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Throwing your own party

ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, so I ventured onto the world wide web to look up why it was rude to throw your own party. It seems that hosting a party is associated with gifts, at least that is the generalization I am getting from this, is rude. Makes sense. I am confused though, I like to throw dinner parties and obviously I am hosting them and it is to spend time with everyone and play board games. I absolutely love board games and will find any excuse to play them with a group of people. I don't think this is rude whatsoever, hosting my own event. 

Then I read about hosting your own engagement party. I feel it is so similar to my hosting a board game/dinner party. Everyone getting together to have a good time but now it is rude, and I also was reading that it is rude to throw a housewarming party - which I did not know because I thought that was to have everyone over to see the new house or apartment you just bought. I really don't think that throwing a party to announce your engagement is rude, I can understand throwing your own bridal show or baby shower is rude because it looks gift grabby but people don't bring gifts to engagement or housewarming parties, or at least it isn't the norm. It's a party to celebrate something new and share with your friends and family, am I wrong? 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't understand why hosting an e-party is rude but not a dinner party, you're still having people together, still serving food and drinks, and still celebrating whether it is an engagement or a rousing game of Cards Against Humanity.
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Re: Throwing your own party

  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    AddieL73 said:
    It's not rude to host your own dinner party or get-together in your home that doesn't have any sort of "celebrate me!" or "give me a gift" element to it. You having friends over to play board games does not say, "EVERYONE COME TO THE PARTY I AM THROWING TO CELEBRATE AND HONOR MYSELF!!"


    Okay, I didn't look at it that way. Makes sense. I guess I was looking at it more as an opportunity to get together.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    If you are throwing a dinner party, your friends are the guests of honor. You are making food for them and taking care of their needs.

    If you are throwing your own engagement party, you and your FI are the guests of honor. In that case, you would be throwing a party that celebrates yourselves and takes care of your own needs.
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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    Just curious, what do you mean take care of your own needs?
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    ChemFanatic25 said:

    Just curious, what do you mean take care of your own needs?

    Just generally making sure you have a good time and are happy. You're the focus of the event.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Hosting a party in your own honor is inappropriate, whether or not there are gifts.



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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    First, here in NJ, engagement parties are gift-giving occasions, whether the couple wants/expects gifts or not.  It would never cross my mind to show up to an e-party without at least a $75 check.

    But Addie hit the nail on the head with the "guest of honor" thing.  The e-party is to celebrate the couple, so it looks really AWish to throw your own because you are asking people to celebrate how great you both are.  Same reason it's wrong to throw your own bday party.

    Hosting a dinner party is A-OK because you are hosting it for your friends, not for yourself.  You aren't asking them to come over and fawn all over you.

    Is anybody more clear on housewarming parties?  I've heard on here they are OK to host yourself.  Is this just a matter of what is traditionally acceptable, or because it's really just a variety of dinner party where you (the host) are not the guest of honor?
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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    oh that's weird. If I'm hosting an event I always want to make sure that the guests above myself are happy. I have never hosted my own engagement party or anything like that but I would think that is normal practice. Your guests' needs before your own, even if it is for your engagement or housewarming.

    Actually, @AddieL73 - so the celebrating and "look at me" includes housewarmings? Wouldn't it be weird for someone who doesn't live at the house or purchased it to throw a housewarming party? 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Good point on the housewarming party. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    I think this is because housewarming parties were traditionally to have people over to enjoy your new house. Gifts came later, and really they should only be small, token things like a photo frame or wine.

    I have heard of people making registries for their housewarming parties and I have a major eye roll at that 
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
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    I agree with everything that PPs have said here about engagement parties. Where I'm from, I've never heard of anyone having an engagement party and if someone did, I doubt anyone would bring gifts. However, I do know that they are generally thought of as gift-giving events in many other areas so I see why it's rude to host your own. FI's parents took us out to a nice dinner to celebrate our engagement and I was happy with that.

    As for the housewarming party - that I'm curious about. FI and I are expecting to close on our house in early March and I'd love to have a housewarming party but I really don't want to come off as rude. I'd plan on making food and having drinks available, just so we can have everyone come over and see our new little abode (and because I never get to entertain in the apt we have now because it doesn't lend itself to entertaining).

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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
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    I can argue both sides for housewarming parties. On one hand, you could come across as saying "Look at my beautiful brand new home! Come admire my new house!" It's a little AWish because you're having people over to celebrate something you've bought. On the other hand, having a housewarming party as a way to open your new home to friends and family and host them as you would any other dinner party should be totally fine.

    I think what distinguishes a housewarming party from any other dinner party, though, is a potential expectation of gifts. I've always thought of "housewarming" parties as a party to celebrate a new home and part of "warming" it is to bring a small gift like a picture frame, a small set of towels for the guest bathrooms, etc. 
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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    LondonLisa said:
    I think this is because housewarming parties were traditionally to have people over to enjoy your new house. Gifts came later, and really they should only be small, token things like a photo frame or wine.

    I have heard of people making registries for their housewarming parties and I have a major eye roll at that 
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    Yeah, now I totally think that is rude, creating a registry because you moved into a new house.
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  • mbross3mbross3 member
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    It seems like you sincerely make parties about your guests- which is great and appropriate! Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if your heart is in the right place, it's still rude to throw a party in your own honor. If you want an engagement party, you will have to wait to see if someone will offer to throw one for you. 

    In terms of the house-warming, this is tougher. Every house-warming I have attended has been presented as a dinner party, "Come enjoy food, drinks, and friends. OH YEA, also see our new home!" this is how I would go about it. Make it clear that you're hosting an event like a dinner party (or board game night) and make the "house warming" part more of an after thought if it's even mentioned. That makes it clear that it's not about gift, etc. but about seeing friends. 
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
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    In my area, people throw their own housewarming parties. They're not so much to celebrate the purchase of a house or whatever, but more like, "Wow, I finally have room to have people over!" It's a know-your-crowd situation.
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  • MGPMGP member
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    ChemFanatic25 said:
    LondonLisa said:
    I think this is because housewarming parties were traditionally to have people over to enjoy your new house. Gifts came later, and really they should only be small, token things like a photo frame or wine.

    I have heard of people making registries for their housewarming parties and I have a major eye roll at that 
    image
    Yeah, now I totally think that is rude, creating a registry because you moved into a new house.
    My rule of thumb is that if you can say "I am registered at _______" - you are the guest of honor and should not be hosting the party.
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