Bridal Shower Party gifts

Re: Bridal Shower Party gifts

• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  You can't. Asking for money is incredibly tacky. Also showers are gift giving events, not that money isn't a gift, but showers are more for boxed gifts. I think your friend should make a small registry with enough items of varying price points to cover the number of guests who are coming to her shower. That way people will get a feel for their taste and can buy accordingly. Some people, may still choose to give her a gift card or money but most people prefer to buy a box gift when going to a shower.

  
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  January 2014

  You can't. If she doesn't want boxed gifts, she should not have a shower. Like Maggie said, there's no way your friend doesn't need small upgrades (towels, sheets, small appliances).

  
  

  Think about it - can you imagine sitting around at the shower and she opens one envelope saying, "And here's a check from Aunt Mary for $100!" and then the next envelope, "Here's another check from Grandma for $75!"?

  
  

  No, because that would be ridiculous. 

  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2014

  You don't.  Your options are to host a bridal luncheon for her, which is more of a non gift giving event, and forgo the shower entirely, or the Bride should create a small registry as PP's suggested.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  My FI and I have lived together for 2 years so there is nothing we need box gift wise. We are not having a shower though. It would just be weird because we'd really have nothing to "show" everyone like a toaster or what have you.

  
  

  We did set up a HoneyFund though. We didn't put anything in our STD's and don't intent to put things in our invitations. When people ask us what we want we just explain that we have everything we need. We aren't asking for anything more than their presence at our wedding but if they feel the need then we prefer cash because we are saving for a house.

  
  

  If people buy us stuff like towels, dishes, etc then they will be appreciated but we have tons of those things already just from moving twice and his mom gives us all her hand me downs when she gets newer things. So a shower isn't necessary and we aren't doing one.

  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  My FI and I have lived together for 2 years so there is nothing we need box gift wise. We are not having a shower though. It would just be weird because we'd really have nothing to "show" everyone like a toaster or what have you.

  
  

  We did set up a HoneyFund though. We didn't put anything in our STD's and don't intent to put things in our invitations. When people ask us what we want we just explain that we have everything we need. We aren't asking for anything more than their presence at our wedding but if they feel the need then we prefer cash because we are saving for a house.

  
  

  If people buy us stuff like towels, dishes, etc then they will be appreciated but we have tons of those things already just from moving twice and his mom gives us all her hand me downs when she gets newer things. So a shower isn't necessary and we aren't doing one.

  Ugh.  You do know why Honeyfunds are seen as tacky and rude, right?  The first reason that comes to mind is that you should pay for your own honeymoon.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  We aren't using it towards our honeymoon. I know this isn't the normal thing but honestly we just don't need anything. We have enough dish towels, a toaster, bath towels, curtains, 2 sets of dishes, 28 wine glasses, and 2 vacuums.

  
  

  We also (like I previously stated) aren't ASKING for anything. We aren't putting it in anyones face or even in our invites/STD's. Just when people ask what we want we tell them that. They don't have to do that by any means. The only thing we truly want is them to come to our wedding and we will be happy. If we put it down everyones throat to give us money then, yes, I could see that as rude and tacky but we aren't.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014

  idanrb said:

  Hey Ya'll. I'm my frends moh, and it is my first time in this position. I am having her bridal shower and she does not want to register, however she would rather have $ for her honeymoon. Her and her man have been together for years, have kids and really don't need any household items. How do I adress this in her invatation without sounding tacky?
  

  You don't.  Asking for cash especially for a honeymoon, is inappropriate, especially for a shower.
  

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• KatWAG member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  We aren't using it towards our honeymoon. I know this isn't the normal thing but honestly we just don't need anything. We have enough dish towels, a toaster, bath towels, curtains, 2 sets of dishes, 28 wine glasses, and 2 vacuums.

  
  

  We also (like I previously stated) aren't ASKING for anything. We aren't putting it in anyones face or even in our invites/STD's. Just when people ask what we want we tell them that. They don't have to do that by any means. The only thing we truly want is them to come to our wedding and we will be happy. If we put it down everyones throat to give us money then, yes, I could see that as rude and tacky but we aren't.

  Wait, you set up a honeyfund but the money isnt going towards a HM? That is even more deceitful than your standard HM fund.
  

