Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Long distance Maid of Honor

leahandjonny1leahandjonny1 member
10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Party
Hello all, so I am in a bit of a pickle. I have not officially chosen my wedding party yet, but I have a good idea of who I want in it. As for my maid of honor I feel like it should be my best friend from Tennessee. We have known each since childhood and have there for each other through a lot. Even our parents have been fest friends for years and she really is more like a sister to me. The only thing is that she lives so far away. I live in Florida and in my head the maid of honor is supposed to be in a position to help with the planning. She wouldn't be in a position to do that. Although I really want it to be her, I'm just not sure if she would have the time whatsoever. 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Long distance Maid of Honor

  • adnam08mandaadnam08manda member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    I'm going to tell you right now what to your about to hear. Your MOH's only duty is to stand next to you and smile the day you get married. If she offers help then yes you can expect or ask for it but ultimately she doesn't HAVE to do anything. Choose her because you want her to be right next to you. If she would bail you out of jail or be the first person to help you then it doesn't matter where she lives. She's your best friend. She will probably be a little thrown off if you don't choose her because she probably WANTS to help you and will be excited for you.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker PersonalMilestone
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    leahandjonny1 said:
    Hello all, so I am in a bit of a pickle. I have not officially chosen my wedding party yet, but I have a good idea of who I want in it. As for my maid of honor I feel like it should be my best friend from Tennessee. We have known each since childhood and have there for each other through a lot. Even our parents have been fest friends for years and she really is more like a sister to me. The only thing is that she lives so far away. I live in Florida and in my head the maid of honor is supposed to be in a position to help with the planning. She wouldn't be in a position to do that. Although I really want it to be her, I'm just not sure if she would have the time whatsoever. 

    Your MOH only needs to purchase the dress you select and show up to the wedding sober and smiling, ready for pictures.  The person who should help you plan is the guy you are marrying, its his wedding too.  So ask this friend as she seems like she is very close to you.

    Get the "wedding duties" lists out of your head.  They are created by the wedding industry so that you can spend as much money as possible on your wedding.  Anyone can throw you a shower or b-party.  Anyone can help you with DIY projects.  But this help should be offered to you, you should not have to ask.

    Report Reply
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    leahandjonny1 said:
    Hello all, so I am in a bit of a pickle. I have not officially chosen my wedding party yet, but I have a good idea of who I want in it. As for my maid of honor I feel like it should be my best friend from Tennessee. We have known each since childhood and have there for each other through a lot. Even our parents have been fest friends for years and she really is more like a sister to me. The only thing is that she lives so far away. I live in Florida and in my head the maid of honor is supposed to be in a position to help with the planning. She wouldn't be in a position to do that. Although I really want it to be her, I'm just not sure if she would have the time whatsoever. 

    Nope. It is your and your Fi's responsiblity to plan all of your wedding. All your MOH needs to do is buy the appropriate dress, show up, in said dress, on time and relatively sober, and pose for pictures. Anything else is an added benefit and should not be expected.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    adnam08manda said:
    I'm going to tell you right now what to your about to hear. Your MOH's only duty is to stand next to you and smile the day you get married. If she offers help then yes you can expect or ask for it but ultimately she doesn't HAVE to do anything. Choose her because you want her to be right next to you. If she would bail you out of jail or be the first person to help you then it doesn't matter where she lives. She's your best friend. She will probably be a little thrown off if you don't choose her because she probably WANTS to help you and will be excited for you.
    Yep, that is pretty much the deal.  If  you need help planning that is your FI's job or anyone who VOLUNTEERS to help.  Being MOH doesn't mean she is your automatic plannerh-helper.  Call her!  She will be geeked to be your MOH
    Report Reply
  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Agree with PP.  Pick your maid of honor based only on your relationship with that person.  The person to help you with the planning is your FI.  If your MOH volunteers her time, that's great, but her role is really limited to standing up with, sober, smiling in the mutually-agreed upon dress.

