RSVP wording- people coming only to the reception

SBmini · January 2014

In my fiance's culture only close family attends the ceremony. They tend to have small ceremonies and large receptions. I've let his close relatives know that everyone is invited so they can spread the word, but I'm sure that not everyone who RSVPs yes will show up to the ceremony. Our venue charges by head count, and as such, I'd like an accurate count.

I was thinking about adding a third check box to the RSVP card for people to indicate that they intend to come to just the reception. This is the wording I've come up with, but I'm not sure if it is in line with etiquette:

Kindly reply before April 5, 2014

[ ] Accepts with pleasure

[ ] Accepts with pleasure (reception only)

[ ] Declines with regret

There are ____ in our party

Is this OK or is there a better way to word it? On another note, is my line about party size alright? We're inviting a lot of families. We're providing an onsite babysitter but I'm sure some families will still chose not to bring their kids.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

I'm going to take your word about the culture thing, because it seems like you know that you should invite them all to everything, but they just might not come.

As long as you're OK with leaving it that open-ended ('there are [blank] in our party' opens it up to people bringing dates, the dog-sitter, grandma's best friend, etc.), I think your wording is fine.

SBmini · January 2014

To put it into perspective, his sister had about 40 people at their ceremony, and 400 people at their reception. Everyone is always invited to both, but most people chose to only go to the reception because it is understood that it is just for close family. ...The ceremonies are also typically performed in a formal dialect no one speaks and can drag on for hours, so I don't really blame them for not going either.

Yes, my worry is leaving it open ended. Maybe what I should do is say ____ of 5 and so on and so forth on the RSVP cards for families so they understand this is just for your family. If we did that, would we need to do a second run for single people? I would hate to put ___ of 1 on an RSVP card. Such a forever alone moment there.

SBmini · January 2014

Musikalbunni said:

If your ceremony venue has enough room to fit everyone, then invite everyone. Otherwise, don't give yourself headaches by trying to manage 2 - 3 lists.

If your ceremony venue doesn't have enough room to fit everyone, find another one that does.

Many will tell you it's rude here. Which it is.

But it's also a headache to manage several lists. Just stick to 1 list and use that as a reference for ceremony and reception...

Regarding chairs. Chairs are not expensive to rent. If everyone decides to show up then you are good. If not, then it's best to have more than not enough.

We are renting tables and chairs for every single person whether they just show up to the reception.

Everyone is invited to both parts- please reread my original post. The concern is that in my fiance's culture, only the close family traditionally attends the ceremony. I may have upwards of 100 people RSVP and then not show up for the ceremony.

sofakingmad · January 2014

SBmini said:

Musikalbunni said:

If your ceremony venue has enough room to fit everyone, then invite everyone. Otherwise, don't give yourself headaches by trying to manage 2 - 3 lists.

If your ceremony venue doesn't have enough room to fit everyone, find another one that does.

Many will tell you it's rude here. Which it is.

But it's also a headache to manage several lists. Just stick to 1 list and use that as a reference for ceremony and reception...

Regarding chairs. Chairs are not expensive to rent. If everyone decides to show up then you are good. If not, then it's best to have more than not enough.

We are renting tables and chairs for every single person whether they just show up to the reception.

Everyone is invited to both parts- please reread my original post. The concern is that in my fiance's culture, only the close family traditionally attends the ceremony. I may have upwards of 100 people RSVP and then not show up for the ceremony.

Is this an Indian wedding by any chance? I ask because I've been to one before and only a fraction come to the ceremony (and you really only sit through a small portion of it anyways, so seating really isn't an issue). And then the receptions are HUGE.

lyndausvi · January 2014

I have this thing with Declines with regret and Accepts with pleasure. What if I'm accepting with regrets or declining with pleasure? Random, but for some reason I dislike those lines.

Anyway, back to original topic.

( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure] - both ceremony and reception

( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure]- reception only

( _ ) Declines [with regret]

Jen4948 · January 2014

lyndausvi said:

I have this thing with Declines with regret and Accepts with pleasure. What if I'm accepting with regrets or declining with pleasure? Random, but for some reason I dislike those lines.

Anyway, back to original topic.

( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure] - both ceremony and reception
( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure]- reception only
( _ ) Declines [with regret]

The standard RSVP wording for handwritten responses is "accept/s with pleasure the kind invitation/regrets that [they] is/are unable to accept the very kind invitation", so this must be an abbreviation. I guess it's meant to be a way of making the host feel better if you can't accept and to indicate how kind it was of them to invite you.

SBmini · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

SBmini said:

Musikalbunni said:

If your ceremony venue has enough room to fit everyone, then invite everyone. Otherwise, don't give yourself headaches by trying to manage 2 - 3 lists.

If your ceremony venue doesn't have enough room to fit everyone, find another one that does.

Many will tell you it's rude here. Which it is.

But it's also a headache to manage several lists. Just stick to 1 list and use that as a reference for ceremony and reception...

Regarding chairs. Chairs are not expensive to rent. If everyone decides to show up then you are good. If not, then it's best to have more than not enough.

We are renting tables and chairs for every single person whether they just show up to the reception.

Everyone is invited to both parts- please reread my original post. The concern is that in my fiance's culture, only the close family traditionally attends the ceremony. I may have upwards of 100 people RSVP and then not show up for the ceremony.

Is this an Indian wedding by any chance? I ask because I've been to one before and only a fraction come to the ceremony (and you really only sit through a small portion of it anyways, so seating really isn't an issue). And then the receptions are HUGE.

He's Armenian

jenniferurs · January 2014

Your ceremony space charges by the person? For what, exactly?

SBmini · January 2014

jenniferurs said:

Your ceremony space charges by the person? For what, exactly?

It's an arboretum and all the money goes to a foundation, so let me start by saying, I don't really mind their pricing structure. It's a large site so they use staff to shuttle guests to the ceremony site, which I imagine is one of the reasons why the price in brackets. I also think it is so people who have smaller weddings can still afford to get married in this beautiful place. I just don't want to throw away hundreds of dollars by paying for more guests than attend.

When we reserved the space we had a smaller guest list we were at the top of one price bracket, so it wasn't much of a concern as we had a lot of cushion. Now we're at the low end at a higher price bracket and looking at a $600 reservation spread.

And don't even ask about the guest count thing, that's been a real headache.

JennyColada · January 2014

SBmini said:

DragonBlood13 said:

SBmini said:

Musikalbunni said:

If your ceremony venue has enough room to fit everyone, then invite everyone. Otherwise, don't give yourself headaches by trying to manage 2 - 3 lists.

If your ceremony venue doesn't have enough room to fit everyone, find another one that does.

Many will tell you it's rude here. Which it is.

But it's also a headache to manage several lists. Just stick to 1 list and use that as a reference for ceremony and reception...

Regarding chairs. Chairs are not expensive to rent. If everyone decides to show up then you are good. If not, then it's best to have more than not enough.

We are renting tables and chairs for every single person whether they just show up to the reception.

Everyone is invited to both parts- please reread my original post. The concern is that in my fiance's culture, only the close family traditionally attends the ceremony. I may have upwards of 100 people RSVP and then not show up for the ceremony.

Is this an Indian wedding by any chance? I ask because I've been to one before and only a fraction come to the ceremony (and you really only sit through a small portion of it anyways, so seating really isn't an issue). And then the receptions are HUGE.

He's Armenian

So is Fi!

But we're having both a small ceremony and small reception (they're a very non-traditional family).

margaritaaa · January 2014

I think what you have written is fine. It's important to know what your costs will be concretely, rather than leaving it open in the air and assuming a lot of people or too little people will come. I know I wouldn't be offended checking one of those off.

wrigleyville · January 2014

lyndausvi said:

I have this thing with Declines with regret and Accepts with pleasure. What if I'm accepting with regrets or declining with pleasure? Random, but for some reason I dislike those lines.

Anyway, back to original topic.

( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure] - both ceremony and reception
( _ ) Accepts [with pleasure]- reception only
( _ ) Declines [with regret]

I think this is perfectly fine, and I wouldn't be offended at all. It's not as if you aren't inviting me to part of it. From what I understand, everyone is invited to the full day, but it's customary for only close family to attend the ceremony. That's completely different from a tiered wedding.

Seeing this, I'd probably assume that you were trying to get a head count for both spaces, so yeah - no offense taken at all.

RSVP wording- people coming only to the reception

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