Favors

B0320 · January 2014

Hey ladies,

I've been lurking around here for a while as FI and I slowly gather ideas and share what we like and want for our wedding (we don't have an exact date set but are thinking late spring/early summer 2015). My question is really regarding Favors at a wedding and whether or not they're actually necessary? We're planning on a morning wedding and then hosting a brunch reception and everything we've looked at as Favors just seem silly or self-centered (I mean no one is going to use a coaster with our initials engraved on it). So ya, I guess my question is are Favors actually necessary?

melbelleup · January 2014

Favors are not necessary at all. If you do favors, the preferred ones are food (candy, syrup, spices etc) and alcohol.

We're doing a photo booth and that will be our favor. Most would rather you spend a little more for more appetizers, food etc. Or you don't even have to do that. Don't worry, no one will miss them.

aurorajanette · January 2014

Favors are not necessary at all. Guests will remember your wedding without a coaster or candle holder.

Although I do always enjoy a food or alcohol favor... lol

climbingsingle · January 2014

Favors are not necessary.

We're also thinking about doing a photo booth where the pictures would be the favors.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

My sister insisted we have a photobooth, so that is our favor.

Chipmunk415 · January 2014

Favors are not actually necessary. If you have space in your budget and want to do them, it's your call.

I've found from lurking and posting that coasters and matchbooks are not a big hit. What IS a big hit is food items.

I'm also having a morning wedding, with a lunch reception. We decided to have favors. Our favors are individual cupcakes from the same place the wedding cake is coming from, as a little treat for later on/before bed for all.

Ultimately, favors are your choice, and anyone who gets pissy that they didn't get a pack of playing cards with your faces on them is someone I'd side eye- favors are not the point of the day, the wedding is!

KickAssMOH · January 2014

I don't think favors are necessary, but I did make hotel baggies for my guests spending the night. They included water, advil, some salty and sweet snacks, home-made chocolate-covered oreos, etc. I wanted to include maps and tourist advice but my FI insisted "everyone has an iPhone and you're wating time."

Every favor I have received at a wedding seemed useless, with the exception of matchbooks and photos from a photo booth. Who doesn't love a good photo booth!??! I have collections of candles, shot glasses, vases, all etched with names and wedding dates.

It's always nice when people make a donation to a charity and put a note on each table "in lieu of favors....." etc.

B0320 · January 2014

Thanks ladies! And I'll have to bring up the food idea with FI - I think individual cupcakes would be fun!

cowgirl8238 · January 2014

I like the idea of food favors. FI and I are going between a whoopie pies on the table and a kick ass dessert ar with take home bags so people can grab whatever they want as they leave.

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

cowgirl8238 said:
I like the idea of food favors. FI and I are going between a whoopie pies on the table and a kick ass dessert ar with take home bags so people can grab whatever they want as they leave.

Not that you care about a random opinion from an internet stranger... But I would be so excited to get a whoopie pie!!!!!

Jen4948 · January 2014

Favors are not necessary, so if you have budget issues this is something you can definitely cut out.

If you decide to do them, most people prefer edible favors to any other.

Inkdancer · January 2014

My FI and I are really into music, so we're making mix CDs for our guests as favors, including our first dance song and some other songs we really love.

Until we had that idea we were not going to do favors at all.

HaileyDancingbear · January 2014

Favors aren't necfessary, although if you want to have them there are some nice, not self-centered favors out there. For instance I was thinking of doing little potted succulents as favors, they're pretty, they don't have my name on them (I guess that's a matter of taste but I don't like monograms or putting my name all over stuff.) and they're a low maitenance plant so guests could pretty much just plop them on a desktop and not have to worry about watering for weeks. Of course, my budget isn't set yet so if I need to make cuts, favors will be the first thing to go. I think he succulents are cute but I wouldn't cut anything else to make room in the budget.
ETA I'll fix the typos when I get on a computer, going back to fix them on this phone is a massive pain.

csuave · January 2014

Favors can easily be skipped. If you want more ideas related to favors you can do some reading/lurking on the favors board. It gets decent activity.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Favors are whatever to me. An edible favor is probably the best or something like a lottery ticket always goes over well.

Putting your wedding date and your names on something and giving it to me is a huge waste of money. I'll either leave it there or throw it out.

Peaseblossom55 · January 2014

FI wants to do a donation in Lieu of favors I'm not sure I like that idea. I would prefer doing mini succulents as a favor I think they are cute and it's something different from any wedding I've attended so far.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Peaseblossom55 said:

FI wants to do a donation in Lieu of favors I'm not sure I like that idea. I would prefer doing mini succulents as a favor I think they are cute and it's something different from any wedding I've attended so far.

Yeah don't do this.

1st, making a donation in lieu of giving me a small gift isn't really a gift honoring me, KWIM? It's more a feel good thing for you and your FI.

2nd, where people choose to donate is very personal and people may be offended if you donated money in their name to an organization they do not support on their own.

MrsDeRuyter87 · January 2014

Favors are not necessary, and please don't buy a favor just because. Like PP's have said...the best favor is food/alcohol. I went to a wedding once where the "favor" was a fake letter in a bottle of sand. I was like "yeah what the heck am I going to do with this?" When we left the wedding we saw a ton of the "favors" in the garbage just outside of the venue...whoop!

sofakingmad · January 2014

I know it's against Etiquette, but I'm a fan of the donations. I guess I haven't been offended by any of the charities that I've seen b&gs donate to. Normally they are causes that are important to the b&g and since they are important to me, I fully support that.

