Wedding Party
Options

Someone please tell me it's not customary

2»

Re: Someone please tell me it's not customary

  • Is he her only child or only son or something? Is she married? Just curious? Not all moms do that but I realized that my FI's mom tends to be fine when she has a boyfriend or someone to occupy her but when she's single she tends to be focused on him a lot more. It doesn't bother me because I understand it so I try to encourage them hanging out more when I'm at work and they do things together. This gives her some time with him and then theres less arguing. I know she disliked that as soon as he got home from Iraq we moved in together so she went from having him full time (no father figure), to the Army and being gone for the better part of 4.5 years, to moving in with a girlfriend. It wasn't easy for her and I understood that. I do what I can to make her feel close to us without actually being straight up our ass constantly.

    Yep, only child. FI's dad left her 20+ years ago and she hasn't been on a single date in 10 years. We've encouraged her to date, for the very reason you stated, but any time FI mentions the idea, it causes a fight all over again. She just has a sick hang-up with him and flips out whenever she perceives someone or something as being more important to FI than she is. When FI and I were living in Atlanta and my mom would come visit, his mom would call him up crying, being like "You're with Jen and her mom, aren't you?! You just want to hang out with the pretty girls, don't you? I'm not pretty enough for you! I'm too fat for you!" And so on and so forth. She treats him like her boyfriend, constantly expecting him to do things for her, and when he refuses for whatever reason, she takes it as a sign of rejection.

    F. M. L.
  • Oh wow. Yeah. She needs to date or join a club or something. Sounds like she's heading down a slippery slope. She needs to go out with friends and just focus on other things for a while. Get a hobby. Just wait until you have children! That will be a real riot!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker PersonalMilestone
  • Sounds like she needs to join a club but kudos to your FI for supporting you two.

    My SIL has a similar issue with our MIL (she's worse with BIL than she is with DH) and we have had to develop coping mechanisms to deal with it.

    Do not let her push you two into doing things that you don't want.   Say no and own it.   She may not get over it but that's not your issue. 
  • In light of your follow up post: Don't make excuses to your FMIL. Tell her that you and your mom want some private time together. Her son should let her know where and when to meet up for the groom's family pictures, if you're doing that. Don't let her manipulate you with a guilt trip.

    It sounds like FMIL could use a mental health evaluation. Her attitude and actions aren't normal.
                       
  • In light of your follow up post: Don't make excuses to your FMIL. Tell her that you and your mom want some private time together. Her son should let her know where and when to meet up for the groom's family pictures, if you're doing that. Don't let her manipulate you with a guilt trip.


    It sounds like FMIL could use a mental health evaluation. Her attitude and actions aren't normal.
    FI has told her that numerous times, but it unfortunately doesn't go over well. That being said, I always try to be the mediator. I'm the one on the phone with her for an hour plus after their fights, trying to calm her down and diffuse the situation. But since he moved out of state to be with me, it seems she sees me as less of an ally and more as competition, so I'd prefer to ignore the whole headache on my wedding day, as much as possible.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards