Back Story: My FI and I are getting married in April 2015. He is in med school so finding a date that would work for both a wedding and a honeymoon was tough and we ended up deciding on right after USMLE Step 1 (he would take the test on Thursday or Friday, we would get married on Friday or Saturday). So obviously, not the best time but it was the easiest. My mom really does not like this idea because she says it will be too stressful with my FI studying nonstop for 6 weeks or more before the wedding. I also really wanted to have my reception at my beach house and obviously April is not the best time for that, but I got over it and have found other venues I like just as much.
Now to the actual point of this post. My mom is suggesting having a very small and intimate wedding with just immediate family (in April). FI's family is huge so that would still mean about 50 people. But then my mom is suggesting having a party in the summer on a weekend and inviting the entire extended family, about 100 more people. She says this is a good way to satisfy my desire to have a reception at the beach house. Regardless of if this is a PPD or not, I 100% do NOT want this. I had a cousin do this (at my beach house also) and thought it was extremely rude. My grandparents, the owners of the house, were not even invited to the ceremony but they hosted a party 6 months later at the house. My family thought it was beautiful, I wanted to throw up. It would not be a mock ceremony or reception - no first dance, no wedding cake, no WP etc. It would just be a cookout to celebrate our marriage. But honestly I think it is ridiculous and rude to the people who were not invited to the ceremony, not to mention gift-grabby. I told this to my mom, she says ok and goes along with my wishes and checks out other venues (all within 30 min to my beach house because we would be having brunch or an after party there) but is being very passive aggressive about the small wedding/bigger beach party. The other issue is that she is paying for the wedding entirely. So would that be considered a PPD? Should I just let it happen since she is paying for it?