Wedding Woes


This isnt really a "woe" but more of a question. 

I am getting married in Seattle in the summer but majority of our wedding guess are from the mid-west. Because it's a destination wedding I want to give people plenty of time to figure out their plans. Our wedding falls on one of the busiest weekends in Seattle of the year. 

We sent our save the dates/invites (one in the same to save costs) back in September. And with our holiday cards (sent right after Thanksgiving) we included a little note with our wedding website and an RSVP reminder. 

We still have only received 50 out off 200 RSVP's. I want to send an email to the unaccounted for guests but I don't want to be pushy. When can I reach out?


  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014

    what is the date you required your guests to RSVP on or before?


  • I'd like to know by May. I guess I just answered my own question. I'm just really excited to get all the details finalized
  • Wait, you sent out invites in September for a May RSVP?  Wow.  I know you were trying to save money, but a mass e-mail might've been better.

    I know you're excited, but I can guarantee that even a destination wedding wouldn't be on my radar yet, beyond putting in for vacation.  You're going to have to wait this out, or you'll start turning people off.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That's REALLY early to be sending out invites. So you sent out your actual invitations nearly a year before the wedding? Most people don't know what they're going to be doing at that point. Hell, some of them probably have jobs where they can't ask off that far in advance. Also, I don't think they really have a true impetus to RSVP -- I mean, you sent them out EIGHT MONTHS before the RSVP date. You start worrying about RSVPs when the deadline has passed, not four months before the deadline.

  • I'd seriously consider doing another mailing.  You've really jumped the gun on the invites.  People don't/can't plan that far ahead and they don't want to keep paperwork around that long.
  • I wanted to send an email. People also told me that the whole save the date/invite as one confused them so I just wanted to remind them that they won't see a formal invite. Apparently the words "in lieu of a formal invitation, please visit our website for details" was a bit much. At least 10 people asked when they would see the formal invite. Can't please everyone I guess
  • You tried to send the STD and invite as 1?
    and there isn't a 'real' invite, just and STD and a website?

    yeeeesh, I'm going to say that you screwed up.
    I'd buy 'real' invites to send out in a WHILE (NOT YET) and go from there.
  • Were on a budget and paying for this ourselves... We did what we could
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We paid for our wedding ourselves and spent a whole $6500. We got our wedding stationary on sale and spent about $400 altogether for save the dates, invitations and response cards. It's not hard to do right.

  • Thanks for the help guys
  • I'd hit Michael s' at this point.  Watch for coupons and grab some of their invites, resend.

    I know you're trying save money, but this is mass confusion.  I don't even know if I could keep hold of an invitation for that long, just for relevant information.  Or someone's wedding website.  Let's be honest, it's not going to sit on my list of favorites.
  • Valid point. I guess I thought a postcard would just hit the fridge. I'll send something out in a few months I guess
  • I know budgets are hard...I think, however when the consensus is this overwhelming that you screwed up, it's time to stop, think, and consider that maybe you really screwed up.
    Because you did.
    Look, there are cheap ways to do paper invites--DIY or just other cheap choices.  Treat the first invite as if it were an STD.  Send cheap paper invites.  ANd put an RSVP date on them--and don't expect answers BEFORE that RSVP by date.

  • Yes, you've made it clear I screwed up. I'll fix it
  • I'm glad you are taking more action on this.   Nobody wants a postcard on their fridge for a year.  You can do this for pretty cheap like Varuna suggested- hoard some Michael's or Joanns coupons and print them.  You can even check Staples or Shutterfly, Costco, Sam's club for a different kind of invite.

  • Check out Vistaprint too.  Sometimes it isn't the best deal, but they have coupons all the time and you can get lots of stuff super cheap.

    I'm glad you're going to try and fix it.

