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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ChemFanatic25
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Open bar - someone still wants to bring a flask
Hi, I have been lurking for a while and created an account. I have been reading a lot of the ettiquette I haven't posted anything until now but I have a question that I believe is etiquette related. My fiance and I are getting married in April and we are having an open bar. The person who owns the venue does not allow shots whatsoever. He also said that if he saw someone was getting too rowdy that he would cut them off for a while, provide them water or coffee and hopefully nothing would get out of hand. He explained that he has had bad experiences and he felt this was a responsible decision. Makes sense, still an open bar, can't really complain. I was talking to my sister who I have chosen for my maid of honor and I told her what he said. She likes to party and drink, she's in college, no big deal. I was taken aback when she said that his policy was stupid and that if she can't do shots there she was going to bring a flask. She said that she wants to get "absolutely smashed" at my wedding because what else do you do at a wedding?
So my question is, how do I address this? I don't want someone bringing a flask, especially when there is an open bar. It seems really rude to me. Or would it be just as rude of me to say something? My old college friends are huge drinkers but even they aren't going to be doing something like this.
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Re: Open bar - someone still wants to bring a flask
Also, what's the venue policy on outside alcohol? I would be willing to bet they don't allow any, in which case your sister could have her flask confiscated, you could be fined, or she could even be kicked off the premises. Warn her about the potential consequences.
Remind her that her drunkenness will be immortalized in your reception pictures forever.
As the mom of 4 grown DD's I wouldnt hesitate to get involved with a MAJOR Come to Jesus meeting on this topic. Is she over 21? If not, that opens another can of worms.
I would, in no uncertain terms, remove any of my grown children from a family wedding if they had a goal of getting smashed. You are NOT getting smashed in front of Grandpa where I will have to hear about that for the rest of his life. You also aren't going to embarrass me at a party I am hosting. If your sister is getting married, you can stay sober and get smashed at the after party with your friends.
If so, let your sister know that you will have security at your wedding and they will remove anyone, including her, who "gets smashed" or otherwise behaves improperly, and follow through if she ignores that or acts dismissive when you tell her. Maybe the only way to put a stop to her selfish, immature behavior is to let her face the consequences when she does.
I realize this is an extreme reaction, but you might need to use it as a last resort if she can't get it through that solid bone she calls a skull that you are not inviting her to your wedding for the purpose of "getting smashed."
And if someone's doing something unsafe, it seems to me that if you ask them not to, 1) you're asking them to change their habits not "just for you" but for everyone in the world and 2) that isn't rude because issues of safety are involved. Safety trumps etiquette.
I would just tell her she's going to look like an idiot if she's trased and swigging booze from a flask all night when free booze is readily available.
Also, as MOH, if she's planning to make a speech, tell her you'd appreciate it if she would stay sober until that's over. Because otherwise she'll probably make a fool of herself. But unless you think she has a serious drinking problem (which it doesn't sound like she does - it sounds more like she's just a big college partier who hasn't outgrown binge drinking yet), you really can't control her. She's the one that's liable to look bad - not you.
A flask opens her, you, your wedding, and your venue up to legal troubles. They could lose their ABC license. You could be fined. She could be fined or kicked out.
I would just tell her "sister, we will have a full open bar. A flask is not permitted at the venue, and if you bring one, you will be asked to leave immediately and security will escort you out. Make your decisions carefully."
Then follow through and have her removed. Her immaturity and stupidity should not be your problem or concern your wedding day. You'll have security so let them kick her out if needed.