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Inviting "and guest" for rocky relationships

kns1988kns1988 member
250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
First time posting a thread... I have a question about invites to friends who are in rocky relationships but live with their SO.  For example, we have a friend with an on-again/off-again girlfriend who we've met multiple times, and they're currently living together.  We want to invite the friend plus one because all of our guests are getting plus ones, but we don't want to invite the girlfriend by name in case they break up again.  Is that considered rude?
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Re: Inviting "and guest" for rocky relationships

  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    yes, it is rude. invite with name
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yes, that would be rude and probably not help a couple who is already fighting. You're basically suggesting to his friend that he should bring a date that is not his girlfriend. 

    Just invite her by name; if they do breakup, I imagine she will decline to attend anyway. 
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  • kns1988kns1988 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    That makes sense.  Thanks for the reality check!
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers

    kns1988 said:
    First time posting a thread... I have a question about invites to friends who are in rocky relationships but live with their SO.  For example, we have a friend with an on-again/off-again girlfriend who we've met multiple times, and they're currently living together.  We want to invite the friend plus one because all of our guests are getting plus ones, but we don't want to invite the girlfriend by name in case they break up again.  Is that considered rude?
    Yes, it would be rude. When invitations go out, if they are a couple, you put both their names on the invitation. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • clarke10clarke10 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Yes, it would be rude. If they're in a relationship, they should both be invited by name. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Invite them by name.  The fact that the relationship might be rocky at the moment doesn't mean that it won't stabilize, and being invited as "And Guest" doesn't make the person in question feel welcome.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Invite her by name. If you find out they break up you can always tell the friend he/she's welcome to bring a friend or another guest to the wedding if he would like.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Are you're concerned about the GF showing up, if you put her name on the invite, even if your friend is no longer in a relationship with her? Generally, it's accepted that the primary invitee (your friend) is the person invited, and the GF is on the invitation, because she is the GF. If they break up, tell your friend he can invite someone else. 
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  • kns1988kns1988 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Yeah, laurynm84, that is what I was worried about. But that's a big "What if" and I'd rather not hurt feelings by deliberately writing "and guest." I'll include by name and hope for the best. 

    Thanks for the tips everyone!
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  • LizM61409LizM61409 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    What about for the STD? I have a friend with an on-again, off-again boyfriend. I'm about to send out my STDs (for my July wedding). I know if they're together at the 2 month mark his name will go on the invite, but not sure what to do now...
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    For an STD you can leave out the BF and just address it to your friend.  For the invitation, though, if your friend is in a relationship, you'll need to invite both parties.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LizM61409 said:
    What about for the STD? I have a friend with an on-again, off-again boyfriend. I'm about to send out my STDs (for my July wedding). I know if they're together at the 2 month mark his name will go on the invite, but not sure what to do now...
    It's the same. Put his name on the STD.  If they break up, invite her alone or with a guest.  

    It would be a slight to leave him off the STD, as that would suggest that you intend to invite her without him.  
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