"No Black Attire" Guest Request?

mimiphin · January 2014

I still want to know what the Groom is going to wear!!!!!

LDay2014 · January 2014

mimiphin said:

I still want to know what the Groom is going to wear!!!!!

Probably black, because he's in mourning...

(Sorry, my filter didn't work on that one)

jlhart76 · January 2014

Ok, so by "summer clothes", I'd wear Capri pants or shorts. You said summer clothes! And I'm not about to buy new clothes just for a wedding, so I'd either ignore you and wear whatever I wanted, or be annoyed enough to wear all black (or the most hideously loud dress I could find since you want bright outfits.)

jlhart76 · January 2014

double post

AddieCake · January 2014

OP, I'm feeling less snarky today than yesterday, so let me put it to you friendlier. Golly! (That's for you, bitches. You know who you are!

)

Look at my pics below. You can't see all of my guests, but please note that most of them are in lighter colors. for my outdoor spring wedding. People know seasonally what to wear. They will not choose to wear the light colors so they don't appear to be in mourning. They will, however, generally, choose colors that "go" with the season, so most of them will choose light colors just b/c that's what they WANT to wear. Whether they were going to a wedding that day or not, they are likely in lighter colors.

A few people wore dark colors. It affected nothing. So if you have some people in dark colors, it isn't going to make one whit of difference.

What we're all trying to say is that you are just WAY overthinking this one, and you should say to yourself is, "Self, this is a non-issue. Let's go get us a margarita."

jenniferurs · January 2014

TiaTea said:
@mobkaz
"The only statement you have that is accurate and helpful is this....................."You can't really put it on the invitation"."

About what is helpful, that's your opinion. I wasn't asking for opinions, but thanks.
About accuracy, if you have any facts, lets talk about them.

Which part of what I said is not accurate?

For example , I am wrong , that she can email information about the venue to her family and friends?
Can she not inform people about the venue, the expected weather, or if there are specifics ( such as sand beach) that may impact the guest comfort , when they decide what shoes to wear?
Are the conditions of the venue and/or the expected weather supposed to be a secret or surprise?

Are you telling me that I am wrong about what my experience is regarding what people wear to outside summer parties? This is my experience. What do you know about my experiences?
Are you saying that I did not take the above information from Wikipedia?
Are you sayig that the referenced authors did not write those things?
Are you saying that OP can not research those or other authors?
Are you telling me that I did not hear about not wearing black before?

Which part of what I am saying is not accurate. Facts , please?

As far as what is , or is not helpful for the OP, she'll decide for herself.

PS
If you were telling OP what your opinion is, I wouldn't question it, but you are accusing me of being inaccurate when I am presenting facts.

Somebody needs some tequila.

chibiyui · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

TiaTea said:
@mobkaz
"The only statement you have that is accurate and helpful is this....................."You can't really put it on the invitation"."

About what is helpful, that's your opinion. I wasn't asking for opinions, but thanks.
About accuracy, if you have any facts, lets talk about them.

Which part of what I said is not accurate?

For example , I am wrong , that she can email information about the venue to her family and friends?
Can she not inform people about the venue, the expected weather, or if there are specifics ( such as sand beach) that may impact the guest comfort , when they decide what shoes to wear?
Are the conditions of the venue and/or the expected weather supposed to be a secret or surprise?

Are you telling me that I am wrong about what my experience is regarding what people wear to outside summer parties? This is my experience. What do you know about my experiences?
Are you saying that I did not take the above information from Wikipedia?
Are you sayig that the referenced authors did not write those things?
Are you saying that OP can not research those or other authors?
Are you telling me that I did not hear about not wearing black before?

Which part of what I am saying is not accurate. Facts , please?

As far as what is , or is not helpful for the OP, she'll decide for herself.

PS
If you were telling OP what your opinion is, I wouldn't question it, but you are accusing me of being inaccurate when I am presenting facts.
Somebody needs some tequila.

Tequila is always needed.

artbyallie · January 2014

TiaTea said:

@artbyallie
"TiaTea, yes you are wrong to suggest that she can send unsolicited e-mails"

Really? Another one?
Am I the only one bothering to do some research before making statements and/or accusations?
OK, I'll play by your rules
You are wrong about my suggestion being wrong. You have no idea what is acceptable etiquettewise , when it comes to emails. You have no idea what etiquette says about emails.
There. No proof . Just accusing you.
How childish is that?

My apologies to @SarahRashid for participating in childish exchange with other OP in her thread. I'll stop.

Well, dear, if you just want the research:

From Miss Manner's Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding, "DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attending a wedding with my family next month and have received an e-mail giving the "attire for the ceremony and reception" as All White for women and girls, and khaki pants and white shirts for the men and boys. The e-mail states that this will make the wedding fit in with the couple's outdoor theme.

