"23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged When You're 23"

Sabinus15 · January 2014

Did this article ruffle anyone else's feathers?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-elizabeth/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged_b_4523117.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

loves2shop4shoes · January 2014

I found it to be offensive.

I got engaged at 22 (which is YOUNG, I know.) But believe it or not, I had a passport before then. I had traveled before then. I had done almost all of those things before then.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

thats just fucked up...I couldnt get through any of it...its drivel

JCbride2015 · January 2014

I stopped reading right about here:

Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: "I'm single as fuck." But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon soooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?

bethsmiles · January 2014

The writer is pretty damn full of herself, assuming she knows what everyone wants/needs out of life. If I want to get married at 23 or 45 it's none of her damn business. Honestly, I hate lists of things to do before doing X. It's incredibly presumptuous to assume everyone wants to do the same things as you. There are plenty of things I have no desire to do at any age.

KeptInStitches · January 2014

I'm all in favor of independence, but that was irritating.

bethsmiles · January 2014

JCBride2014 said:

I stopped reading right about here:
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: "I'm single as fuck." But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon soooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?

I somehow skimmed past that! The writer just sounds like a stuck-up bitch who can't be happy for other people.

WinstonsGirl · January 2014

If I don't ever want a tattoo, was I wrong to get married then??

JCbride2015 · January 2014

WinstonsGirl said:

If I don't ever want a tattoo, was I wrong to get married then??

Because marriage is just too permanent a choice to make at 23. A tattoo is a much better idea.

WinstonsGirl · January 2014

True. I can just laser it off if I don't like it.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

WinstonsGirl said:
True. I can just laser it off if I don't like it.

I hear that's more painful than a divorce

JennyColada · January 2014

smalfrie19 said:

WinstonsGirl said:
True. I can just laser it off if I don't like it.
I hear that's more painful than a divorce

I guess that depends on how painful the prick was in the first place.

Zing.

WinstonsGirl · January 2014

smalfrie19 said:

True. I can just laser it off if I don't like it.
I hear that's more painful than a divorce

But it'll cost you less.

lovesclimbing · January 2014

Yea, I didn't like it either. My biggest issue with it is that marriage does not preclude you from doing any of the things on that list (except 3 and 11, and technically, you could still do those after marriage although that might mean your marriage would end very shortly afterward.)

For the record, I got married before age 23. At least half of these things, I did before getting married and many of the others, I will do after getting married (H and I do want a pet at some point). Some of them, I will not do ever because I just have no desire to. I do not ever want to eat a whole jar of Nutella (think I'd get sick), make out with a stranger (dangerous and stupid), get a tattoo (just plain don't want one now or ever), start a band (not my "thing") or watch "Girls" (watched one episode, hated it).

I also find it quite funny how she says to "find your thing" and then says to do several things (start a small business, join the Peace Corps, blog, watch Girls, start a band, get a pet) that may not be your "thing."

karlipregler · January 2014

That was irritating. I got engaged when I was 23, but we've also been dating since I was 18. It's no one else's business when someone should get married. It's an exciting time, and I don't blame anyone for wanting to start their married lives sooner. People can go to war at age 18, legally drink at 21, what's wrong with getting married a few years later?

NYCBruin · January 2014

lovesclimbing said:

Yea, I didn't like it either. My biggest issue with it is that marriage does not preclude you from doing any of the things on that list (except 3 and 11, and technically, you could still do those after marriage although that might mean your marriage would end very shortly afterward.)

For the record, I got married before age 23. At least half of these things, I did before getting married and many of the others, I will do after getting married (H and I do want a pet at some point). Some of them, I will not do ever because I just have no desire to. I do not ever want to eat a whole jar of Nutella (think I'd get sick), make out with a stranger (dangerous and stupid), get a tattoo (just plain don't want one now or ever), start a band (not my "thing") or watch "Girls" (watched one episode, hated it).

I also find it quite funny how she says to "find your thing" and then says to do several things (start a small business, join the Peace Corps, blog, watch Girls, start a band, get a pet) that may not be your "thing."

