on with the wedding

Viczaesar · January 2014

taras14 said:

I apologize if it's difficult to read. I didn't change anything in the original format. I'll try not to use complex or compound sentences. I followed The Knot's timeline and recommendations for weddings post-holiday. I apologize if that doesn't make sense to you. Forgive my use of clauses.

FFS, we can read compound sentences. Your post was in a difficult to read font and had a strange, not well explained timeline.

WildMagelet · January 2014

I agree with @OliveOilsMom. I would elope, seriously.

You need to have another serious sit down with your parents. If they're embarrassed about their faux pas of over-inviting by word of mouth now, imagine how embarrassed they will be when their guests are turned away by security at the venue? You need to tell them that there is no room for these people. Period. There will be no seats, no drinks, no food for people who were not invited to the wedding with a formal wedding invitation.

Viczaesar · January 2014

So, OP, instead of responding to me on here in public you felt the need to send a long, bitchy private message to me?

Well, I can't post your message to me but here is my response to you:

Gee, I guess you sent angry messages to the other people who had trouble reading your first post and understanding you too?

Out of curiosity, what exactly is your problem with the advice I gave you? What random insults are you talking about? Interesting how you're planning on letting "everyone else deal with the inevitable chaos," which is one of the things I suggested you do, if it wouldn't put you financially on the spot - that's why I asked how exactly they're helping you financially.

I don't know why you felt the need to share all that personal information with me.

What sarcasm are you talking about? There was no sarcasm in my posts. I even clarified specifically that I wasn't asking sarcastically, I was asking literally about the nature of your parents' help.

Finally, you're just wrong about 5-6 weeks being for spring and summer wedding invitations. Go ask on the invitations board if you don't believe me. The appropriate time frame for sending invitations regardless of time of year is 6-8 weeks. Sending your invitations 5 months early contributed to your problem. If you don't want to hear that that's your problem but it sure as hell doesn't make me a bitch to point that out for the benefit of the other people reading the thread. If you have people who are coming from out of town and want to let them know the information ahead of time that's exactly what STDs are for.

BlueBirdMB · January 2014

This sounds like a crazy bananas nightmare! Like literally, my worst wedding nightmare come true. Take a deep breath!

I didn't read every single post here, but I waded through most of the first page. Here's what I'm understanding: You invited X number of people. Then you added Y number of people that your parents requested. Now people are calling your parents, people who did not receive a paper invite, and are inviting themselves and your parents are telling them that they can come. WTF WTF WTF

Ok, it seems like money isn't the issue here when it comes to more people, since your parents are paying for all those extra people, but the issue is your vendors. Your parents don't understand that your vendors must have a final head count.

This is not etiquette appropriate, but your parents are being so backwards crazy, that I think this is needed. You must get contact info for all of these people. Call them and explain that you could not invite them and that you are sorry that your parents told them they could come, but unfortunately, you have already given your final numbers to the vendors and they can not be accommodated.

Then really, you need to hire someone to stand at the door with a guest list. I almost did this because my in laws (who were NOT paying, btw) kept inviting people. I got that situation straightened out long before 19 days out though, so I did not hire anybody to stand there with a list.

MairePoppy · January 2014

Ms2MrsViney said:

Viczaesar you replying on here to a message that was sent to you is childish. Clearly she did the adult thing by sending you a personal message telling you what she had a problem with. What's wrong with that? God forbid someone sends you an email or gives you a phone call addressing a problem with you, what are you going to do? Forward it to everyone? Put them on speaker phone so everyone can hear and you can yell "look everyone she has a problem with me." That's how ADULTS handle situations, they take it to you personally. Bitchy or not this response on here is really immature. Clearly you can't hold your own and need "back up"

@KnotPorscha - is this trolling?

Viczaesar · January 2014

Ms2MrsViney said:

Viczaesar you replying on here to a message that was sent to you is childish. Clearly she did the adult thing by sending you a personal message telling you what she had a problem with. What's wrong with that? God forbid someone sends you an email or gives you a phone call addressing a problem with you, what are you going to do? Forward it to everyone? Put them on speaker phone so everyone can hear and you can yell "look everyone she has a problem with me." That's how ADULTS handle situations, they take it to you personally. Bitchy or not this response on here is really immature. Clearly you can't hold your own and need "back up"

Viney, the day I take advice from you on anything, let alone on how to interact with other people, is the day that pigs soar with the eagles.

I miss the days that we could out bitchy PMs. Alas, all I can do is respond to the poster using the same method with which I initially interacted with her.

