They're coming to the reception only?

RJD5 · January 2014

My aunt, uncle, and cousins RSVPed to the wedding with their meal of choice. They then sent me a message that they won't be coming to the ceremony - just the reception. Am I the only one who thinks this is somewhat rude? Am I crazy thinking that It screams "I don't actually care about seeing you get married, but I'll show up for a free meal and entertainment." Or am I just overreacting?

pinkshorts27 · January 2014

I think that is a little off.

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

No, you're not over-reacting. The reception is a thank-you to the guests who attended your ceremony. To KNOWINGLY miss the ceremony is hella rude.

hlvonb · January 2014

I would be upset by that but there's nothing you can really do since you can't un-invite them over this

LowerEastSiiide · January 2014

Yes it's rude but what can you do?

Viczaesar · January 2014

Did they say why they aren't attending the ceremony?

LondonLisa · January 2014

Yeah, that is really rude. Is there more to this story: Is there a gap between the wedding and reception? Are your cousins very little and wouldn't be able to sit through a ceremony?

I agree, it is very rude and I'm rather surprised they would have the gall to be so nonchalant about it! But what can you do? At the end of the day, you will be so preoccupied you will not have even noticed their absence during the ceremony.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

I agree with pp, depends on reason. If they have a prior commitment that runs at the same time as your ceremony. I had a guest who only was able to come to the reception because she had commited almost 6 months prior to being a vendor at a craft show & it's one that brings in big $$ for her. I totally understood.

AddieCake · January 2014

Yeah, it's off-putting, but there could be a reason they can't make it to the ceremony. I wouldn't get all up in arms about it unless you know they just don't feel like coming.

kmmssg · January 2014

I don't get wrapped around the axe handle about this. We are grateful for any time our guests can spend with us and if it only the reception, then fine. We truly invite our nearest and dearest and there isn't anyone on the list I would think is scamming me for free food and booze. Whatever they can attend - I am good with it.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

It depends on the reason. My H couldn't make it to our friends ceremony because of work. He still wanted to come and celebrate their marriage at the reception. So that is what he did.

Does it suck that they can't make the ceremony? Sure, but don't jump to the conclusion that they don't want to see you get married. There may be other factors involved.

ei34 · January 2014

Is there a gap between your ceremony and reception? (Especially- does the ceremony take place in the afternoon and reception in the evening?) Are they in different locations? Maybe one of the cousins has something going on during the ceremony, or if your wedding's on a Friday, maybe your aunt or uncle couldn't get out of work early enough? These are all possibilities. It will be nice seeing them at your reception at least! I had a handful of guests come only to the reception, it didn't bother me in the least.

sarahufl · January 2014

I would find out why before I got too upset. I would HATE to miss a ceremony- I love ceremonies. But sometimes people can't take off all day. I would ask.

lyndausvi · January 2014

kmmssg said:

I don't get wrapped around the axe handle about this. We are grateful for any time our guests can spend with us and if it only the reception, then fine. We truly invite our nearest and dearest and there isn't anyone on the list I would think is scamming me for free food and booze. Whatever they can attend - I am good with it.

I feel the exact same way. Sure the reception is a thank you to the guests for attending the ceremony, but it's also a celebration of the marriage. I had a few people who had to miss the ceremony and that was with them both at the same venue. I honestly didn't even notice until they told me. Whatever. I had such tunnel vision during the ceremony everyone could have been naked and I still would not have noticed who was or was not in the audience.

Once time I had two weddings on the same day. First one was a morning wedding with noon reception. Second one was a 2 wedding with 6 reception. Better bet your butt I choose the first ceremony and reception then showed up for the only the second ceremony.

photokitty · January 2014

I always assume people have a good reason for missing the ceremony and that they are sad they won't be there. I'm guessing that is the case with your relatives.

But then I know a few people who have openly told me that they think the ceremony is boring and usually skip it - I didn't invite any of these people to my wedding.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2014

We had a few people that missed the ceremony but came to the reception. In both cases they contacted me before the RSVP (or included a long note) explaining the circumstance (one had work and one had school). They both asked if it was ok if they still came to the reception (both had over an hour of travel too). In this case I felt very honored that they were doing everything they could to come for as much as they could,

I do find it off putting if they don't really mention why they are missing the ceremony.