My questions: a. Is it appropriate for the couple to dictate what guests should wear to the wedding? b. Do guests need to go along with this? and c. Isn't it a faux pas for anyone but the bride to wear white at a wedding?

GENTLE READER: a. no, b. no, and c. yes."

Does that suffice?

ativnan16 · January 2014

Firstly, I think this is an issue of you wanting to suggest to grown adults that they aren't allowed to wear a certain color to your wedding. When you posted this question to this public forum, and got a resounding "No." you were upset that no one would validate your choice, and went ahead and did whatever you wanted to anyway. Which, that is fine, if that's how you want to be perceived, but you asked for everyone's opinion and you got it. Secondly, I think you are forgetting many factors. A) most guests still are unsure of whether or not black is an acceptable option for a wedding, and therefore tend to stray from black anyway.

your guests are not going to be in many pictures, so why does it matter what they wear? and C) As was stated before, there really is no "nice" way to tell or suggest to a grown adult what they can wear. There just isn't. Stop blaming everyone else for not validating your choices made in poor taste.

jdluvr06 · January 2014

I've never heard anyone question is black was appropriate for a wedding or not. Is that a thing?

MobKaz · January 2014

jdluvr06 said: I've never heard anyone question is black was appropriate for a wedding or not. Is that a thing?

I think in some very traditional areas, and in some social circles, black is avoided. However, I do believe that is becoming less and less common. It is not unusual at all in weddings I have attended in the past 5 years to see not only many guests wearing black, but bridal parties as well.

ZeroOrchestra · January 2014

doeydo said:

AshleyNicole1218 said:

All I envision is men in pastel green and peach suits, a la 'dumb and dumber'.

Yup...

I attended a wedding where all the GM wore these suits, each a different color. On St Patricks Day.

grumbledore · January 2014

ShesSoCold said:

AddieL73 said:

You're out of your fucking mind.

That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

You need to lurk more.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

ZeroOrchestra said:

AshleyNicole1218 said:

All I envision is men in pastel green and peach suits, a la 'dumb and dumber'.

Yup...

I attended a wedding where all the GM wore these suits, each a different color. On St Patricks Day.

If that really happened, please please please tell me you got pictures.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

jdluvr06 said:

I've never heard anyone question is black was appropriate for a wedding or not. Is that a thing?

It's not a "thing" anywhere except on TK, based on my experience.

There's some antiquated notion that if you wear black you are disapproving of the marriage, which I had never heard of until coming to these boards. No one else in my social circles has ever heard of this either, including some really old relatives ;-)

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

grumbledore said:

ShesSoCold said:

AddieL73 said:

You're out of your fucking mind.

That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

You need to lurk more.

I think she was being sarcastic toward Addie, not serious.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

grumbledore said:

ShesSoCold said:

AddieL73 said:

You're out of your fucking mind.

That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

You need to lurk more.

I think she was being sarcastic toward Addie, not serious.

AddieCake · January 2014

grumbledore said:

ShesSoCold said:

AddieL73 said:

You're out of your fucking mind.

That is the rudest thing I have ever heard on TK.

You need to lurk more.

@grumbledore

She was just kidding. She's been around over a year and we're friend off site, too. It's in reference to someone recently ACTUALLY saying something I said was the nastiest thing she had heard on TK.

MollyandD · January 2014

SarahRashid said:
I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return.

I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.

People on here can be very rude. I think it's no different than putting "Black tie requested" on an invitation. I wouldn't be offended by that. But maybe, you could try word of mouth rather than putting it on the invite. Ask your wedding party and parents to mention to guests before hand what you are requesting.

Liatris2010 · January 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return.

I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.
People on here can be very rude. I think it's no different than putting "Black tie requested" on an invitation. I wouldn't be offended by that. But maybe, you could try word of mouth rather than putting it on the invite. Ask your wedding party and parents to mention to guests before hand what you are requesting.

You're right, it is no different than putting black tie requested on an invite. That is also rude. Unless your event is black tie, you don't put anything about black tie attire on the invite.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I shouldn't have even bothered. I just didn't know people were gonna be so awful to me just because I asked a simple question, a question involving me trying to be courteous to others, and what I got was the exact opposite in return.

I'm really disappointed in the people that post on this website, regarding the happiest day of ones' life. I made a huge mistake that people would be welcomed in celebrating such an important and beautiful day.

I guess you had forgotten what it was like to be a young newlywed.

