Father/Daughter dance confusion

Re: Father/Daughter dance confusion

• JCbride2015 member

  

  January 2014

  
  

  kates919 said:

  I've been torn over how to handle the father of the bride dance at my reception, and here's why (I will try to explain this in the least confusing manner possible).  My biological father and I did not have much of a relationship while I was growing up because my parents were divorced when I was very young.  My stepfather on the other hand, has been a huge part of my life since I was about 9-10 years old and is a wonderful father figure.  At the age of 18, I moved out of my parent's house (mom and stepfather) because my mom was an alcoholic and.  My best friend's parents took me in and have been more of a parental guidance in my life than my own parents.  While I still maintain a relationship with my mother and my stepfather, my BF's parents are truly the most amazing and loving people I have ever met, and don't know where I'd be without.  Because of that, I was going to have both my stepfather and my BF's dad walk me down the aisle since they have both been so influential in my life.  However, I have learned, within the last year, that everything my mom ever told me about my father was a lie and that his absence in my life was not his choice; my mom did everything she could to keep us from him.  Now as an adult, I have slowly started building a relationship with my father and would feel awful not including him in the wedding at all.  I don't want to have 3 separate father daughter dances and make it boring for my guests, but I don't want to leave anyone out and hurt anyone's feelings.  If anyone has any clever ideas of how to handle this, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  
  

  All of this is really what makes you feel most comfortable.  There are no real "rules" about who walks you down the aisle or whom you dance with.  I like your idea of having the two men who really raised you walk you down.  Do you have to do a father/daughter dance at all?  If it were me, the easiest solution is to skip the dance and avoid hurt feelings.  As for your bio dad, it sounds like simply inviting him and listing him as your father in the program is probably enough.  Can you ask each of them to either do a reading or give a toast?  That might be another way to involve them without having three dances.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• misshart00 member

  

  January 2014

  You could just not have a father/daughter dance. Or switch during the same song.

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• phira member

  

  January 2014

  I was going to suggest exactly what @misshart00 said: you shouldn't feel obligated to do a father-daughter dance, or if you choose to, you could play one song and switch partners during the song.

  
  

  The latter was my first thought. I feel like skipping the dance is often a good course of action when there's a lack of father/father-figure, but in this case, it sounds like you want to honor the relationship you have with each father in your life. That would be a nice way to honor all three.

  
  

  @JCBride2014's point about what makes you comfortable is a really important one. When people get married, there's a LOT of pressure on brides and grooms to please everyone else ... on a day that's meant to celebrate their relationship.

  
  

  What your mother did to sabotage your relationship with your biological dad is reprehensible. But you are not obligated to make it up to your bio dad by letting him have any or all of the "dad" traditions.

  
  

  
  

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• princessleia22 member

  

  January 2014

  Why not dance with all of them during one song, just switching off between them.  Maybe in the order that they came into your life or something like that.  There was a viral video a while back where a woman's father had passed away and she danced with several men that were important to her (brothers, uncles, etc.) that each danced for a minute then switched, rather than a father-daughter dance. 

  You could even do this for walking down the aisle and have each of them walk you a third of the way down and they each just pass you on to the next.

  Another option is to have 3 separate father-daughter dances throughout the night, each with a song that is meaningful to each of you.  And rather than having it announced as father-daughter dance, maybe have them just announce them as special dances with the special men in your life.  Although if you do multiple songs, I certainly wouldn't have it with just you on dance floor. Maybe for 20-30 seconds at most, then have everyone join in.

   

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• tigersgirlgv member

  

  January 2014

  I like the suggestion of doing one father/daughter song  and switching between father figures. Another idea would be to have two of them walk you down the aisle and do the father/daughter dance with the other. Then everyone gets to have a special moment with you. Or you could have one walk you down the aisle, dance with another and have a third give a toast.

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  January 2014

  tigersgirlgv said:

  I like the suggestion of doing one father/daughter song  and switching between father figures. Another idea would be to have two of them walk you down the aisle and do the father/daughter dance with the other. Then everyone gets to have a special moment with you. Or you could have one walk you down the aisle, dance with another and have a third give a toast.

  This is what I was going to suggest.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Drewsgirl31 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  One thing that hasn't been mentioned, would your best friend have an issue of her dad giving you away and dancing with you as a father/daughter dance? While I understand how you feel towards him, I've seen this situation go badly for 2 of my friends. The only daughter became very upset/jealous/hurt when one of my best friends asked her dad to give her away and share that dance for mostly the same reasons youre wanting to. Just a thought to consider Edit: because forming a proper sentence this early is hard.

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• kates919 member

  

  January 2014

  Thank you all very much for the ideas! @ Phira, thank you for pointing out something that I had lost sight of!  While it may not been his choice, bottom line is my bio dad was not there for me throughout me life.  Although he is trying to be now, I don't have to make up for lost time by giving him all of the "father of the bride" attention.
  

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