Wedding Reception Forum

Is this a PPD?

mrsbananymrsbanany member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Wedding Reception Forum
Back Story: My FI and I are getting married in April 2015. He is in med school so finding a date that would work for both a wedding and a honeymoon was tough and we ended up deciding on right after USMLE Step 1 (he would take the test on Thursday or Friday, we would get married on Friday or Saturday). So obviously, not the best time but it was the easiest. My mom really does not like this idea because she says it will be too stressful with my FI studying nonstop for 6 weeks or more before the wedding. I also really wanted to have my reception at my beach house and obviously April is not the best time for that, but I got over it and have found other venues I like just as much.  

Now to the actual point of this post.  My mom is suggesting having a very small and intimate wedding with just immediate family (in April). FI's family is huge so that would still mean about 50 people.  But then my mom is suggesting having a party in the summer on a weekend and inviting the entire extended family, about 100 more people. She says this is a good way to satisfy my desire to have a reception at the beach house.  Regardless of if this is a PPD or not, I 100% do NOT want this. I had a cousin do this (at my beach house also) and thought it was extremely rude. My grandparents, the owners of the house, were not even invited to the ceremony but they hosted a party 6 months later at the house. My family thought it was beautiful, I wanted to throw up.  It would not be a mock ceremony or reception - no first dance, no wedding cake, no WP etc. It would just be a cookout to celebrate our marriage.  But honestly I think it is ridiculous and rude to the people who were not invited to the ceremony, not to mention gift-grabby.  I told this to my mom, she says ok and goes along with my wishes and checks out other venues (all within 30 min to my beach house because we would be having brunch  or an after party there) but is being very passive aggressive about the small wedding/bigger beach party.  The other issue is that she is paying for the wedding entirely. So would that be considered a PPD? Should I just let it happen since she is paying for it? 

Re: Is this a PPD?

  • Technically, without all the wedding-related activities, it's not a PPD.

    You're in a tough situation because your mom is paying for the wedding. I know it's short notice, but is there any way you and FI can afford to do something of your own so you can have the kind of celebration you want without your mom meddling? Perhaps just a cake and punch reception or something immediately following your ceremony. I don't really have much advice because my parents have stayed out of the planning completely.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Technically not a PPD. But not the wedding you want either.

    Can you do a belated honeymoon have the beach house wedding at a better less stressful time and then go on a nice vacation later?

    I have mixed opinions on "he who pays has the say". IMO if I offers to pay for my child's wedding it would be a gift and I would want them to use it to plan the wedding that makes them happy. Only hoping that I be involved in the planning but understanding the couple has final say. To me its like giving some one a lender and saying they have the right to dictate what you make with it. I know that doesn't often go that way. Why we're paying for the wedding ourselves. If you feel that mom's money is preventing you from having the wedding you want, politely decline.
  • Dont worry about PPD labeling, because apparently if you went to a courthouse on a friday and got married on saturday its a PPD, so let go of that. If your mom wants to pay for a big summer wedding let her? But she wont pay for an april wedding?? so strange right? Why doesnt she just host a family reunion? Its your wedding, do what you want regardless of where the money comes from or what anyone else wants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Im sorry shes being difficult, but its up to you and FH what you want to do
  • Anaelsea said:

    Dont worry about PPD labeling, because apparently if you went to a courthouse on a friday and got married on saturday its a PPD, so let go of that. If your mom wants to pay for a big summer wedding let her? But she wont pay for an april wedding?? so strange right? Why doesnt she just host a family reunion? Its your wedding, do what you want regardless of where the money comes from or what anyone else wants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    Im sorry shes being difficult, but its up to you and FH what you want to do
    .......I don't think PPD means what you think it means........
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    Anniversary
  • Anaelsea said:
    Dont worry about PPD labeling, because apparently if you went to a courthouse on a friday and got married on saturday its a PPD, so let go of that. If your mom wants to pay for a big summer wedding let her? But she wont pay for an april wedding?? so strange right? Why doesnt she just host a family reunion? Its your wedding, do what you want regardless of where the money comes from or what anyone else wants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Im sorry shes being difficult, but its up to you and FH what you want to do
    @anaelsea I love how you just don't even understand how the legal aspect of a wedding works??  And you give bad advice on purpose?  It must be so much funnnnn to be youuuuu!!!!!!!!!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • OP, this wouldn't be a PPD as others said, but if it's not what you want then your mom should respect that.  Either deal with her passive aggression, or just refuse her money and plan the wedding you and Fi want/ can afford.  I'm sorry your mom is being so controlling about your wedding.  I'm with @BecauseYouAre, if I ever gave my future kid money for his/her wedding, my first priority would be my child's happiness.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Fran1985 Fran1985 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    @anaelsea honestly is english not your first language? Not even being snarky it would explain a lot if it wasn't- it seems like you don't understand a lot of what people write or explain to you on these boards. 

    ETA- autocorrect typo

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  • She has been saying that is all up to me and so far I have had full control over which venues we looked at and pricing (I have been extremely conservative but my mother has given me quite a high budget).  I think her first priority is my happiness and I think that is part of the reason she has been pushing for the summer wedding because it would be at my beach house and she knows how badly I wanted to have it there.  We have had a pretty good dynamic as far as "he who pays has the say" for example I picked my top venues and she picked her preference of entree. I am sure we can work it out.  

    Thank you for clarifying the PPD thing though. Definitely makes more sense now!  
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