    For what it's worth, my sister was my MOH and I am hers; we both live away from our hometown (the wedding site for both of us).  She was in grad school when I got married and lived out of state.  While she asked me a lot of questions about the wedding and I always felt like she was someone I could talk to about ideas, really the only thing we did together was dress shop.  Now that I'm her MOH, I've listened, I've shared my perspective and I've listened, but again, have only shared dress shopping.  I'll absolutely be involved in her shower prep, but everything I'm doing is because I've volunteered, and have taken my distance and other commitments into account.  But because she's my person I didn't entertain anyone else for MOH, even if she never stuffed a favor box or glued ribbon on a program.
    image
    Anniversary


    Report Reply
  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I'm not sure when your wedding date is but you shouldn't pick your WP until about 9 months prior to your wedding, just in case your relationships change.

    The only people that are required to plan your wedding is you and your FI, no one else. If someone volunteers then you can take them up on their offer but you can't expect anyone else to help (financially or physically). There are two things thing a BM or MOH is expected to do 1) buy the dress you pick in their budget and 2) show up sober in said dress on your wedding day. Showers and bachelorette parties are gifts that someone (not the bride) may choose to throw you but they are not required and just because someone is a bride does not mean they automatically get one or both.

    If you can remember that during your planning process you and BMs will be much happier and your friendship will be just as great as it is when you ask them.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You can still ask her and if she has it in her head that she needs to be close to plan with you, that's when you say "Nope, you don't need to help plan anything, I just want you up there by my side when I get married. That's what is important to me". She can decide for herself if she wants to accept being the MOH or not. 

    I had a bridesmaid that lives in Italy whereas I live in the states, I almost didn't ask because she was so far away but then I realized how silly it was. She was going to be here for the wedding, so nothing else mattered. 
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • mocarski002mocarski002 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My MOH is my older sister who lives OK I live in CT. I also have 3 of my BM's living out of state as well. But she has come up with ideas for my bachelorette and a bridal shower and is trying to plan them the same weekend. Other then that I have not asked her for anything really. 

     

    Report Reply
  • rikysegalrikysegal member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    My entire wedding party is in different states (1 is in another country) doesn't matter. I love them all and want them with me. Its about relationships, not location. 
    Report Reply
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    My WP spans three countries, and three different states.  I wish my friends lived closer!  But it's not a problem for the wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Thanks to the internet there is no reason she can't help you out, maybe just not in the ways you were hoping for. You can always call, email, text or skype her with questions, like I can't decide between invite 1 or invite 2, which one do you like better. And you can still bounce ideas off her. She just won't be there to go shopping with you and offer to help you with invites or favors or whatever else she may want to volunteer for. But don't let distance keep you from asking her to be your MOH. For some of the local things she can't go with you for, ask your other BM if you have any or your mother, FMIL or siblings.

    Report Reply
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    My and FI's WP are way spread out - we have 5 attendants each - four in Iowa, one in Michigan, two (one each) in Chicago, one in Denver, one in Germany, one in Nebraska.  The only thing that was difficult (and it really wasn't) was coordinating measurements being sent all to the same bridal shop for dresses and tuxes.  I guess some stores are less than helpful if you ask to be measured but aren't purchasing there.


    FI even got to have his bach party in Vegas because everyone would have needed to travel anyway - and why fly to Iowa when for less $ you can fly to Vegas?  Haha!
    Report Reply
  • laurenstlouislaurenstlouis member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Agreeing with everyone else, and adding this:

    Only 1 out of the 6 people I've asked to be on my side of the bridal party actually live in the same city that I do, (mostly because a lot of us are at that age where we're moving/have moved away from home, myself included) and in fact, my Maid & Man of Honor (we're doing a "double" thing, as the three of us have been platonic soul-mates forever, and I couldn't/didn't want to give one the title and not the other) both live almost half-way across the country; one is in Oregon while the other is in Texas, and I'm stuck on the Eastern edge of Missouri! Needless to say, when I picked them (as well as the other members of my BP), I didn't do it with the jobs that I wanted to "assign" them in mind. I didn't ask them with expectations of them to do anything besides show up and stand next to me on the happiest day of my life. I just feel that if your gut tells you that your best friend from Tennessee should be your MoH, then there's your answer. In the end, I think you'll be happier going with the girl you've shared memories with your whole life (regardless of distance) vs someone who was closer distance-wise and therefore made it easier to assign "MoH Tasks" to (which she has no obligation to accept just because she agreed to be your MoH.) 

    Best of luck with your decision!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards