PPD question

jdluvr06 · January 2014

So I think I'm starting to grasp the whole PPD thing. I was a little confused at first because it isn't a concept I'm familiar with. My question is would a vow renewal be considered a PPD? Like say your friends got married by a JOP but decided to do a ceremony for their 1 year anniversary or something like that, would that be considered a rude or tacky?

STARMOON44 · January 2014

I would consider it tacky. You shouldn't need to renew your vows after a year! And if you do, you can always do that privately.

jdluvr06 · January 2014

@starmoon44 that was just an example. I was just wondering if all vow renewal ceremonies would be considered rude or tacky.

delujm0 · January 2014

Most vow renewals aren't all-out bashes with receptions and therefore aren't gift-giving events. Also, most vow renewals sound different than actual wedding ceremonies, so you wouldn't be misleading your guests by doing something like this; for these reasons, they aren't really PPDs.

I do think it's silly to have one after one year...i think they're more applicable after 10, 15, 20, etc, or if the couple has had to overcome some kind of hardship that they want to celebrate the conclusion of. But yes, I would absolutely side-eye a vow renewal where the wife wore a wedding dress and they had a full reception with dancing and bouquet tosses, etc. A vow renewal isn't about a party. it's about renewing your promise to a person you love.

AddieCake · January 2014

No, not all vow renewals are tacky or equate to PPDs. I do side-eye vow renewals that take place any sooner than 5 years.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

jdluvr06 said:

So I think I'm starting to grasp the whole PPD thing. I was a little confused at first because it isn't a concept I'm familiar with. My question is would a vow renewal be considered a PPD? Like say your friends got married by a JOP but decided to do a ceremony for their 1 year anniversary or something like that, would that be considered a rude or tacky?

You do realize a JOP wedding is still a wedding ceremony, right? Doesn't matter if it's done in a court house, at the wedding reception site, or in a church.

manateehugger · January 2014

I think it's still tacky/silly, because within a year or two, I can't imagine the point to a vow renewal except to have it as a re-do wedding.

After a 5-25 years or after overcoming a major life obstacle, vow renewals make sense.

delujm0 · January 2014

PDKH said:

I think it's still tacky/silly, because within a year or two, I can't imagine the point to a vow renewal except to have it as a re-do wedding.

After a 5-25 years or after overcoming a major life obstacle, vow renewals make sense.

Agree. If you want to have a big blow-out wedding in two years, just wait to get legally married for two years. If you want to get legally married now and can't afford a big blow out now, you don't have a big blow out. There's not really any gray area here.

And "we needed to get married legally now because..." is always some nonsense, like health insurance or military benefits, or citizenship issues, or the couple is "waiting until they're married" to sleep together/move in together/whatever. It's always something that is purely optional and has no bearing on the reception part of the event. If you NEED to get legally married now, then NOW is your wedding. You don't get to have another one at some later, more convenient time. No one is entitled to a giant blow out wedding. Everyone needs to just make the decision about timing that works best for them given their individual circumstances and desires.

TerriHugg · January 2014

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

monkeysip · January 2014

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.

jdluvr06 · January 2014

I've never been to a vow renewal where the couple asked for gifts. Also I just picked a random number for the anniversary. I didn't really think which anniversary would matter but thinking about it I would find it odd is someone renewed for their 1st anniversary.

LDay2014 · January 2014

no, a vow renewal is not a PPD because everyone attending would already know you're married.

Therefore, it's not a lie

NYCBruin · January 2014

monkeysip said:

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.

All of this. I just don't get the need to publicly renew your vows (and celebrate yourselves) after one or two years of marriage. It's just very AWish.

monkeysip · January 2014

On a personal note (not an etiquette issue), I would so much rather have a honeymoon redo, not a wedding redo

My wedding was great, but paying for another honeymoon sounds better than paying for another wedding.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

monkeysip said:

On a personal note (not an etiquette issue), I would so much rather have a honeymoon redo, not a wedding redo My wedding was great, but paying for another honeymoon sounds better than paying for another wedding.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

monkeysip said:

On a personal note (not an etiquette issue), I would so much rather have a honeymoon redo, not a wedding redo My wedding was great, but paying for another honeymoon sounds better than paying for another wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

@monkeysip: a.men! We actually just started planning our anniversary trip, and I am so stoked!!

TerriHugg · January 2014

monkeysip said:

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.

I can see why it would bother some, but I just don't agree. It's not like their trying to pretend they were never married. They are just trying to create another magical moment for their anniversary and include loved ones. That is a beautiful thing in my eyes. Any celebration of love is a beautiful thing to me whether or not other people are involved. I think if two people want to recreate the magic of their wedding ceremony or make that anniversary even more memorable, it's a beautiful thing regardless of it's a milestone anniversary. I by no means see it as undermining the specialness of the original ceremony. I think it is romantic and would see no problem going to one. I really think there is nothing more beautiful than celebrating love with your friends and family whether it's your 3rd anniversary or your 25th. Life is too short to be particular about how someone chooses to celebrate their anniversary in my opinion. But i guess - different strokes for different folks.

