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Moms and Maids

MOH caught in a dilemma (a little long)

heyheyernheyheyern member
First Comment First Anniversary
edited January 2014 in Moms and Maids
I am a MOH in my brother and FSIL's August 2014 wedding and I am thrilled and honored that they asked me. I have recently run into a problem that I'm not sure how to deal with. I am either in charge of or helping to plan: 2 bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, and a small luncheon the day after the wedding. Most of these events are happening in the town my brother lives in which is almost 6 hours from where I live. I have no problem with all of the "duties" I have taken on but I have encountered a "Zilla"-moment.

Our youngest brother is in the military and will be deploying a few weeks before the wedding. Since he can't make it to the wedding, he can take leave and be home for the co-ed bridal shower my mom, sisters, and I are planning in our hometown (which is 3.5 hours from my home and almost 9 from the engaged). I suggested that after the shower was over we should invite friends and family over to spend some time with our soldier before he is gone for 6-12 months. Just a small gathering, probably with beer and pizza, at my parents house. This would be completely separate from anything wedding related and a good way to keep the focus on the bride & groom at their shower. This idea went over great with everyone BUT the bride and groom. They are upset that little brother gets a spotlight and they have to share their time. I got snappy and reminded them that we have been elbow deep in wedding plans for almost a year and the entire summer from Memorial Weekend through August is full of THEIR wedding stuff that others are offering to do for them so they shouldn't have a problem with giving up a few hours of attention. 

My questions are: Am I wrong by planning a get together for our brother after the bridal shower is over? Should I scrap the extra party and just focus on the bridal shower? And was I out of line for snapping at them? Be brutal, I can take it. TIA!

Re: MOH caught in a dilemma (a little long)

  • heyheyernheyheyern member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited January 2014
    fixed for grammatical and other errors.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, they are out of line. Sounds like they are going to be one of those couples that experiences post-wedding depression if they can't give up a little time out of their weddingpalooza to honor your brother a little

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Thanks for the responses!

    I am glad that I am not alone in thinking a few hours (during Memorial Day weekend of all times) it is okay to honor our brother. And the two "parties" are going to be completely separate.

    @HisGirlFriday - No they have not asked me to do any of this except for to come over to try on bridesmaid dresses. FSIL doesn't have any immediate family who can help out or get excited over wedding plans (only child, mom passed away a few years back, and estranged dad) so I have happily filled the sister/family role to help her out. Plus my brother and I are super close. I am very excited about everything wedding related, I was just really bothered by the above situation. And thank you for your kind words to my younger brother :)
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Since you and your brother, the groom, are close, you should let him know how hurtful his and fi's behavior is toward you and your family. He needs to have some sense knocked into his foolish head. No couple is entitled to have everyone's life focused on them for an entire year leading up to their wedding. They are fortunate that you and their loved ones are doing so, so much for them. 

    After the shower, you and your family may do whatever you like for the remainder of the weekend. Make the most of the time you have with your military brother before he's deployed. I'm sure the other close family members will be grateful for the time they get to spend with him. 
                       
    kmmssgOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think you're wrong at all.  I think your brother and FSIL needed a come-to-Jesus that they are entitled to have everything in everyone else's lives revolve around them just because they are getting married.

    And in view of your other brother's deployment, I think your idea for extra time with him after the shower is a great one.  (Coming from a family of veterans, I'm always supportive of wanting to spend as much time with them as possible while they're available.)
    HisGirlFriday13PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    heyheyern said:
    I am a MOH in my brother and FSIL's August 2014 wedding and I am thrilled and honored that they asked me. I have recently run into a problem that I'm not sure how to deal with. I am either in charge of or helping to plan: 2 bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, and a small luncheon the day after the wedding. Most of these events are happening in the town my brother lives in which is almost 6 hours from where I live. I have no problem with all of the "duties" I have taken on but I have encountered a "Zilla"-moment.

    Our youngest brother is in the military and will be deploying a few weeks before the wedding. Since he can't make it to the wedding, he can take leave and be home for the co-ed bridal shower my mom, sisters, and I are planning in our hometown (which is 3.5 hours from my home and almost 9 from the engaged). I suggested that after the shower was over we should invite friends and family over to spend some time with our soldier before he is gone for 6-12 months. Just a small gathering, probably with beer and pizza, at my parents house. This would be completely separate from anything wedding related and a good way to keep the focus on the bride & groom at their shower. This idea went over great with everyone BUT the bride and groom. They are upset that little brother gets a spotlight and they have to share their time. I got snappy and reminded them that we have been elbow deep in wedding plans for almost a year and the entire summer from Memorial Weekend through August is full of THEIR wedding stuff that others are offering to do for them so they shouldn't have a problem with giving up a few hours of attention. 

    My questions are: Am I wrong by planning a get together for our brother after the bridal shower is over? Should I scrap the extra party and just focus on the bridal shower? And was I out of line for snapping at them? Be brutal, I can take it. TIA!
    The Bride and Groom are being Primadonnas.

    I think your family get together with your brother is a lovely idea and you shouldn't scrap it just because the Bride and Groom are being attention whores. 

    Plan the party for your brother, and if the Bride and Groom bitch tell them to build a bridge and get the fuck over themselves- family events exist outside of their damn wedding.  They are free to go on their merry way after the bridal shower.

    If they go into histrionics about how they won't drive out for the shower then, tell them "Great!  You just saved me a ton of time, money, and aggravation!"

    ETA: I missed that this was happening during Memorial Day Weekend, wow.  Someone needs to give the Bride and Groom a lesson on what the fuck that weekend is actually all about.  Hint for them-it has nothing to do with their wedding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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