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My hill to die on....Or not

LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I've decided when it comes to etiquette there is a hill I'm willing to die on - whether or not to have registration cards included in the bridal shower invites.   My mom is hosting the shower, she wants them in, I don't.   I told her to include our wedding website which lists it on there if people want it.  As a non-computer literate person, she is not a fan of the idea.   Granted in our acquaintances it is a common practice to put 'So-and-so is registered at XYZ" or include the registration cards.   When, last year, on my cousins invite nothing was mentioned in the invite about the registry or where they were registered except their website - many family members were confused as to where to go to find out IF they indeed were registered, my mom being one of them.   She called me and I looked online.   

She's very generously hosting my shower.   In the grand scheme of things, if she wants to include the registry card, I'm completely ok with it - it makes her happy on a day that she's doing her absolute hardest to make me happy.   If people side-eye it I'm perfectly ok with that - for my mom and her peace of mind/happiness, I'll breech this etiquette.   Side-eye away.

ETA: Updated after PPs thoughts - So glad this isn't a hill I need to die - I must've gotten it confused with not mentioning it/including the cards on the wedding invites (which I would never do).  I'm pretty sure I'll need to save the 'hill to die on' for something later - so I'll keep it for now. :)
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Re: My hill to die on....Or not

  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Sometimes you realize you're breaking etiquette and just do it anyways. It sounds like you know it's what is best for your relationship with you mom. People may disagree with it and you are not asking for support saying it's correct to do. 

    I honestly never saw a huge issue with doing it - and if this is the place you have to fall on the sword - so be it. 
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah, registry info with a shower invite is A Okay etiquette wise. The thing thats sort of against etiquette is having your mom throw the shower. I was under the impression that it was a bit gauche to have an immediate family member throw a gift giving event like a wedding shower (as sister who is a MOH/BM would be ok since she'd be doing it in that capacity...) 



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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    @lennonkdc - my mom is throwing the shower (aka funding it) but it's being hosted by the bridesmaids.   She wanted to cover the cost of the shower as most of my wedding party is traveling from out of town for the wedding so she's helping by alleviating any added costs there might be.

    Question on this though - it is true that a family member hosting is 'gauche'?  Of the last 5 bridal showers I've been to each has been hosted by the mom/aunt/sister of the bride.  I understand YOU can't throw your own shower, but don't find it bad for someone of your family or FI's family to throw you one.
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    yeah i think she's fine.  every shower invite i've ever received has, at a minimum, said "Bride is registered at X, Y, Z" at the bottom, even if the actual cards weren't included.

     

    The entire point of a shower is to give gifts, so registry information in helpful.  You don't include this with an actual wedding invitation because you are not supposed to expect gifts, as weddings are not specifically gift-giving events.

     

    Save the hill-dying for something more important.  I'm sure it's coming. :-)

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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @LakeR2014 Traditionally, it was considered inappropriate for an immediate family member such as a mother to host the shower for a bride because they, in theory, would benefit from it. It was considered the responsibility of the mother to set her daughter up for married life, and so throwing a shower as the mother in a way pushed some of that responsibility off onto guests.

    It is considered less inappropriate now, because brides generally have careers and can support themselves, so a wedding is no longer an exchange of property (i.e. the bride).
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I hate those little cards, so when I hosts  shower I print the registry locations directly on the invite, at the bottom. As PPs have said, registry info with a shower invite it A.O.K.! Just not withe the wedding invite - big no-no :)
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's becoming more common for immediate family to host showers.  Previously, it was not ok because usually the bride was leaving directly from her parents home into her new home with her husband.  But times have changed and it is becoming more acceptable and common practice for moms to host showers.  But some areas in the country may still frown heavily on a mom hosting a shower for her daughter.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Traditional etiquette holds that it's not okay for mothers or other close relatives of the bride or mother-to-be to host showers, and that it's never okay to mention gifts in any way in an invitation.

    This still holds true for wedding invitations (although for shower invitations it can pass).  As for who can host a shower, I personally won't side-eye it if mothers or other close relatives do.
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  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    As its been stated since a shower is a gift giving event registration information can be provided without breaching etiquette, I think most people prefer it that way so they don't have to figure it out themselves.

    Glad it all worked out :)
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  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
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    Jen4948 said:
    Traditional etiquette holds that it's not okay for mothers or other close relatives of the bride or mother-to-be to host showers, and that it's never okay to mention gifts in any way in an invitation.

    This still holds true for wedding invitations (although for shower invitations it can pass).  As for who can host a shower, I personally won't side-eye it if mothers or other close relatives do.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    DragonBlood13 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Traditional etiquette holds that it's not okay for mothers or other close relatives of the bride or mother-to-be to host showers, and that it's never okay to mention gifts in any way in an invitation.

    This still holds true for wedding invitations (although for shower invitations it can pass).  As for who can host a shower, I personally won't side-eye it if mothers or other close relatives do.
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