Family members purchasing their outfits before the bride?

Re: Family members purchasing their outfits before the bride?

• JCbride2015 member

  

  January 2014

  nicolesands said:

  My future mother-in-law, sister-in-law & grandmother-in-law purchased their dresses one month after my fiancé and I were engaged... that was 11 months before the wedding!

  
  

  When they did this, I had no idea what my color scheme was going to be. Now that I've narrowed it down, it ends up that my bridal party as well as my future female in-laws will all be in plum! I'm nervous about how the photos will turn out, because I want my bridesmaids to stand out from the family members. 

  
  

  Do I ask my future in-laws to return their dresses? (I know it's too late to return the dresses that were rather pricey.) Or do I just live with it? I know the world isn't going to end if my bridal party and in-laws wear the same color. I wouldn't use the word "bitter", but I am definitely a little frustrated that they made their dress decisions before I chose the wedding colors, let alone before I even chose my own wedding dress! Thoughts on how to settle this issue with as few feelings hurt as possible?

  Live with it.  Guests have no obligation to dress according to your wedding colors.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

  Report27 Reply
• Blue_Bird member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  
  

  nicolesands said:

  My future mother-in-law, sister-in-law & grandmother-in-law purchased their dresses one month after my fiancé and I were engaged... that was 11 months before the wedding!

  
  

  When they did this, I had no idea what my color scheme was going to be. Now that I've narrowed it down, it ends up that my bridal party as well as my future female in-laws will all be in plum! I'm nervous about how the photos will turn out, because I want my bridesmaids to stand out from the family members. 

  
  

  Do I ask my future in-laws to return their dresses? (I know it's too late to return the dresses that were rather pricey.) Or do I just live with it? I know the world isn't going to end if my bridal party and in-laws wear the same color. I wouldn't use the word "bitter", but I am definitely a little frustrated that they made their dress decisions before I chose the wedding colors, let alone before I even chose my own wedding dress! Thoughts on how to settle this issue with as few feelings hurt as possible?

  Take a deep breath and realize that there is absolutely no way for you to approach anyone about this without sounding like a bridezilla. Your in-laws are honored guests. They are free to choose their wedding attire at any time, in any color they choose. They have no reason to consult you first. This is about your marriage and your family's happiness, not pictures. Besides, I'm sure if there is an aesthetic issue, your professional photographer will now how to arrange things so that they look lovely. Relax and focus on an important aspect of the wedding. This doesn't qualify.
  

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• Viczaesar member

  

  January 2014

  nicolesands said:

  My future mother-in-law, sister-in-law & grandmother-in-law purchased their dresses one month after my fiancé and I were engaged... that was 11 months before the wedding!

  
  

  When they did this, I had no idea what my color scheme was going to be. Now that I've narrowed it down, it ends up that my bridal party as well as my future female in-laws will all be in plum! I'm nervous about how the photos will turn out, because I want my bridesmaids to stand out from the family members. 

  
  

  Do I ask my future in-laws to return their dresses? (I know it's too late to return the dresses that were rather pricey.) Or do I just live with it? I know the world isn't going to end if my bridal party and in-laws wear the same color. I wouldn't use the word "bitter", but I am definitely a little frustrated that they made their dress decisions before I chose the wedding colors, let alone before I even chose my own wedding dress! Thoughts on how to settle this issue with as few feelings hurt as possible?

  There is no issue to settle.  There is no issue at all.  The only people you get to tell how to dress (or not dress) are the members of your wedding party.  If it matter so much to you to have your wedding party in a different color than your ILs, change the color of your bridesmaids' dresses, because that's the only thing you have control over.  They did nothing wrong in buying their dresses whenever they wanted and they did not have to run their clothing choices by you.
  

  
  
  
  

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• hellohkb mod

  

  January 2014

  Your guests are allowed to wear whatever they'd like, family included. 

  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  Ummm, who cares? How does this affect you or your wedding in any way?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report9 Reply
• misshart00 member

  

  January 2014

  My mom wore the exact same color as my bridesmaids. We think it was even the same fabric. She looked fabulous. This is not an issue.

  Report5 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2014

  scribe95 said:

  They can wear whatever they want.
  
  Also, I didn't do photos in which my parents/family were with our wedding party.
  

  We did sort of did because my siblings, nieces, nephews were all in the wedding party.  So the family shot obviously had WP member in there.   However, the fact my SIL had on brown like the WP wasn't even an issue.

