"No Black Attire" Guest Request?

Re: "No Black Attire" Guest Request?

• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2014

  Nope.   My husband only has 1 suit, it's black.  Which by the way he only wears once or even less a year.   No way in hell he is going to go out in buy another one just because a bride doesn't want black attire.     

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  Is there a nice way to request that people don't wear black to my wedding? I was hoping the pictures would be brighter and sweeter if guests didn't look like they were mourning at my wedding. My theme is all pastels and brights.

  No.  You can't tell your guests how to dress for your wedding.  Unless the women wearing black also are wearing a long black lace veil over their face and sobbing in sadness then they are not "mourning" at your wedding.  In fact black is a very elegant classy color to wear and something that everyone should have in their closet.

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2014

  Oh Jesus. No, you cannot tell your guests they can't wear black. Do you really think your guests are going to look like they're in mourning in your pictures? While they're dancing and laughing and having a good time? Right. 

  Report4 Reply
• SarahRashid member

  

  January 2014

  i'm not telling them how to dress, i'm just trying to figure out how to ask them nicely. I think you're getting the impression that i'll go crazy on them if they wear black.

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• SarahRashid member

  

  January 2014

  can I say "Brightly colored attire invited?" Is that a positive spin? What about if I suggest it because it's outside in the summer?

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• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2014

  Telling your guests they can't wear black is telling them how to dress. 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  No.  No matter how you word it, whether you are asking nicely or telling them straight out, you cannot control what your guests wear.  Even by asking nicely you are still trying to tell them what they can and cannot wear.

  
  

  Also, suggesting things basically is telling the adults you are inviting that you think that they are stupid and can't figure out what to wear on their own.
  

  
  

  What color they wear or what kind of clothes they wear to your wedding will not have any effect whatsoever on your wedding day.  Period.

  
  

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• emmyg65 member

  

  January 2014

  Do not tell your guests how to dress, either negatively (no black) or positively (colors please). They'll look happy regardless of what they wear, and you'll probably be too busy to notice anyway.

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• jenna8984 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  can I say "Brightly colored attire invited?" Is that a positive spin? What about if I suggest it because it's outside in the summer?

  
  I'm a smart-ass so I'd say what the hell is she talking about? And then I'd wear either black or a clown costume and say "what, you said bright?!"

  But in all honesty I think it's really bizarre. Women generally wear light colored dresses in summertime but some just feel more comfortable in black and that's fine. Most men only own black or dark grey suits. Are you really going to look at your pictures and say "aaw I love my grandma, I'm glad she was there...except that awful black dress she's wearing!" No! At my sister's wedding that just passed, my grandparents wore suit/dress that were literally from 1982 and they were still adorable.

                                                                   

  
  

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• SarahRashid member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  what if i say "summer clothes recommended as the event will be held outside?"

  
  

  seriously though, people are acting like I'm forcing them to wear a certain outfit, and that's exactly opposite of what I want to do. I'm trying to ASK THEM NICELY. i'm trying to tell them what the wedding is gonna look like so that if there are people that care, that they're informed. how do i do that without sounding rude? that's all I wanna know.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  what if i say "summer clothes recommended as the event will be held outside?"

  
  

  seriously though, people are acting like I'm forcing them to wear a certain outfit, and that's exactly opposite of what I want to do. I'm try

  No.  What can't you understand about the fact that grown adults know how to dress themselves for whatever occasion that they are going to?  People are not dumb.  They know that you will be getting married in the summer so I doubt that they will wear a damn snow suit to your wedding whether it will be inside or out.  Most people, in the summer months, whether going to a wedding or not tend to wear lighter clothes.  They do not need you to remind them of the fact that it is the summer and it could be hot.  People are not dumb!!!  Do you tell people how to dress any other time of the year?  Most likely no, so your wedding is no different.

  
  

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• SarahRashid member

  

  January 2014

  I put "Pastels and bright colors are welcomed as the wedding will be outside. Weather estimated to be between the 70s and 80s."

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I put "Pastels and bright colors are welcomed as the wedding will be outside. Weather estimated to be between the 70s and 80s."

  
  

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  January 2014

  You're out of your fucking mind. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report18 Reply
• misshart00 member

  

  January 2014

  Wow.