    I know Hobby Lobby always has a 40% off coupon that's a once per week, one per person use, but print off tons of them and enlist friends/family to help buy stuff.  I'm not sure about their wedding invites, but surely they have enough to compete with Michaels.
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    none of what you did made any sense. and i don't understand asking for RSVPs with an expectation date, but no RSVP date. very strange. i didn;t read the other replies, but i would send a separate card with an actual invitation and actual date people need to RSVP by, and oyu can send them out this spring if you're concerned about your September wedding.
  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    I sent our STDs in September 2013 for a March 2014 wedding. Invites went out in December at about the 3 months mark. RSVPs are due Feb 19th, and I'm still waiting on 30 people to respond.

    Rikysegal- there are regular groupons for vistaprint, and I was pleased with my invites from them. Got close to 200$ worth of invites, enclosures, stds, etc for 40 bucks after the groupon (where I paid $25)

  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    you can even google "free vistaprint postcards" and use those for your cards, just pay shipping. the plus is that postcards require smaller postage.


    so if you get the postcards,  the envelope, and then stamps, you're looking at spending maybe $30 depending on how many stamps you need to buy.

  • I'm guessing I dont have to send a card to the people that already RSVP'd, right?
  • I would.

    I know, in theory, they've already RSVPed, but there's the risk of people thinking they're b-listed in things like this.

    (Although, I'd probably put a note in and say something like "aunty Jane, I know you've already RSVPed, I wanted to make sure you had all the relevant details, I look forward to seeing you in *whenever*; thank you for sharing our day" or somesuch)
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014

    send a card to EVERYONE. i have no idea how you worded your original card/STD/invitation two-fer, but most poeple generally expect a formal invitation for a wedding. yes, perhaps some people are all modern and use things like email and websites and stuff, but most poeple are traditional. not enough time has passed yet that people don't think sacred events such as a wedding require a certain formality in the invitation process.


    but that's just me.


    send an invitation to everyone you've invited. have a specific RSVP date with a specific format for their RSVP. if by that date people haven't replied, then you can contact them.


    but there is a reason why people still use formal wedding invitations. they work.

  • I don't necessarily think that because an event is "sacred" that you have to be traditional.

    but that's just me. 

    I worded the invites "We're getting married August, 2nd 2014. In lieu of a formal invitation, please visit our wedding website for details and to RSVP"
  • Usually the invite sets a tone for the event.  In hindsight you should have skipped the STDs and just done invites.  Now send a mailing of some sort to your guests.  Also consider your audience and if everyone can/will want to RSVP to a website.
  • If I got that, I'd probably visit right off the bat, get the details and write them down somewhere and then not even think about it until maybe 1 month ahead of time.  

    Honestly, that would make me nervous.  I think you're kind of stuck and you just need to decide how to move forward.

    1.  What is your game plan at the RSVP date on your website?  Are you going to start calling?
    2.  Can you look at your analytics and see if people have checked it?
    3.  How annoyed are friends and relatives going to be if you call NOW...then against at RSVP date?

    I feel like you'd be saving yourself some heartache if you just re-sent invites.  Honestly, I usually look at the save the date and think, Oh, how sweet and throw it in the recycle box.  You're assuming 1.  It was read and 2. It was kept.  Unless one has a magnet, I never keep them.  I have some guilt b/c I feel like the B&G just wasted their money, but WTF do I need another piece of paper floating around.  Sometimes, I just wish they'd sent me a Google/FB event instead, lots easier and more useful b/c I can import it to my calendar w/reminders.
  • i just looked up some inexpensive (and very cute) vistaprint invites. I think I may send those in 2 months or so just to cover my bases. 

    I never said I was a wedding planning expert :p 
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    Of course, you're not.  That's why you came to us:


    I'm apparently in a .gif mood.

    ETA : with recent events, to everyone who doesn't get it, this is meant to be self-deprecating and sarcastic.  
  • I cant add gifs or my ticker for some reason :( rough day
  • Ticker, IDK.

    Gifs are easy now.  Just copy the image URL and then click on that little picture looking thing above the post area.  Paste link.  Voila.
  • I find the picture linky thing works lousy for me, but I can drag into the reply box, for some reason.

    (Which works, I'm a multi-tabbing addict)
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