Fiance only wants me to wear pure white

cmiles89 · January 2014

This is less of an issue than it was two months ago when it happened to come up, so now I really just want to hear what other people think/how they've dealt with this before.

My fiance (bless his heart) is DEAD set on me wearing pure pure snow white (I've heard it called diamond white- is that the whitest of whites there is?). He "doesn't think it's a wedding" if I'm not in pure white, and he went so far as to joke that it wouldn't count if I wasn't! We've since talked about it, and he knows that is a mean thing to say, so don't worry about that, he was being overdramatic and thought it was funny... which it wasn't. Because I do not want to wear pure pure white. I personally think it's stark and harsh and not flattering to my skin tone. And the traditional sentiment behind it of the bride being a virgin maid of the utmost purity... gag me with a spoon, doesn't apply to me and I'm more than good with that. So I think I'd feel disingenuous wearing harsh white? I don't know. All I know is I don't like it and I won't wear it! We've compromised to just the next shade or three over from white, which I'm totally good with.

So, have any of you had to deal with this, or agree/disagree with the pure white thing? I've seen it on others and loved it, it's just not for me...

AddieCake · January 2014

My husband wouldn't know the difference between any shade of white. Tell your fiance pure white is unflattering on you and that you don't intend to wear it.

cmiles89 · January 2014

My fiance is a painter and is REALLY color aware, which is pretty funny. He can tell immedietly if white is a shade off of pure. Blessing and a curse, right? Luckily we worked it out

doeydo · January 2014

My FI trusts my taste so he hasn't given me any guidelines/requests or anything for the dress. However, I know that he doesn't like gigantic poofy skirts and coloured wedding dresses (ie. he hated Kaley Cuoco's dress).

jdluvr06 · January 2014

My FI told me he didn't care what I wore color wise as long as I showed up and it's not black. He doesn't understand the black wedding dresses because it looks like the bride is going to a really fancy funeral.

emmyg65 · January 2014

When we were still engaged, my husband said he preferred I wear a long dress. I'm sure he would have been fine regardless, but I decided to go with it. I didn't feel comfortable in a long white (or white-ish) dress, so I chose hot pink! He loved it.

artbyallie · January 2014

WHITE DOES NOT SYMBOLIZE VIRGINITY.

Sorry. The history nut in me gets pissed off every time that myth is perpetuated. Pure white means you're fucking rich enough to wear a dress one time and never again. Now, I did wear white, because I was pleasantly surprised at how it looked on me. But white has only been (widely) used as a wedding dress color since the advent of mass-produced clothing and only became a fashion in the first place after Queen Victoria wore it in the mid-nineteenth century.

saacjw · January 2014

artbyallie said:

WHITE DOES NOT SYMBOLIZE VIRGINITY.

Sorry. The history nut in me gets pissed off every time that myth is perpetuated. Pure white means you're fucking rich enough to wear a dress one time and never again. Now, I did wear white, because I was pleasantly surprised at how it looked on me. But white has only been (widely) used as a wedding dress color since the advent of mass-produced clothing and only became a fashion in the first place after Queen Victoria wore it in the mid-nineteenth century.

Oh thank god someone said this. Blue, blue is the virgin color. Look at artistic depictions of Mary.

As far as pure white goes, as a painter, he should be aware that pure white is not the ideal shade of white for every situation. I went with a more ivory white which looked much nicer with my style of dress, the setting, and my skin (I can where white, white, but meh).

Blergbot · January 2014

I can assure you that my FI has never once even thought about it. I could probably show up in a garbage bag and he would still think I looked beautiful.

hyechica81 · January 2014

i got a dress i loved and its in ivory. you get what you love and i am sure when you walk down the aisle he will love you in it no matter what

chibiyui · January 2014

Pure white is flattering on exactly .0001% of the population.

Off white or ivory tends to be much more flattering.

Senecaf · January 2014

My FI sold paint for years and I still doubt he would be able to tell the difference. Unless two "whites" are next to each other, the outdoor natural and venue lighting will make it nearly impossible to tell.

tammym1001 · January 2014

While your FI may want pure white, I would guess that he also wants you to look and feel your best on your wedding day. If you feel that pure white doesn't look good on you then you aren't going to be comfortable in it. That isn't fair to you. I'm sure once he sees how beautiful you look in whatever dress you choose he isn't even going to think about what shade of white it is.

purefluff · January 2014

My FI wants me to wear purple, lol. I'm not sure yet, I want to try on some white dresses before I decide. He'd probably be cool with any color if I presented it to him in the right way.

Your FI is emotionally attached to the idea of a usual wedding, white being pure and lovely. I can get it. I also think that you're being too contrary to it. Have you tried on some diamond white in various textures and decided that it's really not for you, or are you basing it off of the (incorrect) conclusion about virginity and white being connected?

