an appointment to get fairly quickly and then use the same day. Not sure what religion the OP is talking about but there are some churches that require paperwork in advance.
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    It was FI's fault that he didn't get the paperwork in on time, but he was relying on when the priest told him that he needed it too so it was both their faults. 

    @Ic07 - I'm not sure what that is, but he said that it was important that we get married in the church and we could still have our celebration with our family on the date we already had set. I took it to mean that he wanted our actual marriage to take place in the church later, but maybe that isn't what he meant. 

    @Jen4948 - no I don't have any plans to become Catholic.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Your FI can also try to get a convalidation performed on your wedding after the annulment goes through.  I was wondering what paperwork couldn't be completed in 4 months, but an annulment makes sense.  The convalidation doesn't need to be a big to do.  It can be performed in the middle of any Sunday mass even.  I would invite just FI and your imediate families.  According to the Church, this wouldn't be a redo.  I would just keep it small.

    PrettyGirlLostKittyKaty20
  • So long story short: we were supposed to get married in FI's church, but he didn't submit certain paperwork that they needed and now it's too late for us to do all the stuff they need us to do before the wedding. We've already booked and put deposits down on all our other vendors so we didn't want to change the date and lose all that money.

    So FI's priest called me today and told me that we should go ahead and have the celebration with our family that we have planned and then once all the requirements for the church are done we can have our actual marriage performed in the church later with just us because he thinks it's important that our marriage ceremony is performed in the church. 

    I realize it would actually be a reverse PPD because we would be having a celebration and then getting married later, but I'm not interested in doing this. I can't believe he even suggested it.
    Thank you for taking the appropriate route here! I'm glad everything worked out for you.
    misshart00tammym1001
  • So long story short: we were supposed to get married in FI's church, but he didn't submit certain paperwork that they needed and now it's too late for us to do all the stuff they need us to do before the wedding. We've already booked and put deposits down on all our other vendors so we didn't want to change the date and lose all that money.

    So FI's priest called me today and told me that we should go ahead and have the celebration with our family that we have planned and then once all the requirements for the church are done we can have our actual marriage performed in the church later with just us because he thinks it's important that our marriage ceremony is performed in the church. 

    I realize it would actually be a reverse PPD because we would be having a celebration and then getting married later, but I'm not interested in doing this. I can't believe he even suggested it.
    It's only a true reverse PPD if pancakes are involved. 

    Rules is rules!

    MrsDeRuyter87tammym1001mimiphinfirebabe6519
  • the priest doesn't seem super helpful here; and it seems like it's his fault that this happened.  If i were you, i would hire someone to do a legal wedding ceremony at your venue before your celebration.  if it is important to your FI that his church recognize his marriage, you can do a church ceremony later when the paperwork is completed.  However, you would be legally married before your reception this way, so doing a private religious ceremony later, just you and your FI, wouldn't be wrong.  Just don't invite anyone else or celebrate it in any way.
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