  
  

  If it bothers you that much why did you pick plum knowing they also picked plum.  That was pretty silly on your part. They have a right to pick their dress anytime they want.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report11 Reply
• SlothGoals member

  

  January 2014

  lyndausvi said:

  scribe95 said:

  They can wear whatever they want.
  
  Also, I didn't do photos in which my parents/family were with our wedding party.
  

  We did sort of did because my siblings, nieces, nephews were all in the wedding party.  So the family shot obviously had WP member in there.   However, the fact my SIL had on brown like the WP wasn't even an issue.

  
  

  If it bothers you that much why did you pick plum knowing they also picked plum.  That was pretty silly on your part. They have a right to pick their dress anytime they want.

  
  

  So. Much. This.

   

  Report7 Reply
• photokitty mod

  

  January 2014

  If you are that worried and borderline bitter ~ pick a new color for your wedding scheme. I'm sure they wouldn't go out and buy new dressesj, as I'm sure they just pick what they like and looks good on them. There's a bizzilion colors besides plum, if it matters that much that your bms stand out, continue to "narrow it down" to a new color...easy peasy.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2014

  Typically the bridal party won't be in many, if any, pictures with the parents and/or grandparents unless someone in the bridal party is family and you are doing a family shot. In the event of a family shot, just thing of how nice it is going to look having them all in the same color pallete.

   

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• chibiyui member

  

  January 2014

  Have a second margarita and relax.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• jdluvr06 member

  

  January 2014

  Calm down. In the grand scheme of things this won't matter.

  Report3 Reply
• kittypolishnbags member

  

  January 2014

  It's NBD at all. In fact, I thought it was nice they were all excited about it that they went out and got what they would be wearing already! They don't have to wear a certain color or anything so I'd just let it go if I were you.

  Report4 Reply
• monkeysip member

  

  January 2014

  Lol, for some reason my MIL and FIL thought it was tradition for the FOG and MOG to wear clothing to match the wedding colors, so they both wore blue outfits.  

  
  

  I just told them they looked great.  And all was fine.  Seriously--you're NOT going to care what anyone is wearing, and your pictures will look fine!

  
  SaveSave

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• JennyColada member

  

  January 2014

  Wow.

  Report3 Reply
• saacjw member

  

  January 2014

  monkeysip said:

  Lol, for some reason my MIL and FIL thought it was tradition for the FOG and MOG to wear clothing to match the wedding colors, so they both wore blue outfits.  

  
  

  I just told them they looked great.  And all was fine.  Seriously--you're NOT going to care what anyone is wearing, and your pictures will look fine!

  My grandmother thought the same thing, to the point where she changed what she had planned on wearing to something that matched our wedding colors. She looked really nice, the color worked well on her. 

  
  

  Moral is, it won't matter at all. Since you chose a color that's really popular and really flattering on a variety of skin tones, you'll probably have other people show up in it too. We used plum as well, and trust me, my bridesmaids (and grandma) were not the only ones in that color. They might be in a handful of pictures with other people, but it will be obvious who's in the bridal party and who's not. 

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  It's not up to you to decide what clothes your family members and guests wear.  They are not required to seek your input or your permission to choose whatever they want to wear.
  
  As long as the clothes are of appropriate formality for your venue and the time of day, and are in good condition, they are suitable for your wedding.
  

  Report2 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  After reading this and your other post about your wedding dress code, I believe you have some control issues.

  
  

  You're in charge of what you and your bms wear. All other adults get to choose their own clothing. 

  
  

  I second the poster who recommends that you have a few Margaritas. 

                     

  Report9 Reply
• Xandy417 member

  

  January 2014

  MairePoppy said:

  After reading this and your other post about your wedding dress code, I believe you have some control issues.

  
  

  You're in charge of what you and your bms wear. All other adults get to choose their own clothing. 

  
  

  I second the poster who recommends that you have a few Margaritas. 

  What she said.

  Report3 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2014

  
  

                     

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• afox007 member

  

  January 2014

  Honestly your pics may look better for it. At my uncles wedding his in laws, daughters, my parents, grandma, and cousins all were coincidentally in the wedding colors. I wore an amazing turquoise dress and totally clash in the family pics.

  

  Report1 Reply
• chibiyui member

  

  January 2014

  saacjw said:

  
  

  monkeysip said:

  
  

  Lol, for some reason my MIL and FIL thought it was tradition for the FOG and MOG to wear clothing to match the wedding colors, so they both wore blue outfits.  

  
  

  I just told them they looked great.  And all was fine.  Seriously--you're NOT going to care what anyone is wearing, and your pictures will look fine!

  
  

  My grandmother thought the same thing, to the point where she changed what she had planned on wearing to something that matched our wedding colors. She looked really nice, the color worked well on her. 

