Social vs. Professional Name for Invites

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

I'm looking for some opinions on which would be the most "etiquette appropriate" avenue here. While compiling our addresses for the guest list, I noticed what could be a problem. FI's cousin is professionally known as Dr. MaidenName, but FMIL told me that she socially goes by Mrs. MarriedName (she signs cards this way, FWIW). My question is- to those of you who do/know someone who does goes by their maiden name legally/ professionally, but their married name socially; how do you prefer to have envelopes addressed?

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

A wedding is a social event. If you are sure she prefers to use her husband's name socially, use it.

mimiphin · January 2014

I would say Dr. MaidenName on the outside and on the inner envelop Mrs.MarriedName. Can you just call her (Or her parents) and ask what she would prefer?

phira · January 2014

So I had this issue, but it was more like ... a lot of people in my partner's family go by nicknames since many of them have the same name. It actually got to the point where I was working on the guest list and finding out for the first time what some of his relatives' REAL names were.

My partner wanted everything addressed to people by their legal names, which I felt was waaaaaay too formal, and I had to explain to him why I wasn't going to address some save the dates, "First Last and Partnerfirst Partnerlast," and others to, "Mr. and Mrs. First M. Last III."

We ended up MOSTLY using the names people used, which are the names I know them by.

cowgirl8238 · January 2014

If you are doing both inner and outer envelopes I would use the professional/legal name on the outside and the social name on the inner one. If you are only using one envelope to save costs I would just ask her directly which she prefers to go by.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

This is pretty simple- Your FI should ask his cousin how she would like to be addressed on your wedding invitations.

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

I figured that I should just have FI ask her directly; thanks for the advice!!

ashleyep · January 2014

phira said:

So I had this issue, but it was more like ... a lot of people in my partner's family go by nicknames since many of them have the same name. It actually got to the point where I was working on the guest list and finding out for the first time what some of his relatives' REAL names were.

My partner wanted everything addressed to people by their legal names, which I felt was waaaaaay too formal, and I had to explain to him why I wasn't going to address some save the dates, "First Last and Partnerfirst Partnerlast," and others to, "Mr. and Mrs. First M. Last III."

We ended up MOSTLY using the names people used, which are the names I know them by.

I have one friend who goes by his middle name because his dad has the same name. For save the dates I think I used the name he goes by, but for invitations I'm going to use his legal name.

EverAfer · January 2014

phira said:
So I had this issue, but it was more like ... a lot of people in my partner's family go by names since many of them have the same name. It actually got to the point where I was working on the guest list and finding out for the first time what some of his relatives' REAL names were.

My partner wanted everything addressed to people by their legal names, which I felt was waaaaaay too formal, and I had to explain to him why I wasn't going to address some save the dates, "First Last and Partnerfirst Partnerlast," and others to, "Mr. and Mrs. First M. Last III."

We ended up MOSTLY using the names people used, which are the names I know them by.

We did STDs for OOT, his extended family are all far away. So we get to his cousin and her husband. He doesn't know the husband name, he goes by J. So I said, obviously, text your cousin and ask for the correct spelling of her husband name, it works well when it's Chris vs Kris. They don't think you really don't know and think it's thoughtful that you checked to make sure it's spelled correctly.

Well, cousin text us their new address and that her husband's name is J. We find out weeks later from someone else it's actually Jay.

I feel that weddings are social events. I would use what she goes by socially.

aurorajanette · January 2014

I would think that because this is a social event, she would go by her social name. I have letters after my name, but I don't go around outside of the workplace signing aurorajanette, CTRS on cards and receipts and things. It's a personal preference though, so it never hurts to ask her.

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

We're still going to ask, but because she signs cards "Mr. and Mrs. MarriedName"- I was leaning toward that. Thanks for the input!!

Social vs. Professional Name for Invites

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