I thought the same thing. The fact that the author doesn't realize that pretty much everything on this list you can do once you're married tells me she doesn't really understand what marriage is and isn't mature enough to get married. So she shouldn't. But just because SHE isn't mature enough to get married at 22 doesn't mean that no young people are.

melbelleup · January 2014

Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you're 23.

1. Get a passport. no need for one atm

2. Find your "thing." I already know my "thing" which is Dog Agility

3. Make out with a stranger. Did this a shit ton in college, I'm done.

4. Adopt a pet. I have two dogs, I don't adopt, I buy dogs from breeders where I know their history and what their temperament would be.

5. Start a band. I played the clarinet from 4th grade until my senior yr in high school, I've had enough of band.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. I make cake for birthdays..

7. Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than a marriage. I have three, will have more once I have enough money and FI and I will get ring ones on our 5th or 10th anniversary.

8. Explore a new religion. Catholicism has changed so much lately, I'm still learning my current one.

9. Start a small business. Maybe when I have money since FI wants to run for Congress or be a professor.

10. Cut your hair. I cut my hair twice a year, thank you!

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. Been there, done that, it never did.

12. Build something with your hands. I do this all the time.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. Done

14. Join the Peace Corps. No thank you.

15. Disappoint your parents. I'm pretty sure I did this at one point in my life. Mainly all of middle school.

16. Watch Girls, over and over again. Pass

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. Yuck, no thank you.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. Pretty sure I've done that too

19. Sign up for CrossFit. No thank you

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. Did this a lot in my dorm rooms.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. I had a blog once.... it had one posting,

22. Be selfish. Don't worry, I am sometimes.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. Pass.

I thoroughly liked being engaged at 23. Don't worry your pretty little head writer, I won't be married until I'm 25.

jenna8984 · January 2014

I did not get engaged/ married young however my parents have been together since they were 17 and married at 22. They didn't have passports beforehand......they have traveled the world TOGETHER for the last 35 years which seems a whole lot more appealing than doing it alone lol.

climbingsingle · January 2014

I got engaged at 22. I actually had accomplished a lot of that list by then. I even owned my own house. Long story short, the marriage was a disaster and we were both too young to get married. If I could travel back in time, I would tell my 22/23 year old self not to get married.

And now that I'm doing it all over again at 33, there's just so much more that's different now. There's ten years of experience and life that you just can't fake.

Anyway, those are my feelings. However, that article irritated the fuck out of me.

JennyColada · January 2014

I just read the list.
I got engaged at 29 and have no interest in half those things.

Here's a new list:
1. Do what makes you happy.

The end.

misssunshine17 · January 2014

Jennycolada said:

I just read the list. I got engaged at 29 and have no interest in half those things. Here's a new list: 1. Do what makes you happy. The end.

You win the internet for today. xoxo.

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

Umm. Hate the small business one- if it's not your amibition, don't do it. It also undermines how much work it takes to successfully start up a small business. Or are you just suggesting that I throw my money away?

Same goes with adopting a pet. Pets need a lot- don't just fucking adopt/buy one. Have a plan to turn down apartments/ living situations based on your furbaby. (Side note- are you supposed to adopt a pet before or after you're in the Peace Corps?)

Also..

#24- Pretend to be Ariel when you're in water (bathtubs count).

manateehugger · January 2014

In other words, be an impulsive, directionless 20-something?

bmydesigner · January 2014

It's just so obnoxious to categorize everyone who gets married young as stupid. Some people are mature and ready to get married at 23, others aren't. There's stupid choices regarding marriage at any age.

I'm 21 and FI is 22, we just got engaged in August. We have already adopted a pet, baked cakes, made out with strangers (before dating obv), and plan to get a passport in the near future. I'm excited to travel the world with him, and do some of these other things with him.