  
  

  Moral is, it won't matter at all. Since you chose a color that's really popular and really flattering on a variety of skin tones, you'll probably have other people show up in it too. We used plum as well, and trust me, my bridesmaids (and grandma) were not the only ones in that color. They might be in a handful of pictures with other people, but it will be obvious who's in the bridal party and who's not. 

  
  
  My mom thinks the same thing. I've told her she can wear whatever but she wants to cooridinate.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• sarahufl member

  

  January 2014

  While I don't want to totally dictate dress code, I do think there is wisdom in the parents of the bride and groom at least somewhat coordinating. I don't want my mom to show up in some bold pattern and his mom to show up in a clashing, bold pattern. What I did (and ONLY because I was actually asked what I thought they should wear) was steer them toward a color family and ask that they keep away from patterns. It is what my sister did as well, and the family pictures look better because of it.

  
  That said, if they found something that went against that, I wouldn't say anything. I would just let them wear it.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• JellyBean52513 member

  

  January 2014

  You sound like you're micro-organizing your wedding to the point that you're stressing yourself out over things that really shouldn't concern you. If somebody wears plum-colored jeans to your wedding, it will not make an iota of difference in your day. I second the suggestion for margaritas and raise you a glass of Chardonnay for those nerves. Stop being such a control-freak and start letting some of this shit go.

  Report4 Reply
• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2014

  Did OP do a screen name change?  This was started by nicolesands and now the OP is SBride67.

  Report1 Reply
• phira member

  

  January 2014

  @kmmssg Yep

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2014 edited January 2014

  SBbride67 said:

  My future mother-in-law, sister-in-law & grandmother-in-law purchased their dresses one month after my fiancé and I were engaged... that was 11 months before the wedding!

  
  

  When they did this, I had no idea what my color scheme was going to be. Now that I've narrowed it down, it ends up that my bridal party as well as my future female in-laws will all be in plum! I'm nervous about how the photos will turn out, because I want my bridesmaids to stand out from the family members.   Why?  Everyone will know who the BMs are because they just walked down the aisle carrying bouquets!  Plus don't you want all your BM's to dress like a different Disney Princess, anyways?  So they won't be in plum, will they?
  

  
  

  Do I ask my future in-laws to return their dresses? (I know it's too late to return the dresses that were rather pricey.) Or do I just live with it? I know the world isn't going to end if my bridal party and in-laws wear the same color. I wouldn't use the word "bitter", but I am definitely a little frustrated that they made their dress decisions before I chose the wedding colors, let alone before I even chose my own wedding dress! Thoughts on how to settle this issue with as few feelings hurt as possible?  You build a bridge and you GTFOver it.  Seriously, don't even worry about what they are wearing, it won't affect you at all.  If everyone coordinates it will make your wedding photos look even nicer, imo. 
  

  1st, I've been a part of or attending about 30 weddings and no one ever worried about what the Bride's colors were when they chose what outfits they were going to wear as a guest.  It doesn't matter.  No one needs to coordinate with you at all.  And no one needs to wait for you to pick your attire before they go shopping, sheesh!
  
  What your guests are wearing won't detract from your wedding photos. . .unless someone is buck ass naked or in a clown suit or something ridiculous.
  
  Which brings me to point 2- either you are young and Santa just brought you an engagement ring or you are trolling us all, because your posts are not adding up.  here you say your BM's will be in plum, but on Attire and Accessories you claim that your wedding party is dressing as different Disney Princesses.
  
  I sincerely hope the A&A post is trolling and that your BM's will be wearing plum.
  
  ETA: Whoops!  I'm getting posts mixed up today, sorry!
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• ei34 member

  

  January 2014

  Family members wearing the same color as the bridal party is a non-issue.  If you feel otherwise, you are able to change the color of the bridesmaids' dresses, but you cannot ask your future in-laws to return their dresses.

  Report1 Reply
• BMoreBride6 member

  

  January 2014

  @PrettyGirlLost PLEASE direct me to the Disney Princess thread!  Sounds too good (aka bad) to be true!
  
  And BTW, my MIL wore champagne.  My dress was "light gold" aka a gold toned ivory...aka close to champagne.  Didn't affect a thing.  She looks beautiful.  She didn't choose it to be spiteful (she simply found a dress she felt lovely in).  The pictures look fine ; )
  

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• LisaA2014 member

  

  January 2014

  It would never even occur to me to be concerned about what color people wear. It is already really stressful to plan a wedding, why make it more stressful?

  

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