Engagement party question

Knope2014 · January 2014

First, obligatory squee, My Fi just proposed to me on the second, yay!

I was wondering if it's okay to host your own engagement party. Most of my Fi's family, with the exception of his family, live in the north-east. We're going up there to visit this summer and it'll be my first time meeting most of them. I'm thinking that it might be nice to have an engagement party while there because it would be a chance to have a nice supper to get to know each other better. If hosting our own party is unacceptable, we'll probably just do it as a nice first meeting supper, we just don't have much option for an engagement party back home. Now, I do know that the only people who are acceptable to invite to the party would be the ones also invited to the wedding, I am just unsure on the hosting part.

Thanks in advance for any help!

cruffino · January 2014

Congrats on your engagement! No, you can't host your own party. I think you should stick with your idea of a "get to know you supper". That sounds fun. Enjoy.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

If you want to host something for your parents to meet each other, that is one thing. But no, you can't host your own engagement party. Your FI could set up a meet and greet type thing, so that his family can meet you, but don't call it an engagement party.

misshart00 · January 2014

You're not supposed to host your own engagement party. However, your idea to have people over for dinner is perfectly fine. Just don't label it an engagement party.

manateehugger · January 2014

Congrats!

Yeah, just have a family get together. Labeling an engagement party suggests that you're hosting a party to celebrate yourself. Labeling it a family dinner suggests that you're hosting a dinner to celebrate your families.

People will still be all aflutter about your engagement anyway, I'm sure.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Congratulations! Ditto PPs: you can't host your own party. But having everyone over for dinner sounds great.

Knope2014 · January 2014

Okay, thanks! I'm from a family that doesn't really see some things as rude (dollar dances, cash bars, tiered receptions), but his family is much more high class. I'm still trying really hard to get all the etiquette right, I really want his family to like me; they're all such great people!

misshart00 · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

Okay, thanks! I'm from a family that doesn't really see some things as rude (dollar dances, cash bars, tiered receptions), but his family is much more high class. I'm still trying really hard to get all the etiquette right, I really want his family to like me; they're all such great people!

Stick around. I like you.

Knope2014 · January 2014

Thank you! We haven't even set a date, so I have a feeling I'll be here for a while. We both want a pretty nice wedding, you only do it once anyway, so we're going to spend a lot of time saving. Why not spend some extra time engaged so that we can have the perfect moment?

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

Thank you! We haven't even set a date, so I have a feeling I'll be here for a while. We both want a pretty nice wedding, you only do it once anyway, so we're going to spend a lot of time saving. Why not spend some extra time engaged so that we can have the perfect moment?

Yes, stick around!

We're also having a long engagement (together now almost 11 years, will be engaged 2.5) because we wanted to do the big wedding right, with our own money. We're about halfway through the engagement and it's actually been a fantastic transition phase with lots of time to save and plan. I have days of impatience when I just want to be married already! But the wedding is going to be great and I'm glad we're taking the time to be financially responsible about it.

Knope2014 · January 2014

The other half to why we're waiting is that we're both students. I don't want to distract myself with wedding planning, I'm still straight A's and would like to keep it that way.

Viczaesar · January 2014

manateehugger · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

The other half to why we're waiting is that we're both students. I don't want to distract myself with wedding planning, I'm still straight A's and would like to keep it that way.

Yep, take your time and call vendors early so that you can schedule and smush all your appointments in spring/summer/winter breaks.

Xandy417 · January 2014

Viczaesar said:

I second the "Stick around" also.

Jen4948 · January 2014

Best wishes and congratulations!

I agree with PPs. A meet-and-greet-type party will be very nice, but don't call it an "engagement party." Someone else has to offer to throw one for you.

Kauris · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

The other half to why we're waiting is that we're both students. I don't want to distract myself with wedding planning, I'm still straight A's and would like to keep it that way.

Oh my, she's smart and etiquette conscious. Hooray!

When I was brand new (I'm still rather new, IMO) I lurked, a lot, and I learned a lot. I have avoided some major and minor etiquette breaches. Good luck in your planning and good luck in school!

JennyColada · January 2014

This topic makes me smile.

Your Fi sure picked a winner with you.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

Thank you! We haven't even set a date, so I have a feeling I'll be here for a while. We both want a pretty nice wedding, you only do it once anyway, so we're going to spend a lot of time saving. Why not spend some extra time engaged so that we can have the perfect moment?