Jen4948 · January 2014

That soon after the wedding a vow renewal would seem like a PPD to me.

If this was done later for a milestone anniversary after maybe the 5th anniversary, it might seem "beautiful," but before then, it seems AWish to me to invite guests to watch you say vows all over again.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

TerriHugg said:

monkeysip said:

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.

I can see why it would bother some, but I just don't agree. It's not like their trying to pretend they were never married. They are just trying to create another magical moment for their anniversary and include loved ones. That is a beautiful thing in my eyes. Any celebration of love is a beautiful thing to me whether or not other people are involved. I think if two people want to recreate the magic of their wedding ceremony or make that anniversary even more memorable, it's a beautiful thing regardless of it's a milestone anniversary. I by no means see it as undermining the specialness of the original ceremony. I think it is romantic and would see no problem going to one. I really think there is nothing more beautiful than celebrating love with your friends and family whether it's your 3rd anniversary or your 25th. Life is too short to be particular about how someone chooses to celebrate their anniversary in my opinion. But i guess - different strokes for different folks.

ok but why do you need to pretend to be a bride again just for the sake of celebrating your love? A properly done vow renewal, even at a year, I don't think I'd have an issue with. But trying to have another wedding? Nope, sorry. If it were truly about celebrating your love host a party and maybe say a few words to eachother about the past year(s) together and whatnot. It doesn't need to and shouldn't involve a white dress, a full on ceremony, spotlight dances, etc.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

TerriHugg said:

monkeysip said:

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.

It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.

I can see why it would bother some, but I just don't agree. It's not like their trying to pretend they were never married. They are just trying to create another magical moment for their anniversary and include loved ones. That is a beautiful thing in my eyes. Any celebration of love is a beautiful thing to me whether or not other people are involved. I think if two people want to recreate the magic of their wedding ceremony or make that anniversary even more memorable, it's a beautiful thing regardless of it's a milestone anniversary. I by no means see it as undermining the specialness of the original ceremony. I think it is romantic and would see no problem going to one. I really think there is nothing more beautiful than celebrating love with your friends and family whether it's your 3rd anniversary or your 25th. Life is too short to be particular about how someone chooses to celebrate their anniversary in my opinion. But i guess - different strokes for different folks.

Then they should just have an anniversary party. Why does there have to be a ceremony?

monkeysip · January 2014

Although... I thought it was against etiquette to throw your own anniversary party? Am I wrong?

delujm0 · January 2014

acove2006 said:

TerriHugg said:

monkeysip said:

TerriHugg said:

I really don't understand why vow renewals that aren't done at milestone weddings are hated by so many. Let them have their fun and rekindle the magic of their union. Am I missing something? Please enlighten me.

If it bothers you so much, don't go and don't bring a gift to the vow renewal.
It bothers people because it seems to undermine the specialness of your original wedding. When you get married--in a courthouse, church, hotel, whatever--it's the moment you became husband and wife. That moment can't be recreated unless you get divorced and remarry the person.

Why would you need to renew the vows after a year? Aren't you typically still glowing from the wedding you had? It's just odd.

And not to mention the fact that it's often used as an excuse to get more gifts, act like a princess, or have the "wedding they never had".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with vowing over and over to your husband (or wife) but couldn't you just do that in private? It's when people feel the need to make it into a public display after only a year or two of marriage that makes it bizarre.
I can see why it would bother some, but I just don't agree. It's not like their trying to pretend they were never married. They are just trying to create another magical moment for their anniversary and include loved ones. That is a beautiful thing in my eyes. Any celebration of love is a beautiful thing to me whether or not other people are involved. I think if two people want to recreate the magic of their wedding ceremony or make that anniversary even more memorable, it's a beautiful thing regardless of it's a milestone anniversary. I by no means see it as undermining the specialness of the original ceremony. I think it is romantic and would see no problem going to one. I really think there is nothing more beautiful than celebrating love with your friends and family whether it's your 3rd anniversary or your 25th. Life is too short to be particular about how someone chooses to celebrate their anniversary in my opinion. But i guess - different strokes for different folks.

ok but why do you need to pretend to be a bride again just for the sake of celebrating your love? A properly done vow renewal, even at a year, I don't think I'd have an issue with. But trying to have another wedding? Nope, sorry. If it were truly about celebrating your love host a party and maybe say a few words to eachother about the past year(s) together and whatnot. It doesn't need to and shouldn't involve a white dress, a full on ceremony, spotlight dances, etc.

