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Father of FH etiquette on invite???

kolesenkolesen member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
FHs father is remarried and his mother is single, however, FMIL is helping a lot financially and his father is not at all because he can not which is totally understandable. My question is, if the FMIL and my parents are "hosting" as one may call it on a invite, should FFIL be a "host" on the invite as well even tho he isnt hosting? I hope that makes sense TIA
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Re: Father of FH etiquette on invite???

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think that is really up to you, your FI and the other hosts.

    Typically only those that are hosting (paying) are listed on the invite but I could see where some feelings may get a bit hurt when one parent is left off the invite.

    Also, if you list his Father then you are going to have to list his Fathers wife as well.

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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Hosts don't always contribute financially. They are the ones hosting the guests, greeting them, making sure their needs are met and acting as a point person. A person can do this without contributing financially. And likewise a person can pay, but not really function as a host to guests. 

    So if he will be a host in the non-financial way, it would be proper to list him.

    I could be wrong, but I don't think you have to list his wife if she is not a host. Just bc they are married doesn't mean she wants to function as a hostess. The invite is not to spell out who is paying, but who the hosts are.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    photokitty said:
    Hosts don't always contribute financially. They are the ones hosting the guests, greeting them, making sure their needs are met and acting as a point person. A person can do this without contributing financially. And likewise a person can pay, but not really function as a host to guests. 

    So if he will be a host in the non-financial way, it would be proper to list him.

    I could be wrong, but I don't think you have to list his wife if she is not a host. Just bc they are married doesn't mean she wants to function as a hostess. The invite is not to spell out who is paying, but who the hosts are.
    Etiquette may not require this, but non-hostess stepmothers have been known to get pissy at being left off their stepkids' wedding invitations and announcements, so this may be a matter of family politics and drama if not etiquette-especially if the fathers care more about their new wives' feelings than their kids'.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The invitation is a message from the HOSTS to the guests.  Your FI's father is not hosting.  It is not expected that he be on the invitation.  The invitation is not a family tree.  You can list his name in your program.

    Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
    Ms. Jane Groomsmother
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, Date
    time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    photokitty said:
    Hosts don't always contribute financially. They are the ones hosting the guests, greeting them, making sure their needs are met and acting as a point person. A person can do this without contributing financially. And likewise a person can pay, but not really function as a host to guests. 

    So if he will be a host in the non-financial way, it would be proper to list him.

    I could be wrong, but I don't think you have to list his wife if she is not a host. Just bc they are married doesn't mean she wants to function as a hostess. The invite is not to spell out who is paying, but who the hosts are.
    Etiquette may not require this, but non-hostess stepmothers have been known to get pissy at being left off their stepkids' wedding invitations and announcements, so this may be a matter of family politics and drama if not etiquette-especially if the fathers care more about their new wives' feelings than their kids'.
    I totally agree with this ^^ Etiquette doesn't always take into account for family dynamics :)

    My main point was just trying to across that paying doesn't automatically make someone a host and vice vera.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The OP stated that the FOG was not hosting.  All I can do is to give correct etiquette advice.  If someone feels that they need to do something else, that is their decision. 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    photokitty said:
    Jen4948 said:
    photokitty said:
    Hosts don't always contribute financially. They are the ones hosting the guests, greeting them, making sure their needs are met and acting as a point person. A person can do this without contributing financially. And likewise a person can pay, but not really function as a host to guests. 

    So if he will be a host in the non-financial way, it would be proper to list him.

    I could be wrong, but I don't think you have to list his wife if she is not a host. Just bc they are married doesn't mean she wants to function as a hostess. The invite is not to spell out who is paying, but who the hosts are.
    Etiquette may not require this, but non-hostess stepmothers have been known to get pissy at being left off their stepkids' wedding invitations and announcements, so this may be a matter of family politics and drama if not etiquette-especially if the fathers care more about their new wives' feelings than their kids'.
    I totally agree with this ^^ Etiquette doesn't always take into account for family dynamics :)

    My main point was just trying to across that paying doesn't automatically make someone a host and vice vera.
    Of course.  I'm usually the first to express that.  But host or no, sometimes the fight is just not worth "winning."
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    CMGragain said:

    The OP stated that the FOG was not hosting.  All I can do is to give correct etiquette advice.  If someone feels that they need to do something else, that is their decision. 

    The use of quotes around "host" and "hosting" led me to assume the OP might not be clear to what it means to be a host. I was merely trying to clarify and be helpful.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • singinchick13singinchick13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    @CMGragain

    Is there no "and" or link word between the brides' parents and the groom's mother? Is it just a list like that or should it function more like a sentence? I ask because ours will be almost identical if our parents wish to be listed (they don't even want to speak at the wedding, but are contributing financially, so we're not sure they even want their names mentioned on the invites). Just curious?
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    I'm not sure what you mean.  Can you give me an example?  I have seen it both ways, but the "and" just adds another line. and isn't necessary.  Some couples have four separate lines for their hosts!  Divorced people are never written on the same line.
    PS.  I know where you are coming from.  My mother and my FMIL didn't speak, not even at the wedding.  They lived three blocks away from each other.  Whew!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • gm5gm5 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    When my two sons got married their Father and I paid for the reception (meal), flowers, invitations and assorted other things (I'd say about 1/3 of the wedding), and the brides family (in both cases) did not help financially or otherwise.  It was important for the bride(s) that her parents were on the invite as to not hurt their feelings.  It was important to me then (as it is now) that I have a good relationship with them, and it wasn't a "hill to die on" thing, etiquette or not.      
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  • singinchick13singinchick13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Yes I just meant because "Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents" has an 'and' but there is no 'and' between them and "Ms. Groomsmother", she is just listed. I have an English degree so getting past all of the sentence fragments and awkward grammar is really hard for me lol!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    Okay folks, listen up:

    Paying does not equal hosting.  Who's paying for what is none of the guests' business.  Therefore, who's paying for what is not a factor in how wedding invitations should be worded.

    A wedding "host" is someone who issues the invitations, receives the replies, greets the guests at the wedding, and makes sure their needs are attended to.  It is possible to pay for all or any part of a wedding without performing the duties of a "host."  If that's what any parent is doing, then they should not be listed on the invitation.

    The wedding invitation is not a playbill, and its purpose is to honor the guests, not the hosts, by asking for the honour of the presence or the pleasure of the company of the guests at the wedding.

    That said, unfortunately, sometimes parents and stepparents make all sorts of drama out of how wedding invitations get worded, and it turns into a matter of family dynamics as opposed to etiquette.  But when etiquette is followed, the above paragraphs in this post all hold.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    singinchick13 said:
    Yes I just meant because "Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents" has an 'and' but there is no 'and' between them and "Ms. Groomsmother", she is just listed. I have an English degree so getting past all of the sentence fragments and awkward grammar is really hard for me lol!

    Traditionally and only appears between persons who are married to each other on a wedding invitation, not between lines of hosts.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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