We had an 18mo engagement (after already being together 6 years) and I remembered thinking how FAR AWAY it felt.... but boy does it go by fast! We were able to save up and pay for things as we planned through out the year. I did some DIY projects that I took my time on and enjoyed. And the best thing about a long engagement...is that its fun! You feel excited the whole time, random strangers get excited when they hear you are engaged! It's just so much fun

I love that we are married now and starting a new journey (hopefully home ownership soon!) and we can focus our time, money and energy into new things but it's so funny that as soon as you are married... no one really cares anymore lol So just enjoy the time and have fun!!!

Blergbot · January 2014

I love your screen name. That is all.

HaileyDancingbear · January 2014

Knope2014 said:

Thank you! We haven't even set a date, so I have a feeling I'll be here for a while. We both want a pretty nice wedding, you only do it once anyway, so we're going to spend a lot of time saving. Why not spend some extra time engaged so that we can have the perfect moment?

Fi and I are in the same boat, he's also in college right now. I'm hoping to be married in fall 2015, or 2016, so I'm also gonna be here for a while. Definitely stick around, you'll learn pretty much everything you need to know by lurking, but it's also fun to interact with the other users on here, they're a good group. I like how I can say stuff on here and not be called a bitch or cunt for stupid reasons, most other places on the internet you could post that you like cats and someone will have an entire essay for you on why that makes you a bad person.

LowerEastSiiide · January 2014

The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money.

dolewhipper · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:

The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money.

Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)

Viczaesar · January 2014

shannonmaya said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money.

Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)

I don't consider engagement parties to be gift-giving occasions, but they're still celebrations in honor of you so they shouldn't be thrown by you.

LowerEastSiiide · January 2014

If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

Viczaesar · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:

If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

Have and would again.

WTF is a "middle American"?

HeatherKat · January 2014

Not to threadjack, but confession time:

We hosted our own engagement party. Or rather, my fiancé hosted a surprise engagement party directly following the proposal.

He proposed to me at a Christmas lights show, and had both our families and our best friends there, then whisked me away to our favorite bar where he'd bought a keg and had a ton of both of our friends there. I thought it was amazing, but knew from you ladies that technically it was against etiquette!

How much would you side-eye this?

(I fully intend on inviting everyone who was invited to the e-party to the wedding!)

LowerEastSiiide · January 2014

Viczaesar said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

Have and would again.

WTF is a "middle American"?

People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America

Inkdancer · January 2014

HeatherKat said:

Not to threadjack, but confession time:

We hosted our own engagement party. Or rather, my fiancé hosted a surprise engagement party directly following the proposal.

He proposed to me at a Christmas lights show, and had both our families and our best friends there, then whisked me away to our favorite bar where he'd bought a keg and had a ton of both of our friends there. I thought it was amazing, but knew from you ladies that technically it was against etiquette!

How much would you side-eye this?

(I fully intend on inviting everyone who was invited to the e-party to the wedding!)

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I actually don't see a problem with this. This was clearly not a gift-giving occasion, as some e-parties are. This was an immediate celebration of a happy event. As it was not a formal invitation sort of moment, I as a friend would have been more than happy to go.

LowerEastSiiide · January 2014

Agree that that's totally fine and very cute of her husband - definitely nothing wrong with that

Viczaesar · January 2014

LowerEastSiiide said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

Have and would again.

WTF is a "middle American"?
People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America

Then I'm not a "middle American" and the faux rule of covering your plate pisses me off.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

Inkdancer said:

HeatherKat said:

Not to threadjack, but confession time:

We hosted our own engagement party. Or rather, my fiancé hosted a surprise engagement party directly following the proposal.

He proposed to me at a Christmas lights show, and had both our families and our best friends there, then whisked me away to our favorite bar where he'd bought a keg and had a ton of both of our friends there. I thought it was amazing, but knew from you ladies that technically it was against etiquette!

How much would you side-eye this?

(I fully intend on inviting everyone who was invited to the e-party to the wedding!)

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I actually don't see a problem with this. This was clearly not a gift-giving occasion, as some e-parties are. This was an immediate celebration of a happy event. As it was not a formal invitation sort of moment, I as a friend would have been more than happy to go.

Honestly, I don't have a problem with that either. I see it more as him throwing a party for you, as part of the proposal and announcement.

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