Different meals for wedding party

themuffinman16 · January 2014

Ok, I need some etiquette advice, yet again. My Fi and I are having a nice wedding at a rustic banquet hall. I have heard the food is very good from many of my friends. My FI and I have chosen a duet dinner package. This includes a 6 oz serving of sirloin and a 6 oz. serving of roasted chicken with a tarragon lemon cream sauce. I am a picky eater, though. I love steak, but I only eat filet mignon. (Just appreciate a more tender cut of steak). Is it rude for me to order filet mignon for my wedding party and the rest of the guests have sirloin? My FI think's it's acceptable, but I have a hard time serving my guests something I would not eat myself... but I am a picky eater. What is your opinion?

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

It is rude. I would not serve yourself something better than you would serve your guests.

Think about it this way, on Thanksgiving or Christmas do you take the best cut of the turkey/ham/lamb? In my family we give it to the guest who traveled the furthest or the guest of honor or the eldest guest. Never would the hosts take it.

themuffinman16 · January 2014

Okay. I had a feeling it was. But FI was trying to tell me it was fine. I told him it would be like serving turkey sandwiches to everyone while I got a turkey dinner. He said I was the only one who was picky and no one else would notice. Glad I asked

BecauseYouAre · January 2014

Yeah, I wouldn't do it. Sorry.

banana468 · January 2014

No way. If you want filet everyone gets filet.

Mitch617 · January 2014

If you can't afford to give everyone filet, just eat the same meal as them but don't eat your steak. The rest of it will probably be plenty. Everyone always says they barely ate at their own wedding anyways, because they are too busy trying to see everyone.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I agree with everyone else. It's one thing for someone to get something different then the other guests due to dietary needs but just because you don't like what you're serving isn't a good reason.

Blue & White · January 2014

Yep the others are right. I went to a wedding that did this right out of college and thought "what the hell?" The whole time.

I also side eyed your entire post because its a different cut of steak, so it's not a hugely different food. So if you did this to me in person I would massively judge you. In other words, I'm glad you asked first.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

Yeah, your FI is off base. Everyone gets the same meal, period. If you don't like the steak maybe see if you can get an extra portion of the chicken instead, or swap your steak for your FI's chicken.

grumbledore · January 2014

dmyrick78 said:

Ok, I need some etiquette advice, yet again. My Fi and I are having a nice wedding at a rustic banquet hall. I have heard the food is very good from many of my friends. My FI and I have chosen a duet dinner package. This includes a 6 oz serving of sirloin and a 6 oz. serving of roasted chicken with a tarragon lemon cream sauce. I am a picky eater, though. I love steak, but I only eat filet mignon. (Just appreciate a more tender cut of steak). Is it rude for me to order filet mignon for my wedding party and the rest of the guests have sirloin? My FI think's it's acceptable, but I have a hard time serving my guests something I would not eat myself... but I am a picky eater. What is your opinion?

Yes, it's rude. I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom had steak and lobster while the rest of us had rubbery chicken, and I judge them to this day. That was 8 years ago.

cruffino · January 2014

Tiering the quality of service among your guests is always rude.

climbingsingle · January 2014

Yes, that's very rude.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Another yes that is rude vote.

When it comes to steaks I myself, only eat filet. That is why we had filet as our steak option. I you do not like the steak just ask for 2 of the chicken. Our duet plate had crabcake which I do not eat so I had to filets.

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

Yes, it's rude.

If you want filet, serve everyone filet. If that isn't an option, order a portion of filet for yourself and have the caterers send it home with you after the reception. It's true that you won't really have time to eat much during the reception anyway.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

MyNameIsNot said:

Yes, it's rude.

If you want filet, serve everyone filet. If that isn't an option, order a portion of filet for yourself and have the caterers send it home with you after the reception. It's true that you won't really have time to eat much during the reception anyway.

I don't agree with the bolded. H and I had plenty of time to eat. We were able to get our food from our stations, sit, relax, eat everything off of our plates and still have time to get up and do table visits.

OP, yes it is rude to serve yourself and your wedding party something different then what you are serving your guests. Just ask the caterer to give you double the chicken and nix the steak from your plate. And make sure that you and your FI take some time to sit and eat and enjoy yourselves.

tammym1001 · January 2014

I'm with you in that the only steak I eat is filet. I'm a super picky eater as well. The standard steak that our caterer offered was sirloin. We asked if we could do filet instead and they said yes. We are giving all of our guests filet though. I would never serve my guests something that I don't even want to eat.

mrsbanany · January 2014

It is rude to serve yourself something better than your guests. My mom loves the phrase "what one does, we all do" that phrase was typically used for family vacations when my brother wanted to go to the beach and I wanted to go do something else. But it is also appropriate in this scenario.

However, duo plates are typically more expensive than single plates, and single plates of filet are typically more expensive. Could you switch the duo plate for single plates, and then you could afford to give everyone the same?

doeydo · January 2014

I love pretty much all kinds of steak, however, I would judge you hardcore for getting a better cut for yourself than the rest of the guests.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

PP's have covered this one.

Personally, I'm a rib eye girl- way more flavor than filet.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Your FI is wrong. It's very rude for the couple/wedding party to serve themselves anything more and/or of better quality than the other guests.

photokitty · January 2014

The only reason the B&G, WP or anyone else should eat anything besides what is being offered to all the other guests is dietary restrictions. Preference is not a dietary restriction. The only time I'll give you preference is if you want chicken tenders that are being served to the kids - I've seen this happen countless times :-p

MaryGraceRich · January 2014

Im.having ribeyes at our wedding based on flavor but all of our guests get it as an option. Anything else is rude.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

OP, did you do a tasting at your venue yet? If you haven't, you may be surprised and end up liking the sirloin. If you have done the tasting and didn't like the other cut, then I'd proceed with the advice given by PPs.

sofakingmad · January 2014

My friend substituted grilled cheese for her meal, while she gave her guests filet. I don't think anyone was mad about that.

But yeah OP, just go with what everyone else gets.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

PP's have covered this one.

Personally, I'm a rib eye girl- way more flavor than filet.

Yup, and much larger which means more to eat!

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I love steak of all kinds and I wouldn't necessarily be pissed if bride groom and party had different entrees but I would judge them

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

MaryGraceRich said:

Im.having ribeyes at our wedding based on flavor but all of our guests get it as an option. Anything else is rude.

Where is my invite?!

missnc77 · January 2014

It's one meal on one night of your life. You can't live with a few bites of sirloin? You're going to have 12 ounces of meat on your plate, I think you'll be okay.

phira · January 2014

Agree with previous posters. I don't think it's a terrible idea to select food for your wedding that both you and your fiance like. We're only picking food options that both of us enjoy, even though we're going to have meat (either beef or chicken), fish, and a vegan entree. It just means we're going to try everything and make sure we like it.

So that's another way to think about it--serve your guests food that you think is yummy.

(WARNING: Obviously, you also want to make sure that your guests will enjoy your food, too. If you think that fish is yummy, and that's the only entree you have, that's not too fair to guests who don't eat fish. This is actually why we're having a split entree: my partner eats fish but not beef/poultry, so we want a fish entree, but there are a LOT of people in his family who can't stand fish.)

sissixin · January 2014

There is a post discussion about the worst wedding you've been to, and different meals for the wedding party is one of them...

sissixin · January 2014

Here you go http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996525/worst-wedding-you-ve-ever-been-to

To be honest, I wouldn't care if I were a guest, but some ppl do...

Different meals for wedding party

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