Help! My FI is Catholic and I'm Methodist.

Calypso1977 · January 2014

Jtsma10 said:

To both Carrie and Calypso, each Priest is different, each church is different. We spoke with his Priest and he is more than happy to preside over the wedding at the hotel. The church we attend is very cultural. 70% black, 20% Hispanic and 10% White. We are very excited for our wedding, thanks for all your help ladies!

canon law applies to all catholics regardless of race. so im not sure i understand the "cultural" comment either or its relevance.

there are many priests out there who are simply not good priests. there are priests, for example, who tell parishioners its ok to use birth control. and there are priests who may tell you that their mere presence at your wedding will make it valid. its simply not true.

all we suggested was inquire as to whether the dispensation was applied for and granted. if it was, the wedding will be valid in the eyes of teh catholic church and the catholic party can continue to participate fully in the faith and sacraments. if its not obtained, marriage is not valid according to teh catholic church, and the catholic party is barred from full participation.

lalaith50 · January 2014

Jtsma10 said:

monkeysip said:

Exactly what Carrie said.

Priests do NOT have the right to officiate a marriage outside the church except by permission from the Bishop, and it's very unlikely for a Bishop to approve it just so you can get married in a hotel.

It doesn't matter if your church is very "cultural," whatever that means.

Whatever that means? WOW. I posted on here looking for help and advice, not for snarky and rude comments. I'm sorry if people find it hard to believe but that's not my problem. Most of you are trying to find any reason as to why I am wrong or why this can't happen. I feel sorry for you. My FI and will be discussing this with his Priest more indepth but it won't be any of your concern as to what happens next. Blessings to your weddings or marriages, I pray you find more supportive women than what you have been to me. I'll be praying for you all.
By the way, women like you are the exact reason why I will not be turning Catholic. You all care more about the laws and rules then the relationship. Thank you for showing me the real side of Catholic women.

No, YOU are the one who read "snark" and "rudeness" into the statement "whatever that means." You originally said something like, "Every priest is different... my church is very cultural." The "whatever that means" statement was in response to that - I interpreted it as an simple statement of confusion over WHAT does a church being "cultural" (that doesn't even MEAN anything...) have to do with a priest getting to do whatever he wants? As I still have no idea what you mean by "my church is cultural,"

I'll say, well, my parish regularly has Mass in English, German, Latin, and has good number of Spanish-speaking people attend, but that has NOTHING to do with whether my priest chooses to follow the rules of the Church (which, thankfully he does, as it wouldnt' be a Catholic Church if he didn't...)

chelseamb11 · January 2014

@Jtsma10
Firstly, that post was only snarky because you read it to be snarky. You made a comment about cultural attributes of a church (which.. because all churches must follow canon law, it shouldn't matter) which was why she said, "whatever that means". She literally didn't know what that meant.

Nobody here was rude to you. They are simply stating that without a proper dispensation, your wedding will not be a Catholic one if you marry in a hotel. We don't make the rules. So please do not shoot the messenger. That's literally all anyone did was let you know what Canon law states.

Lastly, you are upset because you think people were rude to you on here. How is saying "I feel sorry for you," in regards to women following their faith not rude? Your post was extremely condescending. I take it you are a Christian as you said you would pray for us. But how Christian is it to be condescending to women who are just following their faith and letting you know that you aren't having a valid Catholic wedding the way you have it planned? Even if she WAS being snarky (which..she wasn't), how mature/Christian is it to respond to snark with snark?

God put forth those laws and rules so that we could have a relationship with Him. Relationship with God is #1. Rules are there for a reason, even if we don't like them or agree with them. When I was a teenager, I couldn't stand many of my parents rules. But now, as an adult, I see why they had them.

I do know that many churches have different traditions based on culturality, so I see what you are saying there. But traditions are different from doctrine. Traditions change, doctrine does not. Part of doctrine states a valid Catholic wedding needs to be in a Church unless properly dispensated by a Bishop.

I take great offense that you view this as the "real side" of Catholic women. Just because we don't tell you what you don't want to hear doesn't make us bad people. Some of the women on this board have become what I consider to be good friends of mine. Friends I can turn to and friends who will never lead me astray when I need advice.

gm5 · January 2014

Jtsma10 said:

monkeysip said:

Exactly what Carrie said.

