What is more rude, not thanking someone or trying to solicit a thank you from someone?

mrsconn23 · January 2014

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have four nephews by his brother, and they live in another state. Two of them have graduated from high school, and when they did, we sent a nice-sized check. The oldest nephew never acknowledged the gift in any way. Neither did the second. When my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and their sons came to visit us a while ago, I made a comment to the second son about his being able to use the gift to buy things on the trip. He was completely confused and said he never got anything from us. I knew the check had been cashed and I was concerned about it being pilfered. His mother finally admitted that she intercepted the graduation check, cashed it, and kept the money. She didn’t even show him the card! Their third son will be graduating this year, and I have no idea what to do about his gift. We can’t attend the graduation and I’m leery of sending another check. My parents-in-law live in the same town as my brother-in-law and his family, but sending it to their house will cause us some problems with my sister-in-law. What should I do?

—Baffled Aunt

And PS, the parents are jerks for taking their kids money.

Chipmunk415 · January 2014

I'm confused- why can't we cause some problems with the sister-in-law? Because the family will find out she steals from her kids?

dharmabunny · January 2014

This isn't really soliciting a thank you. This is delivery confirmation.

And mom's actions are why.

I'm with chipmunk. Go ahead and raise familial Cain. Mom's the thief here.

ReturnOfKuus · January 2014

I want to know what was said when the mother admitted to mail tampering (isn't that a federal offense?) and theft.

GBCK · January 2014

Yeah, I want to know the fallout.

I mean, does bro/father of the kids know about this?

I know my parents never gave some of my cousins gift cards or $ because of this sort of BS.

(Actually, last time my kid was @ grandma's house, she was playing w/ a chest labled "little boys' toy tools" or something equally assy... and my dad pondered where they came from. My sis and I reminded him that they were purchased for Cousin C as a Christmas gift but the parents refused to take them home w/ them because it wasn't cash and they were left behind in a fit of passive aggression. They were well used by the 3 [now 4, I guess] girls who ended up with them.

That would be the cousin C who I was told, at his grandma's funeral, not to give my address to and to make sure my purse was locked in the car, because he'd try to steal my migraine meds. ahh, apples and trees)

mrsconn23 · January 2014

My mom is pretty sure that my aunt and uncle didn't give my cousin her inheritance from my grandma's estate (my dad was the executor). She was a minor when the checks were distributed.

JeeGooDowster · January 2014

Does your brother-in-law know? Maybe you can give the gift directly to your 3rd nephew the next time you see him?

tawillers · January 2014

Yeah, I'd really like to know what the husband and two sons thought and if there was a conversation and repayment. How disgusting.

Wzz · January 2014

if the parents aren't telling them to extend gratitude, there is nothing wrong with the aunt teaching this to them. but that's not the issue, because the kids have no idea they were given anything.

that said, i would be really upset about this and i'd probably raise some heck over it.

What is more rude, not thanking someone or trying to solicit a thank you from someone?

Re: What is more rude, not thanking someone or trying to solicit a thank you from someone?

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