Avoiding response cards

TheGrimReaper · January 2014

I find that many people do not read the entire thread before posting.

monkeysip · January 2014

Sars06

You would think it would be self-evident, but there are actually some weddings where people don't expect an RSVP.... it's just "open house" and people show up. It's weird to me, but some people actually plan weddings this way. So your guests might just assume that's what's up nowadays if you didn't include an RSVP card.

Sars06 · January 2014

phira said:

Look, you're being really weirdly unreasonable about this.

Have you ever hosted a dinner party before? If you don't know who's coming to the party, you don't know how much food to make. You might make too much and waste a lot of money, or you might make enough for the 5 people who told you they'd be coming, but not for the 4 people who showed up without telling you they could make it, or the 3 people your 5 original guests brought with them.

As for your complaint that people shouldn't have to choose what entree they want when they don't know exactly what the entree options are, you could include a full description of the entrees on your response cards, or you could include the information on a wedding website. That's what we're doing, since we have a lot of guests with dietary restrictions.

It is NOT rude to ask people to choose in advance what they would like to eat; it's no more rude than offering one option. Additionally, split entrees cost more money ... and that makes SENSE. It takes more effort, money, and coordination to offer multiple entrees. Why wouldn't it cost a few extra dollars per person?

I think that the point here is that you've already decided you think response cards are rude, you think you don't need to give your caterer an accurate head count, and you think that asking guests to choose an entree is insulting to your guests. So, what do you want us to tell you?

Please see my previous responses in this thread. We will send the response cards.

AddieCake · January 2014

Phira, she already came around.

phira · January 2014

This is what happens when I post while taking cold medicine. Sorry!

Sharpschruter22 · January 2014

I had a description of each meal on our menu response cards, not just the name like most I have received have done. I think it is fairly easy for guests to determine what they want to eat if they have a description of each of their choices in advance.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

I've been to weddings where there was a response card, but no dinner option. I always assume it's a buffet or stations, but a few have had table side ordering. I don't know why it matters if people move around and mingle. Not every wedding that has dinner options on the response card needs the escort card to have the option- this is venue specific. Most of the time I have been asked at the table what I ordered. As long as you have assigned tables and people more or less stay in the same seat for dinner, it works out fine.

LizM61409 · January 2014

Another option to consider is a buffet- no entree selection required on the part of your guests, but you would still want to know how many are coming.

indianaalum · January 2014

Sars06 said:

For the record, Miss Manners advises that response cards are incorrect because they imply that your guests don't know how to respond to an invitation.

Obviously, however, they are very common these days. I would still prefer to avoid them if I can. But if you guys don't mind them, I'm probably being needlessly fussy about this.

Trust us married folks, you NEED response cards.

I had pre-stamped reply cards where people simply checked whether they were coming, and people STILL didn't send them back so I had to track them down. if you REALLY think people will call you or write a "letter" to tell you are they are coming, you are just asking for the headache that you will receive

kgd7357 · January 2014

We are doing your option a. Our venue has a $10/pp up charge, which really adds up for a 180 person wedding, to do any additional entree options besides dietary issues. Although, the venue will do special dietary requests ahead of time, and guests can switch to vegetarian on that night for no up charge. The waitstaff is just asking if anyone prefers vegetarian when they bring out the salads. We are actually putting the menu up on the website too with a note saying to let us know if you have any dietary restrictions, as all dishes can be modified. I figured it's also nice, since if you know the entree isn't your cup of tea then you can fill up on more apps or what not.

doeydo · January 2014

Honestly, if I received a wedding invitation with no response card for me to send back I would be like

and then end up asking someone I know who is also going to the wedding if they attempted to RSVP via phone or letter or if they assumed that you didn't need any RSVPs. I genuinely think nowadays people expect response cards.

melbelleup · January 2014

Sars06 said:

AddieL73 said:

Sars06 said:

It's a restaurant - they estimate every day what people are going to order without getting a count in advance.

And I expect that my guests will RSVP.

How? By tracking down a phone number or something for you and calling? How will they know when the deadline to do this is?

Our address would be on the invitation. I am surprised that everyone is so confused by this. Would you really not respond to an invitation if it didn't include a pre-addressed, stamped envelope?

Ugh, I'm done reading. thanks for making an interesting thread. Anyways, No. I would not respond. The bride can then call me or not call me. I will show up or not show up. That's like when people do showers and say to call for RSVP... to me that translates to: cal if you're coming. I won't call if I'm not coming. But I still get asked if I'm coming... anyways, do whatever you want, but know you will be making tons of phone calls to figure out how many guests will be there.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

Sars06 said:

firebabe6519 said:

Just to help give you a different perspective... Having worked as a sous chef for a wedding venue, I can say from experience that table side ordering for even 40 or 50 guests is a huge hassle. Unless you want to be the bridezilla who forces guests to immediately sit and remain in their exact seats until food is served trying to get everyone's order can take up to an hour or two. In addition in order to avoid waste and losing a considerable chunk of change the kitchen would have to wait to prepare / cook the meals until after the order is received. You could be looking at up to an hour wait time after the orders are taken before your guests receive their meals. Its so much kinder to both guest and chef alike to simply have the selection already done before hand. It means smoother faster service for you and your guests as well as fewer mix ups.