Viczaesar · January 2014

What on earth are you talking about, Viney? As usual, you're clear as mud.

Viczaesar · January 2014

Mea culpa, I forgot how ridiculous it is to engage the crazy. Back to ignore now.

AddieCake · January 2014

There's nothing wrong with announcing someone sent you a bitchy PM. I don't see it as childish at all. When people SEND bitchy PMs, they apparently do not have the balls to openly state how they feel. It's bad enough that with the new rules they can say whatever they want to people in such PMs, but to not even be called out for having done it? If you feel the way you feel and want to say something, own it. Say so publicly. Don't hide behind a PM so others can't see your true colors.

JoanE2012 · January 2014

taras14 said:

OK- Thanks y'all. We tried to finalize with vendors over weekend, and that's why I needed input. You've helped a lot. I couldn't find a polite way to handle the situation. It's clear now there's no proper clean way to handle this. My FH & I were kind of joking that we should marry at the rehearsal dinner since those are the ones whom we love. We badly want to elope at this point, but he won't because he doesn't want to hurt anyone either. Ironically, the scheme we did talk about this weekend was having the ushers turn people away or point them out to the venue coordinator, as several of you helpfully suggested.

I've already made the escort and place cards, and space is limited so there simply won't be room for them. I'm just going to try not to worry about it, and people will have to be turned away. We've had this discussion, and our parents won't budge. I was REALLY hoping that there would be some proper etiquette that I could call upon to handle this disaster, but what will be will be. All that matters to me is that I'm marrying the man of my dreams, and he is right beside me through this all. One day, we'll laugh… Way in the future. I truly appreciate your advice and opinions. They've been very enlightening as to the big picture and how to handle it. Thank you!

Do they think seats and meals will magically appear? Do they understand that the uninvited guests will be turned away at the door. I'd be more embarrassed for that (for your parents AND the uninvited guests) than a phone call to tell them ahead of time.

This is yet another reason why it's never a good idea to rely on other people financially. I think you should've planned the wedding you could afford. If an emergency popped up, then you should've rearranged your plans to include something smaller or even an elopement. Life's not always fair.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Ms2MrsViney said:

Viczaesar you replying on here to a message that was sent to you is childish. Clearly she did the adult thing by sending you a personal message telling you what she had a problem with. What's wrong with that? God forbid someone sends you an email or gives you a phone call addressing a problem with you, what are you going to do? Forward it to everyone? Put them on speaker phone so everyone can hear and you can yell "look everyone she has a problem with me." That's how ADULTS handle situations, they take it to you personally. Bitchy or not this response on here is really immature. Clearly you can't hold your own and need "back up"

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Ms2MrsViney said:

[Deleted User] · January 2014

Thank you all for your advice. As I've said before, I was just looking for helpful input on how to politely handle the situation. @JoanE2012, you're completely right; life's unfair. What's done is done. And there was no bitchy PM, I engaged on this board for help, and that constant PMs asked some very personal questions. I answered privately and explained that her comments were unnecessary and insulting. I don't have time to do engage with that or do anything more than thank most of you who did offer good advice. I'm relieved she's now "ignoring"; it would have been much more mature to respond privately or even post the PM she found bitchy. Some live for drama, and some live for peace.

Viczaesar · January 2014

taras14 said:

Thank you all for your advice. As I've said before, I was just looking for helpful input on how to politely handle the situation. @JoanE2012, you're completely right; life's unfair. What's done is done. And there was no bitchy PM, I engaged on this board for help, and that constant PMs asked some very personal questions. I answered privately and explained that her comments were unnecessary and insulting. I don't have time to do engage with that or do anything more than thank most of you who did offer good advice. I'm relieved she's now "ignoring"; it would have been much more mature to respond privately or even post the PM she found bitchy. Some live for drama, and some live for peace.

The bolded is not really clear, but are you trying to claim that I PMed you first? Because if so that's a blatant and bizarre lie. I'm not ignoring you, obviously, just the troll. And I would have posted your PM because I don't believe in letting people hide behind private messages to send nastygrams, but we're not allowed to, as I said. I have no desire to have a private conversation with you and I have no desire to know more about your personal medical situation, which wasn't relevant to my advice anyway. I tried to give you good advice on this thread. Take it or leave it, IDGAF, but don't go all high and mighty and try to castigate me privately and expect me to pretend like you didn't.

Viczaesar · January 2014

Also, changing the title of your thread and deleting your OP is rude.

on with the wedding

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