But I get why people shouldn't do them.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Peaseblossom55 said:

FI wants to do a donation in Lieu of favors I'm not sure I like that idea. I would prefer doing mini succulents as a favor I think they are cute and it's something different from any wedding I've attended so far.

Skip this. The guests do not feel "honored" by donations "in lieu of favors." First, a donation to charity is not a gift to someone else, nor is donating in their names to a cause they may not support. And even if everyone is okay with this, it is too AWish. It comes off as "See what generous people we are!" and patting yourself on the back. If you want to donate to charity, just give whatever you would have given as favors, or whatever, without linking it to your wedding or making an announcement of it at your wedding. Your wedding is not the time or place to "raise awareness."

cowgirl8238 · January 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

I like the idea of food favors. FI and I are going between a whoopie pies on the table and a kick ass dessert ar with take home bags so people can grab whatever they want as they leave.
Not that you care about a random opinion from an internet stranger... But I would be so excited to get a whoopie pie!!!!!

I do care!!!! They are going to be at the wedding no matter which way we go...and we are having the wedding cake filled with what the baker calls dutch cream...which is very similar to a whoopie pie flavor! Thats what I love about central PA!

sofakingmad · January 2014

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

I get that's why it's not cool to do this at weddings. But I'm just trying to explain the mindset of some people and why they think it's a good idea. Why I'm personally not offended by this.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

I get that's why it's not cool to do this at weddings. But I'm just trying to explain the mindset of some people and why they think it's a good idea. Why I'm personally not offended by this.

But neither this mindset nor your personally not being offended make it good etiquette, for exactly the reasons why it's not cool to do this at weddings (or in fact, any time). You can do whatever you like with your own property and with gifts you have already received-but not with anyone else's.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

I get that's why it's not cool to do this at weddings. But I'm just trying to explain the mindset of some people and why they think it's a good idea. Why I'm personally not offended by this.

But neither this mindset nor your personally not being offended make it good etiquette, for exactly the reasons why it's not cool to do this at weddings (or in fact, any time). You can do whatever you like with your own property and with gifts you have already received-but not with anyone else's.

Oh, so I shouldn't do this at Christmas? Because I do ;-)

I guess I just more or less say, "I think you buying me a $50 gift and me buying you the same priced gift is stupid. Keep your money and buy yourself something nice. I'm going to donate mine to my favorite charity."

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

I get that's why it's not cool to do this at weddings. But I'm just trying to explain the mindset of some people and why they think it's a good idea. Why I'm personally not offended by this.

But neither this mindset nor your personally not being offended make it good etiquette, for exactly the reasons why it's not cool to do this at weddings (or in fact, any time). You can do whatever you like with your own property and with gifts you have already received-but not with anyone else's.

Oh, so I shouldn't do this at Christmas? Because I do ;-)

I guess I just more or less say, "I think you buying me a $50 gift and me buying you the same priced gift is stupid. Keep your money and buy yourself something nice. I'm going to donate mine to my favorite charity."

It's not okay at Christmas either. And whether or not you think it's "stupid," telling anyone they're "stupid" for wanting to give you something does not make you look altruistic, generous, or selfless-it actually makes you look the exact opposite-controlling and selfish.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

And one other thing about the donations.

I guess my opinion about donating "in lieu of" a favor because I'm really big on donating over giving gifts. I would much prefer a friend/family member donate to their favorite cause then buy me any xmas or birthday gifts. I'm just really into helping and not consumerism.

And what if they don't have a "favorite cause" ?

Trying to pre-empt the process is really pretty ungracious. It's not up to you to decide what other people should do with their own money. If you don't want their gift, you can donate it yourself to whatever cause you want to support. But you can't tell people who haven't given you a gift as yet to give to charity. It's not your money or gift to give at that point.

I get that's why it's not cool to do this at weddings. But I'm just trying to explain the mindset of some people and why they think it's a good idea. Why I'm personally not offended by this.

But neither this mindset nor your personally not being offended make it good etiquette, for exactly the reasons why it's not cool to do this at weddings (or in fact, any time). You can do whatever you like with your own property and with gifts you have already received-but not with anyone else's.

Oh, so I shouldn't do this at Christmas? Because I do ;-)

I guess I just more or less say, "I think you buying me a $50 gift and me buying you the same priced gift is stupid. Keep your money and buy yourself something nice. I'm going to donate mine to my favorite charity."

It's not okay at Christmas either. And whether or not you think it's "stupid," telling anyone they're "stupid" for wanting to give you something does not make you look altruistic, generous, or selfless-it actually makes you look the exact opposite-controlling and selfish.

Did you edit that? Thanks.

"It's not okay at Christmas either. And whether or not you think it's "stupid," saying that to anyone really doesn't show you in a generous or friendly light."

And I don't actually say that to them, gawd. My friends and I all have everything we need and we all do this every year. And my family chooses to spend the time together and volunteer and donate, instead of buying gifts. It's reciprocated by all.

sofakingmad · January 2014

I definitely prefer your edit. It warms my heart.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I definitely prefer your edit. It warms my heart.

Thank you. I just wanted you to understand that that mindset of trying to pre-empt gift giving and getting people to donate to charity instead ain't cool at all-whether it's for a wedding or any other time.

It just doesn't pass etiquette or gracious muster.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

I definitely prefer your edit. It warms my heart.

Thank you. I just wanted you to understand that that mindset of trying to pre-empt gift giving and getting people to donate to charity instead ain't cool at all-whether it's for a wedding or any other time.

It just doesn't pass etiquette or gracious muster.

I'm glad you enjoy my sarcasm.

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