Thanks for this perspective! I thought I remembered doing tableside ordering for weddings when I was a waitress, but I may be misremembering. I guess it's less common than I thought.

So then would you have some sort of notation on each guest's placecard indicating their order?

I've heard of great ideas of ways to indicate a guests menu choice without it being even obvious to the guest. One way is to use a stamp or or glue on a gem or piece of decoration or even a ribbon. People will think it's just looking pretty but the servers can be told in advance if their escort card has say a flower they get the chicken but ifit has a heart they get beef.

I know it's a pain to deal with RSVP cards, but to be honest, it's the best way to deal with it. The only option is if you provide a website for people to RSVP on and include a phone number for guests who may not be internet savy to be able to call you to RSVP.

I have learned while planning my own wedding that you have to take some of the information from Miss Manners and even this site with an open mind. They provide lots of great advice, but some of it is like"really?" Good luck with your planning

melbelleup · January 2014

Erikan73 said:

Sars06 said:

firebabe6519 said:

Just to help give you a different perspective... Having worked as a sous chef for a wedding venue, I can say from experience that table side ordering for even 40 or 50 guests is a huge hassle. Unless you want to be the bridezilla who forces guests to immediately sit and remain in their exact seats until food is served trying to get everyone's order can take up to an hour or two. In addition in order to avoid waste and losing a considerable chunk of change the kitchen would have to wait to prepare / cook the meals until after the order is received. You could be looking at up to an hour wait time after the orders are taken before your guests receive their meals. Its so much kinder to both guest and chef alike to simply have the selection already done before hand. It means smoother faster service for you and your guests as well as fewer mix ups.

Thanks for this perspective! I thought I remembered doing tableside ordering for weddings when I was a waitress, but I may be misremembering. I guess it's less common than I thought.

So then would you have some sort of notation on each guest's placecard indicating their order?

I've heard of great ideas of ways to indicate a guests menu choice without it being even obvious to the guest. One way is to use a stamp or or glue on a gem or piece of decoration or even a ribbon. People will think it's just looking pretty but the servers can be told in advance if their escort card has say a flower they get the chicken but ifit has a heart they get beef.
I know it's a pain to deal with RSVP cards, but to be honest, it's the best way to deal with it. The only option is if you provide a website for people to RSVP on and include a phone number for guests who may not be internet savy to be able to call you to RSVP.
I have learned while planning my own wedding that you have to take some of the information from Miss Manners and even this site with an open mind. They provide lots of great advice, but some of it is like"really?" Good luck with your planning

Also on top of this, we're doing ours by using different color stamps to indicate. I am using stamps anyways to put on the table numbers for the guests so it works perfectly. One meal will be teal, another purple and I haven't thought of kid's yet... it might be yellow if we go with the rubber duckie idea... LOL

delujm0 · January 2014

If you're doing a seated meal, put me in the camp of "indicate something on the RSVP card regardless of which meal option you go with." I don't eat fish or red meat. So when we see an invitation without a meal listed on the RSVP card, I assume it's a buffet. Big mistake. I've been to more than one wedding where the plate comes out with a steak and crabcake combo that gets wasted (unless FI can eat his own as well as mine) while I starve. If i had known what the set plate was, or even that there WAS a set plate, i could have requested vegetarian.

At a minimum, even if you just go with one meal, put a place for the guest to check if they want the vegetarian option. Generally, when i see that, i'll ask the bride/groom what the standard meal is, so that if it's something i don't eat i can plan accordingly.

I've never even heard of tableside ordering for a wedding...that would be super cool, but i'm not surprised that your caterer doesn't accomodate it.

CrystaH11 · January 2014

@Sars06, I am using online RSVP in lieu of the paper RSVP. We will include an insert with the address to the reception and then direct them to our wedding website to RSVP, and include a phone number to RSVP at as an alternative. We wanted to stay green, save postage, and save the money from ordering RSVPs as we are on a small, tight, budget.

Jen4948 · January 2014

CrystaH11 said:

@Sars06, I am using online RSVP in lieu of the paper RSVP. We will include an insert with the address to the reception and then direct them to our wedding website to RSVP, and include a phone number to RSVP at as an alternative. We wanted to stay green, save postage, and save the money from ordering RSVPs as we are on a small, tight, budget.

And what will you do with anyone who still doesn't RSVP because they're not computer-savvy enough to do that?

Online RSVPs "in lieu of" paper RSVPs aren't a good idea. Find other ways to stay green and cut costs.