This. If you want to have a small simple vow renewal ceremony with some guests after a year, have at it. Don't expect gifts obviously, but go ahead. However, do NOT make it a pretend wedding. I'd absolutely side-eye a poofy white dress and any pre-event parties (showers, etc), and bridesmaids/groomsmen. As soon as you put on a traditional "wedding dress" for your vow renewal, and line up your nearest and dearest next to you in matching dresses, i immediately assume you're not doing it for the "beautiful celebration of your previous vows" but instead because you "didn't get a big wedding the first time around and now want to have one."

Also, i agree - i haven't even had my first wedding yet, but i can already guarantee you i'd rather have a second honeymoon than a second wedding.

aurianna · January 2014

So my three year anniversary is in two days. And I see absolutely zero reason we'd ever need a vow renewal at this point, because right now every single day of our marriage is celebrating our love.
When we got married it was wonderful. I see no reason that I'd need to repeat it since I have a happy marriage.
So I have to think... if I couldn't fathom wanting my own vow renewal for my own marriage... I definitely couldn't fathom wanting to spend hours of my time going to one for a marriage that's a similar length of time as mine.

Going to a vow renewal of a couple that has been married for a really long time, or for a couple that is getting over a very big hurdle in their marriage.. now that I totally see. As a guest I would be very happy to celebrate with a couple whose marriage has spanned decades. I'd be very happy to watch the renewal of a marriage that almost didn't endure. These are definitely causes for public celebrating.

...but why one earth is it worth my time to go watch a renewal of a marriage that just happened? What great obstacle or hardship did a couple married for a year overcome? (and "not having a huge wedding with a big white dress" doesn't count as a hardship)
Yes, it's a beautiful thing for a couple to celebrate their love... and that's something that they can do in private whenever they want. It does not mean that it's appropriate to drag a bunch of other people into it. And it's definitely not appropriate to turn a vow renewal into a do-over wedding.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I really think it depends on the situation... I wouldn't side eye a vow renual after a year if let's say a couple had to marry prematurely ex: woman got pregnant before the couple was even seriously thinking marriage but are strongly pressured either by family or religious conviction to get married leaving the couple very little time to think everything through. Perhaps a year into the marriage they want to recommit to each other because they still want to be together after all is said and done. With that said though it should not resemble any sort of wedding though. *edit for grammar stupid iPhone

mimiphin · January 2014

The only time that I wouldn't side-eye a vow renewal after only a year is if the couple is Pagan and redoing their handfasting. Since the Pagan faith is all about choices a traditional handfasting is only valid for a year plus a day (unless it was a legal ceremony too then its the same rules as the rest of us but you still have to redo the religious part every year)

My parents did a vow renewal for their 18th wedding anniversary my mum had cancer and died a year later, they did it to show people that they still loved each other and it was sort of a happy goodbye for her to everyone.
There was no big white dress, and the "reception" was the after church sandwiches in the hall.

Lily9911 · January 2014

My friend who went to the JOP to get married told me that her PPD was really a "vow renewal". It was 2.5 years after her JOP wedding and she did the whole blow out church wedding plus reception and her ball gown dress. She had a bridal shower also.

That is not a vow renewal.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Yea that definitely spews PPD

Lamiavita · January 2014

For me...
I would have my ceremony however my ceremony happed, a speedy JOP or an all-out affair.

If I need a vow renewal after a year, I would have one. That would be if say, one of us was military or something and had been away for like half the time we'd been married, one of us had been seriously back-from-the-brink-of-death ill, or we'd made it through some horrendous hardship, like a miscarriage, or a hard-times job-loss or something that's potentially life-altering.
I'd go somewhere private, maybe with a couple of closest friends, but probably just us, renew our vows, and spend the rest of the day as a couple being romantic and marvelling at how we survived said event together.
I think that's the only way I'd renew my vows in such a short timeframe, and I'd see that as a personal and private thing.

If I were to have a 10/15/20 years together vow renewal, not due to to hardship, just, a celebration of the time we'd spent together, I'd see that more as a public thing, and have a party, as a celebration should.
Minus things like wedding dresses, cakes, etc.

I don't really know if I explained myself properly...

I think if it's a hardship thing, that should be private for you as a couple to admire the strength of your relationship, where as a timeline-renewal is more... "Showy"...

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I will say that if H and I hit the 50 year anniversary mark (that would put us in our late 70's) you bet your ass I am going to have a full out blow out party complete with me in a wedding gown

Because at that point I really don't think I am going to give two fucks, but rather just be happy that we are both still alive and kicking.

misshart00 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I will say that if H and I hit the 50 year anniversary mark (that would put us in our late 70's) you bet your ass I am going to have a full out blow out party complete with me in a wedding gown Because at that point I really don't think I am going to give two fucks, but rather just be happy that we are both still alive and kicking.

My great grandparents celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary a few months ago.

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