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  It's going towards our first home. We aren't lying to anyone. If they ask we tell them we just want money towards our first home. It's even on the honey fund site that you can use it for other things so we chose our house. We are only inviting friends and close family so we wouldn't lie or be deceitful to them. We have no reason to be. Like I said we aren't asking for it. Just if people insist then that is what it would go towards.

  

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• KatWAG member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  It's going towards our first home. We aren't lying to anyone. If they ask we tell them we just want money towards our first home. It's even on the honey fund site that you can use it for other things so we chose our house. We are only inviting friends and close family so we wouldn't lie or be deceitful to them. We have no reason to be. Like I said we aren't asking for it. Just if people insist then that is what it would go towards.

  I think you should pay for your own house, seeing as you're the ones who will be living in it.
  

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  I totally agree. We have been saving up for it for over a year now. We just don't need anything to put in it. Just like we saved up for our wedding and our honeymoon. We aren't asking people to give us anything like I said. If they insist then that is what it would go towards.

  
  

  I was just sharing with the OP that my FI and I aren't having a shower for this reason. Just my personal thoughts and opinion on her initial post.

  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2014

  idanrb said:

  Hey Ya'll. I'm my frends moh, and it is my first time in this position. I am having her bridal shower and she does not want to register, however she would rather have $ for her honeymoon. Her and her man have been together for years, have kids and really don't need any household items. How do I adress this in her invatation without sounding tacky?
  

  The only time a woman should be "showered" with cash is at a strip club.

  And to adnam08manda, you do realize that if you don't register with honeyfund or anywhere else, most guests will just give you cash anyway.  Any why would you want honeyfund to get a cut of the generous gift any one of your relatives decides to give you.  Aunt Sally's check to you gets deposited in full at the bank, but on honeyfund you (or worse she) will be charged a service fee on the same amount.
  

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  @OliveOilsMom there is actually a certificate option on there. You don't have to go through HoneyFund. They will let you print a cute little certificate and people can just give you cash/check or whatever. It's just up to the person honestly. Like I said we haven't really told anyone about it because it's not written on our STD's or invites. Just an option for if our guest ask. Thanks for the thought though!

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  @OliveOilsMom there is actually a certificate option on there. You don't have to go through HoneyFund. They will let you print a cute little certificate and people can just give you cash/check or whatever. It's just up to the person honestly. Like I said we haven't really told anyone about it because it's not written on our STD's or invites. Just an option for if our guest ask. Thanks for the thought though!

  I can print a cute little check and put it in an envelope.  Printing a certificate does not justify letting some company take a percentage of your gifts.  But it's your money, if you want to give it to some company for nothing, that's your business.

  
  

  It doesn't change the fact that cash registries are terribly rude.  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  @OliveOilsMom there is actually a certificate option on there. You don't have to go through HoneyFund. They will let you print a cute little certificate and people can just give you cash/check or whatever. It's just up to the person honestly. Like I said we haven't really told anyone about it because it's not written on our STD's or invites. Just an option for if our guest ask. Thanks for the thought though!

  Then why bother with the honeyfund at all?  All its showing your guests is that you want cash, when all you have to do is not register at all.  Then if someone asks you can say your not registering anywhere, but you are saving up for a downpayment on a house.  This lets the guest know you don't really need anything, but would appreciate the cash without coming right out and saying to your guest: "I want money."
  

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  Just replying to the OP's questions. Sorry if you think my FI and I are rude for not asking for a bunch of junk we don't need. Like I said before we aren't even asking for it or implying it but it's just what we will tell people if they ask us.

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  @OliveOilsMom We may just delete it regardless because you're right, people could just hand or mail us a check if they wanted to do the money at all. My cousin had made one for his wife and his wedding honeymoon so I thought it was a creative idea.

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  Just replying to the OP's questions. Sorry if you think my FI and I are rude for not asking for a bunch of junk we don't need. Like I said before we aren't even asking for it or implying it but it's just what we will tell people if they ask us.

  You are missing the point.  No one is saying you should ask for a bunk of gifts that you don't need.  No one is saying you should do a real registry.  

  
  

  If you don't want physical gifts, skip the registry and shower.  It's the registering for cash that is rude.  

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• indianaalum member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  It's going towards our first home. We aren't lying to anyone. If they ask we tell them we just want money towards our first home. It's even on the honey fund site that you can use it for other things so we chose our house. We are only inviting friends and close family so we wouldn't lie or be deceitful to them. We have no reason to be. Like I said we aren't asking for it. Just if people insist then that is what it would go towards.