  Report3 Reply
• QueerFemme member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I put "Pastels and bright colors are welcomed as the wedding will be outside. Weather estimated to be between the 70s and 80s."

  
  You should delete whereever you put that. You sound like you are talking to 5 year olds who need to color coordinate on a field trip.    I don't need to be told what color to wear or not wear.  I wear black or dark colors frequently in the summer.  Why ?  Because I'm a grown ass adult who can decide what I want to wear based on what looks flattering on me and how I'm feeling.

  Stop trying to micromanage people.   Your guests will likely be in a handful of photos.  Stop tripping about stuff that (a) doesn't matter (b) you have no control over, and (c) will make you look like a bridezilla/ idiot .

  

  Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

  http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
  

  Report7 Reply
• chibiyui member

  

  January 2014

  There isn't a nice way to ask people to not wear black just like there isn't a nice way to tell someone to go to hell.
  
  Somethings are just inherently rude.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• SarahRashid member

  

  January 2014

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  You're out of your fucking mind. 

  That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

  
  

  Report7 Reply
• misshart00 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  
  Serious question. What were you wanting people to say? You came up with wording on your own so there wasn't any need for the question except for validation.

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  Yes, but what you are missing is that there is no courteous way to request specific attire. There is no way to do it, so everyone is telling you not to do it.
  
  I do remember what it was like to be a wedding-obsessed bride to be, and as an old married hag, I can assure you, your guests' attire will not affect your happiness on your wedding day at all. You are risking insulting your guests and making yourself look like a control freak for something that does not matter. It is not worth it.
  

  

  Report11 Reply
• Liatris2010 mod

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  Yes, but what you are missing is that there is no courteous way to request specific attire. There is no way to do it, so everyone is telling you not to do it.
  
  I do remember what it was like to be a wedding-obsessed bride to be, and as an old married hag, I can assure you, your guests' attire will not affect your happiness on your wedding day at all. You are risking insulting your guests and making yourself look like a control freak for something that does not matter. It is not worth it.
  

  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  If my wedding will be the happiest day of my life, I'll be doing my marriage wrong. 

  
  

  Report9 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  Seriously? So us answering your questions and telling you that the many variations of wording you want to tell, oh sorry, suggest, to your guests on how to dress for your wedding is inappropriate and rude makes us mean. Ok.
  

  
  

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• QueerFemme member

  

  January 2014

  SarahRashid said:

  I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return. 

  
  

  I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

  
  

  I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

  
  

  Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

  You might want to do yourself a favor, and pay attention. If an entire group of people have the same answer, you might need to start considering that YOU are the one with the issue. 

  
   

  

  Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

  http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
  

  Report8 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  January 2014

  ShesSoCold said:

  show previous quotes

  AddieL73 said:

  You're out of your fucking mind. 

  That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

  Let's go get waffles!  

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• daria24 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  My very sweet, very proper MIL received an invitation that said "please wear cheerful colors." She was very surprised and it made her not want to attend the wedding. She doesn't even own any black clothing, but her husband's suit was black and she was so worried about it being against the "dress code" she felt they couldn't attend.

  
  

  Trust me, you are stressing out over NOTHING. I am an extremely critical person, on my wedding day I noticed a lot of things that people on these boards tell you "oh you will be so happy/busy on your wedding day, you won't even see it." And yet, I could not tell you what a single guest was wearing, aside from my parents & MOH. Plus, the overwhelming majority of our photos are either of the B+G, parents, WP, ceremony, details, etc. Photos with guests were probably less than 10% of 800 or so professional photos I received. I had a June wedding in the evening and looking through the photos, the only people in black were men wearing black suits, which most of the men I know ONLY own one formal suit, and it's black. 

  
  

  Please worry about something else, your guests' attire should have no bearing on how much you enjoy your wedding, and the photos afterwards. 

  

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• misshart00 member

  

  January 2014

  What is your fiancé wearing?

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• AddieCake member

  

  January 2014

  misshart00 said:

  What is your fiancé wearing?

  Something pastel, I hope, or he might get frowned upon. 

  
  

  
  

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report11 Reply
• thelastdreamer member

  

  January 2014

  Holy crap how rude! What if the guys only have dark colors? I know my FI typically doesn't wear anything bright or pastel. I know many other guys who don't either. How incredibly rude of you to tell your guests what to wear.

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