Soon, I might have to have a talk with my father. I don't think I want him to walk me down the aisle. When I was younger, I left his house and moved in with my mother. I was 14 at the time, and the fashion in which I left to move in with my mother was very immature. The courts made me move back in with my father, until I was old enough to decide for myself.
Before the next school year, the courts decided I was old enough to move in with my mother. I apologized for the manner in which I left, but he wanted nothing to do with me. He stopped talking to me for 3 years. He did not attend my high school graduation, and that has always had an impact on my life. When I went to college, I moved back in with him. I was still hurt by his actions, but tried to put it behind me, and move on. He went back to school, and I attended his graduation. Everyone told me it was nice that I was being the bigger person.
Fast forward to present day. My father got prostate cancer, during the time my twin sister was pregnant. It was highly treatable, as he had only stage one. He promised me not to tell my twin sister, because she was pregnant. My twin sister and I are extremely close. I told him I would try, but in the world of social media, it is hard to keep a secret for 9 months.
My father would put all these leading statements on facebook about his health and others would comment on it and wish him well. He whipped my sister into a frenzy, as her FI's mother was battling terminal cancer. I told him to tell her because what she was thinking was far worse than what he had, and she needed to hear that she was not going to lose her father. He refused. I waited three months, constantly begging him to tell her, because she would call me after seeing posts, and went to a party where someone asked how our dad was feeling.
By this time, my sister was in hysterics. I told her in a very calm manner his condition, and she was not even upset, because it was a lot better than her fears. My dad refused to see me that Christmas. He told me if I was near my twin sister, he would not see me. And if I came to visit him with her, he would leave town and go back home. I know I should not have shared his secret, but he put me in an awful position, almost like he wanted to upset her.
I asked my father if he was planning on coming to the wedding. He said he would only come if I would honor him and allow him to walk me down the aisle. I feel like he has abandoned me twice, and I don't want to honor that on my wedding day. Plus, if I did invite him, and he was mad at me and decided to stick it to me on my wedding day, I would feel as heartbroken and embarrassed as when he refused to attend my graduation.
My grandfather is like a father, to me. He has always been there for me, and has never turned his back on me. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle, since my father refused to see me at Christmas. Should I just let my dad walk me down the aisle, even though I feel it would be incredibly phony? Should I tell him, I still, want him to attend, but I had planned for my grandpa to walk me down the aisle? (By the way my father no longer talks to his step-father, as my father blames him for my grandmother's death) ? Or should I just not have anyone walk me down the aisle and have a dance with my twin sister instead of my father or grandfather? What would you do, if you were in my shoes?