  Dont those "honeyfund" websites make a commission? Aren't you just better off telling people "oh whatever you decide is fine" which will probably be CASH that goes straight in your pocket rather than siphoned through a website.

  
  

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• indianaalum member

  

  January 2014

  Realistically speaking, you should always register. People who STRONGLY believe in getting "boxed" gifts are going to just go out on their own and randomly pick something that you might not even like if you don't register. You can always do "upgrades". You  mentioned you have all the "hand me downs". wouldn't it be nice to have something nice and new? Just donate the older stuff to Goodwill or something

  
  

  If people give "cash" normally, they will give cash regardless of whether you have 1 item or 1000 items on your registry.

  
  

  Keep that in mind.

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  Our hand me downs work fine. I wouldn't feel like it was something I wanted. The only thing we need/want right now is a washer and dryer but obviously no one should buy us those. So even if we just registered at sears or something it would just be gift cards. The majority of our guest are not the box gift types and know we have stuff already.
  
  My grandma on my dads side is the only one I know wouldn't do cash but she also doesn't really care about what we want so she'll get us some random junk regardless. She gave me a creepy old porcelain doll that walks for Christmas.

  

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• Viczaesar member

  

  January 2014

  
  

  adnam08manda said:

  Our hand me downs work fine. I wouldn't feel like it was something I wanted. The only thing we need/want right now is a washer and dryer but obviously no one should buy us those. So even if we just registered at sears or something it would just be gift cards. The majority of our guest are not the box gift types and know we have stuff already. My grandma on my dads side is the only one I know wouldn't do cash but she also doesn't really care about what we want so she'll get us some random junk regardless. She gave me a creepy old porcelain doll that walks for Christmas.

  You don't register for gift cards either.  If you want cash just don't register at all, including honeymoon registries.  People who are inclined to give you cash will get the hint, and people who never give cash, like your grandma, will give you the random junk.
  

  
  
  
  

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• doeydo member

  

  January 2014

  Holy cow, why is this such a difficult concept for some people to grasp?  Asking for money is rude.  Asking/registering for cash/gift cards is rude.  If you want money, don't register or make a tiny one.  If someone asks you what you want, then and only then you can say "Oh, we don't need much but we are saving up for a house".  

  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  Just replying to the OP's questions. Sorry if you think my FI and I are rude for not asking for a bunch of junk we don't need. Like I said before we aren't even asking for it or implying it but it's just what we will tell people if they ask us.

  No, we think it's rude to have a Honeyfund for your house.
  
  If you don't want material items, then you just don't register for any.  If ppl ask you or your mom or your BMs where you are registered, you all say that you are not.  And if they ask what to get you then, you all say that you don't need any household items and that you are saving for a house.  That clues ppl into the fact that you want cash w/o having a tacky Honeyfund.
  
  Just saying.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  You can't learn without mistakes. I didn't realize that was all it took to make that possible. Like I said before, I saw my cousin and his wife do it and it worked great for them so I thought it was just the norm for people who don't need household gifts. Thank you for the advice.

  

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• KPBM89 member

  

  January 2014

  We thought (prior to registering) that we wouldn't want a lot of gifts for our wedding.  FI and I have been together over 6 years and we bought our first home in May.  When we moved, we just kind of bought things as we needed them.  BUT we did register: at two different stores.  We realized that a lot of the stuff we have is mis-matched or was like the lowest price option available, so we registered for upgrades, fun kitchen things we would love to have, extra sheet sets...and registering with FI was fun.  Essentially, I think you can always find SOMETHING you can register for, even if only a handful of things you'd like.  And I am the type of person to always give boxed gifts at a shower.  

  
  

  Not registering + having a bridal shower = getting a bunch of junk you probably don't want

  
  

  For example: our dishes were a mix of 7 different sets we acquired when we were in college/ what people gave us/ the $20 set we got from Target and our cutlery was the same: a bunch of junk we bought cheap that didn't match at all.  We registered for a nice set of white dishes that came in 8 place settings and some really nice Oneida silverware and received both for Christmas from FI's parents.  Holy hell is it great to have matching, great quality dishes and silverware!  There's a few college kids that rent homes in our neighborhood and we're thinking we can give some of them our old stuff.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• KatWAG member

  

  January 2014

  indianaalum said:

  adnam08manda said:

  It's going towards our first home. We aren't lying to anyone. If they ask we tell them we just want money towards our first home. It's even on the honey fund site that you can use it for other things so we chose our house. We are only inviting friends and close family so we wouldn't lie or be deceitful to them. We have no reason to be. Like I said we aren't asking for it. Just if people insist then that is what it would go towards.