Priests do NOT have the right to officiate a marriage outside the church except by permission from the Bishop, and it's very unlikely for a Bishop to approve it just so you can get married in a hotel.

It doesn't matter if your church is very "cultural," whatever that means.

Whatever that means? WOW. I posted on here looking for help and advice, not for snarky and rude comments. I'm sorry if people find it hard to believe but that's not my problem. Most of you are trying to find any reason as to why I am wrong or why this can't happen. I feel sorry for you. My FI and will be discussing this with his Priest more indepth but it won't be any of your concern as to what happens next. Blessings to your weddings or marriages, I pray you find more supportive women than what you have been to me. I'll be praying for you all.

By the way, women like you are the exact reason why I will not be turning Catholic. You all care more about the laws and rules then the relationship. Thank you for showing me the real side of Catholic women.

Jtsma10 - you got really mad really fast... no one was mean or snarky, YOU DID post on here after all which leaves you open to advice ... whether you agree or not (and by turn, whether we agree or not). Your comment of "women like you are the exact reason why I will not be turning Catholic, and Thank you for showing me the real side of Catholic women" makes you sound silly and immature. Fortunately, laws and rules are important - though they aren't for everyone. I'm betting there's not a person on this board that doesn't wish you well - though we don't know you. The purpose of this board is to be able to ask questions, receive answers, and hopefully we all learn something. You really shouldn't post on a Catholic board if you don't want to know Catholic rules.

monkeysip · January 2014

Jtsma10

The only one being rude here is you. You said "cultural," including different races, as if you were saying that somehow other cultures or races are allowed to break canon law. That makes no sense. So my "whatever that means" comment still stands.

If you were talking about music or some kind of wedding custom, THEN culture would have some kind of relevance here. But canon law has nothing to do with your culture.

If we didn't care about you or your marriage, then why would we even say anything? We're trying to help make sure that you understand what your marriage needs to be valid. If we didn't care, we'd let you get married whatever which way you wanted.

Jasmine&Rajah · January 2014

jtsma10, your comment was absolutely appalling, and lacking the love and humility that should mark us all as Christians. As the others have pointed out, no one was being unkind to you. The ladies shared what the laws of the Church are - that's it.

My parish is "cultural" as well (Byzantine rite) and believe me, if our priests and Archimandrite were presented with your situation, they would not agree to officiate a marriage ceremony in a hotel. They would kindly explain why it was not possible and then assist with options to enable you to have the wedding in the physical Catholic church, in what Catholics believe is the True Presence of the Eucharist.

We had mostly out-of-town guests as well, and had NO gap on our wedding day.

Lastly, mchuskerfan, who is a Protestant Christian, gave excellent advice which lined up with what the Catholic Christian ladies have told you. And TexasBride2014 - also a Protestant Christian - agreed with mchuskerfan's post. So your criticism of Catholic women was truly unfounded.

God's blessings to you and your fiance.

Mkincaid2014 · February 2014

Calypso1977 said:
We are getting married in the Lutheran church, and he's ok with it because it is so important to me. Even though I hate how much time the Knights sucks up and the weird (to me) meshing of church and corporation, I'd never ask him to quit because it is a big part of his faith life.
do the Knights allow members who are not in good standing? because once he marries in the lutheran church (unless the aforemention dispensation as been acquired) he will nto be considered a member in good standing. so he is really willing to never receive communion again or fully participate in the catholic church?
doesnt entirely seem fair. you can marry in a catholic church and still fully practice your lutheran faith. if you marry in a lutheran church without dispensation he cannot practice his faith. you may want to revisit this decision with him and make sure he fully understands the implications of what he is doing.

Sorry, forgot to check back on this post! My fiancé is getting the "dispensation from form" form signed by the appropriate authority, so he'll be fine. He knew getting married in a Catholic church was a deal breaker for me, so he immediately researched the process. Some of his friends have married Protestants, so this was not anything new for him. He knows it is his responsibility to take care of all of that stuff, and I have agreed to go to the premarital counseling his church requires so we can check the appropriate boxes. This is mostly for any interfaith lurkers - it can be done!

Help! My FI is Catholic and I'm Methodist.

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