Please do yourself a favor and stop trying to "help," because all it's doing is hurting others.
People on here can be very rude. I think it's no different than putting "Black tie requested" on an invitation. I wouldn't be offended by that. But maybe, you could try word of mouth rather than putting it on the invite. Ask your wedding party and parents to mention to guests before hand what you are requesting.

1st, you don't put attire requests on invitations unless your venue has a dress code- like a country club, or you are actually having a Black Tie event.

Please don't ask people to tell your guests how to dress for your wedding, either. That is super rude.

MollyandD · January 2014

I know this isn't my thread, but now I'm honestly asking, why is it ok for some events to be black tie and not to request a dress code for others?

I saw a few weddings on TLC shows and brides requested certain attire. Do you think they were rude or is it ok in some cases?
(Note: this is just my curiosity. I'm not making such a request of my guests.)

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I know this isn't my thread, but now I'm honestly asking, why is it ok for some events to be black tie and not to request a dress code for others? I saw a few weddings on TLC shows and brides requested certain attire. Do you think they were rude or is it ok in some cases? (Note: this is just my curiosity. I'm not making such a request of my guests.)

Yes, I think it is rude to request certain attire if you are not having a true black tie affair or if your venue does not have a specific dress code.

Just because you may want a certain look to your wedding (like all your guests in purple) it is rude to request it. These are your guests not your props so you should treat them with respect and that means trusting them to dress appropriately without you giving them input.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I know this isn't my thread, but now I'm honestly asking, why is it ok for some events to be black tie and not to request a dress code for others? I saw a few weddings on TLC shows and brides requested certain attire. Do you think they were rude or is it ok in some cases? (Note: this is just my curiosity. I'm not making such a request of my guests.)

TLC bridal shows are trainwrecks and typically the epitome of what not to do.

Again, the only time it is ok to list attire requirements on your invitations or wedding website is if the venue has a dress code- like country clubs requiring men to wear jackets, or if your wedding is truly black tie.

A black tie event is more than just a fancy, formal event. At black tie events guests are required to wear ballgowns and tuxes/suits, and it has very specific criteria that must be met, which are:

Event begins after 6pm
High end, indoor venue
Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
Gloved service
Hand passed hor d'ourves
Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
High end decor and custom lighting

If your wedding does not meet all of those minimum requirements, then it is not a black tie event and you may not put black tie on your invitations/wedding website.

emilie250 · January 2014

Under no circumstance is it ok to mention guest attire, and you cannot spin it in any way to make it ok. Period.

antoto · January 2014

Don't worry! Black is classy

In fact all of my bridesmaids and my groomsmen are in black. If done correctly and in the right fabrics it looks amazing!

KatWAG · January 2014

I hope your Fi is going to wear a tux like the ones from Dumb and Dumber.

Fairyjen1 · January 2014

So, why did you ask us, if you were just going to do what you wanted anyway?

As far as no black at weddings, I remember that being a thing when I was a child. Now no one but my FMIL cares. My FMIL is a wonderful person and we get along great, but she prefers people to be in colors. They always come to us for Christmas and she has often commented on how people in our area dress so drab for Christmas and bemoans the lack of Christmas themed shirts on people out shopping.

I suspect she will feel the same for our wedding, although she won't say anything to anyone, but I know she'll be thinking it! This won't apply to men in formal wear, only the ladies. I don't want to make her sound terrible, she's not, but she does like people dressed in bright colors, LOL. So far I haven't noticed anything else she's picky about so I have some red shirts I pull out for Christmas when shes here and wear them happily.

QueerFemme · January 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I know this isn't my thread, but now I'm honestly asking, why is it ok for some events to be black tie and not to request a dress code for others? I saw a few weddings on TLC shows and brides requested certain attire. Do you think they were rude or is it ok in some cases? (Note: this is just my curiosity. I'm not making such a request of my guests.)

The shows on TLC aren't worried about whether or not you are being rude to your guests, and it's for a TV show. So,whatever they can do to make it more TV flashy, they will do, even when it's against etiquette.

The same way they encourage brides to have a pretty princess day re-do if they didn't get the first wedding they "deserved". It's tacky, and rude. But, they make money off of it, so what do they care?

The ONLY time it's appropriate to tell someone what to wear, is when there is an OFFICIAL dress code for the venue (i.e. covered shoulders for church, or a jacket for men in a country club, etc.), or you are having a truly black tie event, which includes bells and whistles that were mentioned above as well as some other elements. A black tie event goes much further than a "formal" event. Think, State Dinner where you are serving the President.

yogablossom · January 2014

I've actually read in several wedding attire books that classically, wearing black to a wedding means that you disapprove of the marriage. Obviously many people wear black to wedding who do not feel this way so I am unsure if the rule still applies, but I do understand what you're getting at.

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