  Dont those "honeyfund" websites make a commission? Aren't you just better off telling people "oh whatever you decide is fine" which will probably be CASH that goes straight in your pocket rather than siphoned through a website.

  
  

  DING DING DING.
  

  

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• adnam08manda member

  

  January 2014

  We might have a few mismatched things but honestly they are all really HIGH quality that we don't need to replace for any reason. Matching doesn't bother us because the things that people see do match. Our furniture is a nice set, the kitchen stuff is all black or red. His mom cleans homes for wealthier people who give her things when they buy new stuff. Then she gives them to us. We have some amazing towels (I mean BIG PLUSH towels) and sheet sets we've gotten. We even got down pillows.

  
  

  We really went all out when we moved in together. He had just gotten home from Iraq and he insisted on the nicer things. I had yard sale dishes from college that we actually gave to my cousin so trust me I had the junky things but we didn't keep them.
  

  
  

  The only thing I need right now is a new coffee maker. I kid you not I busted my carafe somehow the other day and no longer have a spout so I'm still using it but it's not going well. I just kind of need that now and not in 9 months when we get married. So if my fiancé finds things he needs and I find more then perhaps we will start a small registry. It just depends on that list.

  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  January 2014

  adnam08manda said:

  We might have a few mismatched things but honestly they are all really HIGH quality that we don't need to replace for any reason. Matching doesn't bother us because the things that people see do match. Our furniture is a nice set, the kitchen stuff is all black or red. His mom cleans homes for wealthier people who give her things when they buy new stuff. Then she gives them to us. We have some amazing towels (I mean BIG PLUSH towels) and sheet sets we've gotten. We even got down pillows.

  
  

  We really went all out when we moved in together. He had just gotten home from Iraq and he insisted on the nicer things. I had yard sale dishes from college that we actually gave to my cousin so trust me I had the junky things but we didn't keep them.
  

  
  

  The only thing I need right now is a new coffee maker. I kid you not I busted my carafe somehow the other day and no longer have a spout so I'm still using it but it's not going well. I just kind of need that now and not in 9 months when we get married. So if my fiancé finds things he needs and I find more then perhaps we will start a small registry. It just depends on that list.

  Please nix the honey fund and make a small registry-- put a coffee maker on it!  Also, FPILs got us a Keurig last Christmas and I swear it changed my life.  I highly recommend that as a fun upgrade to register for.  But really, there is no need for a HM registry if you have a small boxed gift registry, and then if people ask you can say, "We don't need much, but we're saving for a house right now."  People will still give you cash/checks.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• OBX2011 member

  

  January 2014

  JCBride2014 said:

  adnam08manda said:

  We might have a few mismatched things but honestly they are all really HIGH quality that we don't need to replace for any reason. Matching doesn't bother us because the things that people see do match. Our furniture is a nice set, the kitchen stuff is all black or red. His mom cleans homes for wealthier people who give her things when they buy new stuff. Then she gives them to us. We have some amazing towels (I mean BIG PLUSH towels) and sheet sets we've gotten. We even got down pillows.

  
  

  We really went all out when we moved in together. He had just gotten home from Iraq and he insisted on the nicer things. I had yard sale dishes from college that we actually gave to my cousin so trust me I had the junky things but we didn't keep them.
  

  
  

  The only thing I need right now is a new coffee maker. I kid you not I busted my carafe somehow the other day and no longer have a spout so I'm still using it but it's not going well. I just kind of need that now and not in 9 months when we get married. So if my fiancé finds things he needs and I find more then perhaps we will start a small registry. It just depends on that list.

  Please nix the honey fund and make a small registry-- put a coffee maker on it!  Also, FPILs got us a Keurig last Christmas and I swear it changed my life.  I highly recommend that as a fun upgrade to register for.  But really, there is no need for a HM registry if you have a small boxed gift registry, and then if people ask you can say, "We don't need much, but we're saving for a house right now."  People will still give you cash/checks.

  Agreed.  I know you said that you don't really need anything, but people can always use a nice set of sheets, towels, picture frames to display your wedding photos, etc.  

   

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