ChemFanatic25 · January 2014

I have no desire to ever start my own business. I like working in a successful company where I am guaranteed a paycheck, insurance and stability. It motivates me to achieve other things. Does this make me a horrible representation of the independent woman and need to go bury my head in a hole? Never thought it did. I thought I was pretty independent and self-supportive without starting my own business.

afox007 · January 2014

1. Get a passport. Got one at 16

2. Find your "thing." Found that a few years back

3. Make out with a stranger. Got that out of my system before FI

4. Adopt a pet. Adopted my dog before FI and we adopted a kitten together

5. Start a band. Completely tone deaf, but did start a girl band in 6th grade with my BFF's we sucked

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. I bake all the time

7. Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than a marriage. I have three two from before FI and one that I got with him

8. Explore a new religion. I've always been perfectly content as a Catholic, but I guess I explored a new one when started going to FI's church

9. Start a small business. Did this I work as a freelance writer anytime we need extra $

10. Cut your hair. Shouldn't people get their hair cut after they're married too? If she means do it yourself No thank you! I cut my bangs for Halloween and they are still a mess!

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.Done it not worth the juggling act

12. Build something with your hands. My dad was in construction I've been building things since I was 5

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. Not a fan of Pinterest, but I'm sure at least one of my wedding DIY's is a pinterest project

14. Join the Peace Corps. No thanks

15. Disappoint your parents. Did this plenty in high school

16. Watch Girls, over and over again. Can I switch this for Grey's Anatomy? If so done this at least 15 times

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. I'll switch that for Ben and Jerry's, so done this .

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. Done this plenty with my BFF's

19. Sign up for CrossFit. No thanks

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. Done this both accidentally and on purpose

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. I was bad with my blog I forgot I had it and does anyone really care about my feelings online?

22. Be selfish. I still am and FI is too we just learned to compromise

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. Given everything you've said I think I will spend it with my 5 year old sister she seems more mature.

So am I allowed to get married? Did I pass the test?

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

While I agree that some people rush into marriage or aren't mature enough to venture into marriage (yet?), this can happen at ANY AGE.

I'm glad that I didn't get married at 23 -- I thought that I was ready, and I know now that I wouldn't have been, and our relationship wasn't ready for it, either. However, I'm still with the same man now, and I'm sure that if we had decided to get married years ago, we would have somehow made it work because we know that we are meant to be together.

The writer simply comes across as bitter and immature, and exactly the selfish, self-serving, judgmental stereotype that has been pinned on Millenials. Not everyone from this generation is like that, but she's certainly not helping the cause.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y". (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that. I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months. I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition. But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

smalfrie19 · January 2014

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y". (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that. I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months. I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition. But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

manateehugger · January 2014

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y". (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that. I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months. I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition. But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.

STUPID BOX!!

While I'm with you on the living independently for at least a little while (i.e. not at home or with an SO), I can't really agree with you on the rest. First off, many people, including myself, can't afford to live without roommates depending on where they live. It's not financially responsible or viable in many cases.

I also get frustrated by the line of thinking that getting married inherently means settling down. I am getting married in June, and I have no intentions of sticking to one job, never traveling anywhere, buying a house, and popping out kids anytime soon. Just because I'm committing to stand by a single person for life doesn't mean I'm giving up on life adventures. Why can't one have adventures with a spouse and a friend? I just don't understand the idea that once married, you're shuffled into this new cocoon where you're "settled."

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

smalfrie19 said:

Jennja22 said:

The article sounds like it was written by someone fairly immature, and a lot of items on the list aren't really that "bucket list-y". (not for me anyway, I mean "bake a cake" isn't something I MUST do before I die.. I've made a hundred cakes.. sometimes it is fun, but life changing? Nah)

BUT...

In my opinion, the general idea behind the article is "don't settle - live your life - have some life experiences before you settle down" and I do agree with that. I fully believe that there are certain things that you should do before you get married, mainly living on your own - even if it is only for 6 months. I learned SO much about myself from that experience, and I have friends who have always lived with someone (roommates, parents, boyfriends) and it always seems like there is a little bit of independence/confidence missing. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, and some people do just fine making the transition. But, this is the advice that I will always give to my friends and family, because I can see how much it taught me.

question, how many of these experiences can I do WITH having a spouse....the only ones I really cant do is date two people and make out with strangers.... I can do ALL THE REST of those things with my FH. I don't need to be single to "live life"

If you decide to be swingers/have a semi-open marriage, you could technically accomplish those things... Haha

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