I'm a big girl, and thusly have always been told to avoid light colors. I have obnoxiously pink skin (people ask me if I've gotten a sunburn in the winter, when it rains constantly, just because my skin flushes a bit because it's warm, or cold, or whatever) so I've been told to avoid bright colors. Go figure, one day I ended up with a white summer dress which is cotton and has some texture to it (polka dots), looks fantastic on me and is in fact my favorite dress. Thusly, I would wear white with a soft texture to it (say, lace) but I can't even imagine it in some sort of shiny fabric like satin!

I say give it a try in a few different textures, remember that white has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual prowess, and look at yourself through your FI's eyes. If you still don't like it, then at least you can say you gave it a try.

NeverTooManyShoes · January 2014

cmiles89 said:

This is less of an issue than it was two months ago when it happened to come up, so now I really just want to hear what other people think/how they've dealt with this before.
My fiance (bless his heart) is DEAD set on me wearing pure pure snow white (I've heard it called diamond white- is that the whitest of whites there is?). He "doesn't think it's a wedding" if I'm not in pure white, and he went so far as to joke that it wouldn't count if I wasn't! We've since talked about it, and he knows that is a mean thing to say, so don't worry about that, he was being overdramatic and thought it was funny... which it wasn't. Because I do not want to wear pure pure white. I personally think it's stark and harsh and not flattering to my skin tone. And the traditional sentiment behind it of the bride being a virgin maid of the utmost purity... gag me with a spoon, doesn't apply to me and I'm more than good with that. So I think I'd feel disingenuous wearing harsh white? I don't know. All I know is I don't like it and I won't wear it! We've compromised to just the next shade or three over from white, which I'm totally good with.
So, have any of you had to deal with this, or agree/disagree with the pure white thing? I've seen it on others and loved it, it's just not for me...

For some reason I thought diamond white was off-white?

kmmssg · January 2014

artbyallie said:

WHITE DOES NOT SYMBOLIZE VIRGINITY.

Sorry. The history nut in me gets pissed off every time that myth is perpetuated. Pure white means you're fucking rich enough to wear a dress one time and never again. Now, I did wear white, because I was pleasantly surprised at how it looked on me. But white has only been (widely) used as a wedding dress color since the advent of mass-produced clothing and only became a fashion in the first place after Queen Victoria wore it in the mid-nineteenth century.

Thank you! This myth pushes my button everytime I see it.

PaulaJo85 · January 2014

Although nobody should ever make you do what you don't want to do, you cannot forget that it is his wedding too and his opinion is equally important. glad to hear you guys worked it out but, keep in mind that he too has a vision of what the day will look like.

AddieCake · January 2014

PaulaJo85 said:

Although nobody should ever make you do what you don't want to do, you cannot forget that it is his wedding too and his opinion is equally important. glad to hear you guys worked it out but, keep in mind that he too has a vision of what the day will look like.

That doesn't mean making his bride feel pressured into wearing a dress that is not flattering on her.

climbingsingle · January 2014

My FI has not once said anything about my dress. I honestly can't even imagine him dictating to me what he thinks I should wear.
I'm very pale and stark white just looks terrible on me. My dress is ivory.

Blergbot · January 2014

Quit spamming the boards @jsle @Knotporscha

Chipmunk415 · January 2014

My FI doesn't care. I wanted ivory-ish and my dress ended up being an antique white. some of the beading is in ivory, and I love it. I'm naturally super pale- I've been known to glow in photos due to how pale I am. I did not want to look like a white blur.

Perhaps go and try on a few gowns in various shades of white and get friends to go with. Then have friends back you up when you tell FI that the other shades are more flattering on you?

cmiles89 · January 2014

@artbyallie : thanks for the lesson, I don't know why I've always thought that was the case? Probably because everyone and their mother says this is the case... I'm actually super thrilled I learned something today, so thanks!

@purefluff : I have no opinion about the white=purity thing (especially now that I know that is wrong wrong wrong), so that really doesn't come into play except that it's not a good reason to wear pure white. I've tried on all variations on a theme called pure white in whatever texture/fabric you care to mention, and it really doesn't do anything for me. I promised him I'd do at least that, and not go crazy with other colors (I'm not palsy enough for pink haha).

Thank you all for the responses, this has been very interesting. I'm not sure whether I'm surprised that most women's fiances really couldn't care less or not surprised...

artbyallie · January 2014

@cmiles89, you're welcome! I love learning trivia like that.

Incidentally, here's another one. Men have fewer cone cells than women and are thus less able to distinguish subtle color differences anyway. My husband couldn't even tell his sister was wearing ivory for her wedding even though her veil was white and it was totally obvious to me.

Good luck finding a gorgeous dress in (almost) white!

Fiance only wants me to wear pure white

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