RJD5 · January 2014

Thanks everyone. I think I'm just in that totally freaking out about every little thing mode - I'm getting married in 45 days!! My youngest cousin is 13, so she's definitely not too young to sit through a ceremony, but I'll try and figure out more of the reason behind it

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

RJD5 said:

Thanks everyone. I think I'm just in that totally freaking out about every little thing mode - I'm getting married in 45 days!! My youngest cousin is 13, so she's definitely not too young to sit through a ceremony, but I'll try and figure out more of the reason behind it

If they didn't volunteer the reason behind it, then I wouldn't ask or try to find out through family members. Just let it go. Trying to find out is an unnecessary headache at this point.

futuremrsog15 · January 2014

I had to do this before. I had two friends getting married same day. One in morning and the other afternoon (and 1.5 hrs away). We went to friend 1's wedding and half reception. Left early, headed up the mountain to friend 2's reception. She was totally fine with it. I felt horrible,but it was the best compromise, especially wedding 2 being far away. There may be another reason.

lyndausvi · January 2014

Let it go. Why work yourself up over this? When you host any event there will people will decline, people will only be able (or choose) to attend part of the event and some people will RSVP yes and no-show (which sometimes cost you money). You will drive yourself crazy if you take it personally.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Or just let it go. You have enough to worry about. This is really not important.

This. Definitely this.

You will be surprised about how many people will actually miss or skip your ceremony. At least with these guests they are nice enough to tell you.

SKPM · January 2014

Ditto PPs: let this go. If they hadn't told you on the RSVP card and just shown up for the reception, you probably would have been none the wiser.

cookie0803 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes
scribe95 said:
Or just let it go. You have enough to worry about. This is really not important.
This. Definitely this.

You will be surprised about how many people will actually miss or skip your ceremony. At least with these guests they are nice enough to tell you.

So true. I only noticed that a few guests missed the ceremony because my photographer got a picture from a balcony behind the ceremony site that captured every guest. The only guest I honestly even saw during the ceremony was my good friend in the back corner wearing plaid pants and a plaid tie.

delujm0 · January 2014

The fact that these people are family, and that they told you in advance that they would be missing the ceremony, indicates to me that they probably have a pretty good reason for doing so. I would let it go.

The people that just skip the ceremony because they find it boring are generally too rude to let you know about it ahead of time. If they thought that the ceremony was important enough to merit an RSVP to it, they wouldn't just skip it for no reason. I don't know a lot of people that would be all "hey, friend, super excited about your reception, but FYI we won't be at the ceremony because they're totally boring. All we care about is free food and booze and dancing. Your marriage is basically meaningless to us."

:-)

kmmssg · January 2014

Agree with pp - let it go. WHY would you even need to figure this out. It isn't important. let it go.

winelover123 · January 2014

Quite a few people skipped our ceremony. Our wedding was also on a Friday evening, so I just assumed that they couldn't make it earlier due to work. I was a little.....not sad, but slightly disappointed when I saw how many seats were empty in the photos, but they came for the reception and I appreciated that.

Let it go.

Jen4948 · January 2014

It's rude and off-putting, but there's nothing you can do about it except to refrain from accepting future invitations from them.

Let it go.

phira · January 2014

I'd be frustrated, too, and be very curious about why they were skipping the ceremony. But I'd also just let it go. Sure, they might be skipping the ceremony for a "bad reason" (e.g. just don't feel like sitting through the ceremony), or for a completely innocuous one (they have two weddings to go to that day and so they can't attend both the ceremony and reception). But they also might be missing the ceremony for a very personal private reason.

So, steam for a bit, and then focus on the fact that you're getting married in 45 days!

AddieCake · January 2014

Definitely don't ask them or try to find out the reason. Just let it go.

MrsDeRuyter87 · January 2014

I agree, just let it go. I had aunts and cousins skip out on my wedding all together and I didn't even notice their absence until my Dad pointed out how miffed he was about it at the reception. He was bummed because he made an effort to support their family through a lot of things but they couldnt support our family on that day. I couldn't have cared less. I was having fun with the people who were there.

indianaalum · January 2014

RJD5 said:

My aunt, uncle, and cousins RSVPed to the wedding with their meal of choice. They then sent me a message that they won't be coming to the ceremony - just the reception. Am I the only one who thinks this is somewhat rude? Am I crazy thinking that It screams "I don't actually care about seeing you get married, but I'll show up for a free meal and entertainment." Or am I just overreacting?

Maybe they have a good reason? work, prior commitment etc?

I personally don't get why people are so up in arms about this. I woudl rather someone come for part of the event, then not at all. Like i have said here before. I did NOT have a gap or anything, and I had less than 50 percent attend my ceremony. It never phased me. Things happen and I am sure my guests had their reason

As for "free meal" I can assure you it is MUCH cheaper for a guest to go to a restaurant and pay for their own meal, then to go to a wedding and give a gift, buy an outfit and all the extras that sometimes accompany a wedding. I just don't get why people think its all about the "free meal" when most people ususally end up giving generous gifts

They're coming to the reception only?

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