CrystaH11 · January 2014

@Jen4948 that is why I will also be including my phone number for people to use. I have cut a lot of costs in many areas. Doing it online, not having to pay for RSVPs, envelopes, and stamps will save me $200-400, and that's a big chunk on a small budget wedding. The very large majority of my guests are computer savvy, and those who are older will have my phone number. Whether I send paper or use online RSVPs I will have to track down guests who didn't RSVP, just like any other bride.

misshart00 · January 2014

CrystaH11 said:
@Jen4948 that is why I will also be including my phone number for people to use. I have cut a lot of costs in many areas. Doing it online, not having to pay for RSVPs, envelopes, and stamps will save me $200-400, and that's a big chunk on a small budget wedding. The very large majority of my guests are computer savvy, and those who are older will have my phone number. Whether I send paper or use online RSVPs I will have to track down guests who didn't RSVP, just like any other bride.

Are you using TK's RSVP function?

CrystaH11 · January 2014

I was going to, but heard about how much it malfunctions, I've found other websites to look at per recommendations by other people.

dramamonkey · January 2014

I color coded our escort cards AND told the caterer how many of each meal were at each table. I did them in our wedding colors - teal for beef, purple for chicken, and gray for the vegetarians.

dramamonkey · January 2014

Photo for reference. Sorry....couldn't add it to my previous post.

RissAnn1970 · January 2014

If the venue requires it, people obviously need to do meal options on the response cards, but I never heard of it before coming here. I've been to many, many weddings over the years, most pretty formal, almost all sit-down dinners, from 30-300 people, and have always had tableside ordering. My own wedding was 100 people, 3 meal options plus veggie, and tableside ordering. No hour-long wait, no glitches. I suppose they cooked while the guests ate the first 2 courses.

kgd7357 · January 2014

Some of the wedding factories (multi ballroom event facilities) in NJ do incredible table side ordering. There are like 5 meal options and they come out on time. I was pleased at least that our venue double checks if anyone prefers the veggie meal when they bring out the salad course.

SP29 · January 2014

We included response cards, with the meal option on them. People could mail the response card back or RSVP on our wedding website. We still had people we had to track down for their response.

Do you have a wedding website? If so, you could describe the meal options more fully on the website.

The meal section on the response card also allowed guests to let us know about any dietary restrictions.

It's very common for venues to want to know a meal count. If you have 60 people place table side orders, how long will that take? Then how long will it take the kitchen staff to prepare 60 meals? Over an hour your guests will be sitting and waiting for food. Remember, a wedding event isn't like a restaurant where patrons are filtering in/out throughout the night at different stages of their meal- everything needs to be done at the same time for all guests.

wrigleyville · January 2014

dramamonkey said:

Photo for reference. Sorry....couldn't add it to my previous post.

Those are gorgeous!

JCbride2015 · January 2014

kgd7357 said:

Some of the wedding factories (multi ballroom event facilities) in NJ do incredible table side ordering. There are like 5 meal options and they come out on time. I was pleased at least that our venue double checks if anyone prefers the veggie meal when they bring out the salad course.

Hahaha, I live in NJ and also call them wedding factories! My dad actually lives right down the street from a pretty major one, which I won't name because I've seen several TK posters who got married there. One of my best friends did, too. They offer a really seamless experience, but it's just not my cup of tea.

MobKaz · January 2014

CrystaH11 said:

@Sars06, I am using online RSVP in lieu of the paper RSVP. We will include an insert with the address to the reception and then direct them to our wedding website to RSVP, and include a phone number to RSVP at as an alternative. We wanted to stay green, save postage, and save the money from ordering RSVPs as we are on a small, tight, budget.

My son and his wife also used an online RSVP. They used mywedding.com. They had no issues with it at all. The number of follow up RSVP's they had was no higher than when my daughter married and sent traditional RSVP cards. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same people.....because it generally isn't the format at fault as much as the respondee.

lovesclimbing · January 2014

We did not include response cards with our invitations. We had an afternoon cake and punch reception and guesstimated how many people would be there. We invited over 200 and I think about 100 showed. We ordered cake for about 130 based on our guesstimation numbers (guessed 120 would show, ordered for 130). So we had some extra cake at the end, but it worked really well. My mom, the B&G and the FMIL did the same thing with my sister's wedding a couple weeks ago.

So, yes, it can work, but I don't think it would for your wedding. Guesstimating numbers for a cake and punch reception is much different from guesstimating for a full sit-down meal. Our numbers were off by about 20 since we over-ordered 10 slices, so at about $2 a slice, we were only out $60 for those 30 slices that didn't get eaten.

However, numbers being off for a sit-down meal can be a significant cost for you. You say 60-80 people. Say you guesstimate 60 of your 80 will show, you have to over-order just in case and even over-ordering by just five people is over $600 wasted if those five don't show.

Havana2014 · January 2014

I've never received a wedding invitation where I've had to choose my meal in advance. The way it works here is that the B&G give the final numbers to the venue a few days before hand and they take it from there. Your order is then taken as you are seated. Never heard of there being an issue with a venue running out of anything ( though of course I can't guarantee it's NEVER happened). We will have a choice of two starters and two mains (and also options for vegetarian and coeliac)..

Avoiding response cards

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